I need some serious advise .....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by XSILVER, Oct 25, 2010.

  1. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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    O.K. So I'm gonna try and keep this short and sweet....

    Friday night my mother and father were off to (one of many) high society gala things... and just after they had left, I went to the table that we have in the front hall of our house to get a ciggerette out of my pack and just then my mother's phone lights up with a TXT message (the phone was right beside my smokes) the message read..."So your at a lovely dinner party, and im recovering from great sex :) thanks for a fabulous time he he he" Well needless to say my heart dropped to my feet.

    A little background info.... My parents have been together since they were 13, have been married 39 years and we own a family business where we all work together. My mother pretty much comes and goes as she pleases (always has) and does not work Fridays..... Moving on

    I became inraged and it was only growing more and more.... I started to go thru her contact list to match up the number the TXT came from with a numbers in her contacts and BAMB.... there it was! The number was from a woman!!! W T F ? There was also a voice message on her phone from this woman from earlier that day saying that she was at such and such an intersection and that she would probably be there befor 1:00...

    I am a total wreck over this and have not been able to sleep all weekend. I have't talked to anyone about this, not even my BF. He knows something is bothering me but this is a family matter and a potentially emberassing one at that. My hands are shaking uncontroably as i am typing this...

    I have not really spoken to my mother all weekend and when i have i have been cold and short with her. I think she knows that I came accorss the TXT on her phone.

    After work today I was going to ask her to explane herself the TXT to me. And try NOT to jump to conclusions.

    A) Is it safe to assume that she is cheating on my father?
    B) What should my approach be?


    PLEASE PLEASE HELP me with any advise you can give.
     
  2. RedScrotum

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    IMHO
    I wouldn't try to control my mother's sex life.

    a) Maybe your father already knows.
    b) She accepts your sex life (being gay), you should do the same.

    It's unfortunate that you saw that txt.
     
  3. HiddenLacey

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    I agree that it's unfortunate that you saw that. My Mom cheated on my father, I know because sometimes she took me with her. I never told my father about it as a child and I've still never told him about it, but my parents are no longer together.

    I'm not sure after seeing something like that, that I would be able to keep it to myself and not ask my Mother about it now that I'm an adult. Don't assume anything until you talk to her about it. Realistically she could be cheating on him, but then again both of your parents could have been with the other woman or it could have even been a silly joke.

    If you feel the need to talk to her about it, approach it as calmly as you can. Remember your Mother is still a person just like you are with wants and desires and needs and everyone makes mistakes. I wish you goodluck.
     
  4. Charles Finn

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    I know you love you mother but it is her life.
    if you HAVE to talk to her about it then fine but you are both adults.
    be kind and understanding.
     
  5. tgirlsrgreat

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    quit sticking your nose in others/their private business. never safe to assume anything. (maybe it was a threesome and dad was the meat in their sandwich!!)

    here's an idea move the hell out of your parent's house!!! it's not our house, its their house, unless of course you are on the mortgage, in which case i will retract this part.

    oh yeah, go back to school and work on your spelling.
     
    #5 tgirlsrgreat, Oct 25, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2010
  6. RedScrotum

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    Someone needs to get laid....soon
     
  7. tgirlsrgreat

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    :flirt::laugh2:yes please!!
     
  8. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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    SUBMISSIVEGIRL 83, Charles Finn

    Yes you are totally right, and the thought that it may have been a joke or that this other woman was seeking my mothers advise on her own personal sex life followed by a thank you TXT to my mother afterwards had crossed my mind. Which is why i am trying NOT to over react... Thank you both

    Tgirlsrgreat,

    I was not going thru her phone to find any info or to cheak up on her... It was out in plain view and i just happened to be right there when the TXT came. As for your ignorant comments.... being a family home, it is communal home and my name does not need to be on the deed to the house for it to also me mine.... Thats the way we have been brought up! As for my spelling and education, GO FUCK YOURSELF! I know that my spelling is far from perfect and do not need a love deprived openionated bitter queen to make that the target of it's response.
     
  9. Mr_Bulldog

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    You forgot the apostrophe after the "s". hahaha :headbang:
     
  10. tgirlsrgreat

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    :pat:thanks!! duly noted and corrected!!!!:bad2:
     
  11. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    Put yourself in your mothers shoes. Would you like her rifeling through your things and asking you about who you are banging? You need to get over it babe, you have parents that are adults and have a life outside of you and the family. Let them keep it that way. It does not matter why you went through her phone, you did and it's really not cool. As soon as you picked it up and started reading your mothers personal stuff, you became in the wrong and any talk is going to be resented I think....
     
