I don't know if I didn't express myself well or what
but my problem isn't with them borrowing the money
my problem is with the fact that I'm trying to determine if I'm being manipulated or just being paranoid
I think you are almost certainly being manipulated.
And I would suggest that you , yourself, are manipulating, as well.
You lent them money before... and afterward, they treated you like they felt resentment...
This is understandable... just because someone else knows you will lend them money does not mean that borrowing from you makes them feel comfortable with you.
They are incurring a debt, and I am not referring, here, to the cash.
There is a psychological transfer along with the monetary one... They are admitting to you that they are unable to handle their finances.... and you are proving to them that you handle yours better ( earn more, hold a job better, or perhaps just live within your means )
In borrowing money they are lowering their social status relative to you. The one who needs help as contrasted to the one who can afford to offer help.
It is natural that someone who has borrowed money from you will avoid you, as you are a reminder of their failure.
And, if they should need to borrow money again, it is also natural that they try and re-connect with you. They are aware that they have avoided you, that they feel compromised by your generosity, and they feel guilty about this. Despite having paid you back, They feel that they OWE you a certain expression of friendship and affinity in return for the friendship and affinity you showed them in lending them the money.
This is the trap of charity. The person who does the giving is the person who benefits. You get the feeling of being helpful, generous, trusting, and successful.
They get a money problem solved... but at the expense of feeling needy and dependent and less able.
And here is where your manipulation comes in. You FELT that they had pulled away from you after the previous loan. And that bothered you... because on a very subtle level, you felt you were owed their friendship and affinity.
And now that they are buttering you up for another loan, you feel that their friendship and affinity is not genuine, so it bothers you even more.
But you are the one who chose to alter the relationship. As long as You are the one who can afford to give, and they are the ones who have their hat in hand, you are no longer PEERS.
Try to have compassion for what borrowing from you COSTS them. Understand that it is a complication in your relationship.
I am not saying that you can not be generous and offer to help your friends...
I am saying that is that relationship of exchange in only ONE WAY.... beneficence flowing From you To them.... then you are no longer their equal, you are making yourself their patron. And that is the root of the word "Patronizing".
The best remedy is for you to realize that the real gift is the opportunity to be giving. Recognize that when you do a favor for a friend... you create an inequity in obligation.
You can eliminate that inequity only by asking a favor of them... allowing them to come to your rescue in some small regard.
Allow them to have that feeling that they were able to be there for you, when you needed it, and that awkwardness between you will vanish.
Recognize that the debt is not eliminated when the money ledger is even.
It is eliminate when they can feel that they have something to offer that is as helpful to you, as was your generosity to them.
The psychic books must balance, even moreso than the bank accounts.