I need tips on approaching women

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by shyyguy123, Aug 16, 2011.

  1. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2010
    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I'm 24 and always had moderate social anxiety. As a result I've never been great with women, mainly approaching them which I pretty much never do. Luckily online dating has worked for me so I have been out with quite a few women. I've worked on my social anxiety the past few years and it's gotten a lot better and I'm really itching to get out there and start approaching women in person. I just don't really know where to start, so I'd love some opinions/advice.

    I guess my main problem is that I have no idea what to say. Exactly how blunt can you be? I mean if you see a woman you find attractive can you just go up to her and say something like this:

    "Hey you caught my eye and I'd like to take you out for a drink sometime."

    Are women creeped out by that kind of bluntness, do I need to try and make casual conversation first?

    Anyway I'd love to hear some opinions on how to go about approaching women and what to say. Both in a bar/club setting and in casual settings like grocery stores.
     
  2. tattedup1

    tattedup1 Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2011
    Messages:
    264
    Albums:
    10
    Likes Received:
    57
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Westchester CA
    Try :
    I can't help myself but I have to say how beautiful you look. I hope I was not too forward in saying that. I actually feel a bit embarrassed even doing this. By the way my name is______. If you are married or have a boy friend he must be the luckiest man. I know if I had you by my side you would be IT for me.
    She has to blush by this statement. Lavishing mild compliments and putting her first makes any first encounter attractive.
    If she responds to any part of this then you have her and then you can ask her out for a drink or Starbucks.
    Or even
    I know a great place we can go to chat and get to know each other better.
    walk a little with her as you seal the deal.

    If you EVER see a girl and you are looking like real shit after a hard day at work and you remotely smell bad please do not approach. Good hygiene is important.
    If you find her attractive she has to find you attractive as well.
    Women are all about physical beauty. Good looks. Women love handsome men ( or how ever they they like their man ). Good physique, but don't over play that shit. Be humble.
    If you don't have the full package then you better have good charm.
    Best of luck.
    I'm a gay man and it works for me when I want to meet a man. And it works.
    But now I"m settled down. I just have to work on the one I love.
     
  3. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    Aim at being friendly first. It is much safer to be friends with a number of people before you bring up romance and sex.
     
  4. molotovmuffin

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2009
    Messages:
    7,485
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    It's easy. First, make eye contact. If you get that then the rest is gravy. Just go say hi and everything else will fall into place. Eye contact is the important part.
     
  5. D_Andy_Conda

    D_Andy_Conda Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    2
    From personal experience, the best approaches have been the most genuine, light hearted ones that didn't immediately go toward a compliment about looks.

    In an everyday setting, try to open conversation by relating it to something that's happening at the minute. If it's in a grocery store and you find yourself in the same aisle as a pretty lady, look at what she's shopping for and comment on it. eg. She's looking at healthy cereal choices. You: I've always been a fan of Cap'n Crunch. You should try it some time and live dangerously. (Insert smile) If she laughs and comments back you can see it as a definite ice breaker and possible conversation opener. If not, take the hit and move on straight away. It stops you from investing too much and getting hurt if you're bunted.

    In clubs, it's always more difficult, mostly because depending on the club, it is pretty much a meat market. Most of the time if you try and dance with a girl without introducing yourself first, you're either lecherous or if she's all over you, she's easy. Buy her a drink, and she'll assume you're like the other knobs who think they can buy her with a beverage and take it, then leave you high and dry. Basically anywhere that isn't conducive to conversation is generally a place where you shouldn't be having one. Unless the bar or club is more chilled, in which my first advice stands.

    Hope some of it helps
     
  6. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2010
    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Not sure what you mean? I'm not looking to make friends. They're going to realize that if I try to get their number right?

    Doesn't seem that easy to me. I mean I make eye contact with people that I'm not attracted to. Seems to be a part of daily life:

    ex: I walk by some woman in a store and make brief eye contact with her, that doesn't automatically mean I'm interested.

