Just don't get emotionally attached unless you're absolutely sure of her. I mean, there comes a point in any relationship where you realize that it's either blossoming or headed for the grave. Accept that 90% of your relationships will end up in the latter category and will therefore eventually go down the shitter. Devote your time to anything you're involved in but at the same time maintain a healthy aloofness. Because the thing with me is, even if I'm into a girl I'm seeing I still find myself coming off as indifferent at times, and that's because subconsciously I've made the decision to not jump feet first unless I feel "wow - this is the love of my life." So until I genuinely feel that, I will always try to create the situation of her being more interested in me than me in her so that I don't come off as needy or otherwise create situations that facilitate her getting sick of me. In so doing, I try to keep the mystery alive so that I'm not in her face 24/7 which makes it more likely that she'll be the one to call me. If I can get that going, then I know I can keep a productive distance and also push away if need be. That space is critical, because I find women are far less likely to cheat if their man is not in the least oppressive. It's the people that feel trapped and pressured that go there. If you're keeping it light and having fun, she'll always want more. But don't call her your girlfriend from week one, move in with her right away, phone her three times a day, etc. Be a little difficult, challenge her, give her shit when she deserves it. Keep your healthy cynicism going until the weeks turn into months and the months turn into years. Let that timeframe be your judgement period. Only after you've both come out of that unscathed can you safely allow your feelings to develop. As it stands, it seems like there just hasn't been enough substance to keep you and a girl together, so you need to give it a while before you let yourself love.
In any case, I understand that this probably isn't the perfect way to handle it but it's got me through life okay so far. It's not a surefire way to prevent someone cheating, but at least you can't hurt too badly if you're not fully devoting yourself to someone who hasn't yet proved themselves to you. The world's too full of assholes to be able to trust people at face value anymore. I also don't think any one gender cheats more than the other - it has everything to do with personality and very little to do with what kind of equipment's dangling between your legs.
Yep, I'm with you on this. It's actually similar to the way I have been approaching the problem the last year, and I really have no problem getting into a relationship, or getting the girl interested in me. The one I am currently dating kissed me first, and contacts me a lot more than I do her.
She's actually roomies with a guy who is quite the player, and she just hates his guts. I guess that's kinda one of the things I like about her.
So maybe I just need to work on my paranoia. After all, I am young and naive...
Lamplight, I can imagine how you feel. I am not in the same position, but women can be untrustworthy at time, lure you into a false sense of security and when you have a communication disorder, it makes it so much harder to understand.
http://www.lpsg.org/1351057-post54.html
BTW, you are from Oslo? I know a girl who I use to travel with (one of those could be relationship, but I got worried how far she wanted to go, especially a month previously, I was stuck on a train, when I got attacked.), trouble is, she no longer talks to me, so I don't know if that is now her permanent place or if she still lives near me or not.
Hi, I dunno if i feel quite the way you do. I think a lot of times they are not "untrustworthy", but just communicate differently than men. Men are very direct, and go about things logically. I had this problem BIG TIME when I was younger. I tried to get women to spell out EXACTLY what they were feeling for me, pushing for answers and being clingy. This just didn't work. The best way to communicate well with women, and people in general, is through ACTIONS, not WORDS.
It's kind of a cliché, but still...
The thing I worry most about is that biological wiring that all evolutionary psychology experts talk about. Survive, Replicate. Survive, Replicate. I want to believe that human consciousness is stronger, but I just don't know...
What do you mean, you got "Attacked"??
I actually had this happen to me with my longest relationship ever. However, this was the only time (that I know about, at least) that this happened to me. I think communication (and some of the things that people above my post have said) is the key. I really doubt that only 2% of girls wouldn't cheat when approached by a player, though. I've known plenty of girls who think players are pieces of shit by definition. You mighty just either hang with a crowd of really slutty/retarded girls or really slutty/retarded dudes. Maybe both.
Me, I'm kind of a nerd, also. Some of the girls I've dated are probably already through with dealing with the player-type persona by the time they end up with me. If you really think that 98% of girls have/would cheat with this type of person, that means a huge percentile has already been fucked over by this player percentage (and more will be in the future).
I think there is definitely something wrong with the way you're looking at relationships and women (I did it too after being fucked over). First, I think your math is off, second, even if it is correct, this is a horrible way to look at the human species as a whole.
I wish I understood this whole player thing. The guy who got my girl had a pencil for a dick and one of the worst reputations I've ever heard of... still she flipped on me... c'est la vie.
Well, firstly, I don't think that girls hating players proves much. That's kind of a given. They don't want the players to be players. But they are still attracted to them sexually. At least that's what I've seen.
I guess maybe the key is to keep the tension tight (in a good way) throughout the whole relationship. Keeping it flirty and filled with sexual tension. But you still have to be able to relax at times. Men need to be able to be weak and vulnerable once in a while too.
But hey, at least you figured out that penis size isn't the primary thing that creates attraction. That would be a bummer. Then the most well hung guy in the world would get all the women in a huge harem, while we sat frustrated on the outside, "playing" the worlds smallest violin.
