I have immense trouble talking to women.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by speedjunkie, Jan 6, 2010.

  1. speedjunkie

    speedjunkie Member

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    I need help. I cannot think of anything to say. Whenever I try nothing comes out of my mouth.

    Do you guys have any tips? PLEASE??
     
  2. therunningman

    therunningman New Member

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    Social anxiety is very common. I always try and remember 3 things: 1. that I'm an interesting person 2. Most people feel just as uptight as I now am feeling and 3. that most people just want to be loved. Why do those matter - because folks biggest fear is they will say something stupid or have nothing to talk about - you over come that by remembering how fun you really are, 2. Remembering you're all in the same boat helps, many folks assume others are not nervous when in fact They are, 3. Everyone deep down lives friendship and love, if you approach someone with kindness and warmth, results are usually positive so just go for it
     
  3. Mr_Bulldog

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    Hell I need to hear the tips too. With girls I feel flummoxed and I trip over my own words.
     
  4. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    You should identify an interest like a sport or a hobby and join a club. You'll see roughly the same people at each event and you can talk to people about the event itself. There are also books on conversation that can give some tips. There are dating coaches or seminars if you want to spend some money.

    Good conversation is indeed an art so it's hard to instruct in a nutshell. I can tell what I don't like:
    1. I don't like being asked a lot of questions as if I am being interrogated. IF you aske me where I am from and what I do for a lliving, I have every expectation that you tell me the same about you.
    2. If you do say something funny, don't milk it too much.
    3. Many books on conversation will inevitably tell you that you can't go wrong complimenting people. Even so it must be judiciously done.
    4. Watch how people react to you. Are they looking at you when you speak? Do they ask you follow up questsions? That means they're interested.
    5. When in a group, don't worry about being the funniest or the most interesting. It's not worth the trouble.

    I hope that got you started.
     
  5. D_Geaffartson_Glandhammer

    D_Geaffartson_Glandhammer Account Disabled

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    I'm not gonna lie, I'm sort of in the same boat man.
     
  6. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    Let them talk to you first. Be presentable and see to it that you have good body smell. If you are silent, they will probably try to draw you out.
     
  7. Principessa

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    Great advice! :cool:
     
  8. Principessa

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    I have two male friends from LPSG that have an extremely, difficult time meeting and speaking to women. Neither is heinously ugly, and both are of above average intelligence. This stuttering & stumbling about verbally with women seems quite common in the under 30 set; and I blame technology. Y'all have spent so much time indoors, gaming, hacking, or being LAN operators or what have you that you have no clue how to address a real live woman. :irked:

    Put down the mouse, joystick, Wiimote, etc. and get the fuck out of the house!

    ConstantComment is correct, you need an outside interest or hobby. You needn't be an athlete. Sometimes if you just start walking in a local park or neighborhood you get to see and know people who walk at the same time you do. The key thing is to spend more time outside your home and off the computer. I don't care what your religious/spiritual beliefs are. The "powers that be" are not gonna send the right woman for you, to your front door, with a case of condoms in your size. :rolleyes: :duh:

    I'm a child of the 70's so while I am sometimes shy around men I consider to be good-looking, I have no problem conversing because that's what we did back in the day for fun. We talked to people face-to-face. :biggrin1:
     
  9. ZOS23xy

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    Talk about a movie you've just seen. Or a book you have just read. Ask if they have brothers and sisters.What you like for dinner. Have they ever met---?

    Etc.
     
  10. KTF40

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    To be honest, there isn't really anything you can do except practice. If you're unable to talk to a woman in real life, I suggest you hire a prostitute and just pay her to have conversation with you. It sounds dumb, but it will give you time to practice your social skills and get comfortable with women.

    People can give you all the tips you want, but it won't do anything until you are able to apply them to real life situations in a reasonable manner.
     
  11. ZOS23xy

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    ...and you will make mistakes....maybe this is what causes you to freeze...
     
  12. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Connecting with people is difficult, I've been there and I used to have a terrible stutter.

    I think the key thing is to relax, stop being defensive, stop worrying what they think and just let the conversation flow.

