I need some serious advise .....

[XSILVER]

krispdx,
I asked for advise meaning the good AND the bad... you are right in your responce and that is what i have done. I'v mulled it over since Friday and now I am looking to all of you for your openions. which for the record have all been great and very different from one another.

tgirlsrgreat
I understand what you are saying and I am prepaired to handle a change in our relationship even know that i would prefer it to remain unchanged. It is just the way it goes i guess

pacman1062

I have never "checked up" on anyone befor! not ever and this was the first and LAST time. There has been a lesson learned here!!! But do you not think that I should have a "calm and collected" conversation with her saying that I know about the TXT and let her talk about it?

 

[Finker]

O.K. So I'm gonna try and keep this short and sweet....

"So your at a lovely dinner party, and im recovering from great sex thanks for a fabulous time he he he"

Am I the only one who sees nothing wrong here ?

They happened to hang out sometime that day and she was thanking your mom for hanging out, all the while telling her that she happened to have sex with someone (does not necessarily have to be your mom at all). It's girl talk and they do that all the time.

Why is everyone on here assuming the absolute worse when the man is asking for some serious advice ?

 

[tgirlsrgreat]

have you read the whole thread? any number of folks said to not assume anything.

 

[Cybearia]

Im afraid I agree with the above posters. What your mother does is really none of your business. I know that sounds harsh, but she is an adult with her own life to live.

Your phones must differ from ours over here in that I have never seen a message just come up on screen. Normally there is a "new message" alert, but not the actual message itself. It is unfortunate, for you, your mother AND your father that you "happened" to be by the phone at the time the message "happened" to appear.

Your father may well be aware of the arrangement, or he may not. Do you give your partner a full run down of your every action?

From reading your responses to other peoples' suggestions I strongly suspect you are going to take the dramatic option and confront your mother. What do you hope to gain? At best you will learn that your mother likes sex with women, at worst you could destroy your parents marriage and your relationship with your mother...they may split up, selll the house, the repercussions are far reaching...Once the excitement of the drama is over there will be a hell of a lot of cleaning up to do.

What was it some bloke once said? "Let him who is without sin...etc."

In a nutshell - keep quiet, forget you saw the text, move on.

 

[laser90]

d BAMB.... there it was! The number was from a woman!!! W T F ? There was also a voice message on her phone from this woman from earlier that day saying that she was at such and such an intersection and that she would probably be there befor 1:00...

Having the name not populate on the text message since it was already in the address book and knowing the password to listen to voice messages (all the phones I ever had you HAVE to set a password to access) Make this story a little fishy....so to speak.

 

[tgirlsrgreat]

Small issue with this story.... You know your mothers password to her voice Messages? The wheels came off your story for me at this point........

you don't have to lock everything. my messages pop up automatically and my address book is not locked. voicemail is the same way, you just have to click on voicemail and you are in as long as it is my phone.

 

[Cybearia]

my messages pop up automatically.

I stand corrected...I didn't know phones did that!

 

[tgirlsrgreat]

I stand corrected...I didn't know phones did that!

you don't have to lock everything. my messages pop up automatically and my address book is not locked. voicemail is the same way, you just have to click on voicemail and you are in as long as it is my phone.

p.s. i catch you doing it and i am going to kick your ass. it is quite the invasion of privacy and has ruined more than one relationship. not any of mine, but i know plenty of guys and gals for which it has and is really at the crux of this entire discussion.

 

[Cybearia]

p.s. i catch you doing it and i am going to kick your ass. it is quite the invasion of privacy and has ruined more than one relationship. not any of mine, but i know plenty of guys and gals for which it has and is really at the crux of this entire discussion.

I agree that, if this story is true, there is a fundamental question here about respect for privacy.

Oh...and I would certainly NEVER look through your phone tgirlsrgreat...I suspect whatever is on there would be way too much for my innocent eyes...:tongue:

 

[424365]

I know few parents who discuss their sex life with their children.

And even less children who want to know. haha Zinnnnnng

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

O.K. So I'm gonna try and keep this short and sweet....

Friday night my mother and father were off to (one of many) high society gala things... and just after they had left, I went to the table that we have in the front hall of our house to get a ciggerette out of my pack and just then my mother's phone lights up with a TXT message (the phone was right beside my smokes) the message read..."So your at a lovely dinner party, and im recovering from great sex thanks for a fabulous time he he he" Well needless to say my heart dropped to my feet.

A little background info.... My parents have been together since they were 13, have been married 39 years and we own a family business where we all work together. My mother pretty much comes and goes as she pleases (always has) and does not work Fridays..... Moving on

I became inraged and it was only growing more and more.... I started to go thru her contact list to match up the number the TXT came from with a numbers in her contacts and BAMB.... there it was! The number was from a woman!!! W T F ? There was also a voice message on her phone from this woman from earlier that day saying that she was at such and such an intersection and that she would probably be there befor 1:00...

I am a total wreck over this and have not been able to sleep all weekend. I have't talked to anyone about this, not even my BF. He knows something is bothering me but this is a family matter and a potentially emberassing one at that. My hands are shaking uncontroably as i am typing this...

I have not really spoken to my mother all weekend and when i have i have been cold and short with her. I think she knows that I came accorss the TXT on her phone.

