I just don't get it

[db93]

So just to cut the story short. I have been seeing this guy for a while now and most conversations have been quite flirty but somewhat at the same time quite meaningful. we've met up loads for just a quiet drink or to grab a bite to eat etc also he has told me that he wants to get to know me more as he likes me. Then out of the blue when I suggested meeting up recently or just hanging out to get to know him even more, and he has just been completely ignoring me and the conversation has run dry as I always have to be the one to initiate it.So I was fed up one day so told him bluntly that he was boring me, and basically how I felt like the fact that he wasn't really putting much effort in and made me feel a little rejected and there was no point lying about how I feel. his response was sorry I'm busy. The point being that I'm at uni as well as him and have been doing coursework and exams at the same time, yet i still manage to communicate, but conveniently he has all the time in the world to get completely smashed. so I don't know am I being a bit of a psycho ? and just generally confused.

 

[donglover79]

seems like he may have just changed his mind about things. some people don't have the emitional capability to say "sorry i'm just not interested in that any more" and opt for the Ostrich technique. Am not surprised you're a bit confused m8, but as the saying goes - Plenty more fish in the sea! x

 

[Kotchanski]

Could it perhaps be that:

he has stuff going on at home, with his family, other friends?
he's finding coursework more stressful than you are?
he doesn't deal as well with the stresses of every day life as you do?
he wants to back off a little and get a little breathing space to ensure he's making the right decision but you won't leave him alone long enough?


Those are just off the top of my head.

 

[MountainScott]

I have soo been there, too! It's possible the guy wanted to put the brakes on things because maybe he was surprised at how he'd started feeling about you. Sometimes people work that way and just simply shut down if they think their feelings & emotions might begin to surface. That's theory one.

Theory two is perhaps he might be truly swamped and overwhelmed with school stuff. Plenty of people aren't able to multi-task; and that includes finding time for a relationship or friendship. "Work comes first". How often have people unfortunately heard that one in a relationship with someone.

Finally, maybe a bit of a cooling off period would work. How regularly have you guys been hanging out, or simply texting each other? Take a break from it. And we all know how incredibly hard that can be. Then, after a week or so, make contact (assuming you think it's worth pursuing at that point). Keep us posted & good luck.

 

[mattsrod7]

I know I had a lot of time the past few weeks, and its about to get super busy and i'm pretty much going into hibernation. Maybe he doesn't have as much free time anymore.

 

[Wrat]

Maybe you should stop expecting anything from him and move on. He probably has his reasons, and if he doesn't want to communicate them with you then you are better staying at home reading text books and getting good grades.

 

[D_Sal_Manilla]

just move on. some people just like those type of games.

 

[sexplease]

I would have given your post attention sooner, but I was busy. Does that make you feel ignored or phycho?
Of course not. You assumed someones behavior, which may or may not meet your expectations, is self induced and a defeatist behavior. Expecting someone to meet your abilities, needs and desires is unfair to them, but mostly unfair to yourself.
Cut him some slack.
Enjoy the time you spend together.
Some people get their jollies winning sailboat races, some just watching them.

 

[rbkwp]

his response was sorry I'm busy. The point being that I'm at uni as well as him and have been doing coursework and exams at the same time, yet i still manage to communicate


Feel he could make more of an effort, both of you are busy, but your putting time in, as he virtually suggested ... think you should think about speaking Str up with the guy, yes / no, and decide from there.
Dont see any point myself, in his seemingly ' stringing you along '....

 

[MountainScott]

One other thought. Perhaps you're much better than he is at managing your time and your studies. Maybe he's very methodical when he studies and concentrates, or he's just incredibly stressed out about exams. Multi-tasking (and yes, sir, that would include YOU) is just not his thing.

We can only guess how much you feel you have vested in your dealings with the guy. I disagree with the guys who are just telling you to simply cut your losses and magically try to move on to the next person. Things in life aren't quite that easy. Good luck!

 

[db93]

The most awkward moment earlier I bumped into him, he blatantly saw me and he just didn't know where to look, I'm not that bad to look at am I ? plus i was setting off one of the alarms ha ... well personally I fell like fuck him he i clearly not worth my time, but its majorly made me question myself the past few days by thinking I'm not good enough and that's the reason why and I don't need that in my life.

 

[The Dragon]

Are you always this clingy and needy?

 

[donglover79]

Forget about it and move on m8, life's too short to be worrying about this sort of stuff.

 

[helgaleena]

You have your photo up and I can assure you it's not that you have suddenly turned into an ugly person! No, you look just fine, and cheerful too!

This other guy is not handling his stress levels well, and he's going to have to learn how without anyone's help, including yours. Just be polite and distant, and realize that if you are both in the same school you are both going to be around each other for years yet. Anything can happen in that time. Cultivate other friends/hookups until then.

 

[D_PooNaHoe]

Have some pride, move on, never look back. It's a simple formula really.

 

[B_thickjohnny]

No offense, but where did you learn to write? Your sentence structure is deplorable. I hope uni is preparing you for a job where you won't need to write a lot!

 

[bostonguy1]

DB93, I completely understand where you're at. This literally just happened to me in the last couple of weeks or so. We had been out to eat/drinks/hung out a number of times, then the conversation got quiet.. and I got back.. sorry I'm busy. I also confronted him about it and told him that he needed to make more of an effort, which he said that he'd try. Then in the, I'm going to have a conversation which will lead to us never seeing each other again - he said that he thought he was making an effort considering how busy he was, yada, yada, yada.

All in all.. nobody is THAT busy. It means they've found somebody else IMO or just can't get themselves together. I would look at this as a good thing, so you can find somebody better. Get back on the horse!