I... I just cant take it anymore...

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Imported, Feb 20, 2005.

  1. Imported

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    Thanatos: I just fucking want to kill myself.

    Why can't I be like everybody else? Why can't I NOT be depressed, or pessimist, for once? Why is it that everyone around me seems to find true love, while I linger on... why is it that those I'm interested in are ALWAYS taken or uninterested in me? Why is it that I put so much importance on a having a relationship?

    Sometimes, I just can't take it anymore...
     
  2. lacsap1

    lacsap1 New Member

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    There's a lot to be said for getting your own life in order before you involve someone else in it. Some people even say you can never be happy in a relationship unless you're happy with yourself and your life before the relationship begins. Here's how to find a partner by first being happy with your own life.

    1. Think about why you want a partner. If it's because you're not happy without someone, you may need to concentrate on being a better single person - otherwise, you may be too possessive and scare away potential partners.

    2. Focus on keeping your mind and your home free of clutter. Real and imagined junk can distract you and make you feel overwhelmed when there's really nothing wrong at all.

    3. Start clearing up your credit problems, outstanding debts and other unresolved business. If nothing else comes of this exercise, you'll feel better about yourself.

    4. Take control of your life by accepting the fact that you're single and concentrating on the things in your life that are going well.

    5. Work on fixing the other things in your life that aren't perfect. For example, if you can't find a partner and you hate your job, you can't make a partner come to you, but you can work on getting a better job so you'll have one less thing to worry about.

    6. Find something that gives your life as a single person some meaning. It could be the discovery of a spiritual home or it could be finding volunteer work or a job that allows you to feel you're contributing to society.

    7. Keep dating and waiting while you get your life in order, but be realistic with your expectations.


    Good luck !

    Also: Stay focused on being a good partner, not on finding a partner to be good to you. You'll be more likely to find someone who's interested.
     
  3. Max

    Max New Member

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    Thanatos,

    I can't bring myself to leave a post like that unanswered ... given that you wrote it 7 or 8 hours ago.

    Your choice of name tells a tale in itself, unless my knowledge of Greek has deserted me.

    No point trying to offer you sugary platitudes or easy comfort — but I can assure you that if you think everyone else has it easy, for instance in the matter of finding true love, you are wrong. And you cannot be wrong to "put so much importance on a having a relationship".

    "Hang in there" has to be the only answer, as the Americans say. It is not hard to tell that you are a guy of quality.

    Good luck

    Max.
     
  4. Dr Rock

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    all good advice. I know it sounds trite and condescending, but honestly, if you were to become involved in a committed relationship right now, you'd probably find that the basic problems that are troubling you would be made worse rather than better. nobody wants to be involved in a relationship in which they feel the other person NEEDS them, as some kind of life-buoy, to sustain their own health and sense of self-worth - that's essentially just viewing a partner as a necessary component, or at least adjunct, to onesself, and that shit is bad news all round. there needs to be a mututal respect - especially respect for each other's own lives and boundaries - for anything to work. without wishing to sound like a psychologist, it is indisputable that negative craving for affirmation via relationship is a displacement activity, something you do because you're dissatisfied with your life in some way and don't realize or understand how to fix it.

    it isn't your fault, but unfortunately it's still your responsibility - the only way you'll feel better is to identify WHY you feel that pressure / need / whatever and change things so you don't. once you stop feeling the you NEED to be in a relationship, you'll be much better placed to establish and sustain one. I spent a large part of my youth in a self-loathing, self-destructive spiral because I couldn't maintain any sense of self-esteem without being constantly reassured that certain people appreciated me. the way out is to learn to appreciate yourself, and figure out who you are, before you start worrying about how anyone else figures into it.
     
  5. Freddie53

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    Thanatos,

    In the past, I have enjoyed reading your posts. You are a quality person. We all get down. And suicide seems an easy solution. But you have a wonderful life ahead of you.

    You are I think 18. That is a hard age. You are physically an adult and mentally an adult and everyone expects you to be emotionally an adult too. But there are those times you would just like for someone who cares about you (non sexual) to just hold and hug you until all your problems go away. At 18 it is awkaward to get in an older maure adult that you love and trust. Yet, in the back of your head sometimes that is what emotionally you need to do.

