I miss my loved ones

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by nakedwally, Feb 18, 2007.

  1. nakedwally

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    Every now and then i start going into deep thoughts about all my loved ones that have passed on especially my grandma and my stepdad i miss them the most and it's never easy especially round the holidays and their birthdays grandma's is coming up soon. I am trying to cope but i don't think i am able to eat anymore Butter Pecan Ice Cream and Godiva Chocolates are not affordable anymore sex used to work but... i dunno any thoughts on how to cope i have lost 12 people in the last 5 years i am afraid to get close to anyone because i might lose em. WALLY L from Arizona
     
  2. Bacchusbigboy

    Bacchusbigboy New Member

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    It is normal to miss our loved ones but we will always have the memories. We feel a sence of loss after they go but we are still here and need to live in the here and now and that means thing risks. I would use sex to forget for as you have found it doesn't work and you may end up assoicating sex with sad feelings

    You may need to see a grief councilor if your grief is affecting you so much. We all need a bit of help even now and then.

    Feel fee to PM me. :hug:
     
  3. GoneA

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    Well, I can tell you that time heals all wounds. I gather that your pain is still 'fresh', but in my experience I can tell you that as time moves on, so will you; your coping abilities will naturally develop, too. It's also good to note that casting the memories of your relatives out of your thoughts, altogether, isn't exactly the goal either. I'm not an expert on this matter, but I'm willing to say that thinking of your deceased loved ones and feeling a bit of sorrow, only from time to time, may actually turn out to be a healthy thing.

    Those are my words of advice at 3:30AM ... I hope they at least scarcely make sense.

    Oh, and by the way, Godiva happens to be overpriced, anyway, so you're probably doing yourself a service rather than a disservice. :wink:
     
  4. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    I find it therapeutic to dwell on my sadness and have a good hard cry. Some people will tell you to try to ignore the feelings you're having but in my own experience it's usually better just to own up to how you feel and let everything run its course, unless you are so depressed it starts adversely affecting your life or relationships over an extended period of time. Then you should probably seek counseling.

    Anyway, fear of loss isn't a good reason to avoid getting close to people. If you were never close to these people you lost, then you would have even more reason to be sad, as you would have missed the opportunity to have them be a significant part of your life. You wouldn't know what you were missing out on, but your ignorance wouldn't change the fact that overall you would be a poorer person for never even once having the thing it is you are mourning the loss of now. As Butters once said, be happy in your sadness, as it is a reminder of the fact that you could feel something really good. In that way, it's a beautiful sadness.
     
  5. agnslz

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    I agree with Gonnie. Time does help ease the pain of loss. However, that pain can manage to manifest itself from time to time just as completely as the day you lost your loved one. As you said, Wally, their birthdays, death anniversaries, or any other special day can bring back the same flood of emotions. Many times, too, little things can bring back the pain. I know that sometimes I can be going on about my business and suddenly have a thought or memory of my dead loved one pop into my mind, and I'll end up in tears. Also, like you, I sometimes sit and think really deep thoughts of my loved ones that have passed and I can go into a slight depression state. I just think of how unreal it seems that they are gone, or how lonely life feels without them. I think it is normal, and is, overall, a healthy part of the grieving and healing process which never really ends. Wally, the last five and a half years have been tough on me, too, as far as losing relatives and loved ones. I keep level-headed by remembering the good times I had with those I've lost, and trying to keep in mind that as long as I have those memories, they will never truly be gone from my life. I hope, if anything, the knowledge that it is like this for others will help you to deal with it all.:hug:
     
  6. nakedwally

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    i want to thank everyone for their loving words and kindness this really helps me a lot. This forum is one of my few really good support systems and i want to thank eveyone for making me feel welcome.WALLY L from Arizona
     
  7. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I can relate. I lost 12 peeps in a 24 month time period. That was a very lonely point in my life. If you pull away, you'll lead an empty lonely life. Don't do it. Reach out to others and get love in return.
     
  8. Shelby

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    stealing truth from "Little Miss Sunshine"

    Fuck a lot of women. Not just one. A lot.

    For real.




     
  9. invisibleman

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    Wally--

    It is hard losing people closest to us. Here are some things that helped me cope.

