I know/thinK I cheated on my wife! Do i tell her??

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by ripsrips, Jan 28, 2007.

  1. ripsrips

    Verified Gold Member

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    Last night I went out with a male co-worker to a local bar, there we met these 2 hotties (from out of town) at the bar, they both were wearing mini-skirts and they made it a point to show us they were not wearing panties. I wish I could blame the booze but I knew what I was doing the whole time.
    We walked them to there hotel and just as we were walking away my buddy yelled to them how about giving us a show, they of course said sure. So after not much coaxing I agreed to go to there room with my buddy (thinking the whole time this is not a good idea turn around now).
    We got up there and they put on a show for us, my buddy right away got into it and soon he was naked in the middle of them, they kept calling me over to join them and I just stood there finally my buddy says get him over here he's got a big one, the girls tried to pull me in to join them and I pulled back enough so they let me go and this happeneg a few times with the whole time thinking again this is not a good idea. I got tired of this and said what if I just jackoff for you. (I really thought they would stop bothering me) So like school children they kneeled down in front on me and said well lets see you, so not thinking I dropped my pants and began jacking off while my buddy did them doggy. Well I shot my load on there tits and they did not preform oral or anything on me nor I on them(except for cumming on there tits) and ONLY then did they rub my balls.
    I've been married 12 years and I've NEVER done anything EVER, or put myself in a situation like this before.
    I know it wouldn't change anything if I could blame the booze and even then that would be a weak lame excuse.
    I knew the whole time what I was doing and kept listening to that vioce in my head and I ignored it.

    My wife gets back Friday from a week in cabo with her girlfriends.

    Now my questions is do I tell her and ruin 12 married and 15 years total or do I feel like crap and somehow live with it.
    Is it better my wife doesn't know.

    Any imput would help.

    Feeling like shit.
     
  2. arktrucker

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    What are the chances that your wife is going to an all male strip club in Cabo? You're going to feel like shit anyway. Even if you tell her. Your problem right now is your friend and what he might say.
    Here's my solution. Don't tell her. If there is any chance that it will effect the relationship. If this guy, your friend was a friend he wouldn't have put you in this situation. Dump him and get on with life. And keep your dick in your pants.
     
  3. SomeGuyOverThere

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    I allways advocate hounesty and strait forward conversation.

    If you feel that you have to tell your wife, then tell her, don't spare any details and don't try to explain your actions, just tell her what happened from start to finish, appologise and tell her what you feel about the whole incident - if you feel like shit and like you jepordised 15 years of a great relationship for nothing, then tell her.

    She'll probably be upset, but think how much more upset she'll be if she finds out another way? Also, if you can have the courage to tell her, and you find the right words to explain to her how shit you feel about it and how sorry you are without trying to explain your actions away, but just hounestly telling her your regret, I don't know the woman at all, but I think most people would find a new level of respect for you.
     
  4. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    You are gonna get in trouble. She is gonna yell and she is going to be very upset. You still need to tell her, as well as express your true feelings. If you feel like shit, explain to her why you feel bad. She may forgive you.

    Having said that, no amount of drugs or alcohol is an excuse for what you did. You knew you were doing something wrong, but you did it anyways. Yes, it was just you jerking off in front of someone, but you had control. If you came looking for sympathy, you won't find much from me. Having said that, should you step up and be a man... fessing up to your mistake, would make me respect you more than trying to hide what you did.

    I support honesty, as someguyoverthere suggested.

    Best of luck, dude. Plus side, you didn't have sex with her. Your wife may be more forgiving because of that.
     
  5. 11incher

    11incher New Member

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    Say nothing at all just give her a good hard fuck when she gets home.
     
  6. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Get real here... this clearly isn't the answer he is looking for.

    It is really up to you to tell her or not, because like SGOT said, if she finds out from someone else.. your going to be in bigger trouble. Situations like that could get twisted into much worse things. Have a heart to heart with her, and give her, her space, she might be livid with you, but at least you wont live with a guilty conscious.
     
  7. allmale

    allmale Member

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    It's a 50/50 situation here. How large a town do you live in? What are the chances of your wifey finding out? Will your friend say anything to someone you or your wife knows? Even in a large town, it can be a small world.
    I'd tell her and bear the brunt of it, even if she cuts off the sex for a while or makes you life hell. You violated her trust. If she did the same to you, would you trust her completely? Probably not.

    Lastly, I don't think that is a really good "friend" you're hanging around with.
    I know I'd NEVER let a good married friend jepordise his marriage, esp. with kids involved. Stupid.
     
