What's up guys, recently I made a post about my penis size explaining my frustration but that was in a whole other thread and I'm back with a similar issue that I would like some feedback on from the members on this forum. I don't really have many people to talk to about this and those that I do talk to about it are a bit, unhelpful to say the least. I'm just trying to really open up and figure stuff out so any help is appreciated! I'm 5.1" - 5.3" when fully erect, I have a girth of 4.75". I'm in a wonderful relationship with a girl that I love to death, I've been with her for three months but we've known each other for two years. The relationship has been great, the only problem we are having is...you guessed it; sex. It isn't exactly a problem on her end (atleast she says it isn't, I'm a guy so I insist that it IS a problem because I'm just like that, I'm sorry I really can't help it). We tried sex for the first time with a condom a month back and it was horrendous, for me and her; she didn't feel it. It was both our first time and we are both inexperienced. Alright that sucks, moving on now, we try it without a condom, she tells me it's awesome and a big improvement and I'm skeptical because I seem to have a knack for recognizing lies but I love her and I decided to trust her on this. We move on and we spent a weekend together in PA; Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning. We had sex about 17 times, certain times were better than others and during some of them I felt really "disconnected" with her, if you know what I mean. I was thrusting and she was moaning and moving but it wasn't right and I noticed it. I waited until after the weekend to ask her about it, I confronted her and expressed my concerns because I want to be as vocal as possible about the issue because it isn't going to solve itself. She instantly tells me "oh no it was great" this and that and I still kept questioning her because I felt an eeriness about her and then she moved into being a little depressed because it is frustrating for her knowing that this is bothering me so much, she thinks it is purely her fault for sending a text message a week or two back (this is when it all really started) to her friend about her "first time" (it wasn't a text message like "OH HE WAS SO SMALL" it was more along the lines of "my first time wasn't that great and I didn't really feel it, he isn't that long"). She constantly tells me how sorry she is and I tell her it is alright and I really am getting better about the situation. I read the conversation and she wasn't being hurtful in any way, she simply explained the situation and my troubles in bed but it still hurt regardless. I was mortified with the text message and it still affects me because lets face it, you do it your first time and it turns out you suck in bed. Your confidence PLUMMETS, and I mean PLUMMETS. I try and work past it all and have been making pretty good progress with it all, I still have days where I mope about the fact that my dick isn't a blessing but I can't really do much other than PE exercises and I won't see any serious results any time soon because I don't expect penis enlargement to happen overnight. We tried sex again today (she always wants more), it wasn't bad and I came pretty fast (I don't last very long, I need to work on it). It felt a bit distant today and I wasn't feeling great to begin with because we just had the talk about the "disconnection" in PA yesterday. It got very emotional and we were both very frustrated, we both fight our hardest for each other and have a very strong connection in just about every aspect other than sex (she tells me she loves it and it connects her with me) because I'm just SO unsure of myself and with the answer I got today I'm even more lost. After awhile I kept badgering her about it all because I JUST WANTED THE TRUTH, I wanted it from the beginning and that's really all I want from her. I don't have trouble facing the fact that I have what I have I just want to be able to trust her when she says something, today she told me that we need to do it about 3-4 times before she really feels it. It's only when her vagina is swollen that she can really feel it. After asking her for so long and her telling me it was fine and finally getting an answer like this it was pretty heart sinking. We've done doggy; nothing, we have done her on top; nothing really and I also lose my erection (any ideas on this one?) We've done missionary and I thrust directly into her vagina but as I said she doesn't really feel it unless it's swollen and that sucks A LOT. I don't know if it was all 17 times in PA but she said she lied to me about that, so there is another baseball bat to the face. While I was penetrating her we tried an unusual variation of missionary and she said it focused on her bottom vaginal wall and she said she liked the sensation so I guess since my girth isn't enough for her I can't do anything with a direct thrust so I need to focus more on a side of her vagina so that she can enjoy herself. It's tough working with her sometimes because she says "I don't want to analyze everything, I just want to enjoy myself" but when I hear that and then she tells me "I don't really feel it unless I get swollen" it just makes me go "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON". I want to figure it out and work with her but it is difficult. I cannot wrap my mind around this and it really is tearing our relationship apart, despite our bedroom troubles we still want to go on with the relationship; both