I need advice on a situation with one of my friends.

Refresh7

Experimental Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2007
Posts
62
Media
0
Likes
4
Points
153
Location
New York,NY
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
Ok so I'm a 20 yr old guy and in the middle of my senior year of high school, my oldest childhood guy friend said he wanted to stop being friends. He said that we didn't like the same things anymore and I was heading nowhere and in a different direction than he was because I didn't really try hard in school. I kept asking where this came from and he said he didn't know but it would just be better that way. :)confused:)

It was horrible for a while as he became best friends with a guy that I hated (and coincidentally fooled around with when we were 13 and only the two of us know to this day) and they would ignore me and say things behind my back. Nevertheless, I ended up opening up to more people and became more popular and social around school and getting better grades than him (ironically).

He eventually apologized and said he was horrible and that he was no longer friends with the other guy. I said I'd try to forgive him but it would always be in the back of my mind. We started becoming genuine friends again a year later...then he started sneaking around with my pregnant friend. And told her not to tell me because he knew I'd be mad, but she always did and I confronted him and he pathetically asked for forgiveness, which I gave him again.

And now, he's fine and just sucks up to me all the time and refers to me as his best friend to everyone, and yet at this time when he's being the nicest he's ever been, I actually just don't want to be friends with him anymore. lol I'm over the drama, but I don't want to stoop to his level and do what he did and just cut him off out of nowhere. So what should I do?
 

D_Rawkesbye Deadheade

Experimental Member
Joined
Aug 12, 2007
Posts
1,195
Media
0
Likes
14
Points
183
I think, as the general wisdom has it: Give a person a second chance, but not a third.

What I think happened is that over the course of time and these events you've lost touch and faith in the man, which is quite natural considering what he had done.

I don't think there's a clear cut between right and wrong in this situation although what I would do is I would put some distance between the two of you and see how that goes. If it works out then keep adding to that distance. It's one of those take a step back to see the big picture kinda thing.
 

Refresh7

Experimental Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2007
Posts
62
Media
0
Likes
4
Points
153
Location
New York,NY
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
Thank you for replying. I see what you're saying. We go to different colleges, so it helps, but he texts me a lot, and is always inviting me to chill at parties now, so I feel at this point, I've come to the point where I can't truly be rid of him from here on out, especially since we're in the same circle of friends.
 

molotovmuffin

Experimental Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2009
Posts
7,449
Media
0
Likes
9
Points
183
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
I think you've out grown your friend or at least you come to realize that it's not worth the drama. I hate drama, when it shows up, I'm out. The easiest way is to start putting distance between you two as stated already. You know, you don't have to answer every text you get.

I'm one of the people who's.... "who"s who" is constantly changing. Every few years I totally renew my perspective and friends list... like a crab shedding it's shell. People come and people go. That said, I don't really do friends, everyone is called that but in truth they're acquaintances.

My best friends NEVER did me wrong in anyway and all of them live in other states and I can count them on one hand.
 

MrMXYZPTLK

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2005
Posts
550
Media
0
Likes
135
Points
263
Age
42
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
People don't change. If they screw you over and you forgive them twice. They'll screw you over all the time because they know you'll forgive them agian
 

nudeyorker

Admired Member
Joined
Nov 6, 2006
Posts
22,742
Media
0
Likes
820
Points
208
Location
NYC/Honolulu
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I would simply rewrite the line he gave you. Just say that you feel that you are moving in different directions in life and have reached an armageddon of sorts in terms of what you have in common and the values that you share.
Take the high road and walk away and cultivate real friendships.
 

Principessa

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2006
Posts
18,660
Media
0
Likes
138
Points
193
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Uhmm, how is it you are 20 and just now a hs senior?:confused:
Ok so I'm a 20 yr old guy and in the middle of my senior year of high school, my oldest childhood guy friend said he wanted to stop being friends. He said that we didn't like the same things anymore and I was heading nowhere and in a different direction than he was because I didn't really try hard in school. I kept asking where this came from and he said he didn't know but it would just be better that way. :)confused:)

It was horrible for a while as he became best friends with a guy that I hated (and coincidentally fooled around with when we were 13 and only the two of us know to this day) and they would ignore me and say things behind my back. Nevertheless, I ended up opening up to more people and became more popular and social around school and getting better grades than him (ironically).

He eventually apologized and said he was horrible and that he was no longer friends with the other guy. I said I'd try to forgive him but it would always be in the back of my mind. We started becoming genuine friends again a year later...then he started sneaking around with my pregnant friend. And told her not to tell me because he knew I'd be mad, but she always did and I confronted him and he pathetically asked for forgiveness, which I gave him again.

And now, he's fine and just sucks up to me all the time and refers to me as his best friend to everyone, and yet at this time when he's being the nicest he's ever been, I actually just don't want to be friends with him anymore. lol I'm over the drama, but I don't want to stoop to his level and do what he did and just cut him off out of nowhere. So what should I do?
 

B_aussie8in

Experimental Member
Joined
May 18, 2009
Posts
81
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
93
Location
australia
Ok so I'm a 20 yr old guy and in the middle of my senior year of high school, my oldest childhood guy friend said he wanted to stop being friends. He said that we didn't like the same things anymore and I was heading nowhere and in a different direction than he was because I didn't really try hard in school. I kept asking where this came from and he said he didn't know but it would just be better that way. :)confused:)

It was horrible for a while as he became best friends with a guy that I hated (and coincidentally fooled around with when we were 13 and only the two of us know to this day) and they would ignore me and say things behind my back. Nevertheless, I ended up opening up to more people and became more popular and social around school and getting better grades than him (ironically).

He eventually apologized and said he was horrible and that he was no longer friends with the other guy. I said I'd try to forgive him but it would always be in the back of my mind. We started becoming genuine friends again a year later...then he started sneaking around with my pregnant friend. And told her not to tell me because he knew I'd be mad, but she always did and I confronted him and he pathetically asked for forgiveness, which I gave him again.

And now, he's fine and just sucks up to me all the time and refers to me as his best friend to everyone, and yet at this time when he's being the nicest he's ever been, I actually just don't want to be friends with him anymore. lol I'm over the drama, but I don't want to stoop to his level and do what he did and just cut him off out of nowhere. So what should I do?

he sounds like a male heterosexual version of the blonde chick in 'obsessed(youtube the trailer). he sounds like a toxic friend who is trying to social climb but lack the social skills to climb a staircase let alone social classes. You need to ditch his ass, phase him out of your life. See less and less of him and stop forgiving him. If you don't he is going to sabotage your life.

P.s. sorry for bad grammar and spelling.
 

sab84

Experimental Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2009
Posts
113
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
163
Location
NorCal
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
My two cents... tricked me once shame on you... tricked me twice.. shame on me...

As you mentioned, you can't get rid of him altogether... then slowly reduce you relationship with him... cut him out of your life... reduce your text/calls/FB/myspace to him.... expand your friend circle and hang out with others... move him from best friend to friend and then slowly to an acquaintance... Anyways.. in few months you could as well move to another city for college or something.... and then it would be much easier...
and to know if he truly is your friend and if he cares at all about you.... then you have to wait for someday when you need a best friend desperately.. and see if he fills in those shoes or not... (the real self of people rarely change.. they can only suppress or control who they really are)
 

sexplease

Cherished Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Posts
1,706
Media
5
Likes
257
Points
303
Location
Santa Monica (California, United States)
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
What should you do?
Enjoy the time you have to spend together.
Peoples paths in life sometimes cross and sometimes run parallel.
My preference with people is to walk side-by-side taking turns leading, for how ever long it is, that we enjoy each others company.