I need some help with my sex life...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by _Riker_, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. _Riker_

    _Riker_ New Member

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    What's up guys, recently I made a post about my penis size explaining my frustration but that was in a whole other thread and I'm back with a similar issue that I would like some feedback on from the members on this forum. I don't really have many people to talk to about this and those that I do talk to about it are a bit, unhelpful to say the least. I'm just trying to really open up and figure stuff out so any help is appreciated!

    I'm 5.1" - 5.3" when fully erect, I have a girth of 4.75".

    I'm in a wonderful relationship with a girl that I love to death, I've been with her for three months but we've known each other for two years. The relationship has been great, the only problem we are having is...you guessed it; sex.

    It isn't exactly a problem on her end (atleast she says it isn't, I'm a guy so I insist that it IS a problem because I'm just like that, I'm sorry I really can't help it).

    We tried sex for the first time with a condom a month back and it was horrendous, for me and her; she didn't feel it. It was both our first time and we are both inexperienced. Alright that sucks, moving on now, we try it without a condom, she tells me it's awesome and a big improvement and I'm skeptical because I seem to have a knack for recognizing lies but I love her and I decided to trust her on this.

    We move on and we spent a weekend together in PA; Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning. We had sex about 17 times, certain times were better than others and during some of them I felt really "disconnected" with her, if you know what I mean. I was thrusting and she was moaning and moving but it wasn't right and I noticed it. I waited until after the weekend to ask her about it, I confronted her and expressed my concerns because I want to be as vocal as possible about the issue because it isn't going to solve itself. She instantly tells me "oh no it was great" this and that and I still kept questioning her because I felt an eeriness about her and then she moved into being a little depressed because it is frustrating for her knowing that this is bothering me so much, she thinks it is purely her fault for sending a text message a week or two back (this is when it all really started) to her friend about her "first time" (it wasn't a text message like "OH HE WAS SO SMALL" it was more along the lines of "my first time wasn't that great and I didn't really feel it, he isn't that long"). She constantly tells me how sorry she is and I tell her it is alright and I really am getting better about the situation. I read the conversation and she wasn't being hurtful in any way, she simply explained the situation and my troubles in bed but it still hurt regardless.

    I was mortified with the text message and it still affects me because lets face it, you do it your first time and it turns out you suck in bed. Your confidence PLUMMETS, and I mean PLUMMETS. I try and work past it all and have been making pretty good progress with it all, I still have days where I mope about the fact that my dick isn't a blessing but I can't really do much other than PE exercises and I won't see any serious results any time soon because I don't expect penis enlargement to happen overnight.

    We tried sex again today (she always wants more), it wasn't bad and I came pretty fast (I don't last very long, I need to work on it). It felt a bit distant today and I wasn't feeling great to begin with because we just had the talk about the "disconnection" in PA yesterday.

    It got very emotional and we were both very frustrated, we both fight our hardest for each other and have a very strong connection in just about every aspect other than sex (she tells me she loves it and it connects her with me) because I'm just SO unsure of myself and with the answer I got today I'm even more lost.

    After awhile I kept badgering her about it all because I JUST WANTED THE TRUTH, I wanted it from the beginning and that's really all I want from her. I don't have trouble facing the fact that I have what I have I just want to be able to trust her when she says something, today she told me that we need to do it about 3-4 times before she really feels it. It's only when her vagina is swollen that she can really feel it. After asking her for so long and her telling me it was fine and finally getting an answer like this it was pretty heart sinking. We've done doggy; nothing, we have done her on top; nothing really and I also lose my erection (any ideas on this one?) We've done missionary and I thrust directly into her vagina but as I said she doesn't really feel it unless it's swollen and that sucks A LOT.

    I don't know if it was all 17 times in PA but she said she lied to me about that, so there is another baseball bat to the face.

    While I was penetrating her we tried an unusual variation of missionary and she said it focused on her bottom vaginal wall and she said she liked the sensation so I guess since my girth isn't enough for her I can't do anything with a direct thrust so I need to focus more on a side of her vagina so that she can enjoy herself. It's tough working with her sometimes because she says "I don't want to analyze everything, I just want to enjoy myself" but when I hear that and then she tells me "I don't really feel it unless I get swollen" it just makes me go "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON". I want to figure it out and work with her but it is difficult. I cannot wrap my mind around this and it really is tearing our relationship apart, despite our bedroom troubles we still want to go on with the relationship; both of us.

