I just can't trust women anymore...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lamplight, Mar 11, 2008.

  1. lamplight

    lamplight Member

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    Look, I don't want to seem like a woman hater, because I am not, so don't bite my head off, but I am EXTREMELY reluctant to go into a relationship with one.

    After "The Game" came out and all that Pick Up Artist stuff started emerging, I started to dabble in it myself, and the way people reacted to it was startling. I feel that if a guy is good enough, your girl won't be able to say no to him.

    Now, I really would like to have a girlfriend but I just don't believe that she will be able to be faithful to me. Love me? Sure, but if a player comes a long I just don't think she will be a able to restrain herself.

    Let me just settle a few things, though. I have no problem meeting women who are interested in me, and we do have a great time... For a while... But I know quite a few guys who are VERY good PickUp artists, and they pull women with boyfriends like it's nothing. It's like some biological instinct more powerful than any logical reasoning can cope with just gets flipped on - and they cheat.

    On average, i would trust more than 2% of women to be faithful, if given the opportunity to be charmed by these guys. Ironically, I would be stronger inclined to trust women who have been cheated ON, because they know how it feels on a deep emotional level.

    Now, as I stated earlier, don't bite my head off. Let's get a healthy discussion going.

    (BWT, if anyone intends to bring out the "Men cheat more than women" - card, the latest statistics I've read puts women slightly in the lead. About 52%...)
     
  2. camchain

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    that's why i stay away now, sod um. better of without.
     
  3. ZOS23xy

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    When I reached a certain age and was comfortable, by and large, of my own self and sense of worth and was finding myself unable to do the kinds of projections you are doing, then I was able to deal with a real relationship.

    You seem to be in a combative and suspicious stance and this is no way to enter any kind of relationship.

    Bite your head off? No, you're doing just fine on your own.
     
  4. Boardwalk

    Boardwalk New Member

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    I think reluctance to enter a relationship is a good thing. A lot of relationships these days (or at least, from what I've seen) get rushed into and the partners don't establish a firm cornerstone of trust and emotional connection. This leads to cheating, arguing, unhappiness, etc. etc.

    Now, as far as trusting your significant other to not cheat on you - I'm a firm believer that if you do everything right and you're still cheated on, then you pick yourself up and you just move on. Many, many people in this world are not worth caring for, and by cheating on you, they show that to you.

    Just gotta keep trying 'til you find one of those 2% you mentioned.
     
  5. lamplight

    lamplight Member

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    Hehe... Yeah, don't I know it. But it's hard to ignore all the examples that get pushed in your face. I even got offered to come over to a FB and let her blow me in front of her friend (who has a boyfriend).

    It just makes me very cynical, and even though I have extremely strong principles on the matter, and have never and would never cheat, I just don't think it is as simple as me "just projecting". I think the whole projection-argument has become an overused catch 22 in psychology.
     
  6. Not_Punny

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    I always thought that men were more likely to cheat or stray. :eek::rolleyes:

    = = = = = = =

    To be honest, OP, you have something called a "limiting belief". As long as that belief is "ruling" your subconscious (as something you EXPECT to happen), then it WILL be what happens to you.

    If I were you, I'd change my beliefs.

    Here's one article about doing that (changing your limiting beliefs).
     
  7. Pirate Wench

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    I hope you find a woman from that 2% group.

    But I also would suggest hanging out with a Different crowd of people.
    Get away from the people who are into that shit.....


    Offhand I think of guys who are capable of stealing GFs , and do it just because they can ...(altho' the lured woman certainly isn't without blame here) ...those guys sound incredibly arrogant, and self-centered and I wonder how they get their heads thru the door frame.
     
  8. B_superlarge

    B_superlarge New Member

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    Men stray more often, but not by much more. It's not as bad as the OP thinks though.
    http://www.lpsg.org/76060-least-one-partner-has-affair.html
     
  9. Not_Punny

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    Interesting.

