I NEED HELP! What do you think?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by heavy-chevy, Mar 31, 2009.

  1. heavy-chevy

    heavy-chevy Member

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    I'm experiencing a problem and I'm looking for some constructive input. Let me start by explaining my situation. I'm currently 25 and still a virgin. I'm completely inexperienced when it comes to sex, I've never had a GF or been on a date. It's not because I'm ugly or have a small dick, neither of those are a problem for me. It's mostly because I just haven't had a burning ambition to go out there and meet people. I've always been focused more on myself and friends rather than finding love.

    That's how it was for me in high school. While everyone else was interested in getting laid, I was focused on my work and my small group of friends. At the time, most of them were virgins like me. But now, years after high school, even they have lost their virginity and managed to score a few times. I'm now the only one in my group of friends who's still a virgin. Another major reason why I had no desire to find a GF was because of what I had seen my friends go through with their girlfriends. Some of them were in several bad relationships that caused them nothing but stress. My one very close friend has probably had almost 30 different GF's since I've know him (and I'm not exaggerating that number either). After watching that and the fear of STD's and unwanted pregnancies, I decided that sex wasn't worth the work or the risk.

    But despite not having any ambition at all to seek out sexual encounters, my sex drive has just enough to keep me masturbating on a regular basis. It was ok for a while but now masturbation is starting to loose it's fun. I don't have any problem getting and keeping an erection but I just don't get the satisfaction that I used to. And when I jerk-off I usually end up feeling ashamed and embarrassed for doing it so what little pleasure I get out of it is short-lived. I do have some odd fetishes which also contribute to my negative view of J/O but I won't get into detail there.

    I would really like to stop masturbating and thinking about sex altogether but what little sex drive I have keeps me doing it, even though I don't want to. I used to have better self control. I could go for 1-2 weeks at a time without spanking the monkey ( my record was 1 month) but now I can't even go for a few days without doing it.

    All those factors are contributing to my current problem. I'm sexually deprived because I have low interest in finding a partner because I don't want to suffer the embarrassment of looking sexually inexperienced at my age and plus I have no interest in having a serious relationship (sorry if I sound like the typical male pig who only wants sex but after seeing what my friend went through I don't want the same grief). I know the longer I wait the harder it's going to be. Since I have no sex life I masturbate but I'm not happy with that either and I want to stop but I can't. I now find myself often daydreaming about sex and having sexual thoughts and it's really starting to affect my concentration and ability to focus on day-to-day tasks. This also causes me to feel very depressed at times. I feel like I'm loosing my mind and I'm ready to pull my hair out!

    Considering everything that I've just said, do you think my problem is psychological (depression, low confidence), physical (hormone imbalance), or even a little of both? I should also mention that I took Ritalin (for ADD) for several years while I was in school. We all know the long term effects of Ritalin aren't well known so I though maybe that could also be a factor? I would go see a doctor but right now I don't have any health insurance. I was on my parents plan but since I'm 25 the company dropped me. Right now I'm trying to find an affordable plan and when I do I plan to go see a psychiatrist. I'm hoping that by doing that I can get my hands on some prescription drugs that can help manage and eliminate my unwanted libido.

    All I want is to have mental clarity again and be able to focus and stop thinking about sex! Sorry for the long post but I just had to get all the off my chest. Any opinions that can shed some light on my problem are greatly appreciated. Thank you.
     
    #1 heavy-chevy, Mar 31, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2009
  2. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    To be honest with you, maybe get yourself a cougar. An older hot woman that you can talk to but mature enough to understand your situation and maybe teach you some things.
     
  3. Principessa

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    You are 25, still a virgin, and pre-occupied with thoughts of sex. Well that kinda makes sense. I mean if you were a 25 yr old virgin and unconcerned about it that might be odd. :redface:

    You're in NJ and you can't find pussy? Dude just go down to Seaside this summer or hang at Martell's Tiki Bar in Pt. Pleasant. Point tends to get a more family oriented to older crowd; but Martell's gets some great bands in the summer. If you are further south try Wildwood or A.C. If you are north of the Driscoll Bridge I have no idea because to me that's pretty much New York and to be avoided. Don't get me wrong I used to love clubbing in NYC. IMO North Jersey has all the attitude and funny accents of NYC without the panache.

    I know it's cliche but be yourself. :cool: There is nothing worse than adopting a persona you can't maintain. I once tried to be a home-girl it was beyond difficult.
     
  4. slcnewlife64

    slcnewlife64 New Member

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    Hey man I think what you need is love and acceptance from yourself. You don't need grieve the past for what you did or did not do. Masturbation is completely normal and everyone does it at one level or the other one. I think what you could do is going out there and kick ass, take names man, and if you don't have any date or experience right now is because you decided that before. So if you think you are ready for the spotlight go out there and let others see your true colors, is in that way you can be really notice by others. You seems to have a brilliant mind, and if you find a health insurance and you feel like, get some counseling sessions that would help to improve from 1 to 100 your life. Wishing you the best of the best always man! Love!
     