  8. Pye

    Pye
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    Be honest with her...show her what you wrote here...take the beating and beg for forgiveness.

    Your guilt shows that you could never pull off NOT telling her...you'd give it away.
     
  9. justlookin137

    justlookin137 New Member

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    Man even though you didnt much....just based on the act alone u are in a pickle....telling her is up to you b/c you know better than we do how she is going to react....but you REALLY need to drop the dude u hang with....dont see how you can call someone like that a "friend"
     
  10. pseudocognomen

    pseudocognomen New Member

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    If you do tell her, don't make the mistake of trying to minimalize it by offering up the "I only jerked off in front of them" defense. She'll be even more pissed if you try to make excuses. What you did was to violate a bond of trust between you and I'd wager it won't matter to her what degree.

    Good luck!
     
  11. SR_Pepe_LePube

    SR_Pepe_LePube Account Disabled

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    This is very sound advice but if it were me than I would say nothing. You have done something you deeply regret and probably will never repeat so why put yourself through hell.

    We all do things in a loving relationship we later regret move on and remember how much you love your wife and how much she loves you.
     
  12. pseudocognomen

    pseudocognomen New Member

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    I almost suggested that as well but that's just adding deceit on top of deceit. On the other hand, my wife and I went through some tough times due to events that I wish she'd never told me about. He needs to decide if he can live with himself if he doesn't say anything.
     
  13. SR_Pepe_LePube

    SR_Pepe_LePube Account Disabled

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    I think you can be too honest at times and it is often better to refrain from being totally honest if the pain of the truth coming out is going to be devasting. I wish things in my past never came out as it is often better not knowing.
     
  14. 11incher

    11incher New Member

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    Good advice go ahead and tell her,. If you do, you better get used to only jerking off and find a great divorce lawyer. Trust they are not cheap and say bye bye to the house and 1/2 your asssets.

    Tell her nothing and move on with your life.
     
  15. Belly_Dancer

    Belly_Dancer Member

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    I'm going to play the devil's advocate here, and state that I don't think honesty is always the best policy, in every relationship. Below is a quote from an earlier post I made as Chrysalis:

    Now, I know the examples I made in the post of times to leave things unsaid are rather lighthearted, but I believe (and know from experience) that the same can apply in much more serious situations.

    Don't devastate your partner just to absolve your own guilt. Find a way within yourself to admit what you did, resolve the issues that caused it, and move on. If you can do these things without hurting your partner, do.

    That's just my opinion -- take it for what it's worth.
     
  16. Luge

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    Has everybody lost their collective minds in the ivory tower? Of course you don't tell her. Live with your indiscretion by yourself. Why do you have the right to burden her with your foolishness and ruin a 12 year marriage. Bury the incident and bury the shovel. You will hopefully remember this for the remainder of your life. If you don't do anything like this again, you have proven yourself worthy of her love and your silence. If you cannot keep it in your pants when she is not around, then give up on your marriage and go out and be single. Telling her now will only ruin your marriage, her trust and your future. Get a grip and go with the time honored tradition of silent suffering and guilt for a while. Time, and future fidelity, will heal this wound.
     
  17. NJBiMale_27

    NJBiMale_27 Member

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    Holly, the question is....did you fuck the crew foreman?
     
  18. Over 7

    Over 7 Member

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    I'd keep it my pants-er I mean keep quiet. I told my ex about a party BJ and thought it was all over. 6 months later I was divorced, broke, sad for my kid, & trying to rebuild my life. You can't change what happened, but you can influence the future.
     
  19. Mr Ed in Mass

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    Don't tell her. If you want to confess go to a priest! You are already feeling guilty, can you not give it away, acting so depressed and all?
    I always say it's better to tell the truth, but not in these instances.
    Your wife will be terribly hurt and offended, and,what if she gives up all those years you've been together? Definitely not worth telling on yourself!
    Cigarbabe:saevil:
     
  20. ruffboy

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    girls trip to cabo, she and the girls probably had some guy jackoff for them anyway. you didn't fuck those girls, you barely even let them touch you, you're not in love with them, you barely even allowed yourself to be in LUST with them.

    if you're still driven crazy with guilt in a few months, then think of a way to broach the subject, but don't do it on an equally quick non-thought-out manner as you did giving a show.

    you're human, don't make a mistake into the biggest mistake of your life without knowing its worth it, and goofing off like you did doesn't sound to me like its worth it
     
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