I just cant seem to hold out

[13788]

novacth: Granted, I haven't had sex with my girlfriend yet, so to speak, but any time she services me, it seems that the amount of time that passes between her starting and her finishing is practically nothing. I would guess that I can hold out for about three to five minutes on a blowjob, tops.

Now, there have been a few cases where my girlfriend has used my penis as a means of achieving her orgasm (I think two or three times). What we did for these was put a condom on me, then just focus on her. The first time, though, I had to pull out and quit because I was on the verge of ejaculation mere seconds after entering her. So, the next two times, she would blow me first, then I would work on her until my penis was up to achieving an erection once again. Even then, though, I still feel like I'm going to ejaculate, but I somehow manage to hold it off (I guess the little guy's tired).

She had sex before she met me a couple dozen times with one guy she dated in high school, but he was average and we haven't had many sexual experiences outside oral in the four years we've been together. As a result, she's still pretty tight and can't really take me all the way, yet. After a blowjob, though, getting up to my max isn't exactly easy, if you know what I mean.

On top of that, I'm on Propecia, so my ejaculate loads are considerably less and my erection doesn't respond quite like it used to. Keep in mind I'm only 22.

Now that you've got the backstory, here comes the questions.

What I want to do is cut out "round two." That is to say, the whole oral on me to oral on her to vaginal stimulation on her (as opposed to vaginal stimulation on me B)) doesn't seem like the most efficient way or even the best way for her to get her kicks. I've always considered myself quite a gentleman in the bedroom, bringing her to orgasm first, then allowing her to go to work on me, if she so pleases. I want nothing more than to please her because I've always been a big fan of the female orgasm. I've also always felt that my "inadequacies" get in the way of her pleasure, although I would never hear her admit that (God bless her). Am I unfounded in my feeling of inadequacy? I've tried PC muscle exercises (hell, I do them all the time) but they never seem to work out for me extending my sexual activity time. Are there any pills I can take or something along those lines to help me last longer in the bedroom (Why do I feel like a spam email?)

This post turned out a lot longer than I expected, and for that I apologize. Thank you for sticking with me, though. I really appreciate it. It seemed a lot shorter in my head...

Cliff's Notes: I cum quick, feel inadequate and am looking for a way to extend that. Suggestions?

 

[Pappy]

Try using a desensitising gel, just don't use too much. Another thing make sure you put it on your penis before you put on your condom, don't want her feeling the effects of it.

 

[Xin]

You say she isn't overly experienced - 'a couple dozen times with one guy she dated in high school' - are you similarly experienced, less, or more so?

 

[13788]

novacth: Pappy:
I'm not familiar with these "desensitizing gels," can I buy them at any old drug store?

Xin:
By a longshot, I am much less experienced in that I'm still a virgin save for using my penis for her stimulation. I have never ejaculated inside her, despite coming very close. Besides oral, there's not much else we've done together. However, I'm a bit larger than her previous sexual experience, so it's basically like starting over. :lol:

 

[Xin]

Ok, well speaking as someone who recently lost his virginity, I can say that at first I was extremely sensitive, and although I could hold out a little longer than you are describing, it wasn't much. Over time though, and with more intercourse and oral with my partner, I have much increased my 'hold out' time - I can not tell you how long exactly as I have always been too worked up to measure lol, but it has been definitely noticable to the both of us, and I hope I continue to improve.

 

[Pappy]

Originally posted by novacth@Aug 21 2004, 09:36 AM
Pappy:
I'm not familiar with these "desensitizing gels," can I buy them at any old drug store?

Most Drug stores in the states carry them in some form, I think even Wal-Mart carries it by the condoms.

 

[13788]

branno: being 21 i know what ur going through, when i lost my virginity 4 years ago i only lasted a mere few minutes..but from talking to mates etc this is pretty much normal, i mean going through life its ur goal to get laid so when it finally happens its a sensory overload and its nearly impossible to hold out..this of course gets better each time u do it..in the long run i guess after a few weeks/months u will find that ur length of time will increase just as u get more used to it..so the more experienced u get, the more control u will get
as a short term fix, even though i havent tried the gels, i have tried condoms with a numbing gel inside..so that its like putting on a normal condom but with a gel inside of it..though this may take a minute of two before starting to work..so dont put it on and just straight in
but basically what ur going through is normal

 

[13788]

doubtless_mouse: I'm confused with the that fact that you think you are a virgin. If you and your partner have had intercourse, insertion of the penis in the vagina, then by definition you are no longer a virgin. I would even go so far as to say that if you have performed oral on each other then even without the intercourse you wouldn't be labeled a virgin. Just wanted to add that. On to the problem at hand. It might help you to pratice on your own. You can train yourself in many ways, one of the them is to control orgasms (to a point). You might work yourself up by hand, then stop before you reach the point of no return, calm down, repeat. Do this a for a while and you learn the point of no return. Then if you are not embarrassed by it ask your partner to help you. Do the same thing, have her work you up, then have her stop before you reach that point that you have learned. Keep doing this and it should get a little better.

Another thing that helps me (and i hate to admit this) but when I feel that it might be a short night (u know what i mean), then while we are going at it, i try to think of anything else but how good it feels, i listen to the bed squeak, i count stars, i do anything that takes my mind of the pleasures my body is experiencing, this helps a lot. Our minds are the most erogenous part of our entire body, they are the control center, you can take your mind off pain and yes you can take your mind off pleasure. Last bit of advice, is make sure you aren't holding your breath too much. I know this sounds weird, but it will shorten the time you last.

Good luck let us know if anything helps.

