Hello guys, so i need different perspectives on a relationship dilemma that I'm having issues navigating. I have limited experience is dating so pardon me i sound naive. It's going to be a lengthy post so i apologise in advance
I'm 23 years old, currently living in a homophobic country so the dating pool is really small. I realised sooner in life that the Modern styles of dating like hook ups / friends with benefits or one night stands aren't the thing for me because of 2 reasons; first, I don't really enjoy sexual activity with people i dont have feelings for and secondly, it always seems to end up in a messy situationship. I've already had 2 messy situationships and they have been tiring. I have never had a boyfriend and i really want to experience that so i decided that even though I'm younger and I'm supposed to be dating and having fun, i want something more stable and committed because it seems like that is what is ideal for me.
Is 2021 while on a program, I met a guy under very messy circumstances,( he used to hook up with a friend of mine and when it fizzled out he kinda quickly moved on to me which i think is a red flag tbh ).
Honestly, i dont know if it is because at the moment i am really wanting for a relationship or if i actually developed feelings for him because we are actually quite compatible in very many aspects, like we just "fit" and he is caring towards me and has virtually everything i'd want in a partner but after about a month of "just talking" , I told him i liked him and wanted something more serious going foward and i wasn't interested in just being fuckbudies basically , he said the feelings were mutual in all respects and I believed him because he actually almost acts like my boyfriend so i thought he liked me but apparently not enough cuz ......About 2 weeks later we had another convo and he flipped the script on me and said he just wanted a fling and that's all that he is available for. It stung but i accepted it and told him that we weren't on the same page and it was better we stopped further communication
Well, months have passed and despite the conversation we had, we eventually went sexual and pretty much ended up becoming another situationship because no matter how many times I tell him I don't want a hook up he looks for ways to get my attention and I allow it and next thing you know we're messaging all day again and fooling around, this circle went on until December last year and I have refused to respond to his messages this time because I couldn't believe i had just spent the entire 2022 playing boyfriends with a guy that wasn't my boyfriend. Would laugh, talk bicker, fight , make out and care for each other like boyfriends. I felt like I wasted all that effort on something that wasn't.
The problem is, i keep thinking about him and his kisses and i know its normal to miss him and crave things but, on the one hand i feel played because he approached me and i was very upfront about what i wanted from the beginning but he wasn't and he has refused to respect my bounderies by continuing to initiate things but on the other hand i wonder if i was too foward and rigid with my rules. After all, I'm young and I should be dating around right? BTW I'm not meeting anyone new.
So should i just enjoy what he's ready to give which is anything but a relationship or should i stick to my rules with the fear that he just wants me around till he finds someone he actually wants to be with? What do you think i should do pleassse
Sorry for the long post and thanks for your response
I'm 23 years old, currently living in a homophobic country so the dating pool is really small. I realised sooner in life that the Modern styles of dating like hook ups / friends with benefits or one night stands aren't the thing for me because of 2 reasons; first, I don't really enjoy sexual activity with people i dont have feelings for and secondly, it always seems to end up in a messy situationship. I've already had 2 messy situationships and they have been tiring. I have never had a boyfriend and i really want to experience that so i decided that even though I'm younger and I'm supposed to be dating and having fun, i want something more stable and committed because it seems like that is what is ideal for me.
Is 2021 while on a program, I met a guy under very messy circumstances,( he used to hook up with a friend of mine and when it fizzled out he kinda quickly moved on to me which i think is a red flag tbh ).
Honestly, i dont know if it is because at the moment i am really wanting for a relationship or if i actually developed feelings for him because we are actually quite compatible in very many aspects, like we just "fit" and he is caring towards me and has virtually everything i'd want in a partner but after about a month of "just talking" , I told him i liked him and wanted something more serious going foward and i wasn't interested in just being fuckbudies basically , he said the feelings were mutual in all respects and I believed him because he actually almost acts like my boyfriend so i thought he liked me but apparently not enough cuz ......About 2 weeks later we had another convo and he flipped the script on me and said he just wanted a fling and that's all that he is available for. It stung but i accepted it and told him that we weren't on the same page and it was better we stopped further communication
Well, months have passed and despite the conversation we had, we eventually went sexual and pretty much ended up becoming another situationship because no matter how many times I tell him I don't want a hook up he looks for ways to get my attention and I allow it and next thing you know we're messaging all day again and fooling around, this circle went on until December last year and I have refused to respond to his messages this time because I couldn't believe i had just spent the entire 2022 playing boyfriends with a guy that wasn't my boyfriend. Would laugh, talk bicker, fight , make out and care for each other like boyfriends. I felt like I wasted all that effort on something that wasn't.
The problem is, i keep thinking about him and his kisses and i know its normal to miss him and crave things but, on the one hand i feel played because he approached me and i was very upfront about what i wanted from the beginning but he wasn't and he has refused to respect my bounderies by continuing to initiate things but on the other hand i wonder if i was too foward and rigid with my rules. After all, I'm young and I should be dating around right? BTW I'm not meeting anyone new.
So should i just enjoy what he's ready to give which is anything but a relationship or should i stick to my rules with the fear that he just wants me around till he finds someone he actually wants to be with? What do you think i should do pleassse
Sorry for the long post and thanks for your response
