I need some guidence...

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by SomeGuyOverThere, Feb 9, 2005.

  1. SomeGuyOverThere

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    I love the anomimity of the internet... :)

    This is something I wouldn't discuss with anyone I know IRL...

    You see, I am faceing a personal dilemma here, because I've allways been a very moral person, very prudent, very 'prim and proper' and very much following the rules.

    The problem is, that being 17, I am of course faced with the inevitable teenage urge, to well... fuck everything in sight.

    Which collides with the rule following, proper, abstinent me. And ofcourse... to make things 'worse' I have found myself turned on by guys as well as girls, which challenges my view of well - me. And challenges the views of everyone else about me. Or would. If I told them.



    So, I'm haveing a problem... I can follow the same route I have continued to take, I can stay a person based on principles, and although I am very strongly tied to them, I don't expect them of other people nor try to enforce them on other people, so its quiet, self imposed discipline... but this collides with the rageing sex machine me - the me that wants to go out there and well - fuck anybody, anywhere anytime.



    So I need guidence... just some other views I can take into account: Should I stay on my course, or should I turn about sail and let my hair down?

    And please dont tell me to "Do what I think is right" because the problem is "I don't know what is right"... I risk a lot by finally giveing up my prudence, but I risk later in life regretting my own restricted youth, and being a "40 something rebel" and nobody wants to see that :p I also risk dieing celebate... and although I don't exactly want to become a pornstar, I don't particularly want to spend my whole life chained to this giant metal "V" for no real reason (I have no faith)....



    To put it simply: My morals and my penis are haveing a barney, and I'm stuck in the middle, trying to figure out which to listen to.

    HELP!?!?
     
  2. viking

    viking New Member

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    So, you're becoming a man.

    You've learned things that you know are right because they feel right.
    Stick to your moral fibre. Don't do things to hurt other people. Do things to make life better.

    Then comes the urge to take off all of your clothes and fuck as many people as you can.
    Well, there is a balance. You can and will probably, maintain your set of personal ethics. That does not mean that you are not allowed to express yourself sexually. As long as you implement your ethics in sexual situations, you'll be able to do whatever feels good. Trust yourself.

    If you feel that you want to explore sex with a woman, find one who has the same interests and treat her with respect and dignity. Fuck her till you both collapse and then show her the respect that she deserves. Likeiwse, she will respect you back. All's good, no harm done.

    If you have a buddy you're interested in, treat him the same way. Respect, friendship, admiration, honesty and a little bit of playful lust. If he's game, then go for it.
    It's fun. Being a man means accepting responsibility for your actions and making your own decisions. No matter what others teel you, you've got to be true to your own values. You can't always do the right thing. Everyone takes a mis-step once in a while. Don't be afraid to make a mistake. As long as you give it your best shot, you will always be a winner in the end.

    Being sexual does not make you immoral or irresponsible. You can be the person you strive to be and express your sexual feelings as well.

    get out there and have some fun!! Your eventual long term partner will be glad you did.
    You will be able to know yourself better, ie: you will be a better, stronger person.

    Cheers.
     
  3. yaoifun

    yaoifun New Member

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    I would say let your hair down, but within reason. I know you want to stay faithful to your beliefs, so just because you want to satisfy these urges, doesnt make you a bad person. And dont worry about who youre with, man or woman, love is love in my book. As long as it's within reason, i don't see a problem with it. As long as you still see yourself as OK then it most likely is. Just stay respectful and loving to anyone your with, and as allways, stay respectful to yourself. Just let loose and have fun, but just dont overdo it. Hope this helped!
     
  4. Chase1600

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    SGOT

    You're not going to die celebate. Stick to your morals. You wouldn't be asking this if you didn't really want to.

    There will come a time soon enough for you to have a sex life that is true to you. What ever that is, you will know, and you will be confident.

    For the time being, chill. Of course you're ready to "fuck the furniture." You're 17. It's completely normal.
     
  5. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Thanks for the replies everyone, every reply so far has been really encourageing and helpfull! :D

    Oh dear... I'm getting a warm and fuzzy feeling!