    During our very emotional conversation today we seriously discussed us parting ways because this seems to be a reoccurring problem in our relationship and it has only gotten worse since that text message and I'll be honest; it is mostly me that is engage in all of this but how in the world can she sit there and enjoy herself when she doesn't feel anything?

    Now with all that being said allow me to provide you with a background as to why I am EXTRA worried about this, we have a strong connection and all and she said sex is great but I know it probably isn't what she wants it to be (assumption and she hasn't had anyone else so she is also lost and doesn't know what she wants but I'm just going with it given my situation) and she will be craving more and at this very moment I cannot provide it with my penis because I'm just not packing down there. She is going out if state to college (about a five hour drive) and I will only be able to see her on breaks and special occasions and I really don't mind this, we're both seniors in high school and I'm staying in state. She is a very smart girl and I can trust that she will make the right decisions in college but I cannot get passed the fact that there might be a feeling of emptiness with her when we get about a year into college for both of us. She'll want to see me more and I won't be able to do it, I'm afraid she'll look for someone else and when she does she may experience the "monster cock" (my nightmare, given my situation) and she will become one to see that sex IS important to her and that I simply cannot provide for her so I will simply be her "best friend". I want to be her man, I want to be her everything, I want to be her best and knowing that I can't perform up to the standard that will most likely pleasure her (going off of a clear assumption here guys but it seems pretty apparent given the feedback and I know not all women WANT big dicks, and I'm not saying that at all. Our anatomies are all different and maybe my key just doesn't fit into her hole properly).

    I'm not going to sit there and come to the conclusion that "oh her vagina must be abnormally large", not only is that ridiculous to make such an assumption it is also very demoralizing and I would never ever want to tell her something like that regardless of how I was feeling. I have a pretty large hand (my middle finger is around 4 and a quarter inches measuring up to about the knuckle), I squished three fingers together today (index finger, middle finger, and my ring finger) into the shape of a penis kind of while I was finger her (ever since the text message I was always very hesitant about fingering her because, well, I don't know if I just have a sick twisted mind but when I see her enjoy it I just see myself sitting there thinking "wow, my cock won't ever do that for her because it simply isn't enough") and I measured my three fingers in girth and obviously it won't be INSANELY accurate because they are fingers and not a penis but I gave myself a rough estimate on it all and it seems that a 5.3" to 6" girth is what she craves and what she will feel to be satisfying.

    I do everything I can in our relationship because I genuinely love her and I don't get into relationships for no apparent reason, I put 110% into everything I do and especially this relationship! I don't like giving up, ever. I don't plan on giving up now and I plan on fighting for this relationship as long as I can until it is simply out of my control, I really would appreciate more of an input from women because I would simply like to hear your side of things (be as brutal as you want because I'm sure I'm acting like the typical male over emphasizing penis size but I don't like creating problems for no reason but I just cannot connect with her if she needs to fake it all the time, I can tell the difference and I don't want to end a relationship on something as ridiculous as this).

    I'd appreciate any added advice on how to increase my girth and what I really wanted to get out of this post are positions or techniques I could use to focus more on the wall of her vagina. Since I am a little under average technique is going to be my only hope at the moment and I'm definitely not a master at it all by any means, we tried with a pillow under her butt and she likes it better than without a pillow but still it is no huge improvement.

    I also want to ask you girls (or even guys) for an input on what my girlfriend could do to improve our sex, I don't think she's ever heard of kegals and she doesn't do nearly as much research on sex as I do but what could she possibly do to maybe help the issue? Are there tighter pussy techniques? (Totally joking but if there actually is something like that, please do share).


    I'm lost and am looking for guidance through some of you senior members, I'm 18 years old and stressed out of my mind about this because I want this relationship to last. I've finally found the girl I REALLY like and all this is happening, she won't leave me for the size of my penis but I want to satisfy her.

    I'm not satisfied if she isn't and that is my goal right now!

    I truly do appreciate any and all help and this is a rather long post so if some of it is jumbled or unclear please simply ask me and I will gladly clarify further.

    Thank you.

    PS. I would also appreciate comments such as "end it with her, trust me" to be withheld. My situation just isn't that simple and I cannot let go as easily as others could, I know it is never easy but like I said I won't be giving up and I will fight for her.
     
