I need some help with my sex life...

_Riker_

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I mean guys, I'm new to the sex scene. This is the first week I've been vocal about it and it's been bothering me for a good two weeks. It's not like I've raving on about it for months on end.

I'm taking all of this advice into great consideration, try and understand the anxiety I'm feeling though. Logically speaking yes it is absolutely ridiculous to worry about something like this but when it first happened to me I didn't know what to think, I simply posted because I wanted to talk about it some more. I've had it bottled up and it's only gotten worse and ever since I've made this post and asked my girlfriend to be more vocal about it things have gotten MUCH better.

She's noticed it, I've noticed it and I'm getting back into it.

I apologize if I frustrated anyone because I'm sure this might be a reoccurring issue, this wasn't my intention at all. I also appreciate the bluntness of some of your answers, it's tough to take sometimes but it really is something that I needed.

It's helping and once again, I appreciate all of the input I've been getting thus far.

Thank you.
 

seekingpeace

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OP: I don't pretend to understand why most people in this thread are being so snarky with you.

If you'd be willing to, it might help you a lot to try and relax about it.

Think of it this way: You're hanging out with a friend one day, and that friend makes a stupid joke about your shoes. He is worried it offended you. You don't really care so much.

If that friend of yours asks you 3x a day every day for 9 months if you are all right because they think you are mad - are you eventually going to become angry with them?

The answer might shed some light on your girlfriend's situation. Granted that I could easily be wrong - and I'm not pretending to have insight into your relationship or know what either of you are going through.

My advice to you, if you think that the issue here is really about your penis: Try toys. Try cocksheaths. Try extenders. Eggplants. Using your hands. Tree roots. Add to what you have and work with it. Most men on this planet have dicks at or under 6 inches. Yet somehow they get laid, too.

More extended lifelong advice would be to breathe and relax.

Beyond that, I wish you the best.
 

_Riker_

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OP: I don't pretend to understand why most people in this thread are being so snarky with you.

If you'd be willing to, it might help you a lot to try and relax about it.

Think of it this way: You're hanging out with a friend one day, and that friend makes a stupid joke about your shoes. He is worried it offended you. You don't really care so much.

If that friend of yours asks you 3x a day every day for 9 months if you are all right because they think you are mad - are you eventually going to become angry with them?

The answer might shed some light on your girlfriend's situation. Granted that I could easily be wrong - and I'm not pretending to have insight into your relationship or know what either of you are going through.

My advice to you, if you think that the issue here is really about your penis: Try toys. Try cocksheaths. Try extenders. Eggplants. Using your hands. Tree roots. Add to what you have and work with it. Most men on this planet have dicks at or under 6 inches. Yet somehow they get laid, too.

More extended lifelong advice would be to breathe and relax.

Beyond that, I wish you the best.

Thanks man, I'm certainly going to take a whole new approach on this whole thing. I've driven myself crazy over this, it's been a learning experience. Talking to people about it has helped me out immensely, by myself I would sit there and just run random scenarios through my head without having a clear view or understanding of the situation.

When I have input from various individuals it just helps SO much, before my brain was like this; http://www.mindagame.com/images/screens/jpp1.jpg

Now it's more like this; http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3297/3292019517_3360e8afa4.jpg

Thanks again!
 

NotSoDumb_Blonde

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I think seekingpeace gave you some great advice. You're all so new to sex. Relax, take it easy, and enjoy.

If you're worried over her faking it, don't make her. If she senses you are worried or stressing out over sex, she's going to fake it to make you happy!

Settle in with her by using your fingers and duh, your fingers are not your penis! But, your fingers can hit her spot directly! That's what she likes, most likely, not the 'size' of your fingers. And don't be jealous of what turns her on. I mean, who cares if your fingers throw her in a tail spin, or your dick? So, don't stress over what turns her on! If she has an orgasm with your fingers or mouth -- that's freaking awesome!

After she does, then have penetration sex and have more fun. You can't compare penetration orgasms to other climaxes. I mean, wow, good for you if you've even helped her achieve an orgasm. :) Seriously! Relax and ENJOY sex with her. Her body. Her. Sex is about much more than your dick and her vagina. And, I've said it once, I'll say it again, the BEST orgasms of my life -- so far!-- have been with a man with a way smaller penis than yours! What he did with his mouth....omg. And his body? Wow....did I orgasm from penetration? No, but by the time we got to that? I was already satisfied.

You need to simply let it go. No matter what, don't bring it up again, or if you do, say something about starting over, and apologize for obsessing over sex/your size/her faking it. Whatever, but sex is so much more than the sweaty meeting of two bodies -- it starts with the brain -- and you need to turn hers back on! Be strong, stop stressing, and have some fun!

Good for you two, by the way, for trying to make this work. And asking for some help.
 

_Jonesy

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Dude, for fuck sake. I recognise a lot of what you said through empathy and I can tell you this right now:

Prepare for a break up because this relationship is on one hell of a downward spiral at the minute. It is quite clear she is ready and mature enough for a relationship but you clearly are not. She is going to College soon too where she will meet loads of new people and be getting her drink on most nights.

