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I need tips on approaching women

shyyguy123

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I'm 24 and always had moderate social anxiety. As a result I've never been great with women, mainly approaching them which I pretty much never do. Luckily online dating has worked for me so I have been out with quite a few women. I've worked on my social anxiety the past few years and it's gotten a lot better and I'm really itching to get out there and start approaching women in person. I just don't really know where to start, so I'd love some opinions/advice.

I guess my main problem is that I have no idea what to say. Exactly how blunt can you be? I mean if you see a woman you find attractive can you just go up to her and say something like this:

"Hey you caught my eye and I'd like to take you out for a drink sometime."

Are women creeped out by that kind of bluntness, do I need to try and make casual conversation first?

Anyway I'd love to hear some opinions on how to go about approaching women and what to say. Both in a bar/club setting and in casual settings like grocery stores.
 

tattedup1

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Try :
I can't help myself but I have to say how beautiful you look. I hope I was not too forward in saying that. I actually feel a bit embarrassed even doing this. By the way my name is______. If you are married or have a boy friend he must be the luckiest man. I know if I had you by my side you would be IT for me.
She has to blush by this statement. Lavishing mild compliments and putting her first makes any first encounter attractive.
If she responds to any part of this then you have her and then you can ask her out for a drink or Starbucks.
Or even
I know a great place we can go to chat and get to know each other better.
walk a little with her as you seal the deal.

If you EVER see a girl and you are looking like real shit after a hard day at work and you remotely smell bad please do not approach. Good hygiene is important.
If you find her attractive she has to find you attractive as well.
Women are all about physical beauty. Good looks. Women love handsome men ( or how ever they they like their man ). Good physique, but don't over play that shit. Be humble.
If you don't have the full package then you better have good charm.
Best of luck.
I'm a gay man and it works for me when I want to meet a man. And it works.
But now I"m settled down. I just have to work on the one I love.
 

molotovmuffin

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It's easy. First, make eye contact. If you get that then the rest is gravy. Just go say hi and everything else will fall into place. Eye contact is the important part.
 

D_Andy_Conda

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From personal experience, the best approaches have been the most genuine, light hearted ones that didn't immediately go toward a compliment about looks.

In an everyday setting, try to open conversation by relating it to something that's happening at the minute. If it's in a grocery store and you find yourself in the same aisle as a pretty lady, look at what she's shopping for and comment on it. eg. She's looking at healthy cereal choices. You: I've always been a fan of Cap'n Crunch. You should try it some time and live dangerously. (Insert smile) If she laughs and comments back you can see it as a definite ice breaker and possible conversation opener. If not, take the hit and move on straight away. It stops you from investing too much and getting hurt if you're bunted.

In clubs, it's always more difficult, mostly because depending on the club, it is pretty much a meat market. Most of the time if you try and dance with a girl without introducing yourself first, you're either lecherous or if she's all over you, she's easy. Buy her a drink, and she'll assume you're like the other knobs who think they can buy her with a beverage and take it, then leave you high and dry. Basically anywhere that isn't conducive to conversation is generally a place where you shouldn't be having one. Unless the bar or club is more chilled, in which my first advice stands.

Hope some of it helps
 

shyyguy123

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Aim at being friendly first. It is much safer to be friends with a number of people before you bring up romance and sex.
Not sure what you mean? I'm not looking to make friends. They're going to realize that if I try to get their number right?

It's easy. First, make eye contact. If you get that then the rest is gravy. Just go say hi and everything else will fall into place. Eye contact is the important part.
Doesn't seem that easy to me. I mean I make eye contact with people that I'm not attracted to. Seems to be a part of daily life:

ex: I walk by some woman in a store and make brief eye contact with her, that doesn't automatically mean I'm interested.

In a lot of cases I can't seem to tell a difference. Even if she makes eye contact and smiles, some people do that because they're being friendly. I've done that before too.

It's just as difficult trying to think of what to say to break the ice. When I get nervous my mind tends to go blank.
 

atlclgurl

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Not sure what you mean? I'm not looking to make friends. They're going to realize that if I try to get their number right?