    Thank you!

    And ebvikeing, thats some really good advice, I'm gonig to churn it over for a while before I make a reply to it. :)
     
  6. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    There's no need to lose your morals and there's no need to go out and fuck anything that moves. They're the two extremes. How about the middle option, don't do something you regret, like fuck half the population of your town, but go out and have some fun. Just be safe and true to yourself. Masturbate? I mean of course I 'feel' like fucking every woman I see, but with most its not happening...But you could go out and fuck one person I'm sure, don't get hung up about it but don't lose your values for it. Be smart and just be safe, true to yourself :D
     
  7. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Sheesh, if I fucked half my town I'd have to go through... 113,500 people or so! :blink:

    Sounds good! :D

    The two extreme are however what I'm feeling... I'm feeling the need to just well.. fuck. And the need to just not... I don't quite comprehend hte need to just "not" but it has been the stronger of the two for every one of my 17 years on this planet.

    Looks like the conclusion may be to relax a little,experiement a little, but if I don't like it, then just go back to previous 'me' again.
     
  8. viking

    viking New Member

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    Sheesh, if I fucked half my town I'd have to go through... 113,500 people or so! :blink:

    Sounds good! :D

    The two extreme are however what I'm feeling... I'm feeling the need to just well.. fuck. And the need to just not... I don't quite comprehend hte need to just "not" but it has been the stronger of the two for every one of my 17 years on this planet.

    Looks like the conclusion may be to relax a little,experiement a little, but if I don't like it, then just go back to previous 'me' again.
    [post=281513]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    What does the previous me mean???

    People grow and change. One way that happens is by having experiences that change the way we see the world. Once you learn something new, you may go back to a previous way of doing things, but you will always continue to grow and change. That's a good thing. You're not giving up the "GOOD" self for something else, it's a transition to something more complex. It does not affect your power to decide what you wnat out of life.'
     
  9. jonb

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    Enjoy yourself more. Maybe not fuck the furniture, but still . . .
     
  10. Altairion

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    I think you've hit a good decision there. Find out what you like by testing the waters, and if you think you're going the right direction then keep it up. Otherwise, you can easily back off and follow another path.
     
  11. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Dude - I felt totally the same way when I was your age...I mean I lost my virginity when I was 13 but I didn't have sex again after that till I was either 17 or 18 - I felt that what I did was wrong and that I was going to hell...But I had to realize that I was a pretty good person and that I was not hurting anyone...Sex is fun...I mean I commend anyone who can abstain - because once you get a taste - it is hard to go back...Sex is a wonderful thing and I wouldn't just go out and fuck the first person you meet that wants to have sex w/you...But if you dig a person enough - sex can be wonderful...I love sex - but I am pretty selective who I drop my underwear for and definitely must have a condom all the time...
     
  12. BuffMusicIdol

    BuffMusicIdol New Member

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    Morals are a result of values and principles. Stick to your values and principles. If something feels wrong when you do it, it's a result of your values and principles. It's meant to be a guide so that you can understand when you make a mistake and can make corrections so you don't have to repeat them over and over and lose your self esteem.

    The more you follow your values and principles, the more you'll keep your self esteem in tact. So, you can give yourself permission to do what you need to, and if it feels wrong, you can correct a little and adjust until you're back in the frame work you set for yourself.

    Honoring yourself in this way is a big deal. You don't think so at 17, but you will when you're middle aged. Try not to live your life with regrets. Too much baggage to carry around.

    Being 17 with my experience would be a hell of a lot of fun. I would give parents and teachers a run for their money. I would also keep from making the same stupid mistakes I've perpetuated for years.

    Good luck. Have fun. Keep your self esteem.

    Buff
     
  13. SomeGuyOverThere

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    "Looking into the past is like looking into a broken mirror; you try to put it back together but the edges cut you. You see the choices you could have made, the wrong turns, the choices you made without even realiseing. Like staying late after work to talk to a friend, instead of rushing home to your wife and kids. You start thinking about what could have been... but if it had, you wouldn't be the same person, you'd be somebody else, looking back on a different set of choices"
    -Pretty much the most meaningfull words I ever heard in a computer game, they are from Max Payne 2.

