I Lost 27 Friends To AIDS. Anyone In Same Boat?

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I have nothing against gays, but to me this sounds like taking the risk of driving drunk. And I feel no sympathy at all for those who died while under the influence of alcohol and were behind the wheel at the time of the incident.
 

javyn

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Anyone else here besides me think that Jeremiah Wright was correct in that AIDS was engineered to decimate gay and black populations?

The link between the first outbreaks in NY and Africa and the experimental hepatitis vaccine the CDC pushed on both groups at that same time period is there, no one wants to acknowledge it though.
 
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itsa'it

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I honestly can not even imagine what all of you have been thru.I really wish I had somthing to say or do to help but I dont know what could.
 

basque9

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I don't actually have an accurate count of the number of close friends who died from AIDS, perhaps because it was so traumatic at the time I felt as if everyone I had ever known was dead or dying: I remember now that about 15 friends died in New York, about 10 in Philly, another 10 in D.C. and at least 35 in Baltimore, my hometown.
I had been a top and was fucking bareback in those days topping probably 1/4 of those I knew who died . Almost to a man the guys who died were bottoms and I came to believe that I was immune and was spreading the virus around and was responsible for their deaths! Sometime in the late 80's I decided never to fuck again, but eventually I got tested and did fuck a few more times using a condom....then I essentially did retire from anal until recently. The loss of so many in my life has left a mark like the plague. My life was not destroyed, but it was dramatically scarred and changed forever! The loss is beyond measure!
 
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D_Gunther Snotpole

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Anyone else here besides me think that Jeremiah Wright was correct in that AIDS was engineered to decimate gay and black populations?

The link between the first outbreaks in NY and Africa and the experimental hepatitis vaccine the CDC pushed on both groups at that same time period is there, no one wants to acknowledge it though.

I hope you're not serious.
It's not as though the virus, once introduced into black populations, would stay there.
AIDS was presumably in Africa, in nascent form, for a long time, you know.
The NY outbreak came much later.
 

Capitolhillguy

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I don't actually have an accurate count of the number of close friends who died from AIDS, perhaps because it was so traumatic at the time I felt as if everyone I had ever known was dead or dying: I remember now that about 15 friends died in New York, about 10 in Philly, another 10 in D.C. and at least 35 in Baltimore, my hometown.
I had been a top and was fucking bareback in those days topping probably 1/4 of those I knew who died . Almost to a man the guys who died were bottoms and I came to believe that I was immune and was spreading the virus around and was responsible for their deaths! Sometime in the late 80's I decided never to fuck again, but eventually I got tested and did fuck a few more times using a condom....then I essentially did retire from anal until recently. The loss of so many in my life has left a mark like the plague. My life was not destroyed, but it was dramatically scarred and changed forever! The loss is beyond measure!
Great post and I really can relate. I had laser surgery for a bad case of rectal warts early in the AIDS epidemic and never enjoyed bottoming again. It saved my life. I used to bareback top anybody till a friend of mine who was an exclusive top became positive and I gave that up about a decade ago. Oral sex is delicious and has kept me alive:) Sorry for your many losses and I can totally relate. Capitolhillguy
 

Deno

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I actually don't know anyone that has died of aids but I am not that social in the gay scene and am basically sexually abstinent. As for the last poster I would not assume that you won't catch HIV from oral sex.
 

Bbucko

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EDIT: I hate to sound curmudgeonly, but Capitolhillguy wrote something that I find significant: I, too, have yet to find anyone under 35 who has anything significant to say, except for a few young actors, writers, and "artists" of various stripes that are engaged in cross-cultural investigations about their lives. Maybe I'm just getting too old, but there's no question my generation was much more interesting than those worrying about java scripting and text messaging. Hell, even my old dealer in San Francisco who kept me supplied with marijuana in 1970 spoke fluent French, had a BA in comparative literature and probably could have written a pretty damn good Masters Thesis on Colette.

This was the saddest part of the loss for me. It seems like the plague took all my brilliant friends and left me with little but flatulent bores.
 

Bbucko

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It is possible to contracts HIV from oral sex; more so if you have open sores in your mouth. Even brushing your teeth before oral sex can increase the risk. I learned this at the health clinic while being tested a while back.

It's possible as long as there is no saliva in your mouth and the person being sucked off has a spiking viral load. I don't say never, but the possible transmission scenarios are kind of unlikely.

FWIW, if poz guys (like me) would just learn to serosort exclusively (like me), this would all be academic.
 

midlifebear

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I hope you're not serious.
It's not as though the virus, once introduced into black populations, would stay there.
AIDS was presumably in Africa, in nascent form, for a long time, you know.
The NY outbreak came much later.

Now, Rubi, never say never to a good conspiracy theory. I had the opportunity to sit next to ex Texas Governor John Connally at a luncheon at the Headliners Club in Austin, Texas who by then had long since changed party affiliations from being a mover and shaker most of his life for the Democratic Party (and a Democratic Governor) to a spokesperson for the Republicans. It was 1985 just before Christmas break. After overcoming my uncomfortable "Holy mother of shit, I'm sitting next to John Connally! The guy who sat in the front seat when Kennedy was shot!!" feelings, I asked him about his conversion to the Republican Party, which he answered with reasonable calm, asserting that the Republicans were more a party of change he believed would end the Viet Nam War. And they did. After another round of drinks I broached the Kennedy Assassination, something my Dean had promised me NOT to discuss. Connally seemed just as calm when he coldly looked at me and said, "Let me just say this: Single bullet theory? Fucking bullshit!" and we continued to have a bad lunch of greasy fried catfish and undercooked chicken. He was a very nice guy who agreed that the Headliner's Club needed to change head chefs and the Warren Commission was an excellent exercise in obfuscating reality.