Yes, we KNOW you're coming on to us. But that doesn't mean you should come across all creepy and full of insincere faux compliments that you use on every girl you see. Say "Hi!" and smile, if you feel compelled to give a compliment, tailor it to her and don't make it about HER psychical features. For example... "Great dress!" and not "God, you're hot." (Save the "God, you're hot" for when you are dating her... you'll get LOTS more mileage out of that comment then)

Don't give us a line, that WILL get you shot down.

Doesn't seem that easy to me. I mean I make eye contact with people that I'm not attracted to. Seems to be a part of daily life:

ex: I walk by some woman in a store and make brief eye contact with her, that doesn't automatically mean I'm interested.

In a lot of cases I can't seem to tell a difference. Even if she makes eye contact and smiles, some people do that because they're being friendly. I've done that before too.

It's just as difficult trying to think of what to say to break the ice. When I get nervous my mind tends to go blank.

Don't stare at us like you're a big cat sizing up dinner. Look her in the eye, smile, look away, glance back, if you catch her looking back go say something! If not, move on.
 

dolfette

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Try :
I can't help myself but I have to say how beautiful you look. I hope I was not too forward in saying that. I actually feel a bit embarrassed even doing this. By the way my name is______. If you are married or have a boy friend he must be the luckiest man. I know if I had you by my side you would be IT for me.
^^ smart women are insulted by these obvious tactics.
 

fire77

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If you EVER see a girl and you are looking like real shit after a hard day at work and you remotely smell bad please do not approach. Good hygiene is important.
If you find her attractive she has to find you attractive as well.

Dude you need to go to school...

Nothing turns me on more than a hard working man looking like shit after a hard day at work. Fuck hygiene and fuck Hugo aftershave, I will lick him clean from head to toe and fuck his brains out.
 

The Dragon

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Dude you need to go to school...

Nothing turns me on more than a hard working man looking like shit after a hard day at work. Fuck hygiene and fuck Hugo aftershave, I will lick him clean from head to toe and fuck his brains out.


^^ This.

Love the scent of a man after a hard day at work. I'm more likely to bury my nose in his armpit and inhale the smell of his day.

*can be a bit of a pit pig at times*:redface:
 

D_crd09vbc

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Dude you need to go to school...

Nothing turns me on more than a hard working man looking like shit after a hard day at work. Fuck hygiene and fuck Hugo aftershave, I will lick him clean from head to toe and fuck his brains out.

You sound amazing!!!
 
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Avoid compliments at all when you first talk to her, basic female psychology. But of course do smile and be friendly. Seems like women nowadays once complimented feel they have already won your approval, and that's not the best thing to start out with.
 

lafever

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I'm 24 and always had moderate social anxiety. As a result I've never been great with women, mainly approaching them which I pretty much never do. Luckily online dating has worked for me so I have been out with quite a few women. I've worked on my social anxiety the past few years and it's gotten a lot better and I'm really itching to get out there and start approaching women in person. I just don't really know where to start, so I'd love some opinions/advice.

I guess my main problem is that I have no idea what to say. Exactly how blunt can you be? I mean if you see a woman you find attractive can you just go up to her and say something like this:

"Hey you caught my eye and I'd like to take you out for a drink sometime."

Are women creeped out by that kind of bluntness, do I need to try and make casual conversation first?

Anyway I'd love to hear some opinions on how to go about approaching women and what to say. Both in a bar/club setting and in casual settings like grocery stores.
Ignore them, nothing catches a womans eyes more than a man who's not interested in them. Then it becomes a challenge for them to have you, let them do the talking, this gives them a calm sense of well being which makes it easier for you to hook up with them. A woman loves a man who knows how to listen so practice keeping your mouth shut. The important thing to remember is that if they come over to you in the first place they've already decided to get to know you, then it's your job not to turn her off.
 
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AlteredEgo

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Try :
I can't help myself but I have to say how beautiful you look. I hope I was not too forward in saying that. I actually feel a bit embarrassed even doing this. By the way my name is______. If you are married or have a boy friend he must be the luckiest man. I know if I had you by my side you would be IT for me.
She has to blush by this statement. Lavishing mild compliments and putting her first makes any first encounter attractive.
If she responds to any part of this then you have her and then you can ask her out for a drink or Starbucks.
Or even
I know a great place we can go to chat and get to know each other better.
walk a little with her as you seal the deal.

If you EVER see a girl and you are looking like real shit after a hard day at work and you remotely smell bad please do not approach. Good hygiene is important.
If you find her attractive she has to find you attractive as well.
Women are all about physical beauty. Good looks. Women love handsome men ( or how ever they they like their man ). Good physique, but don't over play that shit. Be humble.
If you don't have the full package then you better have good charm.
Best of luck.
I'm a gay man and it works for me when I want to meet a man. And it works.
But now I"m settled down. I just have to work on the one I love.
You should stick to approaching men. I'm glad these tips work for you, but women are not men.

I don't like the over-the-top flattery in your recommended approach. It's cheesy. I don't feel about a dirty man the way dolfette and fire do, at least not a stranger. But I wouldn't be offended by a polite, friendly approach by a dirty man either. "Excuse my appearance, please; I worked really hard today. I really wanted to meet you."
 

AlteredEgo

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Ignore them, nothing catches a womans eyes more than a man who's not interested in them. Then it becomes a challenge for them to have you, let them do the talking, this gives them a calm sense of well being which makes it easier for you to hook up with them. A woman loves a man who knows how to listen so practice keeping your mouth shut. The important thing to remember is that if they come over to you in the first place they've already decided to get to know you, then it's your job not to turn her off.
Fixed that for ya.
 

B_subgirrl

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^^ smart women are insulted by these obvious tactics.

This.


Love the scent of a man after a hard day at work. I'm more likely to bury my nose in his armpit and inhale the smell of his day.

*can be a bit of a pit pig at times*:redface:

And this!!! My male friends have always found my love of man-smells rather strange. They've always found it hard to believe that I DON'T want them to have a shower first.


I guess my main problem is that I have no idea what to say. Exactly how blunt can you be? I mean if you see a woman you find attractive can you just go up to her and say something like this:

"Hey you caught my eye and I'd like to take you out for a drink sometime."

Are women creeped out by that kind of bluntness, do I need to try and make casual conversation first?

I actually quite like this line. It's to the point, without any of the creepiness of tattedup1's approach.

But some women might find it a little too blunt.

Are you only wanting to approach women you find physically attractive. Do you not get attracted by personality?
 

OCMuscleJock

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Avoid compliments at all when you first talk to her, basic female psychology. But of course do smile and be friendly. Seems like women nowadays once complimented feel they have already won your approval, and that's not the best thing to start out with.

THIS!

Of course the smile...unless they smiled first is considered a flirt. *aka: compliment* I smile way to much and it confused people. *so I've heard*

Good advice tho!
 

dolfette

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Avoid compliments at all when you first talk to her, basic female psychology. But of course do smile and be friendly. Seems like women nowadays once complimented feel they have already won your approval, and that's not the best thing to start out with.
smart women are turned off by guys who try to play cereal box psychology tricks.
 

Pendlum

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Honestly I'm pretty shy and I suck at flirting and meeting women and all that jazz, but my best 'successes' if you want to call them that (sans the women taking initiative) have always been like, just normal conversations. To be fair my success rate as it were is abysmal from my perspective, but I never feel bad when I just try to be me. I do feel you though, because it's even still very difficult for me to have normal conversations with women I am attracted to. It's like my brain is in a traffic jam or something. Actually it's less about attraction itself and more about the pressure of how will this relationship develop, and how far it can develop. Because I can be myself all day when it comes to my friend's frankly amazing girlfriend. He is my friend, and she is my friend, so there is never any pressure about what may happen. I have found a way to keep this mindset with me, but I think it may be the key, for me at least. *shrug*

Blah.
 

houtx48

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tip 1.............wait until it fairly dark and sneak up on her from behind?
 

VernalTiger

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Keep initial interactions brief. I'll go out with a friend for a drink and a catch-up, and there will always be some drunk guy who approaches our table and ignores our repeated statements of "we're enjoying our conversation and want to finish it in private, so please go away". There's nothing wrong with approaching women, but keep it light and friendly, and make it clear that you're not going to loiter past your welcome - unless, of course, you get along well.
 

db93

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i always miss the signs that people give me whether male or female :/ but i always just chat to people like normal and seem to get a response even though i miss all signs given to me so i guess just chatting to people is a good way to make an impression :)
 

dolfette

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my advice on what i like? it's pretty easy really.
...i'm assuming you want to get to know 'nice' women and not create bedpost notch conquests.
you make eye contact. if there's good eye contact and a bit of a smile then you can think about talking to her. if you talk to her, talk to her like she's a person. be open and friendly, don't play lame angles.
if she likes what she sees then take it from there.
 

Catharsis

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my advice on what i like? it's pretty easy really.
...i'm assuming you want to get to know 'nice' women and not create bedpost notch conquests.
you make eye contact. if there's good eye contact and a bit of a smile then you can think about talking to her. if you talk to her, talk to her like she's a person. be open and friendly, don't play lame angles.
if she likes what she sees then take it from there.
Are there any indications that she'll like what she sees? Or is it just that she'll stick around and talk instead of finding an excuse to leave?
 

dolfette

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Are there any indications that she'll like what she sees? Or is it just that she'll stick around and talk instead of finding an excuse to leave?
looking around the room usually means looking for escape. leaning back, turning away, etc. if a woman looks uncomfortable than PLEASE just say it was nice to meet her, smile and walk away. staying past the point of being welcome is just cringeworthy. if you act like a gent then there might be a 'next time' when you bump into each other, hello again, and she knows she can talk to you without you being pushy.

eye contact, smiling, laughing, etc are good. if she fancies you she might subconsciously touch her hair, neck, face...places she likes being touched when being intimate. or twiddle with her glass.
 

D_GlennFeckless

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^^^^ right on the money.

Sincerity, friendliness, even a bit of awkwardness is OK. Just say "Hi" and heed Dolfette's cues. Whatever you do, don't fawn over someone you just met, act desperate or take rejection personally. Expecting 100% acceptance, or even 50%, is setting yourself up for disappointment. Have fun with it and once in a while something will click.
 

B_crackoff

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" I think someone spiked my drink with Rohypnol. Do you want to try it for me?"

" Hello, I've had a lot to drink, & you're starting to look pretty good right now."

"Wow, you've got Great style, a great body & great legs - i've got great taste & a great big cock - we could be the perfect match" (loads of variations)

Unfortunately, you won't be relaxed enough to deliver any of those lines in a workable way - because it's all in the delivery. You can even inveigle yourself with girls, & use the lines as examples of failed chat up lines in a self deprecatory way - but still confident. Women can smell desperation a mile off, & going up to them with them thinking you're gonna come on to them is going to end in failure, unless you know how to turn those things around by surprising them.

The trick is really not to care if you're successful or not, because you really shouldn't care, & you shouldn't care about rejection either. It's no different to talking to anyone of any age. You should cultivate some form of charisma that suits where you are right now.

Conversations with women should never begin with the motive of asking them for their phone number, not at beginner level. Just have a conversation. If you're thinking about how to slip the question in, it's not a normal experience, & will be awkward. If it comes up naturally, it will come up.

Have a conversation, & see how it goes. In a non sexual way, try charming middle aged & up women first, especially those that work in shops.

You'll still be talking to women, & practice makes perfect - you'll find what works & what doesn't.

Even more importantly, you've got to be able to relate to men well too. The more confident you are in the company of men that you are, the more confidence that you'll have in dealing with women.

Find something that you like to do, & excel at it - all this helps too. You're shy because of a lack of confidence - do things that bolster your self esteem - meet new people, make new friends etc.
 

shyyguy123

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I would not compliment women on their physical looks or use cheesy pick up lines. But I would like to be as blunt as possible in certain situations, and I'm just curious how blunt one can be without coming off as creepy or pushy.

Are you only wanting to approach women you find physically attractive. Do you not get attracted by personality?

Of course personality matters but if you're walking around a department store or a grocery store and see someone you want to approach it's usually not because of their personality.

if you act like a gent then there might be a 'next time' when you bump into each other, hello again, and she knows she can talk to you without you being pushy.

I don't like the "next time" approach. You honestly don't know if you're ever going to see that person again so I'd rather not leave it to chance. I've got a lot of regrets in life due to not taking chances. I'd rather try to get a number than pray that I might see her again.


For the women in this thread, what would you think if a cute guy (let's give him the benefit of the doubt) were to come up to you and say this:

"Hey you caught my eye and I'd like to take you out for a drink sometime."

I'm very curious as to how many women would find this too blunt and off-putting.