i like this thread. hope you don't mind if i hijack it and relay MY bad sex story that took place 2 weeks ago. i can't swear it was the absolute worst but it was pretty bad.
so, there is this midget that has been cruising me. (do you say midget or little person?)
anyway, he takes the bus outside my apartment most mornings and i see him on my way to the subway. he's not hot at all but he's really bold about leering at me openly and i give the guy props for being so bold. the notion of having sex with him did intrigue me simply because the thought of it seemed so wrong. and dirty. and therefore kinda hot.
i've been seeing this guy for months but a coupla weeks ago i walk directly up to him and ask him if he wants to come back to my place and suck my cock. he gives me the once over and tells me that he wants more than to just blow me. he wants me to reciprocate. again, i give him props. instead of just saying yes to my bold offer, he ups the ante and secures some play for himself. okay, this might be really dirty i think and i'm kinda turned on as we walk back to my apartment.
when we get there, the guy starts taking off his clothes. unbeknownst to me, he's a hasidic jew and starts taking off the undergarments they wear. he gets naked and it's not a pretty sight. it's like looking a naked version of jerry seinfeld's uncle leo. except in miniature. he's got a tiny dick and suddenly this hot, perverted fantasy of mine has become a unappealing horror show in my apartment.
he lays down on my bed. i try to resolve what's left of the situation. i lie on top of him covering him completely. immediately i get this whiff of him which is musty and old and i immediately think back to the hasidic undergarments lying on the floor in the next room and realize that he has worn them for several days. he wants to kiss me and i oblige but it's bad and now all i can focus on are his bad teeth and the various moles on his body. someone save me, please.
still not content to call it off, i try one more gambit and stick my cock in his mouth. that was the whole point of this, right? to face fuck a midget and blow down his throat. anyway, the guy has a small mouth and tries to start sucking but can't get his mouth around my cock and starts scraping the sides of my cock with his teeth. suddenly, he starts to get bossy. he orders me to start playing with his tits. incredibly, i do instead of stopping this horror show right then and there.
i'm getting a lousy blowjob from a smelly midget who's lying my bed in my apartment and i'm playing with his tits like his bitch. jeez, how did i get here?
this continues for about 30 seconds. i want to end this freakshow now but the words aren't coming out of my mouth. i pull my cock out of his overcrowded mouth and tell him i'm going to get some lube. i figure i'll play with his tits for a coupla minutes and then show him the door. anyway, i get off the bed and go in the next room on my way to get the lube when i look down and see the hasidic underwear and notice a nice large skid mark on his shorts. well, that was all she wrote. i immediately told him that we had to stop. confused, he agreed.
moral of the story (i imagine there are probably several)...sometimes the hot, perverse fantasy you have in your filthy mind, should stay a hot, perverse fantasy. instead of a sad, horrifying reality.
(Comment directly at Nick in a kindly fashion)