She has also lied about your performance to keep you up-beat so she is likely secretly thinking this relationship is souring, especially if she is as intelligent as you say. The bottom line is as mentioned about: You keep asking her if she is unhappy. It shows a lack of self-esteem (unattractive) and shows her you can't make her happy if you aren't happy in yourself. You keep pestering her about something which originally probably never bothered her.

Sorry bud, I wish I could offer you advice but I think you're too far down this road to pull it back. You love her too much basically and no matter what we say you're going to be paranoid when she goes and you're not going to get over this penis hatred any time soon. It isn't as simple as putting your little jigsaw back together - you feel good now, great but recovery is never instant. Learn from this and grow. You're going to get hurt if you keep doing this to yourself. The length of your posts show your mind currently is 100% focused on her and that isn't healthy dude.

Oh and before I forget stop buying into stereotypes about sex. You haven't even been having sex for half a year and you sound like you expect yourself to be a pornstar. The best sex for you comes when you love a girl... the best sex for her comes when you love yourself and know how to express yourself as such.

Confidence. Instead of being worried about it you should have been asking her to experiment and try new things with you to explore each other.
 
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_Riker_

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I think seekingpeace gave you some great advice. You're all so new to sex. Relax, take it easy, and enjoy.

If you're worried over her faking it, don't make her. If she senses you are worried or stressing out over sex, she's going to fake it to make you happy!

Settle in with her by using your fingers and duh, your fingers are not your penis! But, your fingers can hit her spot directly! That's what she likes, most likely, not the 'size' of your fingers. And don't be jealous of what turns her on. I mean, who cares if your fingers throw her in a tail spin, or your dick? So, don't stress over what turns her on! If she has an orgasm with your fingers or mouth -- that's freaking awesome!

After she does, then have penetration sex and have more fun. You can't compare penetration orgasms to other climaxes. I mean, wow, good for you if you've even helped her achieve an orgasm. :) Seriously! Relax and ENJOY sex with her. Her body. Her. Sex is about much more than your dick and her vagina. And, I've said it once, I'll say it again, the BEST orgasms of my life -- so far!-- have been with a man with a way smaller penis than yours! What he did with his mouth....omg. And his body? Wow....did I orgasm from penetration? No, but by the time we got to that? I was already satisfied.

You need to simply let it go. No matter what, don't bring it up again, or if you do, say something about starting over, and apologize for obsessing over sex/your size/her faking it. Whatever, but sex is so much more than the sweaty meeting of two bodies -- it starts with the brain -- and you need to turn hers back on! Be strong, stop stressing, and have some fun!

Good for you two, by the way, for trying to make this work. And asking for some help.

Thanks for the insight, last night I apologized to her and it made a world of difference. Everything feels like it is back as it should be. Before all of this (the post, me talking to people and all) I thought that if I couldn't make her orgasm through penetration I was just disappointing her.

Terrible train of that but that's just what I was thinking when it came down to it, all of this information has changed my view tremendously.

Thanks again.



Dude, for fuck sake. I recognise a lot of what you said through empathy and I can tell you this right now:

Prepare for a break up because this relationship is on one hell of a downward spiral at the minute. It is quite clear she is ready and mature enough for a relationship but you clearly are not. She is going to College soon too where she will meet loads of new people and be getting her drink on most nights.

She has also lied about your performance to keep you up-beat so she is likely secretly thinking this relationship is souring, especially if she is as intelligent as you say. The bottom line is as mentioned about: You keep asking her if she is unhappy. It shows a lack of self-esteem (unattractive) and shows her you can't make her happy if you aren't happy in yourself. You keep pestering her about something which originally probably never bothered her.

Sorry bud, I wish I could offer you advice but I think you're too far down this road to pull it back. You love her too much basically and no matter what we say you're going to be paranoid when she goes and you're not going to get over this penis hatred any time soon. It isn't as simple as putting your little jigsaw back together - you feel good now, great but recovery is never instant. Learn from this and grow. You're going to get hurt if you keep doing this to yourself. The length of your posts show your mind currently is 100% focused on her and that isn't healthy dude.

Oh and before I forget stop buying into stereotypes about sex. You haven't even been having sex for half a year and you sound like you expect yourself to be a pornstar. The best sex for you comes when you love a girl... the best sex for her comes when you love yourself and know how to express yourself as such.

Confidence. Instead of being worried about it you should have been asking her to experiment and try new things with you to explore each other.

I appreciate the bluntness, recovery may not be instant but compared to what I was feeling last week to what I'm feeling now; big difference.

We had sex yesterday after our romantic night together and it was actually very good, we tried a bit more modified missionary and it looked like she was enjoying herself a lot and we were both laughing. As I said I'm not mortified about my penis size, if everyone knew how big I was it really wouldn't bother me that much. What bothered me was that she wasn't happy and she didn't come to me about it (I know it was to keep me happy but I'd rather her tell me then to find out the way that I did).

I told her when we started this relationship that I wanted communication to be key, if she was vocal I would listen and take her word (which I do and still am doing and will continue to do throughout the relationship).

