I need some help (opinions)

[helgaleena]

Wow, I guess he was not able to be kind enough and then was very surprised that you even noticed his lack of it! Good advice from dolfette. My ex turned surprisingly vindinctive in what seemed like a flash and only geographical distance saved the situation.

Hope he wasn't embezzling.

 

[dolfette]

Hope he wasn't embezzling.

it's worth getting a pro to look over anything he's had a hand in f'sure.

 

[xrush_uncut]

Too much drama for me. I hope this never happens.

 

[B_thickjohnny]

No. He never stole anything from me ever. He was always kind and honest but I guess something snapped that he HAD to off with this guy to Germany for a weekend. He made up a complete story too which makes it worse. If I had not seen the email it might have gone undetected. He swears they did not have sex; only cuddling. I find that hard to believe. A 50 year old guy goes off with a 24 year old and nothing happens? Maybe but I find it hard to believe.

And when he's leaving he asked me where he should go. When I suggested his new friend he said it was not an option. Why not? The guy works for PWC here in Prague, has money and lives in the center. I'm sure he has room! But he just got more angry with me.

Friends are telling me that he was manipulative and I never wanted to see it. I did see it but didn't want to admit it. Now with this, things became a lot easier.

 

[dolfette]

it does seem a bit harsh to just kick him out onto the street...one weekend of nookie doesn't mean the guy will let him stay.

has he at least got a car to sleep in?

 

[helgaleena]

OP is a man of action and does things decisively. Harsh but seems fair overall. The man has family also. And he who pays the rent has the right to the keys.

 

[Cougar]

I think you handled it splendidly. I would have wimped out and kept the cheater if he was sexy enough...lol

 

[dolfette]

OP is a man of action and does things decisively. Harsh but seems fair overall. The man has family also. And he who pays the rent has the right to the keys.

oh, i agree with that!
...just hate the idea of anyone left out on the streets.

 

[SouthernGirl]

I hope this does not deter you from finding love. If I had a 50 yr old sugardaddy flying me all over Europe I would be 398% faithful.

 

[Florida Boy]

The 24 year older is a gold-digger. Get rid of him. Decisively.

 

[Jean Deaux]

He won't be out on the street, and he deserves to be out of the house. If he has been living off you for all this time he should have enough money to find a place to sleep until he can find other arrangements.
His anger was at being caught. The lack of remorse speaks volumes.
Change the locks. Audit the books. Know what has happened with your business and move ahead with your life.

 

[NCbear]

OP, your later post (and others') mean that my advice in my previous post should work for your next relationship. I just think finances and monogamy and so many other things should be discussed up front so you're both on the same page.

But now you're in a situation in which, as dolfette pointed out, you have to protect yourself, and quickly.

Good luck! A pissed-off, technologically-savvy ex who has the pertinent passwords to the business can do a LOT of damage in a moment. Cover your ass.

NCbear (who's not entirely surprised that a young and presumably spoiled- rotten boy who found his source of income dried up would try to retaliate against that source of income )

 

[NCbear]

OP, your later post (and others') mean that my advice in my previous post should work for your next relationship. I just think finances and monogamy and so many other things should be discussed up front so you're both on the same page.

But now you're in a situation in which, as dolfette and others have pointed out, you have to protect yourself, and quickly.

Good luck! A pissed-off, technologically-savvy ex who has the pertinent passwords to the important parts of a business can do a LOT of damage in a moment. Cover your ass. Get some help from an accountant and a lawyer--preferably one who's experienced in palimony cases.

NCbear (who's not entirely surprised that a young and presumably spoiled- rotten boy who found his source of income dried up would try to retaliate against that source of income )

OK, somehow my post screwed up when all I was trying to do was edit it.

NCbear (who's obviously not quite as technologically savvy as your ex boy :redface:)

 

[houtx48]

when the both of you go out for breakfast do people think you are feeding you son? what the hell did you think was going to happen? you can remember your 20's right?

 

[B_RedDude]

Dude, if he was helping you out in your business he was not getting a "free" ride. He was making a substantive contribution to your lives.

Then out of the blue and laughing he told me how much trouble I'll be in in my business - in which he really was an integral part. I have no idea what that means except that he really handled the book keeping and record keeping and for a little while I'll be up to my nose figuring it all out.

 

[B_RedDude]

At least you have the comfort of knowing that he didn't stray because of the difference in your respective ages.

He swears they did not have sex; only cuddling. I find that hard to believe. A 50 year old guy goes off with a 24 year old and nothing happens? Maybe but I find it hard to believe./QUOTE]

 

[B_thickjohnny]

Red, he was being paid for the work he did. Nothing he did was free. I understood what he did for me and compensated him for it. He never had access to any bank accounts just keeping invoices and correspondence organized.

What gets me is that there was NO REMORSE. Not a tear and the apology was not heartfelt. He was completely embarrassed that he got caught. He admitted that he fucked up. I don't understand the anger except that he was angry at himself more than with me. But me saying he needed to leave then was upsetting for him and the fact that I said he couldn't hang around to wash the clothes he took with him really pissed him off. I think I'm being incredibly fair. He said that there are things in the apartment that he bought with his money. I said, absolutely, they're yours; feel free to take anything that you feel is yours. The things he said about business I think comes from anger and the fact that I left a lot of it to him (to organize etc) and he thinks I can't do anything without him. It might be tough at first, but I'll get through it.

Friends have said to remain open - they all really like him and don't understand why this happened. I can imagine how they feel and maybe why they suggest being open but I don't see him returning. For the time being I want to get through this. I know I'll have to see him for a little longer as things get sorted out at the office and he comes back to collect all of his belongings. But after that I want to be alone for awhile.

 

[B_thickjohnny]

Today he came over to collect more of his stuff. He said he's very sorry for the way things happened and that he never meant to hurt me, blah, blah, blah. He said that he needs to be own his own (since he moved in with me without ever really living on his own). He wants to start over - date me again. When I asked about seeing other people he said he didn't want to talk about that.

I'm not sure what direction to take. See him again (dating, as he put it) or leaving it be.

 

[eurotop40]

Hm, sorry to join the discussion only now. I have a colleague and good friend who was in the same situation when he lived in the US and eventually they broke up when my friend discovered that his bf was going to bathhouses etc... This guy even passed him condylomata... With such a great age difference I think one should have realistic expectations. Just one curiosity, Johnny, can you speak and write Czech?

 

[B_thickjohnny]

No, unfortunately, I don't write Czech but my comprehension is ok for conversation but I'm far from being fluent. The guys he sees by the way are Americans. He has a thing for Americans for some reason.

I don't have a problem seeing him again - after some time has passed I think and I "recover" from what I've learned. My problem now is that he's on my payroll and he won't be really working for me anymore although I guess I could press the issue and insist that he do the things he is paid to do. On the other side, this money pays the rent in his new apartment where he might be entertaining other "dates". It's a dilemma. I'm an ass (in his mind) if I terminate him and might ruin any chance of reconciliation; I'm an ass (to myself) if I continue to enable him.