I like my best friend...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by JUSTaskME, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. JUSTaskME

    JUSTaskME Member

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    So I think I have feelings for one of my best friends. I've know her since middle school and we were friends back then, but over the past 2-3 years we've become really close. She is rarely ever single. She always seems to go from one guy to the next. I know I don't want to be a rebound for her. She had just dated a guy for about 2 or 3 months and now he is back with his ex. I think she still likes him. She still texts him. I don't know what to do. Do I tell her? Advice? PLEASE!
     
  2. JBisme

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    In your friendship, are you close enough to discuss details of relationships? I have been there, actually I was really good friends with my fiancée' and her brother for years. It was hard to sit back and watch her date others. I approached it as "being there" for her, and in the end she realized I was what she had been seeking. You do not want to to do anything to hurt her or the friendship I am sure. Is your attraction sexual, or is it emotional? You have got to sit back and analyze just where you both are and if you can discuss deep relationship issues with her.

    Keep us posted bro
     
  3. JUSTaskME

    JUSTaskME Member

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    It's definitely an emotional attraction. I think she's very attractive too, but it's more than just sexual attraction. As cliche as it sounds, I feel like she's my other half. And yes, we're close enough to discuss details of relationships. That's awesome that it worked out so well for you and your fiance. You sound like you have been in my situation. Any advice you have would be much appreciated!! Or anybody else with advice? Bring it on!! PLEASE! Thanks!!
     
  4. zujmyhezk86

    zujmyhezk86 New Member

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    JUSTASKME

    I know exactly how you feel. I myself was in love with my best friend. I fell in love the first day i saw her the first day of high school ten years ago. We became friends fast and as you said she was my other half but in my situation where i knew what i wanted she wanted to be free and date. I had never told her how i felt but women know when a man close to them has feeling for them. We are not as good at hiding our emotions as we think we are.

    Now I had told her how i felt twice before. Once at 16 and the other at 19 but she brushed it off. after a while I couldnt pretend like i didn't have feelings for her so I was very open about it but we remained friends. Sometimes we think it will ruin the friendship and make it awkward but the reality of the situation is if you make it awkward then she will be uncomfortable. If you are going to tell her, then tell her keeping in mind that it can go either way but prepare to still be her friend after it. She may not reciprocate your feelings but she will have to accept that that is how you feel.

    My story didnt end well though. after ten years of watching we finally got together when she realized that she was dating and dating and when she really thought about it the only man in her life who had really been there for her through everything was me. It was the happiest day of my life. We were even talking about eloping because we basically knew everything about each other. However my girl was prone to impulsive change and I was the complete opposite. I knew her too well. A relationship between the two of us wasn't in the stars. Sad to say but she is on a new path, one that I could not bring myself to accompany her on.

    The lesson I want you to learn from my story is not that you should be afraid of ruining the friendship but to understand by getting the feeling out in the open it helps you to move forward. I didnt date much in my teenage years because i knew know other girl compared to her in my eyes and it wasnt fair to the other girls but after we went through what we did last year I can move on and start giving other women a chance.

    I hope everything works out for you man
     
  5. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

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    Do you think she'd be texting the guy who went back to his ex if she was hoping it could work out between you and her? I'd like to be optimistic, but girls see things differently to guys. The chances of her hiding it could be slim, and the idea would take some getting used to, thats for sure.

    You can mention it, after so long I doubt it would make it awkward between you two unless you made it awkward yourself if it turns out to be bad news. You never know, she may grow to think of you like that afterwards.

    Good luck. Personally, I think I would tell her. It's not healthy keeping it bottled up.

    @ zujmyhezk, I don't know whether that's sad or happy but that's a very touching story you have there.
     
    #5 _Jonesy, Jan 28, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2011
  6. ChicagoSW

    ChicagoSW Member

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    You may have been locked into the dreaded "friend zone."

    It's hard to get out of there.

    It's probably best that you just talk with her about it - but there's always the chance she could freak out and it would be hard for things to go back to where they were before you admitted to having feelings.

    Don't mean to sound cynical - but i don't want to blow smoke up your ass either.
     
  7. YBNB

    YBNB Member

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    Tell her you like her.

    If she says yes, wahey, party in your pants.
    If she says no, nothing will ever be the same again. But you'll spare yourself additional years of painful unrequited love.
     