After work today I was going to ask her to explane herself the TXT to me. And try NOT to jump to conclusions.

A) Is it safe to assume that she is cheating on my father?
B) What should my approach be?


PLEASE PLEASE HELP me with any advise you can give.

maybe your mother interacted with this woman while she was on a date with someone else, or took her out to a place where she met the guy/gay who is pounding her

 

[D_N Flay Table]

THEDUDEofDestiny could be onto something. Could be totally innocent. Imho you should mind your beeswax. I am sure you wouldn't like your folks going through your phone. Just sayn.

 

[XSILVER]

O.K. as for the whole cell phone debate... she has an iPhone. When a txt comes up it showes the fiest portion of the message on the homescreen. Anyone with an iPhone knows that. the phone does not have a lock on it and as for the voice mail... you just push a button and there they are... Thats Apple's ingenius way of maying our lives a living hell...

 

[424365]

Thais is eating me up from the inside out and need to release this pain. Cheating is something that i feel strongley against and always have. It is just revualting to me.

Once again you are operating under the assumption that she is cheating. The fact of the matter remains it really is none of your concern unless they decide to let you in on it. WHo knows things could turn out for the worse but its between them and what you have to say really doesn't matter being their child. Or things could turn out you were wrong and it was a joke or they are in an open relationship or something still they are grown adults and it's they're choice.

I applaud you for ideals about sanctity of marriage and such but that doesn't make them better than all others' ideals.

Just my two cents, spend it as you will.

 

[B_patrickmcc]

Even though I was raised in a much more open sexual arena than you were, xsilver, I fully understand the angst you are going through. My parents were very open about their sexuality, and countless times I have heard them having sex. They are both rather uninhibited, and quite vocal. They have never said a word when I have had a guest (either or male or female) over. However, there is still something about picturing your parents having sex that is difficult. (Wasnt too wild when my sister was getting screwed the first time either, but got over it.) Being gay, you might want to think about your Mom's issues over the years having sexual urges for other women, and how hard it must have been for her to deal with that, in earlier days when that was completely unacceptable behavior.
I truly enjoy having sex with men and women. I get different needs fulfilled from each, and if I'm strictly hetero for a while, or strictly gay for a while, I find myself missing the part I'm not getting from the other (if that makes any sense). Has nothing to do with "love", just my sexual instincts and needs. All Im saying is that your mom certainly loves your Dad, probably on multiple levels, but has this need she needs to fulfill as well.
My best advise is to let this go, and not discuss with your Mom, (and certainly not with your Dad). Maybe time will help you deal with this.
good luck.

 

[ericbythebay]

You are missing a lot of context and jumping to conclusions.

I've sent text messages to the wrong person, hell, I've send dick pics to the wrong person. I also say things to friends that to a third-party could look like something it isn't.

I would leave it alone and be happy in knowing that your mother is sexually liberated enough that she has close friends she can talk with about sex.

 

[nudeyorker]

I did not read the entire thread. The text could have nothing to do with your mother. She could have been recovering from sex with someone else... She could be thanking your mother for a lovely lunch or something before she had her sexual encounter...
However I think you should respect her privacy as you would want her to respect yours if the situation were reversed.

 

[Tee&A]

After work today I was going to ask her to explane herself the TXT to me. And try NOT to jump to conclusions.

Why does your mother have to "explane" anything to you?

A) Is it safe to assume that she is cheating on my father?

It is never safe to assume anything. Your mother assumed she had a right to privacy in her own home, and lookit how that turned out :smile:.

B) What should my approach be?

The non-approach approach. It is honestly not your concern. If your mother is having an affair it is between she and your father, not you. No one can stop your feelings from being hurt, but that doesn't give you a right to expect answers from your mother about her personal life. And before any asks, yes, if it were my mother in the same situation I would feel the same way. I would, however, ask her if she was using condoms/dental dams/etc to protect herself. I'm a sweet kid that way :biggrin1:.

 

[tgirlsrgreat]

Why does your mother have to "explane" anything to you?


It is never safe to assume anything. Your mother assumed she had a right to privacy in her own home, and lookit how that turned out :smile:.


The non-approach approach. It is honestly not your concern. If your mother is having an affair it is between she and your father, not you. No one can stop your feelings from being hurt, but that doesn't give you a right to expect answers from your mother about her personal life. And before any asks, yes, if it were my mother in the same situation I would feel the same way. I would, however, ask her if she was using condoms/dental dams/etc to protect herself. I'm a sweet kid that way :biggrin1:.

careful, he's touchy about his spelling skills!

 

[big_tits4big_dicks]

Why do you feel your mother has to explain her actions? It seems like you feel cheated on, and I don't understand that. Maybe if you were a small child, I can see you having feelings about people with your mommy, but I think you are a grown adult. IF there is a problem it is an issue between your father and his wife. If you can't handle your parents having a life you don't approve of, maybe it is time for you to move out and give them some space? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I'm just putting myself in your mothers shoes. Maybe marriage means one thing to you and another to your parents. You say you want to know the truth, you don't know how wrong you could be. Lets jump to a conclusion. Lets say it's not a little lesbian affair. What if your mother likes to wear leather chaps and whip people while your father watches? Still glad you know the truth or wish you had let it be? What if it's worse? Let it go, maybe talk to a therapist to help you sort out a healthy mother son relationship.