I have had enough!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by afflictionhottie85, Feb 15, 2009.

  1. afflictionhottie85

    afflictionhottie85 New Member

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    I try to be satisfied with my life but the one thing that is holding back my inner happiness is that I have trouble appealing to guys. I don't know what happened over the last couple of years but it seems that guys no longer find me appealing than they once used to. In 2007, I went to my very first gay club in my area and thought I had it all. All of the cute guys were always hitting on me and asking for my number to hang out again. I made more male friends than I do now. Around that time, I went through two unsuccessful relationships with which one is a good friend of mine and another is out of the picture. Early last year, I was in another failed relationship with a guy that took advantage of me and stole my wallet.

    It seems that everything is not the same that it once used to be. After I went through my last relationship with my ex, my level of confidence in guys has plummeted. Instead of easily walking up to a guy and striking a conversation, I feel shy and less confident that the next guy is going to give me the time of day. Every time I make a good impression with my style and appearance, guys never smile at me and turn their heads the other way. I am just tired of having enough of this! I have grown tired of feeling sorry for myself that my lack of confidence has materialized in my inability to get a boyfriend. Recently, I have been working harder on my body to get it in great shape for the next couple of months just in time before the summer. Now I need to work on gaining back my confidence and believing that I am just as appealing as any other guy. A situation that is odd in itself is women are always approaching me no matter if I am gay. Guys never approach me the way girls do. :mad:

    Any advice???
     
  2. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    I think the key is probably in what you have said yourself. You say that your confidence has plummeted and you are shy around guys.

    Leaving looks and appearance out of the equation would you be more attracted to a confident bubbly guy or one that comes over as shy and perhaps guarded?
     
  3. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Counseling might do you a world of good. It helps to talk to a trained professional who is objective.
     
  4. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    Buff up. That will get the attention. From there it's up to your shining personality
     
  5. cookie

    cookie New Member

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    There is a beauty penalty in the gay community. I said it. I have similar problems. Women love me. I am straight acting, good looking with a nice body. I am told I am the life of the party, yet when I recently went on a date and became the life of the party, I never heard back from my date. So its not about personality. When I hang out in gay areas, the guys roll their eyes and look the other way. A friend told me I have too many admirable qualilties. Unlike the 70's and 80's that had beautiful gay men, now it seems you either have to be a twink or a bear.
     
  6. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    I know where you are coming from; at times, I'd rather stay home and put up with all the BS.

    BUT - our lives are what we make them to be, so, if you want to improve yourself and relationships it takes alot of hard work - not just the gym, which I do 3/4 x's a week - but everything that makes a man proud to be who he is!
     
  7. StormyB

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    What Davey said is true. Confidence is everything, ex. If you feel ugly, it will have an effect on the way others see you because it is a mental thing. Say you just bought a pair of shoes that look hideous in other people's eyes, but you love them..well since you strongly believe this the your mind will create the illusion that everyone else loves them as well. Same thing goes for you being attractive, if you say you are not attractive anymore then you will start to believe other people are thinking the same thing and your mind will create illusions to make you believe it. The mind is just following instructions, so tell it what to do...tell it that you are attractive and that every guy wants you..and it will create that world for you :)
     
  8. molotow11

    molotow11 New Member

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    I think even though it might be good for your self eseem to hit the gym there are other matters that seem to be on the wrong side. As far as I can see you are a charming man. So get this charm to work. Muscles are a nice add on but mostly its you charms that will do the work for you.
    I am having the same problem, guys do react to me in a friendly manner but no one really got the hots for me.
    But I am meeting nice and decent guys even without having sex. And I feel quite nice that way.
     
  9. Smartalk

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    Hey my friend, really sorry that life is playing one of its many games with you right now. Just remember you are still the same person that you were a few years ago, a person who others found themselves not only physically attracted to, but intellectually also. We all go through high and low phases, through our lives, so realise its not just you, although it does feel like that at times.

    Just because two, maybe three people, no longer find you to be the person they thought you to be anymore, is more likely to be down to them and the way they now perceive you. What I am trying to say is the problem is more likely to be with with them and not you. But because of your kind sensitive nature you have taken their actions to heart. Love hurts!

    We ALL have our good points and our bad ones too, there is no denying that. When we are first attracted to someone, we only ever see their good points never ever the bad, although the bad are still there, as they have always been. We simply choose not to see them, that is why they say "love is blind". Everyone’s well-known favourite Walt Disney described in the film Bambie, the term "Twiiterpated" (Love struck) Suddenly the “twitterpatedness” disappears and everything no longer appears as rosey as it once was. Sounding familier?

    You know, yourself, nothing about you has changed, or if it has it is only little, subtle changes that have taken place. From this succession of evens, one after the other has rocked your confidence, However, inside you’re still that same guy you have always been, that warm honest and sincere guy, whose story we have read and picture we have seen and drooled over (sorry but its true) and I know for a fact that I won't be the only one saying and feeling that.

    Just be glad, that you have got rid of several shallow minded guys, who think more of themselves and their wants and needs. I always say look at the glass half full and not half empty. Nothing has changed only that, in which we perceive things in a negative way rather than a positive one. Take the positive out of your recent experiences and the valuable life’s lessons that you have learned from them. It is experiences like this that creates, models, moulds our character, our whole being.
    Be like the caterpillar, emerging from its chrysalis, from this life learning transition you now have the wings, now learn to fly.

    Good luck my friend, be positive, be strong, and always have a smile on your face. For if you smile the whole world smiles with you.

    Love and hugs

    Smartalk xx
     
  10. B_Bonky

    B_Bonky New Member

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    Everyone goes through ups and downs. Even Mick Jagger said he couldn't get no satisfaction. You just have to ride it out.
     
  11. sexplease

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    No one know where Cupid's arrow will strike. or where it won't.
    Keep on being the best You you can. Life has lots in store for us all.
     
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