I haven't been laid in 4 years. 22/m

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Douthwaite Douhickey, Apr 17, 2008.

  1. D_Douthwaite Douhickey

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    I'm 22, haven't been laid in 4 years now. No clue why--I'm a decent looking guy I think (hi ladies how's it going haha) but I'm beginning to think I'm afraid of being sexually active again. I was in high school for 6 months (lost my virginity in senior year), but we were just fuck buddies I guess.

    We "broke up", and I haven't gotten back on the horse yet...or she hasn't gotten back on me I should say. PLENTY of opportunities, but each time I turn down the girl. I've resorted to lots more jerking off, I've even showed my goods for a lady on this site, but it was at her request.

    I'm not into men, but I just don't get what my deal is. Committment issues? There such thing as a phobea of intimacy? Someone help. A girl's advice would help. PM if you want... I got one hell of a story that goes with it if interested. :)

    Any suggestions? Should I just relieve this dry spell or wait for something more since I've waited so long anyway?
     
  2. SotonDaddy

    SotonDaddy New Member

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    Although I completely understand what you are saying... but for goodness sake... you're only 22!!!! You have you whole life ahead of you. There will be MANY opportunities; so sit back and enjoy yourself. When you're ready, it will happen.

    Cheers!
     
  3. Principessa

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    Interesting, you have had opportunities and turned them down. Was it because you didn't feel an emotional connection to these girls? Cause that is normal. Some men actually need to feel like they are in love to have sex. :wink: There is nothing wrong with that.

    Worst case scenario is that you are a sexual anorexic; this is highly unlikely. I think it's more likely you want to have a girlfriend and not just a fuck buddy. :cool:
     
  4. John Estes

    John Estes New Member

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    Just what I was thinking :D .
     
  5. bark

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    These are hard questions to answer, as the only real answer is that it is all a matter of what YOU want to make of your own life. How bad do you want it? If you want it bad enough, then you will go out and get it.

    My life story is very much like yours. Lost my virginity at 18, then went through a loooooong lonely period. Over the past ten years I have only had three partners at different random times. Twice I got close to the girl over time and then sex came naturally. The other one was a random hook-up after the second time I met the girl. I definitely prefered the long-term girls. But all three girls have been well satisfied with me, and once the ice was broken, more sex was easy. But for various reasons, the relationships never lasted.

    Making new social relationships has been the problem. I don't even count the years any more. Part of my lonelyness is becasue I am shy, but then I know I could make more effort to find sex. I don't have any external things that attract women (money, car, power, etc), don't have great looks (and I don't do much to improve them), I don't behave assertively, I don't go out and get it, and I hate dancing. Those things stack the odds against me.

    But then I always come back to the question, is that what I really want in my life? Would sex really make my life more fullfilling? Yes, I love sex, or I wouldn't be here posting on a sexually oriented webpage. I really loved the times in my life when I was sexually active. But those times kind-of just happened as I went with the flow of my life. Just sitting back hasn't gotten me laid very much. I think that if you want lots of sex, then you have to want it bad enouh to go out and get it. If you want to go with the flow maybe you can meet some nice serious long-term types, and still have good sex after time. I think large amounts of random hook-ups would be far easier than keeping one steady girl satisfied. A large amount of permiscuity is obviously not wise for many reasons. But, that's not what I want. Like I said, I enjoyed the relationship girls over the quicky girl. One steady, sexually active partner would do for me. But I just can't seem to make it happen. My personality seems to attract lots of "friends" and nothing else.

    Will I one day actually feel good about this dull period if I ever meet the right girl? ....like all those people who "save themselves" for "the one". What makes those people happy? Well, my life has turned out that I am like those chaste people now, whether I wanted it or not. I think I might as well be happy with what I've got, and make my life into something happy. I still have a few years left in school. I can't force things like this to happen, but I think I am feeling the pressure more and more to make some good relationships happen in my life as I realize I am approaching the end of an era in which my chances are best. As I said at the beginning, if we want it bad enough, then we will go out and get it.