 

[13788]

novacth: doubtless_mouse:
I'm confused with the that fact that you think you are a virgin. If you and your partner have had intercourse, insertion of the penis in the vagina, then by definition you are no longer a virgin. I would even go so far as to say that if you have performed oral on each other then even without the intercourse you wouldn't be labeled a virgin. Just wanted to add that.
I understand what you're saying and have thought about it quite a bit. What it all comes down to is the semantics behind the word "sex." I hate to play the politician, but it really depends on how you define the word. My girlfriend and I mutually decided that sex is pretty much determined by whether or not I ejaculate while inside her. However, I definitely see where you're coming from in that, after four years of extensive oral sex, how could either of us truly be a virgin? That's a definition I'm open to. Let's just go ahead and put me somewhere between a monk and high school football player (not literally, of course).

All excellent advice, I will try the "point of no return" strategy and also head down to my local drugstore to see what they have. And I have tried the "THINK ABOUT BASEBALL, DAMMIT!!!" method, but I fear I lack the mental fortitude at this time. She really know how to get me going!

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Originally posted by novacth@Aug 22 2004, 04:12 PM
However, I definitely see where you're coming from in that, after four years of extensive oral sex, how could either of us truly be a virgin?

Exactly. It's called 'oral SEX', not 'oral something-that's-not-sex-because-my-penis-wasn't-in-her-vagina'. If you've had oral sex, then you've had sex.

 

[jonb]

Yeah, if we define sex as just penis-in-vagina, there goes pretty much all homosexual practices right there since the male homolog of the vagina is the passage which the testicles pass through, which is impossible to penetrate without surgical modification; and the female homolog of the penis, the clitoris, would prove that size really does matter.

So, DMW, how does it feel to know that you're a virgin?

 

[13788]

novacth: DMW, I respectfully disagree. I think oral sex is called oral sex because of its similarity to the act. However, I feel the semantics betray it because the experiences are undeniably different.

I do admit that you both bring up valid points. Congratulations on being virgins, fellas! lol

 

[13788]

C. Myjunk: just rub one out before hand, you will last longer

 

[Max]

Novacth

You aren't "inadequate" at all so far as I can see; but a normal highly sexed male. Just a few random comments:

The more experienced you get, the longer you will be able to last. Many couples find that over time the woman gets quicker and the man gets slower to reach orgasm. But meanwhile, I think you are on the right lines in using a second erection in order to last longer. This has always been standard practice for me, one way or another, and it was almost essential in my 20s.

Also, why not vary the focus a bit, putting it on her pleasure one time, but on yours another time? It seems to me that part of the problem might be that your are taking much too great a share of the reponsibility on yourself -- too much performance anxiety, not enough relaxation and enjoyment.

Good luck.

 

[ponybilt]

The length of time a guy lasts is as diverse as length of penis.

The fact that you're 22 plays into your short-lived endurance, but part of it could be your hardwiring. The suggestions of masturbating first as well as the desensitizing gel (i haven't tried it) could be a good step in experimenting with what works. And Max's recommendations are right on.

BTW, my own definition of sex does indeed include oral sex; if you're playing with someone that involves insertion of any type, then it's sex. Otherwise I'd be a born again virgin

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Originally posted by jonb@Aug 23 2004, 02:28 AM

So, DMW, how does it feel to know that you're a virgin?

Nothing new. I'm a virgin every time!

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Originally posted by novacth@Aug 24 2004, 12:31 AM
DMW, I respectfully disagree. I think oral sex is called oral sex because of its similarity to the act.

An act that stimulates the SEXual organs and triggers a SEXual response ... yet it doesn't qualify as SEX? :huh: Nope; I can't see it. When I suck someone's cock, believe me ... I'm having SEX.

 

[jonb]

Originally posted by DoubleMeatWhopper@Aug 25 2004, 03:08 PM
Nothing new. I'm a virgin every time!

Well, men don't really have a virginity to take. At least not an organ for it.

 

[lapdog2001]

Originally posted by novacth@Aug 22 2004, 04:12 PM
doubtless_mouse:
I'm confused with the that fact that you think you are a virgin. If you and your partner have had intercourse, insertion of the penis in the vagina, then by definition you are no longer a virgin. I would even go so far as to say that if you have performed oral on each other then even without the intercourse you wouldn't be labeled a virgin. Just wanted to add that.
I understand what you're saying and have thought about it quite a bit. What it all comes down to is the semantics behind the word "sex." I hate to play the politician, but it really depends on how you define the word. My girlfriend and I mutually decided that sex is pretty much determined by whether or not I ejaculate while inside her.

Novacth,

The first time your penis entered her vagina, you were no longer a virgin. By your definition of not cumming inside her = not having sex, then 99% of all the porno out there can now be rated R instead of X. They're not having sex, see he's cumming on her ass/face/tummy/whatever. The couples out there that are using the withdrawal method for birth control (not recommended) would be very surprised to be told they aren't having sex either. :lol:

Novacth, you aren't a virgin, and haven't been for a while, by every definition of the word.

The advice from others to use masturbation start/stop techniques to extend the amount of time you last, do work. All it takes is practice, practice, practice.!

LapDog2001

 

[13788]

Ocsi: Dear Novacth!

I understand Your problem. (I think
I say another way to improve your time. Is' name is FLOXET 20mg.
It is a drug. Ask your doctor before use. It can give you 30-45 min
sex before your first ejaculate.
If you use it, you will good in bed, and it is give much happy to you,
and you will have time to learn use your self-control.

I hope you understand me, I dont speak very well the English
unfortunately.

Best regards: Öcsi