    They sprang to mind when you said that.

    And now have me thinking about it :p

    I suppose in the end we have little choice but to live day by day, and no matter what, there will be times when we look back and regret, but to carry the regrets with you is pointless- the past is, as the name suggests - past. It has happened and gone, and now we just have to make the best of what has come from it...




    Woops... went too deap there. :blush:
     
  14. Imported

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    gecko0: I personally believe you should stick to your principles without budging. Principles are what make you who you are. I always go by the law that respect is not to be demanded it must be earned. In this case meaning, challenge yourself to do what is the most difficult without going insane. Test your limits. Everyone can just go out and have a good time and go wild, but it takes true discipline to stand apart from the crowd. Your principles should include love. If you truly love someone then it is okay to do what the two of you want because it will be out of the best of intentions. Innocense is one key principle that you should attain. Be honest to yourself and respect yourself. If you cannot respect yourself how can you respect others. The only way to do that is to fear someone and fear is a silly concept. Be a leader, not a follower. When you challenge yourself you will feel better about yourself in the end. Well that is my two cents.
     
  15. TragicWhiteKnight

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    I've pretty much experienced the same problem: a reputation as a very moral outstanding guy which could potentially be jeopardised by the sudden appearance of a rampant sex drive. What's more, becaused of my size, I was given 'opportunities' I wouldn't have had if I were just a regular straight-laced average-looking guy.

    Ultimately I'm glad to have stuck to my principles and stood up for love instead of random casual sex (not there's anything wrong with it). Don't ever experiment for the sake of experimenting, but, on the other hand, don't be afraid of new experiences.

    Good luck setting yourself on the right path
     
  16. headbang8

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    Gotta disagree with TWK here, even though I think we fundamentally come from the same place.

    I think you should definitely experiment for the sake of experimenting. That's not only how we find out what pleases us sexually, but also what pleases us emotionally. I recommend that you go into every sexual encounter, even a casual one, with an open heart as well as an open zipper.

    Even a ten-minute blowjob in a sauna, for me, has meant physical contact with another human being in an emotionally heightened state--and who doesn't enjoy an emotional high? It demands sensitivity from me in order to make the encounter enjoyable for us both (because how can one take pleasure and not give it?). And from my experience, casual sex with women demands even more good grace.

    Why should high principles and an active sex life be mutually exclusive? After all, how can you really determine what your sexual principles really are if you don't explore a range of possibilities? Just because it's transient doesn't make it meaningless.

    For me, the the only "principle" involved is that one doesn't force one's will on another human being without their full agreement, and that one uses the experience to grow. Grow? Grow in understanding of one's own (and others') humanity. Grow in sensual skill. And grow in happiness and pleasure.

    I totally agree with ebviking on the following point. We often talk about not doing things we "regret" afterwards. Piffle. You learn by making sexual mistakes, just like your grammatical mistakes help you learn a foreign language. In both cases, misunderstandings will occur, but that's how we become fluent, and can use those skills meaningfully for the rest of our lives.

    So my advice is not to fuck everything that moves. Fuck some things that stand still, too. But always do it with good will. If it feels wrong, don't do it (or more likely, don't do it twice. You're allowed a mistake or three in a good cause).

    hb8
     
  17. Freddie53

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    You have left a few questions unanswered. One, your value system. Is it based on religious beliefs. Are you trying to live to a standard of a church, the Bible etc.. or are these values and goals things that you have decided because that is just what you believe. In your post, you never mention this aspect. But you do alude to what others expect. And it is the others you need to look at. If it is a belief in God that you don't plan on changing your belief in then you have to strongly consider that relationship with a higher being. But if the others are teachers, friends, family and such, then while you need to consider them, the moral authority as clear.

    Where am I headed is this? Where is your moral authority coming from? Within yourself, within your religion, or within family and friends. If it is family and friends then you can consider what they think, but that is all. As an adult you will make your own decisons. If you are basing your decision on what to do on yourself or the beliefs you intend to keep in a religion the rest of your life, then you must consider the consequences of how you are going to feel if you violate our own moral code or that of a reliigion that you profess strongly. Notice I said consider.