  8. killerb

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    totally agree with this^
     
  9. zujmyhezk86

    zujmyhezk86 New Member

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    I actually disagree with this statement. When I first told the girl i was in love with how i felt and she made it clear she didn't feel the same way you just have to man up. Just like you can't help the way you feel she can't help the way she feels. For us it was just a case of acknowledging the Elephant in the room instead of ignoring it. But then again every situation is different.
     
  10. JUSTaskME

    JUSTaskME Member

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    Thanks for all the advice guys. You've given me a lot to think about. I'll let you know how things go once I figure out what I want to do.
     
  11. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    just tell her man, have confidence and tell her you want to take her out and you will treat her better then any of the guys shes been with before, just make sure you arent unsure of yourself because no matter how attractive a guy is, nothing dries a vagina up like insecurity .. only positives can come from this

    if she likes you, then sweet, you're with each other

    if she doesn't, then you move on and you stop wasting time with her

    win - win, and just some advice, never, EVER become friends with a woman you're attracted to because she wont see you as a potential partner, it is very rare that women will go after a guy who have been "best friends" with them for a long time, i recomend you go out and meet new women
     
  12. At.your.cervix

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    I'd tell her about your feelings, but also tell her how concerned you are that doing so might jeopardize the great freindship which you two share. If she says she feels the same way about you (it does happen sometimes you know), then you've opened up a whole new chapter in your relationship. If she says that she feels flattered, but just doesn't have the same feelings, then just tell her that you're still so happy that she's your friend, and just go on as you've been doing. A strong friendship will overcome any short-term awkwardness that your confession might create.
     
  13. DQSundae

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    Ask yourself this, "Why are you friends?". If you are in love with her then put it out there, she is at least your friend and will be sensitive to that and try not to hurt you if she doesn't feel the same way.

    I spent several years in high school being in love with my best friend only to introduce her to my other best friend and watch the two of them date. I was so damn miserable and jealous especially having to hear my best friend tell me how many ways he fucked her. Then I had to pick up the pieces with her after he broke her damn heart. I couldn't tell either of them how I felt. I loved her so much it physically hurt, god it was the most intense feelings i have ever had. It sucked, sucked, sucked! Don't be that guy!

    Tell her and if the answer is no, make a decision to let her go or just be her friend.
     
    #13 DQSundae, Feb 5, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2011
  14. D_Vinny_Velcro

    D_Vinny_Velcro New Member

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    Life's too short man, ask her, trust me, i made the mistake of not asking, and it still hurts to this day, don't do that :)
     
  15. 87chris1987

    87chris1987 New Member

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    get drunk and tell her
     
  16. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Friends are actually the people I am MOST likely to screw.
     
  17. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    wow really? i would say thats very rare in my book .. because once she puts you in the friend zone its game over, maybe i shouldn't disappear on women as much if i feel they "friend zoned" me :rolleyes:
     
  18. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    If you've been bestest buddies since the beginning of time, you're probably in the friend zone. But if you've known each other well for a few months, or not so well for a few years, your chances of sex are high. It depends what role you play too. If you're the support person who is always there for her, your chances are probably not so good. Most women consider their support people to be 'safe' and non-sex people. But if you're just her mate she has drinks with, again the chances of sex are probably high. Being a friend doesn't automatically mean the game is over.
     
  19. RawDog

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    I met my wife 21 years ago and we finally got into a relationship 6 years ago. She confessed to me while we were dating that had I asked her on the night she left L.A. with her fiance 18 years ago to run off with her she would have. She would have dropped everything and moved in with me that very night.

    Had she done that I would never have met, married, and divorced my first wife, I would never have met, married and divorced my second wife. She would've split up from her fiancee and never met, married and divorced her wife (yes, wife).

    Take my advice, fuck the friendship and fuck her brains out in the process. You do not want to spend the next 16 years of your life in a cliched version of "When Harry met Sally" only in real life.

    I always say to myself if my wife and I had gotten together that fateful night back in L.A. we probably would've divorced a few years later because we were too young to be involved and we needed to grow, yada, yada, yada. All the rationalization I could think of went back to one fact that stared me in the face for 15 years...

    We fucked up.
     
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