I just can't stop the Puns

[jakeatolla]

Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always cry "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.
A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?"
The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of...
an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?"

 

[D_alex8]

jakeatolla: I just can't stop the Puns

alex8: Please try! :biggrin1:

 

[Pecker]

A guy walks into a restaurant but the host won't let him be seated.

"You must wear a necktie, sir," the host said, "it keeps out the troublemakers."

"Okay," said the man, "I'll go get one out of my car." He goes back to the parking lot and looks and looks but cannot find a necktie anywhere. Looking around his trunk he comes across the only thing that might serve as a substitute: jumper cables. He puts them around his neck and, tying a neat knot in them, returns to the restaurant.

"Now can I come in?," he asks the host.

The host looks the man up and down, considering.

"Okay," he says, "but don't try to start anything."