    Sex is a wonderful thing. You recognize that. This is my suggestion. Don't lose your virginiity in some dark alley, on the spur of the moment, or other regrettable situation. Let your first time be special with someone else who wants it to be special as well. It needs to be an experience that you will look back on the rest of your life as something you can remember fondly. Even if you break up with that person, even if that relationship becomes a situation where the two of you hate each other, because it was special that moment in time, it will always be special.

    One rule that I always recommend is never do anything on a date that violates what you have decided to do or not to do on a date with this person. Go home, cool off and think about it. Then if you still want to do that sexual activity with that person when you are by yourself and feel comfortable with it, then on the next date you can do it. You won't have regrets that way.

    Eat at a nice restaurant, a bottle of wine, Opps your 17, may have to scratch the wine. But still have a romantic evening. Be at a nice motel or nice bedroom of your home or someone else's home. don't be rushed. looking out the corner of your eye for headlights announcing you have been caught etc.

    It is not realistic that people are going to wait until marriage. Marriage comes 10 or more years after the puberty is in full bloom and the person is an adult as far as sex drive goes and the ability to engage in sex. Some people will wait until they are in their late twenties, but not many. But sex should be between two people who really care about each other and are "bubbly" about each other. Your first sex should not be with some sleezy character out there just there and available. You are just a number to them. From what you have written, you will regret doing it that way,'

    In the meantime, it is OK to masturbate all you need to keep those harmones under control so the family dog is safe.

    If you will notice, I didn't tell you what age, what gender, married or not married. I did tell you to make it special, be with someone you really care about, and not change your principles in the middle of a hot date. If you are religious, you have to consider what effect any sexual activity will have on your faith. But most religions are based on the fact that we are human and make mistakes and have a system that allows redemption of some kind for making a mistake when we make them. And we all do in the area of sex and relationships. Even those who wait for marriage have fights with their spouse and and say and do things they are sorry for. And that wasn't in the "wonderful" plan, but it happens. We are human, life is a series of mistakes and learning that cylces. Perfection is not ours to attain here, and in only in the hereafter if you believe in life after death.

    But what you think you are ready for will change as you mature. When the right moment is there, enjoy and then have something to remember for a lifetime. Your concepts of what to do in sexual matters will change as you get older. Nohting is static and stays exactly the same. LIfe is not that way.

    I applaud you for your commitment to be a person of character. Character is wanting to have that first sex at the right time, right place and the right person. So that should be your goal. If you achieve that, then you will have succeeded regardless what happens after that.

    Best of luck to you. Many of us don't always achieve that. It is not the end of the world if you have sex and then wish you had waited. Just pick up the pieces of you life, put them back together and move on. Your whole life is not all wrapped up in that one night. You won't be a failure in life just because you messed up that first night. There is time to fix it all and move on and have a most wonderful life here on earth. Don't lose sight of this big picture either. It is the one that is going to count in the end. Having a lifetime that you enjoy and don't regret. Everyone has single days sprinkled throughout his or her lives that they wish had not happened, but that does not prevent you from having a wonderful life here on earth.

    I hope I have made some sense here. I guess I am saying that it is great to have character. It is great to have morals. But we are all human and make mistakes. If you make one in the area of sex, it won't be your first mistake and it won't be your last mistake to make here on earth. Pick up the pieces and move on. If you gave it your best shot and really tried to be true to yourself and did not try to do anything to hurt yourself or someone else then even in the midst of a mistake you are still a person of character. Don't be too hard on yourself.
     
  18. TragicWhiteKnight

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    Gotta disagree with TWK here, even though I think we fundamentally come from the same place.

    I think you should definitely experiment for the sake of experimenting. That's not only how we find out what pleases us sexually, but also what pleases us emotionally. I recommend that you go into every sexual encounter, even a casual one, with an open heart as well as an open zipper.