  12. guynmn

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    I agree. Noticing a txt on a phone in plain view and reviewing contact lists/voicemail are two very different things. I realize the thought of your mother cheating is disturbing but again, that is an assumption made without knowing circumstances you were not privy to. It could be a joke, 3-some, 4-some, open relationship or cheating. I know few parents who discuss their sex life with their children. I know even fewer who discuss alternative sexual agreements. She is an adult and you violated her privacy. The matter does not concern you. You are not a party to their marriage. Just like they are not a party to your relationship. Would you welcome your mother or father to review your contacts, voicemail, and/or investigate your relationships? The rationalization for this irrelevant. Personally I would be very angry if my child reviewed my contacts and listened to my messages even if the only thing discovered was my dry cleaning was done. There are boundaries that being ones child does not eliminate. Your role is that of thier son. This does not change no matter what you discover, if they remain married, or separate. You Have no control, duty, or ability to manage their relationship. I take the same stance as in the case of kids blaming themselves for divorce in this issue. That is That it is not your issue, so check That baggage and worry about your own carry on.
     
  13. biJackTex

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    your parents have been together since they were 13??? whoaa! just based on that I would hope they have some type of open or alternative sexual relationship.
     
  14. Countryguy63

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  15. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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    big tits4big dicks & guynmn,

    With respect to your thoughts and comments about me being wrong by going through my mothers phone.... Your 110% correct, I was in the wrong. I know this and im not going to try and defend my actions. In the heat of the moment it's just what I did. My parents and us (my sister and I) are not the types to dicuess sexual aspects of one another's lives so if there was and arraingment between her and my father, we wouldn't know about it. (with out predigest) I beleive that this issue does infact concern/involve me as it (MAY) be infidelity not only to my father but also to the family. I feel betraied my self. I know what your saying with refrence to not having control, duty or ability to manage their relationship, thats not what I am trying to do. I guess I just want to know the truth.
     
  16. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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  17. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    XSILVER ... you may not care for my answer. You opted to, knowing there might be consequences, take a heat-of-the-moment, one-time action and read your mom's text.

    She, herself, knowing there might be consequences, may have taken a heat-of-the-moment, one-time action and had a sexual liaison with someone other than your dad.

    Or, it might be something totally different.

    My advice? Put the whole thing down for several days. Talk it over with someone you trust who is not involved with your family. Commit to taking no action until your head is clearer about all this.
     
  18. tgirlsrgreat

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    I know what your saying with refrence to not having control, duty or ability to manage their relationship, thats not what I am trying to do. I guess I just want to know the truth.





    then you should ask your questions, but (i mean this from the heart) be prepared for your relationship to be changed forever, which may be inevitable either way.

    good luck!!
     
  19. pacman1062

    pacman1062 Member

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    Xsliver,

    Please, Please, Please, reconsider your actions. This matter is best left between your mother & father (and any other parties they are invoved with, sexually). While you may feel that your mother has betrayed the family, you don't know the whole story. Your father may well be aware or even a part of this.

    I have been "checked up on", and don't like the feeling. Actually, I've even done that to someone a long long time ago, and hated the feeling that came from doing it. I honestly think the hurt I felt was not only from feeling that I betrayed someone I cared about, but, the info I found out was hurtful as well. I have been in a lot of relationships since, and vowed to never do that again. There are no guarantees, but, I'm sure if the thought pops into my head.....I'll think long and hard about ever doing that again.

    I understand that you just want to "know" the truth, but, maybe this truth is not YOURS to know.

    Try to remain calm. There may not be anything going on. But, whatever is going on does not, at this point in time, involve you!

    Best wishes,
     
  20. helgaleena

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    I know you regret finding out that your mom has a more complex sex life than you realized, but she's a grownup, and hopefully, so are you.

    You may 'want to know the truth', but consider carefully whether it would be right of you to ask! Because asking her flat out is the only way to get truth. And even then, she might fib. It's a 50/50 chance that whatever she says won't convince you anyway.

    This is really none of your business, even if she is your mother. Try to forget about it and go on with your life. Give your parents a little space. If it still bothers you, get away completely and find another place to stay.
     
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