marriedasian
Legendary Member
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2008
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First thing you need to do right now is focus on your family and your family only. It should be at the top of your priority list, period. As a rule of thumb, your child and your wife is the most important and everything else has to be second to that (within rational reason), however since you're in this mess it has to be absolute.
You just have to keep asking yourself when family BS comes up or anything that is affecting your marriage; is taking care of this BS more important or is losing my wife more important? The answer should be obvious.
Do what AlteredEgo said about the love languages. This may very well save your marriage because from what you've said, it seems your wife has already made the decision that she doesn't want to be with you. Yes, she still loves you but is not "in love" with you (this means she's either no longer emotionally attached to you anymore or has chosen to no longer connect with you at an emotional level).
Because she's chosen this, she has also burned down a lot of bridges of communication and relation with you. It's hard to swallow, but at this point it's very possible that anything you say or do will have very little or no value to her. You need to find out what her love language is and just focus on that because that is the only thing that will get across to her.
You can go and buy her those diamonds or cook dinner but if her love language is "Words of Affirmation" then what you just did is MOOT, literally. Of course we all carry the 5 love languages in our head but you need to focus on the top 2 only as these are the two languages that are most valuable to her. If her top one was "Quality Time" and you haven't been spending any time with her then she won't feel love at all because that's how she translates love. I won't go into anymore detail as you need to learn this on your own. Google it...
Keep in mind that depending on how long this has been going on, it may be too late. A lot of people say that it's never too late, but there is such a thing. She may be to the point that she has just had "enough" and that's it. If she's made that choice, then there is nothing you can do because then it's not about love languages anymore. She's completely blocked you out. Anything you say or do has zero value. It's like hanging up the phone; no matter what the other person may be saying if you hang up the phone, you'll never hear it.
It's impossible to give you a solution that will work. There must have been so much that has happened for you to get to where you are now. The breaking point for your marriage could have been at any point in time from the start til now. We can't turn back the hands of time but take some time to recollect on the events that has compounded to result to today. Trace back the steps and try to see where it all started going downhill.
It's going to be hard, very hard, but i feel that if you sincerely give it 110% and truly want your marriage then your chances of saving it will be higher, there's not guarantee you will save it, just that the chances of it happening is higher.
Without knowing the history of your marriage and how it truly got to where it is now, it's not possible to give you proper advice. Please take this as an opinion only as there are a lot of facts that i do not know and therefore not fully qualified to tell you what you should or should not do.
You just have to keep asking yourself when family BS comes up or anything that is affecting your marriage; is taking care of this BS more important or is losing my wife more important? The answer should be obvious.
Do what AlteredEgo said about the love languages. This may very well save your marriage because from what you've said, it seems your wife has already made the decision that she doesn't want to be with you. Yes, she still loves you but is not "in love" with you (this means she's either no longer emotionally attached to you anymore or has chosen to no longer connect with you at an emotional level).
Because she's chosen this, she has also burned down a lot of bridges of communication and relation with you. It's hard to swallow, but at this point it's very possible that anything you say or do will have very little or no value to her. You need to find out what her love language is and just focus on that because that is the only thing that will get across to her.
You can go and buy her those diamonds or cook dinner but if her love language is "Words of Affirmation" then what you just did is MOOT, literally. Of course we all carry the 5 love languages in our head but you need to focus on the top 2 only as these are the two languages that are most valuable to her. If her top one was "Quality Time" and you haven't been spending any time with her then she won't feel love at all because that's how she translates love. I won't go into anymore detail as you need to learn this on your own. Google it...
Keep in mind that depending on how long this has been going on, it may be too late. A lot of people say that it's never too late, but there is such a thing. She may be to the point that she has just had "enough" and that's it. If she's made that choice, then there is nothing you can do because then it's not about love languages anymore. She's completely blocked you out. Anything you say or do has zero value. It's like hanging up the phone; no matter what the other person may be saying if you hang up the phone, you'll never hear it.
It's impossible to give you a solution that will work. There must have been so much that has happened for you to get to where you are now. The breaking point for your marriage could have been at any point in time from the start til now. We can't turn back the hands of time but take some time to recollect on the events that has compounded to result to today. Trace back the steps and try to see where it all started going downhill.
It's going to be hard, very hard, but i feel that if you sincerely give it 110% and truly want your marriage then your chances of saving it will be higher, there's not guarantee you will save it, just that the chances of it happening is higher.
Without knowing the history of your marriage and how it truly got to where it is now, it's not possible to give you proper advice. Please take this as an opinion only as there are a lot of facts that i do not know and therefore not fully qualified to tell you what you should or should not do.