    We all just need others.

    That is why I am posting. I don't have any magic pills to offer. I do offer my love and concern. I think you are a swell guy.

    Feel free to pm me or contact me. If I can help, I would be glad to. I have worked with young people for 39 years. I just helped one young man at a retreat just this weekend.

    Hope you get things sorted out. Agian, please contact me if I can help.

    Freddie
     
    #5 Freddie53, Feb 20, 2005
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 21, 2010
  6. jonb

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    Suicide is the easy solution, but also the selfish one: It leaves everyone with the same problems, now chalked up a couple dozen orders of magnitude by their mourning. It's not fair to the people around you.

    The bottom line: Life has its ups and downs. You're on a down, but you'll also have ups later on.
     
  7. Royal_T

    Royal_T New Member

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    Want a random possibility?
    You might just not be ready for a serious relationship, and so you end up 'crushing' on people that arent compatible with you for one reason or another.
    Just remember all the ways that youre a good guy , and that who youre dating doesnt change that. (sorry to sound cheesy, but cheez can be so true) If you cant think of ways that youre a worthwhile person, then I bet a friend can point some out, no prob. And dont worry about being "like everybody else." Not worth the trouble.

    Anyway, dont forget to check in with the board, however you feel. :)
     
  8. TheOverlord

    TheOverlord New Member

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    Yeah...your not alone.

    You wanna know the best advice? Don't expect good things to happen.

    Because if you hope for good things, you will be disappointed if they dont happen. If they do happen, then hey, everything is good.

    Apathy is the best cure for depression. If you don't care, you can't be hurt by it.

    In terms of love, the best thing to do is to stop looking for it. If you do meet a girl that seems interesting, dont approach her with the thought of getting together. just think about being friends, and take it from there. That way, if you don't get together, you will have a new friend.
     
  9. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    Thanatos, we all go through a period of not understanding why things look up for others and not for us, but you want to know something? We always learn not to let it get to us, and strive to live the best way we know how. Don't live your life souly based on what others have and you don't, that's plain conformity.

    And don't rationale getting peace in your life by ending it, that'll accomplish nothing except your loved ones anguishing over it.

    You know there's an old saying, "Dying's easy, living's the hard part." Yes, it would be if you really believe that suicide would solve everything. Living is hard sometimes, but it gives us adversity and strength to persevere.
     
  10. yaoifun

    yaoifun New Member

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    Hey cheer up Thanatos! I know how you feel - just look at some of my posts about a week ago. I thought I had lost everything and was convinced I would be miserable forever. I left, and SO many people supported me from this place alone. No matter how bad it gets, don't give up! You don't know whenthings will turn up. I may not have much going for me as of now, but I try to keep up by thinking it will all pay off someday, and I'm sure it will for both of us. Suicide is the cowards way out. And if you tried and it failed, you would end up in the Rubber Room of an institution faster than you can say "looney" (I'm NOT calling you crazy, but attempt suicide and people will overreact like that) Don't worry about love either, it wil come in time! Your still young, and you seem from your posts alone a smart guy and loads of fun (and not to mention from your pic, pretty good looking too. I'm not hitting on ya, just stating a fact :) ) So I'm sure whoever ya end up with will be more than happy and I'm sure you will be too. Just give it time. If ya need to PM me or anything feel free to I know how bad life can suck at times. Ok I'm done with my Oprah-esque comments and advice, but seriously, things will get better - they have for me, and I had almost gone off the deepend. Take care, and feel better soon! You've got your whole life ahead of ya, and it will only be as miserable as you let it be! :)
     
  11. madame_zora

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    Thanatos, we all go through phases where we are spending more time alone than we would like, and as unfortunate as it is, it can be a tremendous time for personal growth. You are very passionate about things and that's all good, but sometimes being somewhat dispassionate gives you some distance from the immediacy of the situation. The Overlord said it differently, but basically the same message- a little apathy may go a long way.