We have a very natural relationship her and I, we click like nothing. This incident did change me a lot and she noticed it and it saddened her, last night while we were out together I talked to her about it one more time and I really just felt relieved to be able to finally get over it.

I apologized to her about the way I've been moping around and acting towards her, I told her how I lost sight of why I loved her in the first place (which I did). She apologized to me for not talking to me about it first and for having to have me find out the way that I did (text message). While this whole ordeal certainly wasn't an awesome experience for me I wouldn't say it was all that bad. It was tough and emotional but we got through it, since then she's been MUCH more vocal about what she wants and likes.

Our relationship feels like it is back to normal.

If she doesn't talk then we can't work anything out, and that was the problem when we first started having sex she just went with it. When we had sex I was VERY confident before the text message I wasn't embarrassed or anything. I wasn't acting weird, I wasn't doing anything abnormal and we were just all over each other.

I'm much more comfortable in bed in comparison to before because she is working with me now, I have stronger and harder erections and it is making a difference.

The length of my posts are like this because this is just how I usually post, a lot of detail and background. On other message boards I'm like this too haha. Sorry. :/

Also it seems it may have came across that I was texting her everyday asking her if she was happy, I wasn't. I confronted her about it the night she sent the text message, once more after that and the last time I asked was after PA.

I needed her to talk to me, I needed to talk to someone about it, if I didn't what do you expect to happen? Me to just get over it by myself? Clearly that didn't work but after I posted it on here, talked to more people in my life about it I finally got myself out of thinking the way I did initially.

I'm sexual inexperienced, I didn't know what to do when I read the text message. Cut me some slack, atleast.
 
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_Riker_

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Last night the sex was pretty good and I'm very happy with it all. The entire night was awesome. I guess I'll post updates to let others know how it goes, for those that are interested.
 

_Jonesy

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Well your reply to me was encouraging to say the least. Maybe the advice here is sinking in :)

Good luck.
 

_Riker_

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Warning - this post isn't as concise as I promised it would be. :p

I had an interesting experience last night, I think I may have made her orgasm (although I'm sort of second guessing myself just because but I think I did).

We came home after a birthday party and she was in the mood for some sex, both of us. We had about an hour and a half so we did it, starting with missionary it was solid. She liked it, we then moved to her on top and that's where it seemed to happen. She took control and rode me vigorously, really fast and hard. She was moaning and whining. She was going, going, going....gone. She just stopped and fell to the side of me and after a couple moments told me she had an orgasm.

I asked her if she could describe it, she wasn't sure if it was clitoral or vaginal. She put her hand by her vagina and said "holy shit", she was gushing fluid from her vagina. It was incredibly wet, I know that wetness is in response to arousal but I don't think she's every been THAT wet.

For you ladies out there is it common for you to get really wet after you orgasm? Not like squirting, just a lot of fluid coming out?

So yeah that was my night lol, things have been going great between us. Something else that was awesome is apparently I got a handle on my premature ejaculation, it certainly isn't GONE but I'm applying these different techniques to try and stop it from happening.

My girlfriend reminded me yesterday "babe, you just last 45 fucking minutes" which I didn't even notice. After she said that we tried missionary again and I came pretty fast lol.

I've been reading a lot about premature ejaculation and it really is mostly physiological, you just need to get a handle on it.

But that's my update on things, thought I'd let everyone know. :)
 

D_Bubba_Butter

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Warning - this post isn't as concise as I promised it would be. :p

No, but it's getting better!

[big chunk missing]

I've been reading a lot about premature ejaculation and it really is mostly physiological, you just need to get a handle on it.

But that's my update on things, thought I'd let everyone know. :)


That's excellent, Riker! I'm really happy for you. Sounds like you just relaxed & had fun, & you both enjoyed yourselves. If she says she came, just believe her & don't second guess. & don't aim for a length of time - great sex is great sex, no matter how long it lasts.

Keep it up! :)

p.s. I think you mean psychological for the PE, not physiological...
 

_Riker_

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No, but it's getting better!




That's excellent, Riker! I'm really happy for you. Sounds like you just relaxed & had fun, & you both enjoyed yourselves. If she says she came, just believe her & don't second guess. & don't aim for a length of time - great sex is great sex, no matter how long it lasts.

Keep it up! :)

p.s. I think you mean psychological for the PE, not physiological...

Thanks man and yes I meant psychological, I was typing this really fast because I was going to the gym haha.

I was really surprised with myself because we had sex on Friday night too and it wasn't that great, we both came to the conclusion that it sucked (I think we were both tired and exhausted from work and school).

Saturday was just fantastic though, on Friday I lasted like 2-5 minutes and I went from 2-5 minutes to 45 minutes. I can't believe it.
 

D_Bubba_Butter

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It's like everything else in life - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's, well... not so good. Take it as it comes (no pun intended), now you've shown yourself what can happen when you just relax & enjoy it.

It's the same for everyone. Also, remember that to the guys in porn, it's just another mundane job - like cleaning windows or stacking shelves. They smile and pout and make funny noises because they have to to earn their crust. You're in a much better position to enjoy yourself than they are, because it's not just a physical connection between you & your girl...

Have fun. :)