    If I'm reading them correctly, the stats prove that the MAJORITY of people are faithful.

    So, take heart, OP. :wink:
     
  10. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I'm with Pirate Wench.

    There's no way that you can meet a girl who's not playing the games you are unless you get out of your gaming phase. There are many girls who just want a relationship with one guy, but who are as leery as you are because they're also been hurt. From my limited experience I'd say to just take your time. When you're truly ready for a girl who wants the same things as you, you'll run into her.
     
  11. RamIt

    RamIt Member

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    Like we own the fucking room we are about to walk into, thats how.
     
  12. B_Demention

    B_Demention New Member

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    Just don't get emotionally attached unless you're absolutely sure of her. I mean, there comes a point in any relationship where you realize that it's either blossoming or headed for the grave. Accept that 90% of your relationships will end up in the latter category and will therefore eventually go down the shitter. Devote your time to anything you're involved in but at the same time maintain a healthy aloofness. Because the thing with me is, even if I'm into a girl I'm seeing I still find myself coming off as indifferent at times, and that's because subconsciously I've made the decision to not jump feet first unless I feel "wow - this is the love of my life." So until I genuinely feel that, I will always try to create the situation of her being more interested in me than me in her so that I don't come off as needy or otherwise create situations that facilitate her getting sick of me. In so doing, I try to keep the mystery alive so that I'm not in her face 24/7 which makes it more likely that she'll be the one to call me. If I can get that going, then I know I can keep a productive distance and also push away if need be. That space is critical, because I find women are far less likely to cheat if their man is not in the least oppressive. It's the people that feel trapped and pressured that go there. If you're keeping it light and having fun, she'll always want more. But don't call her your girlfriend from week one, move in with her right away, phone her three times a day, etc. Be a little difficult, challenge her, give her shit when she deserves it. Keep your healthy cynicism going until the weeks turn into months and the months turn into years. Let that timeframe be your judgement period. Only after you've both come out of that unscathed can you safely allow your feelings to develop. As it stands, it seems like there just hasn't been enough substance to keep you and a girl together, so you need to give it a while before you let yourself love.

    In any case, I understand that this probably isn't the perfect way to handle it but it's got me through life okay so far. It's not a surefire way to prevent someone cheating, but at least you can't hurt too badly if you're not fully devoting yourself to someone who hasn't yet proved themselves to you. The world's too full of assholes to be able to trust people at face value anymore. I also don't think any one gender cheats more than the other - it has everything to do with personality and very little to do with what kind of equipment's dangling between your legs.
     
  13. mattyacht

    mattyacht New Member

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    lamplight,

    I can't imagine a woman cheating on you. You sure have what it takes to keep her happy.

    Cheers
     
  14. Mandee

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    Hmm... well, since half the population cheats, I would just assume that the person is going to cheat, and just have some kind of open relationship. lol.

    I really don't know what else to suggest. Sorry.

    But, hey... don't forget about the 48% of us that don't cheat. We may be hard to find, but we're still here.
     
  15. WessexEN

    WessexEN New Member

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    If you look out of the window of a passing train,
    Lamplight, I can imagine how you feel. I am not in the same position, but women can be untrustworthy at time, lure you into a false sense of security and when you have a communication disorder, it makes it so much harder to understand.

    http://www.lpsg.org/1351057-post54.html

    BTW, you are from Oslo? I know a girl who I use to travel with (one of those could be relationship, but I got worried how far she wanted to go, especially a month previously, I was stuck on a train, when I got attacked.), trouble is, she no longer talks to me, so I don't know if that is now her permanent place or if she still lives near me or not.
     
  16. MCA

    MCA Active Member

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    I actually had this happen to me with my longest relationship ever. However, this was the only time (that I know about, at least) that this happened to me. I think communication (and some of the things that people above my post have said) is the key. I really doubt that only 2% of girls wouldn't cheat when approached by a player, though. I've known plenty of girls who think players are pieces of shit by definition. You mighty just either hang with a crowd of really slutty/retarded girls or really slutty/retarded dudes. Maybe both.