    Even a ten-minute blowjob in a sauna, for me, has meant physical contact with another human being in an emotionally heightened state--and who doesn't enjoy an emotional high? It demands sensitivity from me in order to make the encounter enjoyable for us both (because how can one take pleasure and not give it?). And from my experience, casual sex with women demands even more good grace.

    Why should high principles and an active sex life be mutually exclusive? After all, how can you really determine what your sexual principles really are if you don't explore a range of possibilities? Just because it's transient doesn't make it meaningless.

    For me, the the only "principle" involved is that one doesn't force one's will on another human being without their full agreement, and that one uses the experience to grow. Grow? Grow in understanding of one's own (and others') humanity. Grow in sensual skill. And grow in happiness and pleasure.

    I totally agree with ebviking on the following point. We often talk about not doing things we "regret" afterwards. Piffle. You learn by making sexual mistakes, just like your grammatical mistakes help you learn a foreign language. In both cases, misunderstandings will occur, but that's how we become fluent, and can use those skills meaningfully for the rest of our lives.

    So my advice is not to fuck everything that moves. Fuck some things that stand still, too. But always do it with good will. If it feels wrong, don't do it (or more likely, don't do it twice. You're allowed a mistake or three in a good cause).

    hb8
    [post=281924]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    I do mostly agree with what you're saying - obviously you can have an active sex-life, even to the extent of insane promiscuity, and still be totally moral and live up to your principles. However, that doesn't sound compatible with the principles SomeGuyOverThere has implied he holds - otherwise he wouldn't be phrasing the question in the same way. To him (as it was to me), to take on a crazy sex-life would involve abandoning his (or my) existing principles - not because there's anything wrong with kinky-zany-sex but simply because such a drastic change would be a break from individual beliefs.

    The difference with making a sexual mistake and a grammatical error is that you can't go back to the state of innocence afterwards (note that nnocence and ignorance aren't the same thing) - pens have erasers but guys only have rubbers :)

    Obviously your open attitude to sexuality is a fine and commendable thing but one that tends to suit certain personality types more than others. Everyone should be comfortable with exploring their bodies (along with the bodies of any other guys or girls who give their consent) and do so without shame if they want to, but it's not the only way to live a fulfilling life. I suppose the best mantra to go by is 'Don't be ashamed of anything you want to do, but think about the consequences before you go through with it'.
     
  19. headbang8

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    Like I said, TWK, I think we more substantially agree than disagree, and we're both urging SomeGuyOverThere to do the same thing.

    But the really interesting quetsions are always raised in the small areas in whihc people disagree, aren't they? And a really interesting one has come up...the value of "innocence".

    My parents tried to maintain my "innocence", and that of my siblings, for as long as possible. But what that meant was maintaining my ignorance of the ways of the world, and it suited their own ends. By being innocent of sex, I was innocent of the ways men and women interacted with each other, and could then accept the toxic bile mom and dad spewed at each other, and their mean-ness of spirit, without question. My first girlfriend, at 22, was a real crisis in our family. She was warm and wise, and sized up the situation in an eyeblink. She shocked me with her candour, and knowing then what I know now, I am happy she ripped the blind of "innocence" from me.

    The first time, as a child, I threw myself into a snowbank, it was sheer innocent pleasure. the next time, the pleasure wasn't so innocent because I'd already experienced it. Should I have saved myself for the perfect moment to dive into the snowbank? Of course not. Was it any less pleasurable to dive in a second time? Not at all--but a different kind of pleasure. One born of knowing what to do and how to handle the sensations flooding in around me. Did I occasionally dive into a snowbank and hit a rock? You bet. Did it spoil the pleasure of snowbanks for me forever after? If I let it do that, then I wouldn't have learned much from all those dives before.

    The difference between diving into a bank of snow, and diving into...well, I won't make the obvious joke....is that you might hurt someone besides yourself. And I think that we both agree that SGOT, you, me and everyone can avoid that by behaving with respect and care. Besides you get more joy out of it that way!

    William Blake wrote poems which he collected as "The Songs of Innocence and Experience." In my reading of them, I fould that both kinds of songs could be sung with equal gusto. My hunch is that you young men shouldn't cling so fearfully and militantly to innocence. Trust me, you can handle any experience that comes your way. And it'll do you good to get some.