    You are very young, very beautiful, sensitive, sweet, caring- these things will attract people to you when the time is right. Please try hard to remember that not having a relationship is far better than having a bad one, so use this time to develop yourself and determine for yourself what is important. You've been very kind and responsive to me several times, but I'm well aware that sensitive people feel things deeper sometimes. You asked some key questions of yourself, and I'm sure you already know the answers, but it was a brave thing to do. These are the kinds of things we ask ourselves from time to time, watch your answers change! In the meantime, lean more on friends until you feel more "level", I am sure glad to see you around. Jana
     
  12. Imported

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    Thanatos: I just want to thank everyone and inform you that I'm feeling much better now. I just get depressed when I go out clubbing, and then see all those couples... be they hetero or homosexual.
     
  13. D_Barbi_Queue

    D_Barbi_Queue Account Disabled

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    PLEASE don't let that bring you down. I found my true love when I was actually engaged to someone else. I think it comes when you least expect it.

    Plus, you're young and good looking. Unless you're some kind of psychopath (ha/ha) then I don't think you have anything at all to worry about.

    And, even though I love my husband to pieces, I do have a little regret settling down so young. (I was 21 when I got married) I miss the single life....enjoy it while you've got it!!
     
  14. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Yeah dude - these guys have gave some great advice...But again you are young and soon you will beating the guys off you...Enjoy being young and single - I know I do...My mum really raised me not really focus on try to find a someone so I guess that is why I don't mind being single...Take my word for it - relationship I know for me can be so draining and take a lot of work to maintain...You don't want that right now...And you are a cute guy - somebody will scoop you up soon I am sure...
     
  15. jonb

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    Yeah, with a nick like Thanatos, I'm willing to bet you get depressed a lot. (Thanatos is a classic goth name; it's Greek for death.)

    But I'll tell you this: Yin and yang. Without those depressing days, the good is nothing. If I break up with someone, of course I feel depressed. If I don't feel depressed, that itself makes me depressed becasue our relationship apparently didn't mean anything.

    Or, as Bart Simpson described hell, "Wouldn't you eventually get used to it, like in a hot tub?" The same's true about heaven. (That might make for an interesting theological discussion.)
     
  16. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    heh, I didn't wanna mention it before, but I have a son whose REAL name is actually Thanatos. his mother's choice, not mine; she was kind of a crazy goth kid, although she's matured somewhat since then ;) I'm just glad he didn't turn out to be a girl - if he had been, she'd decided on Krystal, after her psychoactive of choice (as in crystal meth).

    still, it could be worse on the kid; I went to school with a guy named Rupert Chicken, and a couple of weeks ago I met a man named Grenville Spanner.
     
  17. yaoifun

    yaoifun New Member

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    heh, I didn't wanna mention it before, but I have a son whose REAL name is actually Thanatos. his mother's choice, not mine; she was kind of a crazy goth kid, although she's matured somewhat since then ;) I'm just glad he didn't turn out to be a girl - if he had been, she'd decided on Krystal, after her psychoactive of choice (as in crystal meth).

    still, it could be worse on the kid; I went to school with a guy named Rupert Chicken, and a couple of weeks ago I met a man named Grenville Spanner.
    [post=285370]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    Lol poor people. My mom went to school with someone named Candy Dish, and also says there was another girl named Ima (or was it Irma?) Hoggs. I dont really believe the latter one though, but knowing I'm in America, I wouldn't totally call it outrageous.
     
  18. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    I once had a fine-looking female neighbor named Frosty Boxx.
     
  19. jonb

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    Yeah, but names like Thanatos at least sound exotic. OTOH, I can't take anyone named Krystal seriously. I guess because everyone I've met named Crystal or Krystal or Qrystal had New Age parents. (Yanno, between crystals and "shamanic ecstasy", New Age really makes puns too easy.)
     
  20. D_Barbi_Queue

    D_Barbi_Queue Account Disabled

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    I've heard of the Ima Hoggs. Our last name is pronounced Crab.....luckily we don't have a girl. ha/ha
     
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