The main reason I weigh alot is because I eat alot. I think if I eat alot less, I would lose alot of weight. I used to be 5'9" and weighed 130 pounds. I was very athletic and I was able to eat whatever I wanted and I wouldn't gain. I was still losing because I worked out so much (most of the time not even purposely doing it). I didn't used to drive anywhere. I'd ride my bike wherever I needed to go, or I'd walk to the other side of town to my friend's house, and then we'd walk to the high school and run a mile or two, then walk back to her house and hang out for the day, then I'd walk back home (which was about a mile away from her house). I used to swim alot, rollerblade, play basketball. I started getting depressed after my grandpa died. It hit me pretty hard because my grandparents raised me and my brothers on and off. My parents were always out doing drugs and partying. I stopped exercising altogether and I started eating ALOT. I used to go on binges, but I NEVER made myself throw up. I didn't realise that I had an eating disorder til about a month or two ago. It's called Excessive Overeating. I haven't gone on a binge for a couple of years, mainly because I don't have a car anymore to do so, or a job. I used to eat supper with the family, and then I'd tell them I was going to a friend's house. Instead, I would go to any fast food place (usually McDonalds since you can get more food for your money), buy a couple of meals, and then I'd go park where I wouldn't be seen and just force myself to eat ALL of it, no matter how stuffed I was. I also learned the faster you eat, the more you can eat. Sometimes I'd even go on a gravel road and eat if I couldn't find a place to park where I wouldn't be seen. Sometimes I would sneak out of the house after everyone was in bed and go to McDonalds. I usually ate at McDonalds three times a day, no matter what, for a year. It's tempting to do it sometimes when I'm upset, but since I haven't done it in a while, I can resist the urge.
In doing all that, I gained 75 pounds in just a year. I now weigh about 230 pounds, which is 100 pounds more than I did when I was active. I am the same height.
I just REALLY need to make a positive change in my life because I don't like the path that I have chosen to go down. I have already had to get tested for diabetes, so that was really scary. It runs in the family on my mom's side. My mom has it, so do some of her siblings (she has 10 of them!), both of her parents, plus other relatives. My grandpa went blind from it and his body started to rot alive before he passed away!
My grandma has to take insulin, my mom takes all kinds of pills. I just don't want to end up with that disease.
I've had a pretty rough life, and I'm just sick of being depressed and feeling worthless and FAT, not being able to move around as well as I used to. I have no confidence or self esteem when I go places like the store. I would rather just stay home where no one can see me. When I am out, I'm EXTREMELY paranoid and even feel anxiety b/c of the way I look. Plus I haven't been around people in a while. I've been holed up in the house.
It's sooooo hard to stay motivated to keep at it. What's motivating me is my mom is coming to visit in February. I know I won't lose a drastic amount of weight, but enough to see a difference by then. My body is so sore, but I love it.
I haven't gone out and drank for a long time. I used to be a huge partier and I could outdrink all my friends. They'd all be puking their guts out and I'd just be feeling a buzz. Was pretty bad. BUT...I had my turning point. So I'm not worried about the booze. Hehe. I go out once in a while. I just don't want to spiral out of control again.
Red pepper and spinach. Haha. Thanks. That sounds gross, but probably pays off. :wink:
At this point, I don't have access to any facilities because I'm without a vehicle and job. I plan to apply to some places on Monday, and I guess I could always borrow my dad's truck. I think this DVD is going to work though. Wow. I haven't sweated this much in a veryyyy long time. I felt like I was going to puke a couple of times, so I had to take a break for a couple of minutes.
I just need somewhere to vent. I don't feel like putting it in a blog or anything because I don't want people I know to see it, so I decided to make a thread on here. Any tips or even motivation will be greatly appreciated.
I'm sure I'll be replying to this thread alot. :smile:
Here's my body before:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v73/denae/Denae/denae2.jpg
THAT IS MY GOAL!