    #1 _Riker_, Feb 23, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2012
  2. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    You are the problem, and a bully at that. Why not revisit this relationship after you both have more experience and you're mature enough to respect your partner. I would also add get over your size issues, but if LPSG has taught me one thing, that's not possible...
     
  3. dolfette

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    you're not adult enough to be having sex.
    it's not your dick size that's the issue but your mind.

    how did you know she sent that text? do you read her texts and check her phone? if so, you're a douche bag.

    there are few things more pathetic and less sexy than some insecure bully giving gestapo style grillings over their lacklustre performances. i'm amazed she still agrees to sleep with you at all.

    and for the record, the best sex of my life, sex so good it makes me cry, sex that makes the rest of the world fall away, sex that leaves me a quivering mess in his arms was with a man your size. however, in every way other than penis size, he was the bigger man by far.
     
  4. rtg

    rtg
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    I only read half of it, but think I got the gist of what the rest said...how old are you? you both must be quite young by the sounds of it? you may not be emotionally mature enough yet to really enjoy sex for what it really means on an emotional level.

    No one's (that I know of) first time is ever good.

    I think that you need to realise that (for a lot of people anyway, especially women) great sex isn't about technique or how big your penis is...it's about the emotional connection and closeness you feel with someone when you are making love. I don't want to make wrong judgements here, but if you love eachother, how can you really feel so 'disconnected' during sex? Generally, people get into a natural, uncontrollable rhythm from passionate sex based on their emotional connection It shouldn't be something that you need to think about it.

    I highly doubt the size of your penis is the issue....it's all about how you use it anyway. If she has never had sex before, then she has never had a bigger penis than yours so that can surely not be the reason for your poor sex life. My ex that I lost my virginity too had a tiny penis, but I didn't know anything else and we had a great sex life.

    And as dolfette said, why were you reading her text messages? That's a no-no.
     
  5. _Riker_

    _Riker_ New Member

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    Maybe I am just too immature about it, it is just so hard to wrap my mind around it. Emotionally I know we are connected with one another but she tells me she faked it when we were doing it a couple times, when she has to fake it (it is pretty noticeable) I just feel like I'm not doing my job at all.

    To clarify I didn't read her text messages, I and still don't even after the incident. I was over her house when it happened, we were browsing on her laptop with her laying on top of me and she was txting a couple people. She was typing a text and I saw it completely by mistake, I didn't even try to really read it but I glanced over and I saw "not really that long". What is a man to think after something like that? I feel inadequate.

    I don't bully her about it, I simply let her know how I feel because I'm trying to understand and fix the problem. I don't text her day and night and ask her about it all, I simply try and open up to her and I can notice a problem on her end so I feel like it is my job to try and fix it. Maybe I am bullying her without even realizing it but those aren't my intentions at all...

    She showed me the entire conversation after I confronted her about it and while I appreciate her telling me I'm just not sure what to think.

    She hasn't had a bigger penis but when I finger her I use three fingers and she loves it, the reaction I get from that and when we have sex is TOTALLY different. That's why I feel disconnected, I'm not say that she feels that way but it is just the way I'm feeling and I'm sure that it is my own mind screwing with me but I just can't help it knowing what I know.

    She wants to tell me the truth as it happens but feels the need to hide it and I know she is hiding it because she simply wants to comfort me, she wants to tell me but she just doesn't know how to tell me. Those were her words.

    As I asked before is there a position I could put more emphasis on to please her, is there something I could do? Is there something she could do?
     
  6. dolfette

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    every woman is different, so what works for one will leave another cold.

    i suggest you buy a book and try every position in it. even the ridiculous ones that make you piss yourself laughing. god knows you two could do with lightening the fuck up!

    she fakes because she feels pressured. pressure kills enjoyment. you need to quit worrying about being mr orgasmic and start looking for ways to have fun.

    you remember fun?

    tickle her with a feather. wash her in the bath. lick frickin' custard from her belly button! make dinner whilst holding hands, using one hand each, and then feed each (naked) other from your fingers. whatever the hell it takes for you two to crack a smile over sex.
     
  7. helgaleena

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    I think you need to vary your sex together quite a bit more. Do 69, masturbate each other, and generally get away from depending on vaginal sex for all your fun. Both of you are so young and have so much more to learn about love.

    Just take the focus off what your bodies are like. She doesn't tell you to grow your penis, and you don't tell her to get a boob job. You love the one you are with AS ThEY ARE. Use sex with each other to express your love and to have fun.