Of special interest, the men's room urinals on the top floor of the Headliner's Club are rather amusing. They face out, along a floor to ceiling glass wall, with a stunning western view of the Texas Hill Country. It creates a very relaxing sense of power as you drain your bladder gazing over a horizon of ancient white and red oak trees.

Just sayin'. :wink:
 
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Meniscus

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I don't engange in anal sex often, but the times that I have, especially when the guy is younger, they act surprised when I bring out a condom. I think this is absolutely insane.

The same thing has happened to me a couple of times. After fucking one such guy with a condom, he then tried to ride me without one. I told him that I'd fuck him again if he wanted, but that I needed to put another condom on. He seemed puzzled and said, "Why, you're not going to come again are you?" as if that made a difference. I think I said, "I might," but what I was really thinking was "What does that have to do with it?"

What has changed? Are young people not getting the same information about safer sex that we got in the late 80s/early 90s?
 

Meniscus

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Capitolhillguy, midlifebear, and husky14620: Thanks very much for your replies to my post.

midlifebear, I am both envious of the life you've lived, and stunned by the magnitude of your loss. I am deeply humbled.

I hate to sound curmudgeonly, but Capitolhillguy wrote something that I find significant: I, too, have yet to find anyone under 35 who has anything significant to say...there's no question my generation was much more interesting than those worrying about java scripting and text messaging.

One of my colleagues mentioned someone we know had a birthday recently, and I said, "Is she 30 yet?" (I knew she wasn't.) My colleague replied, "No, she's only 26." I said, "I'm only interested in people over 30. People don't become interesting until after 30."

Although I perceived myself as a fairly intelligent, responsible adult while in my 20s, something changed after 30. I didn't really start developing a sense of aesthetics until 30.

As I said in my earlier post, I'm concerned about the generation that grew up with the Internet, cell phones, and Ipods. I'm not sure how to concisely articulate my concern. I suppose it's that today's media appeals to the lowest common denominator, and seems to be little more than a barrage of stimulation without meaningful content. Television news programs are among the worst offenders. Maybe I'm overgeneralizing, but it seems that today's young people "socialize" too much via MySpace and Facebook, collecting hundreds or even thousands of "friends" whom they never actually communicate with and with whom they have no meaningful relationship. People meet sexual/romantic partners on Internet dating sites or craigslist. Many of the jobs that are available these days involve using technology create package and repackage content that has no real use or value, creating gadgets to manipulate the content, and creating demand for the new media and it's dumbed down, recycled, mashed-up content. I'm not sure that those who grew up with this media have ever been able to get away from it long enough to immerse themselves in anything deeply enough to develop any real interests or passions--something to pursue, to work at--something that excites, challenges, and motivates them to create something they can share with others, perhaps something that they can give back to the community, something that will inspire someone else. Is there any real sense of community anymore?

Is it any wonder that young people have nothing significant to say? I'm not sure they've ever been exposed to anything of significance, or that they would have noticed it if they had been. Meanwhile the rate of depression rises and many people stuggle in vain against an underlying sense of dissatisfaction, disappointment, and disillusionment.
 

D_Gunther Snotpole

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[Connolly] was a very nice guy who agreed that the Headliner's Club needed to change head chefs and the Warren Commission was an excellent exercise in obfuscating reality.
A nice guy? Good to hear. I often wondered ... Connolly seeming, from a number of reports, to be rather obsessed with a sense of personal power.
But maybe I had that wrong.
Or not ... maybe he was so obsessed, but that was simply no factor when sitting next to a young feller more than willing to lend fascinated-audience support.

Of special interest, the men's room urinals on the top floor of the Headliner's Club are rather amusing. They face out, along a floor to ceiling glass wall, with a stunning western view of the Texas Hill Country. It creates a very relaxing sense of power as you drain your bladder gazing over a horizon of ancient white and red oak trees.
Power indeed.
I'm sure every wide-eyed varmint looking in, knew the extraordinary calibre of your Sheriff's piece.:cool:

Just sayin'. :wink:
But keep talkin'.
Fascinating story, mlb.
Truly.
 

midlifebear

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. . . I often wondered ... Connolly seeming, from a number of reports, to be rather obsessed with a sense of personal power. ---------- But maybe I had that wrong. Or not ... maybe he was so obsessed, but that was simply no factor when sitting next to a young feller more than willing to lend fascinated-audience support.

But keep talkin'.
Fascinating story, mlb.
Truly.

Obsessed with a sense of personal power? Well, duh! He was, after all, a Texan!

Now, about those Canadian UFO sightings Steve Harper has been keeping quiet about . . . . :biggrin1:
 

MarkLondon

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pardon the possible blatant ignorance, I am young... What plague?

Well, if you don't know, you'd better find out fast, if you want to have sex. As the UK government ad campaign of the 80s said - Ignorance = Death. And as Act-Up in the USA said - Silence = Death.

I wasn't ignorant, and I didn't keep silent. I'm alive, but I've but lost friends, carried coffins, and attended far too many funerals in the 90s. There's been a respite this last decade, but it hasn't gone away yet.
 
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Capitolhillguy

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Splitface, up until AZT and the cocktail came out AIDS was a nasty, awful death sentence for many, many people. Now people are living longer and healthier with HIV, but still have the inconvenience of the drugs, the side effects, and the huge cost to the health system. If you didn't live through it you can't imagine it, especially in the large gay centers of the country.
 

Tony7xxx

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In 1985, I started losing friends -- and have lost dozens now -- including my partner in 2005. I have been poz 28 years (since age 22). It is a black cloud; it is a scarlet letter; it is the thing that separates you from others. It is especially hard as you get older and are looking for companionship.

Much love to all of you out there going through the same thing.