    Anyway, kind of rambled on there... but hopefully we have enough in common that you're interested.
     
  6. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    That's my problem.
     
  7. Smooth88

    Smooth88 New Member

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    Me too.
     
  8. leckyou

    leckyou New Member

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    I'm 22 never been touched and never been kissed, a 100% Virgin.




    Damn!
     
  9. SyddyKitty

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    Same problem as Smooth and Leck, just not with women. Sadly, the same problem as leck, minus one year of age.
     
  10. lowteg

    lowteg Member

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    Dont worry bro I have this problem too well kinda..

    Its not that i am ugly or any thing heaps of girls say im hot, cute, sexy what ever...

    its just that I am way too picky...and I am not a guy who sleeps around every weekend...just hard to find decent girls these days I guess...
     
  11. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    Seriously if i were single i'd start a business taking me some virginity.
     
  12. Honey123

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    Me too! 'Cept, I wanna boyfriend. LTR, every day every night holdin me tight and poundin me right. I want love, not just sex. Without an emotional attachment I'm not really able to let myself go and completely experience the other person. I'm old fashioned mabye, I dunno.
     
  13. Honey123

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    Actually, it isn't a bad thing to be picky at all... long as it isn't a problem with being unnecessarily critical. I've found that the difference of knowing someone a few days and a few weeks is enormous. Most guys that I'd love to jump when I first meet them are long gone with feelings of relief within a few days or weeks. Caution can also help keep you healthy and a live.
    OK, now I'm sounding like a mom. I need to go to bed.
     
  14. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    Oh how I wish you would!:rolleyes:

    I think I am definitely old fashioned. I just don't see it in me to be with someone my first time and not have them be a GF. I could be wrong though.
     
  15. Honey123

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    Yeah... you should be in love.

    My first time wasn't with some one that I really cared about, it was a guy from high school (I was 19) that I was hanging out with a lot and getting high with and I was horny and tried of "waiting" so I took advantage of him. Broke the bed. Then he didn't call me. A week later I was over to his house again and said something about "us" and he said "there is no us" so I left and the next week I was dating someone else. It's funny, but neither of us have ever forgotten that statement about there not being an us, but for different reasons. For him, it was the dumbest thing he ever said. For me, it was, well... that's one that doesn't need explaining.
     
  16. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    That sucks!:frown1:

    I just don't think i have it in my heart to use someone and throw them away like that. I can't fuck with someone's emotions just for the sake of getting laid.

    I don't see how anyone can really. I must be jaded I guess.
     
  17. SandraSmithCarver

    SandraSmithCarver New Member

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    Your not jaded, your a nice guy IMO
    a lot of guys can just "use" someone for sex, and never look back!
     
  18. SandraSmithCarver

    SandraSmithCarver New Member

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    I would say fear of intimacy, Im assuming your not in to casual sex? do you always get your feelings involved? sex is fun, i don't think you need to go on with your dry spell
     
  19. D_Chocho_Lippz

    D_Chocho_Lippz Account Disabled

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    I relate to many of the previous posts and agree with them.

    Society seems to dictate that all guys are just horn balls that want sex with whoever, whenever - and if possible, not have any commitments. However, many guys don't. Like NJ said, we want a girlfriend, not a sex buddy. I like commitment. Heck, I even like the idea of being sexual with one person - I know how to please them and they know how to please me. There is no wondering if the person is going to be bad in bed or even if they have something you don't want (Chlamydia is not a flower!).

    At least you have been afforded the chance. I am so shy that many times I don't even get the "chat on." So it sounds like to me that you are just more traditional - or at least sex is not antonymous with emotions.
     
  20. Mem

    Mem
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    that is a very odd statement for a straight guy to make. It's understood that if your profile says 100% str8 that you are not into men. Maybe you are into men but won't admit it to yourself.
     
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