I need advice

[Fattycakes78]

Hello everyone. I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. My girlfriend is interested in being dominated by me. I am not the submisive type so naturally this works out in my favor. The problem is, I have never done this before and i dont know where to start. I mean the idea I have in my head goes something like this.

Maybe i tie her hands, put a blind fold on her.

then dialogue,
... but i just dont know what i should say or how i should act.
Should i make her call me Master? Tell her to "suck my cock." I know that I probably want to start slow, I just dont really know what kind of dialogue I should be shooting for. Do I need to talk dirty? I mean like "your a whore, suck it now!" Or should i be shooting for classier moves? I mean I have alot of respect for her, so the idea of me calling her a whore and treating her as one sort of bothers me, but I guess in sexplay, thats all it is ,play. Should i be forcefull, like using the mass and bulk of my body to direct her body into certain position? I know that everyone is different, but If maybe I could get some ideas, or better yet, things that really get you worked up if your a sub, that would be good. Anyways, i appreciate any and all replies.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I think you should ask her. There are very different ways to dominate someone. I like being dominated, but not too much. If a guy calls me a name, then it's over right then and there.

 

[Fattycakes78]

I have asked her, she doesnt really know how to respond. I agree, I dont think I want to call her names, because thats just not me. I think she is afraid to tell me what she really wants me to do, either because she is embarassed or because she feels "if I have to tell you then whats the point." Thats why I wanted to know what works for others, that way I could try different things on her, and figure out what works by her reactions. I know she likes to be tickled. Anyways, Im sure ill figure it out, but any suggestions are appreciated.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

It really is hard to answer because everyone has a different idea of whates to much and whats not enough.

Personally i dont like to be tied up. I like to be underneath or in a position where he is physically holding me down and restraining me. Also i find if im being dominated then it is rough and i need my hands to hold myself up or still.

I like to be 'told' what to do but i dont like to be forced. Being skull fucked makes me feel cheap and used and im no fan of that.

With out her knowing buy yourself so toys and things to suprise her. Dosent have to be extreme (whips) but scalves, feathers, candles (hot wax) etc.

The main thing to remember is your trying to dominate not humiliate. For example Some women dont like being called a whore no matter the situation. Know and respect her limits

 

[faceking]

I have asked her, she doesnt really know how to respond. I agree, I dont think I want to call her names, because thats just not me. I think she is afraid to tell me what she really wants me to do, either because she is embarassed or because she feels "if I have to tell you then whats the point." Thats why I wanted to know what works for others, that way I could try different things on her, and figure ouinit what works by her reactions. I know she likes to be tickled. Anyways, Im sure ill figure it out, but any suggestions are appreciated.

Sounds like everything is still kinda vague, and up in the air.


My initial advice, is don't put too much stress on the first time you try it. Seriously. It'll be much better, and more enticing for the second time, when the two of you follow up with "I'd like it when...", or "I wish you did more of...". You kinda know her at least, so start, in 1st gear, and try 2nd gear. And don't force it. Maybe a little surprise attack is in order... either a complete ambush, or when it's supposed to happen, act like it's business as usual, then turn on a dime. Personally, I think the ambush is in order....

 

[faceking]

It really is hard to answer because everyone has a different idea of whates to much and whats not enough.

Personally i dont like to be tied up. I like to be underneath or in a position where he is physically holding me down and restraining me. Also i find if im being dominated then it is rough and i need my hands to hold myself up or still.

I like to be 'told' what to do but i dont like to be forced. Being skull fucked makes me feel cheap and used and im no fan of that.

With out her knowing buy yourself so toys and things to suprise her. Dosent have to be extreme (whips) but scalves, feathers, candles (hot wax) etc.

The main thing to remember is your trying to dominate not humiliate. For example Some women dont like being called a whore no matter the situation. Know and respect her limits

Concur... maybe a reminder of what she likes (nudge-nudge-wink-wink).

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Also i think a good tip which i had used on me is if you are unsure how far to go with the dirty talk keep asking her. Dont just call her a dirty whore ask her what she is and she will say either "im a bad girl" or "Im your dirty whore" etc.

It makes it easy for you to find her limits and allows her to find 'names' that she is comfortable being called, and then you can add a little extra to her words if you think she can handle it

 

[dongalong]

Watch some Rocco Siffredi porno movies!
You can choose whether the spitting and choking are approriate!

 

[SoLowHung]

First off, I have to say that you not being submissive does not make you dominant. There is a large difference. DO not ever forget that.