    1. I cried. Crying, when you need to, helps.
    2. You feel whatever feeling you're supposed to feel and let it run its course.
    3. You may think that I am crazy but I do believe in an afterlife. We lose people on this physical plane to gain them on different yet another plane of existence.
    4. Assimilate those qualities that you liked about your loved ones and eliminate the bad things that weren't their best qualities. Take up some of their interests / hobbies (If you were into whatever they were doing.
    5. Every person you meet here on this earth helps you be the person you shall be in the future. You should never be afraid to meet them.
    6. Remember your loved ones have passed on but you are still living--you can soldier up and live again. Never be afraid to love.
    7. You can never control things on this earth. Do the best you can and with love and respect in always in the equation.
    8. Develop a sense of humor. Never be afraid to make fun of yourself.
    9. Help other people that need your help. People get lonely too.
    10. Nothing is ever certain and promised to us. We get a life. We do what we can with it. We can live it with love or hate. Love is better than hate.
     
  10. Mr. Snakey

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    Its hard for everyone. About 10 years ago i lost a girlfriend who was hit by a car and killed. I never got to say goodbye.... A song i love called Everyone Says hi is about when someone you love dies and its too much to handle, just imagine they are away on a trip and they will be coming back. It sounds silly,but it helped me so much..............
     
  11. Onslow

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    How to deal with loss is a variable for each of us. Some get drunk as skunks(if I'd been drunk when I was born I'd be ignorant of sorrow--thanks Dave Van Ronk. Of course drunk at birth would also mean ignorant of pleasures). Otheres use sex or drugs or music or immersion into work. There is no one way and I have tried many methods all according to where I am in life at the time. October and November are big monthes of loss for me and February is often rough with the memory chips because of all the birthdays--there are 8 of them in the month). Sometimes I go through smooth, other years it is near impossible--it varies.


    As to being afraid of getting close, I figure it's time to toss out quotes which may well apply to your situation

    'Tis better to loved and lost than never to have lost at all...Samuel Butler in 'The Way of All Flesh '(no, it is not a sex manual--it's darned fine reading about some people named Pontifex) anyway he altered (while giving credit as well) the line away from Alfred Lord Tennyson who said. "Tis better to loved and lost than never to have loved at all" Tennyson wrote this after he had lost a close friend (Arthur Hallam). In othere words get out there and take the risk, do not let the fear overwhelm you. Build up a group of people that you associate with and are friends with so in the event of another loss, you will have people to comfort and support you--running aways will just lead to more heartache, that I know from my own past.
     
  12. nakedwally

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    thank you all again for the wonderful thoughts and concerns it really helps a lot, just knowing that someone cares enough to respond to my thread helps me cope a little bit easier. WALLY L from Arizona
     
  13. zgrog2000

    zgrog2000 New Member

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    Hey Wally,

    The good thing is that you remember them. You can never lose your memories, unless you want to. My Dad died last year and I still miss him terribly but I still have great memories of him and nothing can take them away. Death is part of life. Embrace the memories and live your life to the fullest.
     
  14. nakedwally

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    it's getting even rougher I got a phone call from my mother on Sunday morning march 4, 2007 at 830 am and she informed me that my aunt passed away my aunt was an alcoholic and died from alcohol poisoning i am not quite sure how i am feeling right now.I am just depressed, i miss my loved ones so much.
     
  15. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

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    Wally sweetie..I dont even know what to say but i am sorry..i cant imagine loosing so many people. Just keep strong and make sure you show the people you do have as much love as possible.




    And completly inapproperate for this thread ..But i love your gallery and you willingness to let it all habg free

    Your gorgeous inside and out
    :kiss: (and thats got nothing to do with the pics)
     
  16. nakedwally

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    thanx lee i appreciate it....
     
  17. davidjh7

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    I'm sorry, Wally. I DO understand what you are feeling, because I have gone through the same thing. Too many people lost in too short of a time--it overwhelms you. You don;t have time to recover before being hit again. One thing I found always helps, is to think on the best memories and experiences you had with those you love. Share them with us--pick a favorite memory, and tell us about it. That way, they continue to live and influence others, through you, and the very best of them lives on, through you. Know that not everyone is going to leave you in such a short time, but that we all have to live the journey, and part ways when it is the time. In the meantime, know you are loved, and cared about, and that will ALWAYS be true, your whole life! Be good to yourself, and hold on to the best of all those you loved...
     
  18. nakedwally

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    my favorite memory of my aunt was at my mom's 2nd wedding that was the only day in her life she was sober.
     
  19. davidjh7

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    Then hang on to THAT memory...and think about the fun you all had to gether that day. That is who she truly was, not the person you saw drunk.
     
  20. nakedwally

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    i used to love going to church with my grandma she would clap to every song. she was a wonderful grandma
     
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