I have this female best friend...

[nolbaby]

hey, unless u made a typo, and u meant to say that HE had an affair... in which case, obviously disregard my previous comments towards you. It seems almost unthinkable that it wasn't a typo... but there are some real pieces of shit out there who actually think that way...

 

[D_Mylor Mentallydaft]

I've been stalking this board for a while and there seems to be a lot of really great, intelligent people here and I'd just like to get some advice on a situation I'm in.

I have a best friend, we'll call her 'M'. 'M' and I have been friends for about 4 yrs, and absolute best friends for about 3 of those. I'm 23 and she'll be 36 next month, but we're really on the same plane, because I act more mature than my age, and she tends to be a little looser and edgier and more fun than most people her age, so we meet in the middle. I don't use the term "soul mate" very often, but I truly, TRULY believe her and I were put on the planet to be together. We're kindred spirits, and as close as can be. So naturally, I fall absolutely head over hills in love with her about a year ago, only problem being that she's married with 2 kids. FUCK!! Anyway. We have what she calls our "emotional affair", because we work together, and we talk or text every single night for hours on end. The situation gradually got a lot deeper and hotter, and we've done everything *but* get physical. Random people and people at work even think we're a couple.

So I start trying to convince her to go further with me, because she flirts like you wouldn't believe. She then drops a bombshell on me and tells me that about 5 yrs ago, before I met her, she had an affair, and her husband found out, and basically tortured her and made her life a living hell for 6 weeks, until he left and went to Iraq, pretty much just to get away. I was livid that she's still with him after this, but she stays because of the kids, but that's another topic. So I keep trying to make advances, but don't make a move out of respect for her, I don't wanna do anything unless she's ready, and I don't want to take a chance on jeopardizing our friendship.

So what should I do? In our conversations on the phone, we have very graphic phone sex and "sexting". She's all time making comments like "I wanna fuck you like a dog in heat" or she'll give me scenarios to think about before I go to bed, etc. But when I talk about really getting physical, it's always "I really, really want to but I can't. I'm terrified he'll find out again." I've promised her we'll hide it and there's no way he'll find out, but she's not convinced. I normally would never have an affair, but I know him and he's honestly a jerk off, and she shouldn't be with him. I have more love for this woman than I ever thought was possible, and it makes me physically ill when I think about never having the chance to be with her physically. It's not so much an issue of the sex, it's more about the affection and showing my love, and making her feel great.

I'm at my wit's end. I have no clue what to do. Please, please give any and all advice you can. There are maybe 2 people in the world I can talk to about this, because we are all in the same circle, and they simply can't find out, so I usually have to turn to outside advice. I'm desperate.

tell the husband.... then put 2 pistols on the table, work it out in a way that keeps the brats fed and the freeway moving faster

 

[Principessa]

first I agree with you about giving the guy a lil slack for being hurt.
but honestly the poster has known the girl for four years, I agree that he should not pursue her but it's not just a case of him following his dick

You're right it's a matter of simple right and wrong. She's married, it's wrong for her to be teasing and leading him on. He knows she is married, therefore it's wrong for him to be considering a relationship with her, unless it is completely platonic. If you are married, you don't get to fuck around. That's the rules. :duh: If you need to fuck around; then get a divorce and don't disrespect the sanctity of marriage.

 

[the_reverend]

Wait dude. You said that SHE had an affair... and her husband made her life a living hell for 6 weeks when he found out... and that made you LIVID???

WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO, SEND HER A THANK YOU CARD?!?!?!

guy is about to go to the other side of the world to fight for you, me, his cheating wife, and every other American... and his wife is showing her respect by having an affair? fuck that. she deserves a lot more than just 6 weeks of her life being a living hell.

I hate hearing people defend those who do horrible things to people. Having an affair behind your spouse's back is a horrible thing to do, and people who do it should be made to go through whatever their spouse feels appropriate in order for them to make up for it. But then some Captain like YOU comes along and says that you're "LIVID" because her husband retaliated? He's not the one who did the terrible thing which started the whole ordeal in the first place! She is! He got fucked over. He's allowed to stand up for himself and cause some pain if he is expected to feel it. Be livid with the people who do the fucked up stuff to begin with, not the people who stand up for themselves when it is done to them. Otherwise, we'd have a world where there are no consequences for harming others, but severe consequences for defending one's self. Sounds crazy, yeah? good, it IS fuckin crazy.

actually, he said that she said that her husband "tortured" her. now, it wasn't entirely clear whether this just means emotional torment and giving her shit over it or if he actually physically abused her. the first is somewhat understandable and a totally acceptable consequence as she has to pay that price for cheating but still staying together. but if it was ACTUAL torture and abuse, there is NO excuse for that. i don't care if she cheated. that is not acceptable, it is not excuseable, it is not forgiveable. consequences, yes. but let the punishment fit the crime. being a soldier doesn't give you a free pass to beat your wife, no matter what she's done.

 

[jimfin25]

Not to sound like an ass but man she already had an affair before & shes staying with her family because of the kids or whatever reason she has. You want her to have a 2nd (or whatever # it is now) again? I kinda feel bad for the husband even if he is a complete ass.

 

[D_Odipherous Pitts]

Run, don't walk away...

 

[D_Rawkesbye Deadheade]

I really do sympathise with your story here, man, but I think you should back off. Seriously, leave the poor woman alone. Take a step back and just enjoy her friendship. What happens behind her door is between her and her husband and it's not for you to intervene.

If it's meant to be things will work itself out - or they'll work it out - without your intervention. For now, be a good friend and do the right thing. Respect her decision and be satisfied with the friendship you're blessed with.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Run, don't walk away...

Very wise. You don't want to be the one shot in the crossfire.

 

[TheRob]

[/B] You're right it's a matter of simple right and wrong. She's married, it's wrong for her to be teasing and leading him on. He knows she is married, therefore it's wrong for him to be considering a relationship with her, unless it is completely platonic. If you are married, you don't get to fuck around. That's the rules. :duh: If you need to fuck around; then get a divorce and don't disrespect the sanctity of marriage.

I agree with all of that, I just think it's unfair to say he's "following his dick" I mean that, in my mind has a sort of condesending type tone that women like to use to imply that men only ever want sex etc

if he had said "I saw her without a bra and man, I want her!" that would be following his dick

 

[Symphonic]

Leave her alone!!!

My thoughts exactly, and I only hit the second paragraph.