    More tips:
    1: Try to find a conversation topic you're both interested in and talk about it.
    2: Don't ask too many questions, it's a conversation, not an interrogation. often the best way is to make statements - friends make statements like "So I saw that film the other day...", strangers ask questions like "Where are you from?".
    3: Remember everyone has their anxieties and problems and worries. You are not the only one sitting there feeling uncomfortable!
    4: Be open about yourself, talk freely about what you like to do, and other people will be more open. Part of this is sitting in an open way - arms crossed, looking down is defensive, give eye contact and gesture with your hands to convey openness and confidence.
     
  13. D_THTEX

    D_THTEX New Member

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    Buy a Porsche and you won't have to say a word.....:)
     
  14. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    On a couple of occasions when I was in a group, I have tried speaking to others first. Whenever someone takes a long time to respond, it really comes acros as rude. If someone asks you a question and you need to think about the answer, at least say something like, let me think about this instead of allowing dead silence.
     
  15. hud01

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    1. True, but I also expect the girl to ask me, that shows me she wants to talk.
    2. Yes, confidence is relaxed. I had a friend who would always laugh at his own jokes and explain the punchline. We always had to tell him to stop it.
    3. Many women are uncomfortable with complements so, as has been said, don't overdue it.
    4. She may be shy too.......
    5. Competing too hard looks bad.
     
  16. hud01

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    This isn't crazy. A different take. Go to a strip club. Not one of those high level ones, but a second level club. You can actually talk to them for a while. If you find the right girl, tell her that you want to talk, but will pay her, or buy her drinks.
     
  17. helgaleena

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    If it is a problem you have talking only to females and not males, remind yourself that she is not a different species. She is just a human being with bumps in different areas. Her brain most likely acts much as yours does, more than a cat or a dog's or a Martian's does. She eats and craps and brushes her teeth and uses deodorant too.

    Try imagining her in your clothes for example.
     
  18. NotSoDumb_Blonde

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    Okay, first of all....a strip club? a hooker? Come on. Do you have troubles talking to ALL women, or say, only women you are attracted to? Because if it's all women, then maybe, maybe I can see the hooker or strip club, but if it's just the women you are attracted to, then all the other advice is great. Slow down, listen to what she says, how she answers, what she is looking at, doing with her hands. But also, LISTEN, it's huge. A guy that talks all the time, oh my. But one that really listens and adds thoughtful insights to the conversation? Nice, very, very nice. And if you listen, you might hear something that you have in common, and bingo! You can talk about something you really are interested in. That might ease your nervousness.
     
  19. cbrmale

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    I sort-of had this problem when I was younger, but only with certain women. On the whole when you first meet, a young woman is just as nervous as a young man, only it's traditional for men to make the first move. Small talk, something innocuous but not the weather, is generally a good place to start. Obviously not man's talk like sport either. It doesn't have to be about her or you, just something. If she likes how you look and how you present yourself, and if she's interested in you in some way, nature will take it's course.

    I'm inclined not to go with the prostitute or stripper as a way of learning and practicing, as I know from personal friendships with escorts that they are real live women and very interesting to talk with. At the same time it is just a fantasy, and even if you're boring them to tears you're paying the money and they'll feign interest, even if inwardly they're hoping for you to shut-up!

    The trick, and this is true, is the more you talk to women and they more they talk to you, the more conversations, the easier it gets. You get confident, and you know what to say to interest most women. I look back now and wonder how I had difficulties!
     
  20. badgirl22

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    Asking questions IS a good way to initiate a conversation but you just have to remember that it is indeed a conversation which implies both people talking. Ask open questions - questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no. A good one is where did the person grow up at? It can lead into a ton of varied conversations and follow-on questions. But, don't ask questions you aren't really interested in - cause then it just seems forced.

    Please remember that we women appreciate the attention (if it's positive) as long as it's not too pushy or the conversation is out of place. LIke was already said, we're the same basically. Show respect and interest and while you may not get a relationship from it you're likely to at least have a nice conversation.

    I'm not shy in the least and can't really relate to not being able to have a conversation with someone but I can understand how frustrating it must be for you. I hope it works out for you.
     
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