    Me, I'm kind of a nerd, also. Some of the girls I've dated are probably already through with dealing with the player-type persona by the time they end up with me. If you really think that 98% of girls have/would cheat with this type of person, that means a huge percentile has already been fucked over by this player percentage (and more will be in the future).

    I think there is definitely something wrong with the way you're looking at relationships and women (I did it too after being fucked over). First, I think your math is off, second, even if it is correct, this is a horrible way to look at the human species as a whole.

    I wish I understood this whole player thing. The guy who got my girl had a pencil for a dick and one of the worst reputations I've ever heard of... still she flipped on me... c'est la vie.
     
  17. D_Prudence_Admonition_Drightits

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    Superlarge- thank you for posting your stats to this page.

    To the OP if the number you quoted 52% is correct (post your sources), then what does that make 48% men???? Those numbers are pretty close.
    Yes, is very easy to flip your question and say I just can't trust men anymore.
    The "player" stuff is absolutely nauseating to me. And if a woman can be easily seduced by something like that, you are better off without her.
     
  18. lamplight

    lamplight Member

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    Yep, I'm with you on this. It's actually similar to the way I have been approaching the problem the last year, and I really have no problem getting into a relationship, or getting the girl interested in me. The one I am currently dating kissed me first, and contacts me a lot more than I do her.

    She's actually roomies with a guy who is quite the player, and she just hates his guts. I guess that's kinda one of the things I like about her.

    So maybe I just need to work on my paranoia. After all, I am young and naive... :rolleyes:

    Hi, I dunno if i feel quite the way you do. I think a lot of times they are not "untrustworthy", but just communicate differently than men. Men are very direct, and go about things logically. I had this problem BIG TIME when I was younger. I tried to get women to spell out EXACTLY what they were feeling for me, pushing for answers and being clingy. This just didn't work. The best way to communicate well with women, and people in general, is through ACTIONS, not WORDS.

    It's kind of a cliché, but still...

    The thing I worry most about is that biological wiring that all evolutionary psychology experts talk about. Survive, Replicate. Survive, Replicate. I want to believe that human consciousness is stronger, but I just don't know...

    What do you mean, you got "Attacked"??

    Well, firstly, I don't think that girls hating players proves much. That's kind of a given. They don't want the players to be players. But they are still attracted to them sexually. At least that's what I've seen.

    I guess maybe the key is to keep the tension tight (in a good way) throughout the whole relationship. Keeping it flirty and filled with sexual tension. But you still have to be able to relax at times. Men need to be able to be weak and vulnerable once in a while too.

    But hey, at least you figured out that penis size isn't the primary thing that creates attraction. That would be a bummer. Then the most well hung guy in the world would get all the women in a huge harem, while we sat frustrated on the outside, "playing" the worlds smallest violin.
     
  19. D_Prudence_Admonition_Drightits

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    "Well, firstly, I don't think that girls hating players proves much. That's kind of a given. They don't want the players to be players. But they are still attracted to them sexually. At least that's what I've seen. "

    Well thank you for calling me a liar. That is what that sentence feels like.
    I am not attracted to players sexually. I don't where you are getting your "sample" quotes from. You must not hang around strong women very much?


     
  20. lamplight

    lamplight Member

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    Well, as I previously stated, I'm young and naive. Hehe...

    But, yeah, the women I know (even the strong ones) tend to hook up with those guys even when they say they're not attracted to them.

    Though, I really want to emphasize that I did NOT mean to call you a liar. I was just stating my own experiences. Maybe I should have made that more clear. :smile:

    And also... These guys who are the so called "players" aren't retard bimbo cocky dudes. Not the ones I'm refering too anyways. They're charismatic, charming, social people, and good at making conversation. They just have a lower ethical standard... Unfortunately, one does not automatically follow the other...
     
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