Second, dominance does not put you on a higher ground than a submissive. You are not dominant without her.

Third, either it is in your blood or you need to train yourself to become dominant. The former is obviously an easier path than the latter but natural dominance without communication can often be a LARGE hinderance and end up ruining an otherwise amazing connection. Ego does not equal domance.

Fourth, ask her if she needs you to learn through acting or learn through discussion. If she wants you to learn through acting then you are on your own and I recommend lots of research then, depending on your comfort level - which should be decently high before trying to use impliments (ropes, strikers, strong hands) - finding a local group that has other dominants you can learn from. If she wants to learn through discussion then start off slow, ask a lot of questions to guide her into a path that you are both comfortable with without beating (huhuh) it to death.

Fifth, you know what it feals like to be teased, to anticipate, to be lead on slowly with a comfort level that pulls you by the loins, right? If so then remember that and treat her with it in mind. Too far too fast will leave a bad taste in her mouth.

Be confident in your actions and words. Proceed at your own pace. Check in with her mind without cooing. Mistakes will be made; how you deal with them will dictate how far she will go.

One question...Does she want to please you?

 

[Fattycakes78]

Groovy, thanks for all the good advice. I like the distinction between domination and humiliationt that you made Lee, that struck me as very important, because neither I nor her want humiliation. I have a good idea of whats going to go down now, and as always communication is the key. I appreciate all of the replies because they allowed me to get feedback and made me realize things that i would not have. I like your idea of the ambush Face. I might try that.

 

[B_hungnate]

I have asked her, she doesnt really know how to respond. I agree, I dont think I want to call her names, because thats just not me. I think she is afraid to tell me what she really wants me to do, either because she is embarassed or because she feels "if I have to tell you then whats the point." Thats why I wanted to know what works for others, that way I could try different things on her, and figure out what works by her reactions. I know she likes to be tickled. Anyways, Im sure ill figure it out, but any suggestions are appreciated.

I'm not into all that hardcore domination stuff. That's stuff is weird. Like the ladies here say there's different kinds of domination, like sometimes depending on who I'm with I'll hold her down or whatever, I dig being dominant that way. You just gotta know what she's into so or else just try stuff like holding her down and she if she likes it and go from there.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Sorry if this is a repeatI only glanced at the replies - I like to be restrained sometimes during sex but I also occasionally freak out in this situation. 2 bits of advice if you are trying bondage as part of this.

1. leave the bonds loose enough that she can get out if she needs to - we use leather and chain type cuffs and all of our stuff has a weak link so I can break it if I start freaking (we've found this to be the least distressing way to do it), Basically the chains are strong enough to hold my wrist/ankles/neck and to strain against - but if I use my full strength they break (and are easily fixed).

2. the infamous 'safe word' - sounds a bit silly but make sure there is a word that you both know means stop - she might want to ssay 'no' or 'stop' as part of her fantasy - so pick an unassociated word (any word - spaghetti / oranges / crankshaft [unless you plan to use props :biggrin1: ]) so you can't but know when she's stopped liking it

And - as everyone has said - discuss it first - ask her - maybe she has a specific fantasy or just wants to see what you want to do.

 

[jeff black]

Yah, it's really simple.

I'd keep it basic.

1) lay her down and blindfold her or just tie her arms up.
2) tell her you are gonna work her into a lustful frenzy
3) tease the shit out of her, (touching her in all the right places, whisper, use ice around the nipples, lick and suck etc...
4) give her the complete feeling of not being in control
5) start fucking her hard and deep.

 

[james123]

hey,
This is james's girlfriend. I say, just be really forcefull but still really gentle. Let her know that you love her but you still want to control her. Tease her too...kissing the neck is sorely forgotten, but OMG...it is sooo important. It drives me insane. Anyways, push her against the wall and put your hands around hers and just kinda take control..and dont call her any bad names, but you can call her a dirty and bad girl...make sure you tease her a lot..that makes her feel completley in your control...
James's girlfriend

 

[highlander4life]

I agree with previous replies to this post. In case you want to learn more, be creative and have a better imagination then read some of the stories from Literotica Free Adult Community - Erotic Story and Picture Index . Lots of good stuff there.

 

[Pejfea]

u lucky lucky bastard

 

[Fattycakes78]

you guys are the best. i love this place. thx for all the good advice, im gonnna try it this weekend, ill let you all know how it went if you want.