    You mentioned coming quickly, which is a very common problem and as you say you can work on that. But relying on tab A in slot B to give her pleasure is part of the problem. She needs to do some research too, into how she orgasms most easily, and then get you involved in that, whatever it may be! Put off penetration and you will find that it grows sweeter from the suspense. Explore every part of one another's bodies.
     
  8. _Riker_

    _Riker_ New Member

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    I guess we'll hold off on sex and we'll only do it when we really feel horny and want to do it. Yesterday we tried it and we sort of experimented throughout and it wasn't good for me because I couldn't keep my erection trying to figure everything out.

    I'm going to take her out tonight and see a romantic movie, maybe a nice bath afterwards and just enjoy each others company. Whatever happens, happens.

    I just don't think I'm large enough to satisfy her because with the condom I can barely feel anything, she gets very wet when we're together so maybe her vagina just gets too big for me when she is aroused.

    I don't know, probably too early to tell but I'm going to keep it going. I'll post about how things go to maybe get some more information from you guys.

    I truly appreciate the responses, thank you!

    Random question but I thought I might ask here instead of making a new thread that might otherwise be redundant. Have you ladies ever been with a large man and could not orgasm?

    Thanks again!
     
  9. dolfette

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    i never orgasm with anyone.

    has she tried kegel exercises,
    and squeezing during sex?
     
  10. D_Bubba_Butter

    D_Bubba_Butter Account Disabled

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    Please, oh please, write shorter posts!

    Putting that aside...

    Your first time is always going to be awkward. It takes time to learn how to pleasure your partner in any new relationship anyway, so desist from moaning about it not being perfect straight away.

    Your dick. It's average, not small & should be fine for the job. The fact that it takes her a while to get swollen & feel maximum sensation suggests to me that you're not spending enough time on foreplay, on getting her really excited & increasing the blood flow to her vagina to make the walls fuller & more sensitive... And for the sake of completeness, it's unlikely that she enjoys your fingers because they're more girthy than your dick - it's probably the fact that they are more versatile in terms of what you can do with them. If you can pick up a pen & write with your dick, let me know.

    The nice ladies above are absolutely right, though. You need to have fun & relax & be less self conscious; if you don't, she won't. Stop going on about it & get down to enjoying learning about what makes your girl tick!

    (& shorter posts...)
     
  11. jameshawket

    jameshawket Member

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    "I also want to ask you girls (or even guys) for an input on what my girlfriend could do to improve our sex"

    Aside from about the other fifteen red flags that popped up in your post, this was the biggest one.

    Your girlfriend is telling you constantly how she is being satisfied, that everything is fine, and that you're doing good. You are the one who is insecure about the whole thing. If she really hated the sex with you, she would say it because you ask her so many damn times.

    It sounds to me like all you want is for her to say, "Yeah you suck in bed." And that sounds like the only response you want from her is to reaffirm the negative self identity that you have about the size of your penis.

    I don't have any advice to give to you as far as making the sex better for you, because it doesn't sound like you're concerned about the sex for her, you want the sex to be good so that you can prove to your male ego that you are good despite the small size you think you have. You're being selfish about the relationship and you want her to be pleased with you, not that you are pleasing her, which she keeps saying you're doing.

    My only adivce to you is one stated above, you need time to grow up emotionally. This girl is going away to college, you two will be apart for a lot of time, and that's a perfect growing opportunity for both of you. If you really love someone, you'd be willing to let them go. If it's meant to be, you can get back together once you're closer again.
     
  12. D_Tam_Ponds

    D_Tam_Ponds Account Disabled

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    Just for the record, you don't need to worry so darned much! Orgasms don't usually happen to women who are inexperienced - don't put so much pressure on it. In fact, don't put pressure on it at all! You both sound like you are learning. Just go with the flow, enjoy yourself, stop stressing and stop obsessing! When you are both totally comfortable with each other, that's when things will get good.
     
  13. MickeyLee

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    *blink* ya young, y'all just started messing around... i doubt ya will end your life with this woman. try to learn what you can. let go of shit making you miserable.

    and don't fuck like it's a job.
    fuck like xmas morning. ya getting something awesome with someone ya care about. enjoy it.

    your penis isn't the issue.. see what Ms. Dolfette and Ms. FLAG said. stop being so mean about your insecurities. ya playing yaself as a victim, some highly sensitive to her responses dude.. well, take notice of the fact that you're kinda verbally beating the heck out of her because you don't trust her. that awesome connection of yours ain't so awesome.

    and you're probably watching too much porn. if *and you might cuz women can be a very forgiving lot* get to have sex with other women you'll notice real pleasure doesn't look anything close to porn. :smile:

    eta: randomly.. i was orgasmic before i started having sex.. and, well.. the trend continued after co-nekkiding began.
     
