After two years of chatting with a guy who identified as “straight-curious” on a dating site, I finally decided to meet him in person. We kissed and had sex on our first date — and ever since (almost 3 years now), we’ve been seeing each other weekly without interruption.
When we met, he was ending a 10-year relationship with a woman. According to him, I was the first (and only) man he has ever kissed or slept with — which honestly doesn’t matter to me at all.
The truth is, I’ve had some truly amazing years by his side. I’ve learned about companionship, care, responsibility… He’s the kind of person who makes me feel like the most important man in the world.
But… he still struggles with his sexuality and the idea of coming out — something I understood in the beginning, but now it feels like he’s gotten too comfortable in this situation. It feels stagnant.
He did tell a few close friends and his mom that he’s seeing a man, and I’ve met them all. But I come from a very privileged background where I’ve always had full support from my family and never had to hide my sexuality at work or university.
He, on the other hand, is extremely worried about what others might say and even fears losing his job because of it. He’s convinced that if his father finds out, he’ll stop speaking to him. While I do understand his fears, I no longer have the patience for all this drama.
When we travel to another city or state, he acts as if he’s fully out — he holds my hand in public, takes photos with me, and loves exploring places and restaurants. But when we’re back in our hometown, all our dates are indoors. Going to the movies is something I have to push hard for.
As much as I love him — and I’ve never had anything like this in previous relationships — I’m afraid I’m losing parts of myself because of his limitations.
He’s met my family and a few of my friends. My relatives love him, but they do express sadness that I’m with someone still stuck in this personal conflict.
When it comes to my friends, he gets along well with my coworkers. But with my longtime gay friends, it’s different — he either avoids going to events or, when he does show up, he barely interacts and stays quiet. That really bothers me.
Lastly, there’s the sex. I don’t have a high libido, but lately, even our sex life has been bothering me. He takes a very passive role — we’re both versatile, but during sex, he spends the whole time asking me questions like: “Why are you so hot?”, “What do you want me to do?”, “Is this good?”
It turns me off. I’ve talked to him about it twice, but after a while, he goes back to the same behavior. I feel like instead of doing what he wants, he’s constantly focused on what I want — and that ruins the vibe.
What would you do in my shoes? Is it worth waiting for him to feel safe enough to come out and live a freer, more open life? Or have I already waited too long?
I should say we almost never fight. There’s no jealousy or silly games between us. Whenever I want to go out with my friends or to a party, he’s always supportive and encouraging.
And one thing I also take into account is that we share the same lifestyle. We both have stable jobs that allow us to travel on holidays and take nice vacations together — and that means a lot to me. It’s really valuable to have someone who can afford to experience those things with me, without me having to carry all the costs on my own.
When we met, he was ending a 10-year relationship with a woman. According to him, I was the first (and only) man he has ever kissed or slept with — which honestly doesn’t matter to me at all.
The truth is, I’ve had some truly amazing years by his side. I’ve learned about companionship, care, responsibility… He’s the kind of person who makes me feel like the most important man in the world.
But… he still struggles with his sexuality and the idea of coming out — something I understood in the beginning, but now it feels like he’s gotten too comfortable in this situation. It feels stagnant.
He did tell a few close friends and his mom that he’s seeing a man, and I’ve met them all. But I come from a very privileged background where I’ve always had full support from my family and never had to hide my sexuality at work or university.
He, on the other hand, is extremely worried about what others might say and even fears losing his job because of it. He’s convinced that if his father finds out, he’ll stop speaking to him. While I do understand his fears, I no longer have the patience for all this drama.
When we travel to another city or state, he acts as if he’s fully out — he holds my hand in public, takes photos with me, and loves exploring places and restaurants. But when we’re back in our hometown, all our dates are indoors. Going to the movies is something I have to push hard for.
As much as I love him — and I’ve never had anything like this in previous relationships — I’m afraid I’m losing parts of myself because of his limitations.
He’s met my family and a few of my friends. My relatives love him, but they do express sadness that I’m with someone still stuck in this personal conflict.
When it comes to my friends, he gets along well with my coworkers. But with my longtime gay friends, it’s different — he either avoids going to events or, when he does show up, he barely interacts and stays quiet. That really bothers me.
Lastly, there’s the sex. I don’t have a high libido, but lately, even our sex life has been bothering me. He takes a very passive role — we’re both versatile, but during sex, he spends the whole time asking me questions like: “Why are you so hot?”, “What do you want me to do?”, “Is this good?”
It turns me off. I’ve talked to him about it twice, but after a while, he goes back to the same behavior. I feel like instead of doing what he wants, he’s constantly focused on what I want — and that ruins the vibe.
What would you do in my shoes? Is it worth waiting for him to feel safe enough to come out and live a freer, more open life? Or have I already waited too long?
I should say we almost never fight. There’s no jealousy or silly games between us. Whenever I want to go out with my friends or to a party, he’s always supportive and encouraging.
And one thing I also take into account is that we share the same lifestyle. We both have stable jobs that allow us to travel on holidays and take nice vacations together — and that means a lot to me. It’s really valuable to have someone who can afford to experience those things with me, without me having to carry all the costs on my own.
