I need some advice :(

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by DaddiesBoy, Jan 2, 2012.

  1. DaddiesBoy

    DaddiesBoy Well-Known Member

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    I am 18 and out to family and select friends. I have a pretty strong relationship with a guy who I look at as a father figure. For the last few years, he has helped me through many situations and was even the first person I came out to. He is married and has two kids. I talk to this many every day about life, school, plans on the weekends, or anything that comes to mind. He is someone that I have always felt safe around and he accepts me for who I am.

    The other half of the story is that this man is probably the most attractive person i have ever encountered and with my seeking of advice, also comes lots of fantasy. Although he is married, I have a hint that his in the closet based on many things. It doesn't help my "crush".

    Recently I have found myself thinking about this guy too much to the point where I feel like I am becoming obsessed. I contact him too much and It's starting to affect his family. He is too nice to say anything to me but I understand what I am starting to do. The only problem is, I can't go a day without talking to him. He has become to important to me, almost like a medication that I can't skip a dose of without going crazy. I think I'm in love.

    Another big issue with this is the fact that he is constantly curious about my sex life. Who did I have sex with? How big is my dick? Did I use protection? Lots and lots of questions that, in a sense, kinda turn me on. It's basically the guy I'm attracted to, asking me sexually related questions. Being a horny teenager, doesn't help.

    I want to continue keeping contact with the guy because although he is a fantasy, he is also a father figure that has done so much for me. I just don't want to ruin anything with his marriage or with our relationship. I just can't seem to back off. I'm turned on by the guy.... a lot. Can anyone offer some advice?
     
  2. myhappypants

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    Ok well, wake up if he's married w/ kids then maybe your just his hot teenage playtoy. I know he's been there for you I get that but you could be his way of acting out high-school fantasies. If you don't want to ruin his marriage I'd say back off some . You can still go to him for father figure advice and support but in reality you wouldn't sleep with your dad would you. There are other fish in the sea buy a new pole and start looking for your dream mate..
     
  3. Red_Rebel

    Red_Rebel Active Member

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    You just answered your own question. Yeah get outta there, i fucked with married guys in the past n just know that am homewreckin so i moved on
     
  4. ColonialBoy

    ColonialBoy Member

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    Lots of gay guys are attracted to the alpha male straight men. Me included. Obsession is not unusual.

    Having intimate contact with him will NOT end well.

    My best advice is to get a long term partner, your interests will naturally turn to the partner.
     
  5. zpacifico

    zpacifico New Member

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    Maybe he is trying to help himself by helping you. You are emotionally connected since you have shared so many details about your intimacy with this man. His willingness to listen and help you and your age makes it easy for you to feel more romantically attached. Asking him about his feelings is something you might not be so keen on doing since you might be compromising what you have had with him so far, hence losing all that.
    On the other hand he might be just kind.
     
  6. august86

    august86 Member

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    Ask...

    I'm glad you have someone you can talk to and gain valuable support from, J, but I tend to agree with some of what the other posters have said.
    You might be forming some kind of "hero" situation, because of all he has done for you and meant to you, but it is a dangerous road to take.

    I connect with people on a very deep level, which has had me in quite a few situations (that I didn't even see coming), and has made me incredibly aware of my interactions with people (regardless of gender or orientation).

    It might be best to back off a bit, as you don't want to confuse him and make him do things he'd regret, or end up embarrassing yourself. Becoming aware of your interactions, might help too, as I'm sure you'd want to still have a good friendship without the unnecessary awkwardness and guilt.
     
  7. badger2395

    badger2395 Member

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    Pretty much what zpacifico says. I don't think it is automatically as negative as others have suggested, but there is some risk. You haven't mentioned how his family has reacted to your relationship, or what signs (if any) he may have given you of actual interest in you directly.
     
  8. DaddiesBoy

    DaddiesBoy Well-Known Member

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    The family is pretty neutral. There aren't any negative or positive feelings really. On his part, the man is a tease. He talks about sex and other horny topics all the time which just makes me want more....
     
  9. B_debonair87

    B_debonair87 New Member

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    if its affecting his family then that's when your conscience should come into play and you start backing off........
     
  10. sheneeds

    sheneeds Member

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    It would seem to me if he asked how big your cock is and about your sex life he is in the closet. If he were a straight married man he couldn't and wouldn't ask those types of questions AT ALL!! CLOSETED FOR SURE!!
     
  11. TexasTail4U2Use

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    Unfortunately unless he 'comes out', he may lead you down the path of no return on your part, but believe me, it will not end well. Not only could he lose his family, but YOU will be the one everyone blames. And YOU will be the one left on the curbside like yesterday's garbage.
    Been there, done that. Or sort of. Fell for a 'straight' guy, who used to make all these promises (sexual), but when it came down to it, he couldn't follow through completly because he's 'not gay' as he adamantly repeated.
    Move on and find someone else who will appreciate you for who you are. Your really cute and shouldn't have a problem finding someone.
     
  12. DaddiesBoy

    DaddiesBoy Well-Known Member

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    I've never had a boy friend. what does that tell you? :confused:
     
  13. sexplease

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    you can back off, you are choosing not to.
    I'm not going to talk about him and what you guess his sexuality may be or other things about his behavior, nor should you.
    You are trying to justify your "feelings of love" by attempting to assign pseudo characteristics to him. That's not fair to him, his spouse or more importantly, to yourself. What you want, and may be unaware of is, for someone to feel towards you, the way you admire him. We all want love and respect. You may also be baiting conversations with him to solicit answers you want. This is not an exchange of romantic love, but a manipulative attempt to garner affection. Don't worry - your mentor cares about you and loves you in a mentor like way.

    (this may help: Transference - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)


    There are other psycho-lingo things going on in your 18 year old head and heart, but now is the time to:

    • be a friend with and to your friend
    • respect your friend and his relationship
    • respect your self
    • experience a relationship with an available (and single) person
    • read (ALL successful people in life read)
    • be positive in your words and actions (say I CAN back off ... )
     
  14. DaddiesBoy

    DaddiesBoy Well-Known Member

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    Wow! What an amazingly insightful answer! Thank you so much! What do you do for a living?
     
  15. sexplease

    Gold Member

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    You're welcome.
    For a living: I pass gas. And it's all pink and glittery and smells like cotton candy ... and when it goes away, everyone cries :eek:.

    lol, I'm a scenic artist and art director.
     
  16. DaddiesBoy

    DaddiesBoy Well-Known Member

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    nasty visual lol but COOL!
     
  17. DaddiesBoy

    DaddiesBoy Well-Known Member

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    Anyone else had something similar to this happen to them?
     
  18. Sparky1000

    Sparky1000 New Member

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    Yes, many times when I was younger. Here's what I learned. Take care of yourself! If he continues to play the tease it's only going to keep hurting you. There's no satisfaction in it for you; you're just feeding his ego and letting him get an occasional jolly on the side. I think you should get the hell away from him post haste!
     
  19. RiverCityGuy

    RiverCityGuy New Member

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    I can totally relate to that comment. Thanks for your thoughts. Been there....
     
  20. RiverCityGuy

    RiverCityGuy New Member

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    It's not like a certain person hasn't been trying with you for the past month! You know who this is! :)
     
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