of us. During our very emotional conversation today we seriously discussed us parting ways because this seems to be a reoccurring problem in our relationship and it has only gotten worse since that text message and I'll be honest; it is mostly me that is engage in all of this but how in the world can she sit there and enjoy herself when she doesn't feel anything? Now with all that being said allow me to provide you with a background as to why I am EXTRA worried about this, we have a strong connection and all and she said sex is great but I know it probably isn't what she wants it to be (assumption and she hasn't had anyone else so she is also lost and doesn't know what she wants but I'm just going with it given my situation) and she will be craving more and at this very moment I cannot provide it with my penis because I'm just not packing down there. She is going out if state to college (about a five hour drive) and I will only be able to see her on breaks and special occasions and I really don't mind this, we're both seniors in high school and I'm staying in state. She is a very smart girl and I can trust that she will make the right decisions in college but I cannot get passed the fact that there might be a feeling of emptiness with her when we get about a year into college for both of us. She'll want to see me more and I won't be able to do it, I'm afraid she'll look for someone else and when she does she may experience the "monster cock" (my nightmare, given my situation) and she will become one to see that sex IS important to her and that I simply cannot provide for her so I will simply be her "best friend". I want to be her man, I want to be her everything, I want to be her best and knowing that I can't perform up to the standard that will most likely pleasure her (going off of a clear assumption here guys but it seems pretty apparent given the feedback and I know not all women WANT big dicks, and I'm not saying that at all. Our anatomies are all different and maybe my key just doesn't fit into her hole properly). I'm not going to sit there and come to the conclusion that "oh her vagina must be abnormally large", not only is that ridiculous to make such an assumption it is also very demoralizing and I would never ever want to tell her something like that regardless of how I was feeling. I have a pretty large hand (my middle finger is around 4 and a quarter inches measuring up to about the knuckle), I squished three fingers together today (index finger, middle finger, and my ring finger) into the shape of a penis kind of while I was finger her (ever since the text message I was always very hesitant about fingering her because, well, I don't know if I just have a sick twisted mind but when I see her enjoy it I just see myself sitting there thinking "wow, my cock won't ever do that for her because it simply isn't enough") and I measured my three fingers in girth and obviously it won't be INSANELY accurate because they are fingers and not a penis but I gave myself a rough estimate on it all and it seems that a 5.3" to 6" girth is what she craves and what she will feel to be satisfying. I do everything I can in our relationship because I genuinely love her and I don't get into relationships for no apparent reason, I put 110% into everything I do and especially this relationship! I don't like giving up, ever. I don't plan on giving up now and I plan on fighting for this relationship as long as I can until it is simply out of my control, I really would appreciate more of an input from women because I would simply like to hear your side of things (be as brutal as you want because I'm sure I'm acting like the typical male over emphasizing penis size but I don't like creating problems for no reason but I just cannot connect with her if she needs to fake it all the time, I can tell the difference and I don't want to end a relationship on something as ridiculous as this). I'd appreciate any added advice on how to increase my girth and what I really wanted to get out of this post are positions or techniques I could use to focus more on the wall of her vagina. Since I am a little under average technique is going to be my only hope at the moment and I'm definitely not a master at it all by any means, we tried with a pillow under her butt and she likes it better than without a pillow but still it is no huge improvement. I also want to ask you girls (or even guys) for an input on what my girlfriend could do to improve our sex, I don't think she's ever heard of kegals and she doesn't do nearly as much research on sex as I do but what could she possibly do to maybe help the issue? Are there tighter pussy techniques? (Totally joking but if there actually is something like that, please do share). I'm lost and am looking for guidance through some of you senior members, I'm 18 years old and stressed out of my mind about this because I want this relationship to last. I've finally found the girl I REALLY like and all this is happening, she won't leave me for the size of my penis but I want to satisfy her. I'm not satisfied if she isn't and that is my goal right now! I truly do appreciate any and all help and this is a rather long post so if some of it is jumbled or unclear please simply ask me and I will gladly clarify further. Thank you. PS. I would also appreciate comments such as "end it with her, trust me" to be withheld. My situation just isn't that simple and I cannot let go as easily as others could, I know it is never easy but like I said I won't be giving up and I will fight for her.