    But enough philosophical hair-splitting. Go forth and craft yourself as a sexual being, SomeGuy. You may regret some of the paths you take, but you'll never regret embarking on the journey. And many thanks for your wise words, TWK. Why don't men have more discussions like this?
     
  20. TragicWhiteKnight

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    Like I said, TWK, I think we more substantially agree than disagree, and we're both urging SomeGuyOverThere to do the same thing.

    But the really interesting quetsions are always raised in the small areas in whihc people disagree, aren't they? And a really interesting one has come up...the value of "innocence".

    My parents tried to maintain my "innocence", and that of my siblings, for as long as possible. But what that meant was maintaining my ignorance of the ways of the world, and it suited their own ends. By being innocent of sex, I was innocent of the ways men and women interacted with each other, and could then accept the toxic bile mom and dad spewed at each other, and their mean-ness of spirit, without question. My first girlfriend, at 22, was a real crisis in our family. She was warm and wise, and sized up the situation in an eyeblink. She shocked me with her candour, and knowing then what I know now, I am happy she ripped the blind of "innocence" from me.

    The first time, as a child, I threw myself into a snowbank, it was sheer innocent pleasure. the next time, the pleasure wasn't so innocent because I'd already experienced it. Should I have saved myself for the perfect moment to dive into the snowbank? Of course not. Was it any less pleasurable to dive in a second time? Not at all--but a different kind of pleasure. One born of knowing what to do and how to handle the sensations flooding in around me. Did I occasionally dive into a snowbank and hit a rock? You bet. Did it spoil the pleasure of snowbanks for me forever after? If I let it do that, then I wouldn't have learned much from all those dives before.

    The difference between diving into a bank of snow, and diving into...well, I won't make the obvious joke....is that you might hurt someone besides yourself. And I think that we both agree that SGOT, you, me and everyone can avoid that by behaving with respect and care. Besides you get more joy out of it that way!

    William Blake wrote poems which he collected as "The Songs of Innocence and Experience." In my reading of them, I fould that both kinds of songs could be sung with equal gusto. My hunch is that you young men shouldn't cling so fearfully and militantly to innocence. Trust me, you can handle any experience that comes your way. And it'll do you good to get some.

    But enough philosophical hair-splitting. Go forth and craft yourself as a sexual being, SomeGuy. You may regret some of the paths you take, but you'll never regret embarking on the journey. And many thanks for your wise words, TWK. Why don't men have more discussions like this?
    [post=281996]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    Since we've reached a point of 99% agreement, why not squibble about the most minor differences? :) I apologise in advance for using the word 'innocent' even more than in the average early Britney Spears song.

    I guees there's a lot of reasons why innocence isn't very fashionable right now and, like Trix, for kids. Innocence is a natural state; experience is man-made. Innocence is controlled by external forces (society, parents etc); experience is caused by individual choice. The biggest difference is that innocence is based on a state of mind; experience is based solely on actions. As such, I'm not sure if they're opposites but just two different stages (and ones it's possible to switch back and forth from - does a hardcore playah falling in chivalric love for someone mean his new feelings are less pure than they would be if he were a virgin?). Innocence is the thought; experience is the action. And, while innocence always goes first, we comes across new 'innocences' all the time. So, I think innocence can be a matter of personal choice, as experience, since innocence doesn't necessarily mean not knowing what your choices are - it just means not having gone through them personally (total ignorance is as much as an extreme form of innocence as going through a series dumbass life-threatening inconsiderate actions is an extreme form of experience).

    Rather than snow-jumping, I'd use the metaphor of going on safari. You can travel, you're distance - that's innocence. Going back again and again, hanging out amongst the animals, going into details - that's experience. Neither is any worse than the other (unless you want to be a zoologist) but for the former it will be a specific 'once-in-a-lifetime' experience and the latter it will be a part of everyday life.

    Go off too far in one direction and you're either Don Quixote or a drug-addled user. Experience, like innocence, is good as long as you're totally in control.
     
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