Okay, gripe time.
My friend Robinne and I had dinner and decided to go out for a few drinks afterwards. We decided to hit up 4th Ave. We got to the bar pretty early, had a couple of drinks, and some other colleagues of mine showed up later. We moved over to a booth and continued drinking. I got up and wandered around the bar a bit and started introducing myself to people. I fell in with a few hipsters and we showed our tattooes and just shot the shit. It was great! When the bar closed, Robinne and I were talking to a couple of guys, one of whom was celebrating a birthday. He's finishing his Master's in social work, and when we said that we're working on Ph.D.s in sociology, he was really excited and wanted to pick our brains about the experience so far. We talked about career options and what we're studying, and we agreed to go out for a late night bite to eat to continue the discussion.
It turns out that my new friend Vince lives about a block from me. So, Robinne dropped us off at his place (since he whined first, the fucker). She took his friend Mike home. I was on my way to walk back home when he asked if I wanted him to tag along. I didn't care. So we went back to my apartment and watched an episode of Family Guy. He saw Whitewashing Race and Poor People's Movements on my desk, and I showed him some other books on my shelf. It was after four when he decided to go home, and he said that he had a lot of fun and that he hoped we would hang out. I thanked him and said that I would give him a call tomorrow.
Now, notice that I haven't said anything about hitting on or getting mixed signals or vibes or anything like that. I thought the dude was pretty cool, and I meant it when I said that I would hang out with him again like he asked.
Today comes. A little while ago, I gave him a call to see how he's doing and how he recovered from last night. He said that he drank a lot and that he didn't really remember too much of it. I laughed and said it wasn't a big deal. I filled him on the four of us talking as the bar closed down, grabbing a bite to eat. "I remember that," he said and he remembered "Family Guy" too.
Then the but comes.
"I hope I didn't say anything weird last night." I told him that I couldn't think of anything. Then he said, "I'm straight." Good for you. So am I. Here's your cookie -- and that's when my stomach started to turn. He said that his friend had told him that on the ride back, supposedly, Robinne and I thought that he (Vincent) was gay. Did I? Maybe for a split second, sure; he seemed really eager. I told him that I didn't think he was gay, and even if he were, I didn't care. He's not fucking up my percentages, you know.
I was a little unnerved now, and I said that I didn't get that impression from him. I simply gave him a call because that's what I was asked to do last night. He brought up not remembering too much last night and hating when he drinks like that. He said something about needing a little time, and I said fine and I hung up. It was when I was talking about the situation with Monty online that I got pissed off all over again because, somehow, I did what I was asked to do and now some kid thinks I think he's gay or putting moves or some bullshit like that. Frustrating that it is to try to establish friendships outside of my department, the fact is people can be as educated and get up in years as they want, but it's homophobia like this that complicates things!
I deleted his phone number, and I'm going to pretend last night didn't happen. I'll probably talk to Robinne about it and air some grievances, but again, I'm really disappointed. It's not too often I meet people who are doing similar work than me, and the guy seemed pretty cool, drunk or not. I refuse to take responsibility for any insecurities he might have about his own sexuality, but at the same time, I'm not really one who likes being thrust in weird situations either. It's the kind of thing that makes me realize that being an unconscionable, hardened asshole who misinterprets the least sign of a pat on a back or a fist bump or a compliment about clothing as getting hit on may be a little lonelier for it, but at the very least his motives aren't called into question all the same!
This is a really fucked up situation.
My friend Robinne and I had dinner and decided to go out for a few drinks afterwards. We decided to hit up 4th Ave. We got to the bar pretty early, had a couple of drinks, and some other colleagues of mine showed up later. We moved over to a booth and continued drinking. I got up and wandered around the bar a bit and started introducing myself to people. I fell in with a few hipsters and we showed our tattooes and just shot the shit. It was great! When the bar closed, Robinne and I were talking to a couple of guys, one of whom was celebrating a birthday. He's finishing his Master's in social work, and when we said that we're working on Ph.D.s in sociology, he was really excited and wanted to pick our brains about the experience so far. We talked about career options and what we're studying, and we agreed to go out for a late night bite to eat to continue the discussion.
It turns out that my new friend Vince lives about a block from me. So, Robinne dropped us off at his place (since he whined first, the fucker). She took his friend Mike home. I was on my way to walk back home when he asked if I wanted him to tag along. I didn't care. So we went back to my apartment and watched an episode of Family Guy. He saw Whitewashing Race and Poor People's Movements on my desk, and I showed him some other books on my shelf. It was after four when he decided to go home, and he said that he had a lot of fun and that he hoped we would hang out. I thanked him and said that I would give him a call tomorrow.
Now, notice that I haven't said anything about hitting on or getting mixed signals or vibes or anything like that. I thought the dude was pretty cool, and I meant it when I said that I would hang out with him again like he asked.
Today comes. A little while ago, I gave him a call to see how he's doing and how he recovered from last night. He said that he drank a lot and that he didn't really remember too much of it. I laughed and said it wasn't a big deal. I filled him on the four of us talking as the bar closed down, grabbing a bite to eat. "I remember that," he said and he remembered "Family Guy" too.
Then the but comes.
"I hope I didn't say anything weird last night." I told him that I couldn't think of anything. Then he said, "I'm straight." Good for you. So am I. Here's your cookie -- and that's when my stomach started to turn. He said that his friend had told him that on the ride back, supposedly, Robinne and I thought that he (Vincent) was gay. Did I? Maybe for a split second, sure; he seemed really eager. I told him that I didn't think he was gay, and even if he were, I didn't care. He's not fucking up my percentages, you know.
I was a little unnerved now, and I said that I didn't get that impression from him. I simply gave him a call because that's what I was asked to do last night. He brought up not remembering too much last night and hating when he drinks like that. He said something about needing a little time, and I said fine and I hung up. It was when I was talking about the situation with Monty online that I got pissed off all over again because, somehow, I did what I was asked to do and now some kid thinks I think he's gay or putting moves or some bullshit like that. Frustrating that it is to try to establish friendships outside of my department, the fact is people can be as educated and get up in years as they want, but it's homophobia like this that complicates things!
I deleted his phone number, and I'm going to pretend last night didn't happen. I'll probably talk to Robinne about it and air some grievances, but again, I'm really disappointed. It's not too often I meet people who are doing similar work than me, and the guy seemed pretty cool, drunk or not. I refuse to take responsibility for any insecurities he might have about his own sexuality, but at the same time, I'm not really one who likes being thrust in weird situations either. It's the kind of thing that makes me realize that being an unconscionable, hardened asshole who misinterprets the least sign of a pat on a back or a fist bump or a compliment about clothing as getting hit on may be a little lonelier for it, but at the very least his motives aren't called into question all the same!
This is a really fucked up situation.
It seems that what is wrong with this guy isn't his sexuality. Whatever that may be. It's the fact he drinks too much then forgets what he does and feels the need to pseudo apologize.