  5. reallyhot

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    Hi H-C:

    I have a few comments and suggestions for you to consider, you might not agree
    initially but please hear me out...

    You might consider seeing a Psychologist initially to see if your issue(s) can
    be resolved without medication, if needed the Pschologist can refer you to or
    bring in a Psychiatrist if medication is needed.

    I'd have to say it sounds as if you're a more sensitive than the average guy and
    you just don't want to get hurt, and who can blame you for that! On the other
    hand it might be helpful to find other ways of coping with your fears etc. and that's
    where seeing a professional can be of help.

    Now in regards to sex, having a sex drive is normal, and it's good to have a way
    to find a release from physical and mental tension which sexual release can do.
    The reason sex/masturbation Feels good is because it is Good! People who have
    sex regularly with themselves or others live longer it's a proven fact.
    So please allow yourself the pleasure of Feeling Good. Good Feels Good, Bad feels Bad...now you've got a few crossed wires there...most likely from well meaning parents or elders who wanted the easiest way to control your behaviour to make
    life easier on them...Pretty selfish of them to feel good, but not let you do so eh?
    See where I'm going with this? You are now an adult and you get to Choose how You want to Feel! So make a Choice to Feel Good...It all starts to change with the Power of your Choice...to Choose that You Deserve to Feel Good, no matter what!

    Somehow along the way you've picked up negative messages or feelings about
    the dangers or fears of sex and or masturbation. Perhaps the Psychologist can
    help you find a better way of feeling good about yourself and your body and your
    sexuality. As for fetishes, I think that they're perfectly normal also, so don't beat
    yourself up about that either...ok? We all need different ways of achieving release
    and whatever works for you is really ok. It's Your Body!!! Perhaps no one ever told you that. It's true. I do hope you find resolution without feeling like pulling out your hair or climbing the walls...I know someone who did pull out their hair...and it was a formof self punishment, but that's another story.

    You don't need to feel guilty or bad
    about sex ever! It's a natural and desirable and normal body function.
    Certainly do find a good person to talk to...if it's not the first therapist, try another...until you find someone that really "hears you"...don't give up til you find the right person for you! It takes all kinds...there are a lot of us who are different as night and day...hence the variety is ok too. I do wish you all the best and success in the world.

    In regards to your desire for mental clarity, sometimes depression can indeed
    cause a fog if you will...and result in increased feelings of overwhelm, fear, etc...

    It's ok too, you're
    perfectly normal in experiencing this too...it's a perfectly reasonable reaction given
    your circumstances...There is help out there, I think you've taken the first step by
    asking for help here...So you know when it comes time to talk to a therapist you
    might want to print out this post and take it with you for reference...it will be easier for you to have something to go on...and you will know that if you've asked for help once you can do it again.

    If you wish to PM me to chat privately... feel free to do so.
    Feel Good, Be Happy, and find a way to soothe yourself into feeling relief.
    Now hopefully I haven't overwhelmed you with information! Grin!

    Cheers!
     
  6. heavy-chevy

    heavy-chevy Member

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    My problem isn't that I can't get pussy, it's that I have a lack of desire to go after it and even if I did have enough sex drive to go after it I'm completely inexperienced with anything sex-related so I wouldn't know where to start. It would be nice to meet women who just want to have fun and aren't interested in a relationship. I just want to have fun, like most of my friends did. I know I could just hire a hooker but I don't know. I'd rather just supress my sex drive for now. I've noticed several drugs that can do that, it's just a matter of finding the ones with the least amount of negative side effects.
     
  7. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Chev it sounds like your just stuck in a rut, and you've been there a long time. Try going on a holiday alone. Its amazing how much it clears your head, especially being able to enjoy yourself and not worrying if your friends are scoring and your not.


    Also i can totally understand you being jaded because of friends relationships. Most of my friends are now married and are in bad marriages and are having affairs. So it really does make you wonder if trying is worth the trouble, especially if that's what's to look forward to
    :confused:
     
  8. laissez faire

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    Please do yourself a favor and forget the idea of drugs to suppress your sex drive--if you're worrying about the effects of the Ritalin you took in high school, why would you want to take something else that may affect you differently down the road? Sexuality is one of the best things in life, and you owe yourself more than to artificially suppress it--like one of the previous posters said, you might just be stuck in a rut and lack motivation. Not sure why having a hard cock with no place to put it isn't enough (it is for most of us), but you just might need to kick yourself in the ass a little and get out there. I like the cougar idea stated above--I bet a lot of women would love to help a young virgin out. Also, I notice that you characterize yourself as 90/10--maybe it might be an easier start to indulge the 10% just to get used to being with another person.

    Once you start, however you do it, motivation will come pretty easily.
     
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