I need advice please!

[FunLovin.1]

Hiya. Im new here but im sure there has to be someone who has or has had the same problem as me.

I had a resonably long relationship for 3 years which ended earlier this year. Since then i have not been with anyone else because i am too scared. I was sick recently and he was there for me and we have started to get feelings for each other again. We have already slept with each other a few times again. Im at his house now but im not sure if i should let it continue.

The perks are he treats me well, I have access to a computer, He makes me feel good and hes good in bed Lol.

The bad things are that we fight alot (Not hitting each other) but just exchanging words.

Any advice please?

 

[B_Think_Kink]

See a relationship councilor? No offense, but they really work wonders.

 

[FunLovin.1]

See a relationship councilor? No offense, but they really work wonders.

No offense taken :smile:. I never really thought about seeing someone about it. I will have to do some research to find one, and preferably one thats free Lol.

Thank you

 

[arktrucker]

So was it the arguing that broke you up before or something else? Because, if it was the arguing... it will still be there.

You've gone to bed with him because he's familiar, you knew what to expect. Unless there's been a miracle, it's going to be the same. You really need to grow some and move on. Explore and find another.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

The problems you had before are still there, when you're not well and someone's being your love slave it's easy to fall back into love, but when you're all better your problems will re-surface unless you resolve them.

 

[FunLovin.1]

So was it the arguing that broke you up before or something else? Because, if it was the arguing... it will still be there.

You've gone to bed with him because he's familiar, you knew what to expect. Unless there's been a miracle, it's going to be the same. You really need to grow some and move on. Explore and find another.

We had split up because i was originally moving back to Spain. But in the end that plan was scrapped and i stayed here. I actually enjoyed the fights because i always won and it made me feel good, like sort of domineering

I guess its because i feel safe with him. Before i tie myself to him i guess i should explore others

The problems you had before are still there, when you're not well and someone's being your love slave it's easy to fall back into love, but when you're all better your problems will re-surface unless you resolve them.

My mum told me the exact same thing! Lol. There is one problem that will be with us forever but i dont want to say it on here.

 

[TheRob]

I dunno
I'm not a woman but if he's nice to you and makes you feel safe
I'm nto sure entirely what you are after
arguing with someone is a sign of love
it truely is
think about it, do you agrue with people you don't give a damn about
I'm not saying arguing is better then getting along
but if you verbally fight it means you care for each other
just kinda need to look at the ratio or % of time spent 'fighting'

 

[B_Think_Kink]

No offense taken :smile:. I never really thought about seeing someone about it. I will have to do some research to find one, and preferably one thats free Lol.

Thank you

I'm guessing you live in the states then. Hrm... I'm not even sure how the system down there works, so I'm not sure what to suggest.

 

[FunLovin.1]

I'm guessing you live in the states then. Hrm... I'm not even sure how the system down there works, so I'm not sure what to suggest.

No i live in the Uk (I wish i lived somewhere else), the strange thing is i have never heard of any in my area

 

[B_andyo]

I dont like to argue at all...

I am very very calm... when you reach the top of the line, u lost ")

 

[Zoeappeal]

You've gone to bed with him because he's familiar, you knew what to expect. Unless there's been a miracle, it's going to be the same. You really need to grow some and move on. Explore and find another.

I agree with Arktrucker. I went through the same thing a few years back. We ended up going our separate ways after 2 and a half years of trying to make things work out. We'd fight like crazy...but we always made up- and the sex was awesome..simply cause I knew what the sex would be like. We broke up once and things were great...but when we got back together things fell apart. I figure we're better off being friends. I still talk to him and we get a long...just we know that being together isn't the best thing for either of us. Sometimes people get a long really great together as friends, but personality-wise a relationship beyond friendship isn't the best thing.

 

[Jovial]

My observation is that people argue to relieve stress. Bad habit, but true.

I've also seen a few relationships where the woman starts arguments when the man doesn't give her attention. She would rather interact in an argument than just be ignored.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Ultimately you already know in your heart what you want to do.

My advice.. get out of the 'relationship', he can only be your knight in shining amour for so long before you are well again and need someone to love, not just someone to support you emotionally. As for the perks of the computer etc, they shouldn't even factor into your decision

 

[mattyacht]

The fact that you mentioned you have access to a computer somewhat implies that you may be a kept woman. If that is the case, concentrate on being able to support yourself instead of being a prevailing material girl.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

No i live in the Uk (I wish i lived somewhere else), the strange thing is i have never heard of any in my area

Ah lucky then... I'm not quite sure where you can find one.. but it increases your chance of finding a free one. Check out a phone book directory pages.

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

Want Advice? - Counselling by phone

EDIT: £45 a call!?!

Just look for better, healthier things to make you feel good rather than fighting. Something with a dolphin shaped attachment perhaps.

 

[huw ginnit]

Having access to a computer doesn't make you a kept woman, it could mean that you DON'T have a computer, or easier access to one, it moans nothing else... Kept women generally have more than a computer to "keep them interested", I'm thinking clothing, cars, jewels etc.... (Wow some people's ideas!)

The arguments, might be circumstantial, in which I mean they are driven by your dissatisfaction; I gather you aren't very happy living in the UK and if plans you are making are falling through, I wonder if there aren't bigger issues other than the state of a relationship.

Arguing might be great for two people who enjoy that kind of tension, and who know the situation is strong, I don't think that is the case for you. It could be that if your circumstances were better, happy in home; settled more, the reason to argue might dissappear; they might not, but at least those problems aren't causing them to occur.

Only you know how the situation stands; can you take it any more, if so until what point? Are the arguments forgotton once the row is over or do you both brood over what's been said. Are you arguing because or things said or done... I'm trying to see whether the cause of the situation is outside the relationship or inside... it could be that you rub each other up the wrong way or you aren't communicating clearly what you need from him and what you are prepared to accept.

As for going back to someone, I have found from experience it rarely works. Comfort, ease, familiarity, proximity is never a reason to sleep with a person...

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

You're 19, go out with your friends, have a good time. Buy shoes

 

[Not_Punny]

We had split up because i was originally moving back to Spain. But in the end that plan was scrapped and i stayed here. I actually enjoyed the fights because i always won and it made me feel good, like sort of domineering....

If domineering makes you feel good, you could have a sexual liking for being dominant. Or, you could have bad stuff or bad people in your past that you are trying to overcome.

Either way, explore and get to know yourself.

And relax! You don't have to make a "lifetime decision" about this relationship. Divorce rates are lower when women marry AFTER they finish their education and know what they want out of life.

Just be very, very careful about birth control.

 

[B_New End]

I actually enjoyed the fights because i always won and it made me feel good, like sort of domineering

Tsk tsk

You cannot win a fight in a relationship. And you certainly cannot always win.

You may win the battles, but you will lose the war. (sounds like you already have)