I need a friend with benefits (FWB)

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by user4321, Sep 5, 2011.

  1. user4321

    user4321 Member

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    I’ll cut right to the chase. Over the last few years I’ve been very unsatisfied sexually at home. I feel that we’ve exhausted all avenues in figuring out the issue and I think it simply comes down to a huge difference in sex drive.

    That said, I have begun to think I need a need a friend with benefits (FWB) on the side. It seems like all I want is occasional, safe fun with another adult who wants the same thing. I’m not about to leave a marriage that is 90% great. But it’s that last 10% that is lacking big time.

    Where do I even begin? I signed up for a free account on AshleyMadison.com and have posted and responded to CraigsList casual encounters ads, but 95% of the women on there are 1) BBW (not into it) or 2) spammers. Socially, I don’t know any attractive women that don’t know both of us.

    Thoughts? Suggestions? Comments? Advice? :confused:
     
  2. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Have you talked to your wife (assuming it's a wife and not a husband) about this? What does she think?
     
  3. dolfette

    Gold Member

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    if you are still sleeping with your partner, you have a moral obligation to tell them. there are diseases that can be transmitted even with correct use of a condom (for example, warts, which can lead to potentially fatal cancers) and condoms are not foolproof.
     
  4. AlteredEgo

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    Maybe your wife wants one too. A few years back, I read a book (on the advice of a friend in her 40s) inwhich it was suggested that one reason middle-aged women may withdraw from sex even though that is supposed to be their sexual prime is not that they don't want sex, but that they want sex with someone else. The book actually said something along the lines of "anyone but you". I have to admit though I'm 31 I have sometimes felt that way about my husband, even though he is hot and very nice to me. My husband and I recdently opened our marriage. It was not an easy place for either of us to get to, but ever since we first started to talk about it, sex has been more frequent, and he has been sooooo loving and affectionate. It is like a whole new relationship. We feel better bonded than ever. Like you, we had a 90% perfect marriage. I just want sex 6-8 times a WEEK, and he wants it 3-4 time a MONTH. That doesn't really work for either of us, because I feel so rejected most of the time, that when he does want to, I can barely muster the desire at first.

    Maybe this would not work for you, but it might be worth discussing frankly.
     
  5. user4321

    user4321 Member

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    @ subgirrl - I have dropped hints in passing, but she usually blows it off as a joke. Or, she'll reject the idea right off the bat.

    @ dolfette - completely agree

    @ alteredego - interesting theory. Or maybe she already has a FWB that I don't know about. Knowing her and her whereabouts, though, I seriously doubt she already has a FWB. I just had an idea. We have a friend in an open marriage and my wife finds him attractive. Perhaps the three of us need to get together soon and discuss. If the idea comes only from me, it'll get shot down, but if I have someone she likes and trusts supporting the idea, it might go over better.
     
  6. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    Don't we all?
     
  7. tanstaafl16

    tanstaafl16 Member

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    This may sound stupid, but what is AshleyMadison.com
     
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