    #13 MickeyLee, Feb 24, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2012
  14. _Riker_

    _Riker_ New Member

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    I mentioned kegels to her yesterday, she hasn't tried them but I'll try and get her into the groove so maybe that might help. She said she tried tightening her pussy when we had sex but it didn't do much, I'm sure it'll be different after she's done them for awhile.


    I definitely need to relax, no doubt about that. This has been driving me up the wall and it has also been bothering her and that has hurt me even more. Today was great with her, on other days I was happy but then I would think about it a bit and I would get destroyed by it.

    Today I was great all day, I thought about it but I told myself; it just isn't worth it. You're going to ruin a beautiful relationship over something that shouldn't be a problem, it's been doing me well and I'm going to comfort her in every way I can.

    I'm sorry for the long post, I just try and cram in tons of information so that it is easier for members to really understand my predicament.


    She is telling me she is satisfied but I can tell when we have sex that she isn't, the fact that she had to fake it means things aren't "fine". We are early into sex, maybe it isn't a problem for her now because we're just starting but if this is going to be a problem everytime we have sex her desire for it will slowly diminish (I think) and it just doesn't help me when she says one thing but it isn't true and I'm not a detective or anything but I can just SEE IT in her face.

    I'm a visual creature, like most men I assume. If she isn't being pleasured then I'm not being pleasured, her satisfaction is my goal. I care about her so god damn much. It has nothing to do with my ego, I don't have an ego AT ALL. I'm such a modest person it just isn't funny lol, everyone tells me this and I don't want to satisfy her to stroke my ego. I want to satisfy her because she is the girl I have such strong feelings for and I don't want her to feel the need to fake it to satisfy me. In the end faking it just doesn't work (I really don't think so), it builds up and over time I really think it will just all be released in one big swoop and it just isn't something I want to deal with later in our relationship. I don't want her coming out about it while she is away in college, how devastating would that be? For both of us.

    I would never make her feel guilty for going away to college that is just ridiculous on so many levels, but you cannot blame me for worrying about her.

    I need to relax about the whole thing and I'm getting better at it, thanks for your input man.

    Thanks, after reading all this it helps out a lot and I'm going to just get over it and enjoy myself. Forget this ridiculous thought I have in my head and just do my best to make it wonderful for her.

    I'm definitely constituting a lot of my problems with inexperience, I'm going to try my best to learn in a way that makes us both extremely happy. No more thinking about this stupid thing and I'm just going to go at it, whenever the time calls for it we're just going to do it and make the best of it!
     
  15. Kotchanski

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    I thought long and hard about how to say this without sounding mean, but for the life of me I can't... If you really want to improve this woman's sex life, I recommend leaving her so she can find someone mature enough to be having sex with.

    Your obsession with your penis size, or your dedication to SPH without ever actually mentioning it (I can't work out which it is) is going to kill any and all enjoyment she could ever possibly get out of sex.

    Worst sex of my life was with a guy just shy of 11", I was quite literally singing songs to myself to stop falling asleep. This is pointless though, because you aren't listening to the woman you apparently love, so why the fuck you think talking to a bunch of people on a site who's very existence supports your self-imposed issues is beyond me.
     
  16. dolfette

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    she's faking because you're going on about how she's not enjoying it!

    ffs.
     
  17. MickeyLee

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    *sigh* Ms. Dolfette should have unlimited air travel and an international licenses to smack a bitch.
     
  18. dolfette

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    i would slap his face with my ten foot metaphorical penis.
     
  19. Florida Boy

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    You talk too much. Sounds like your will only accept the negative as the truth. Also, maybe she just has an unusually large cunt.
     
  20. nicenycdick

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    To the OP: You are clearly on the path to SPH...if not already there. I don't say this just because you are obsessed about your perceived small size. What annoys is your need to talk about it endlessly...to us and to her.

    I am really not interested in giving advice to posters who abuse it. And your continued posts pretending to ask for advice when all you want to do it talk about your tiny penis amounts to abuse.

    Stop now before you really embarass yourself.
     
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