    In a lot of cases I can't seem to tell a difference. Even if she makes eye contact and smiles, some people do that because they're being friendly. I've done that before too.

    It's just as difficult trying to think of what to say to break the ice. When I get nervous my mind tends to go blank.
     
  7. atlclgurl

    atlclgurl Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2011
    Messages:
    271
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes, we KNOW you're coming on to us. But that doesn't mean you should come across all creepy and full of insincere faux compliments that you use on every girl you see. Say "Hi!" and smile, if you feel compelled to give a compliment, tailor it to her and don't make it about HER psychical features. For example... "Great dress!" and not "God, you're hot." (Save the "God, you're hot" for when you are dating her... you'll get LOTS more mileage out of that comment then)

    Don't give us a line, that WILL get you shot down.

    Don't stare at us like you're a big cat sizing up dinner. Look her in the eye, smile, look away, glance back, if you catch her looking back go say something! If not, move on.
     
  8. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    26
    ^^ smart women are insulted by these obvious tactics.
     
  9. fire77

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    803
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    Dude you need to go to school...

    Nothing turns me on more than a hard working man looking like shit after a hard day at work. Fuck hygiene and fuck Hugo aftershave, I will lick him clean from head to toe and fuck his brains out.
     
  10. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    Messages:
    6,278
    Likes Received:
    6

    ^^ This.

    Love the scent of a man after a hard day at work. I'm more likely to bury my nose in his armpit and inhale the smell of his day.

    *can be a bit of a pit pig at times*:redface:
     
  11. D_crd09vbc

    D_crd09vbc Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2011
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    You sound amazing!!!
     
  12. D_Jerk_Douglas

    D_Jerk_Douglas New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2011
    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    1
    Avoid compliments at all when you first talk to her, basic female psychology. But of course do smile and be friendly. Seems like women nowadays once complimented feel they have already won your approval, and that's not the best thing to start out with.
     
  13. lafever

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2007
    Messages:
    3,179
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    82
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    U.S.
    Ignore them, nothing catches a womans eyes more than a man who's not interested in them. Then it becomes a challenge for them to have you, let them do the talking, this gives them a calm sense of well being which makes it easier for you to hook up with them. A woman loves a man who knows how to listen so practice keeping your mouth shut. The important thing to remember is that if they come over to you in the first place they've already decided to get to know you, then it's your job not to turn her off.
     
    #13 lafever, Aug 17, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2011
  14. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,469
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,584
    Location:
    United States
    You should stick to approaching men. I'm glad these tips work for you, but women are not men.

    I don't like the over-the-top flattery in your recommended approach. It's cheesy. I don't feel about a dirty man the way dolfette and fire do, at least not a stranger. But I wouldn't be offended by a polite, friendly approach by a dirty man either. "Excuse my appearance, please; I worked really hard today. I really wanted to meet you."
     
  15. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,469
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,584
    Location:
    United States
    Fixed that for ya.
     
  16. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    This.


    And this!!! My male friends have always found my love of man-smells rather strange. They've always found it hard to believe that I DON'T want them to have a shower first.


    I actually quite like this line. It's to the point, without any of the creepiness of tattedup1's approach.

    But some women might find it a little too blunt.

    Are you only wanting to approach women you find physically attractive. Do you not get attracted by personality?
     
  17. lafever

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2007
    Messages:
    3,179
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    82
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    U.S.
    Thanks, it does flow better.
     
    #17 lafever, Aug 17, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2011
  18. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,469
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,584
    Location:
    United States
    It's more true. I'm always the aggressor; I hate to be approached by unknown men in public. When I approach a guy, I haven't already decided to hook up. All that has been decided is I want to know more.
     
  19. OCMuscleJock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    3,292
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    908
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Luis Obispo, CA
    THIS!

    Of course the smile...unless they smiled first is considered a flirt. *aka: compliment* I smile way to much and it confused people. *so I've heard*

    Good advice tho!
     
  20. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    26
    smart women are turned off by guys who try to play cereal box psychology tricks.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted