I need tips on approaching women

sodominsane

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well here my take...all the do women like...threads...unfortunatly women are not like a turkey or tropy buck to be hunted....there are never going to be any tricks to use.


unfortunaly for us ....heheheheh....they are people and have VERY varied tastes......and what your approch is going to be good for some bad for others.....i have a bit of an advantage from most guys cause i grew up with sisters


some girls like compliments others like confidence, shit one girl her even stated she dont want you to approch HER at all.

the list of what someone want really varies.

so ya just gotta put yourself out there.

now here comes my sagely advice.....the bad first.....ya ussally gotta go through alot of people to find someone who is A. someone you are into and B. also into you.

so you have to kiss alot of toads sometimes


the good part .....i find that if a chick likes you it dont really matter what you say......for example i have been crass and the girl though i was refressingly honest, i have been a gentlmens and complimented on that....and with the the love of my life.....i couldnt stop shaking the first time i talked to her.....she thought my nevousness was endearing


so the best advice is be you.....and when a good fit comes along it will let iteslf be known
 

poultrygeist

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Man, I recently had one approach me KNOWING I was married. Eventually she freaked out on me. I was fine with that because I think she had low self-esteem and I was crossing her off my to-do list anyway. She asked me if I had a type, and when I shrugged and said, "Just pretty. I don't know what that means, but I know it when I see it. *smile*"

You know, I know I'm late on this thread, but I just noticed it bumped back to top and saw all the new comments. I'm so glad you mentioned this about women approaching. Maybe things are messed up in my world, but it seems like when I was dating women would approach me a lot more often. It could be a smile, a lingering eye contact, or even starting conversation but I could tell pretty quickly when I knew a woman was interested. I guess it hasn't been an issue much at least for me. TBH I approached P-gal first and just started talking to her. I don't even remember what I said, I think I just asked her name and the conversation started from there.

If I were to give advice to any guys out there wanting tips on approaching women I'd say the first thing to do is somehow, anyhow try and put sex in the back of your mind. It's probably a lot easier for me to do because I'm bi and tend towards being gay. So for me, I can put any interest in sex in the back of my mind and just focus on having a good time talking and getting to know women. Sex is just something that happens if all goes amazingly well. Of course, you're going to find a woman that you approach as sexy or interesting. Put that thought on a shelf and realize that if she's got a terrible personality or is purely hateful that you won't want anything else from her. Get over the sex part and just meet and talk to a LOT of women. The right thing to say will happen when you get shitloads of practice. As for confidence, that's just gonna happen if you're self-confident. Not much can be said about that.
 

NEWREBA

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PLEASE!!! Stop thinking like a man! There is no "game plan"...nor manipulation that will work! Most women can pick up on that in a second. Why do you guys insist on treating a woman, who btw is a human being, like one of your cars or other toys??? Be yourself and stop with all the tactics. It's stupid!
 

B_subgirrl

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erratic

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Be yourself and stop with all the tactics. It's stupid!

OMG for real. Perhaps I see it more clearly because I'm a big fat homo, but grown men who think there's some kind of secret to meeting women is so...grade five. I mean, really? There are special lines that women fall for? If you have three popped collars, smell like Givenchy and rub yourself with eye of newt you'll be irresistible?


But to the OP's point: I'm late to this thread and I'm sure it's been said a hundred times, but if you just act like yourself - the wonderful, fun, lovable person you are - then women who are attracted to men like you will be attracted to you. Not every woman will be, but every woman is not right for you, and you're not going to be right for every woman. C'est la vie. And good luck :)
 

dolfette

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but not too much of yourself.
farting the national anthem is probably a party trick best reserved for after she's married you, even if your mates think it's the funniest thing ever.
 

Daichii

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PLEASE!!! Stop thinking like a man! There is no "game plan"...nor manipulation that will work! Most women can pick up on that in a second. Why do you guys insist on treating a woman, who btw is a human being, like one of your cars or other toys??? Be yourself and stop with all the tactics. It's stupid!

I disagree. Need game plan, manipulation and tactics.

Especially the tactics.
 

B_crackoff

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Giving anyone compliments on their looks right when you meet them is lame, and I don't like getting them on my end either, it makes the girl look forward, and depending on the severity of the statements, she can look like a whore.


Guys that do that typically look the exact same way, they are usually just after sex. I have already had people agree with me in this thread you seem to be the only one going against it.

:confused: That's a win win situation? It's when they find out you have money you steer clear!

Complimenting a girl isn't lame in certain situations e.g on a dancefloor face to face, or in a club when you already can feel she's attracted to you. For me, that always resulted in a home run that night.

Saying "wow", for example, is not necessarily a compliment, as in "wow!" (i'm surprised you thought you could squeeze that ass into those shorts).

I had a proper stab at talking to new people in new places last night & it wasn't hard at all. If you're friendly, genuine, humorous, & don't smother people, most people will warm to you. Once you've made contact, it's a pool that you can repeatedly dip into. I wound up in a heaving dancing mass in some underground club & had a blast:biggrin1:

I think shyguy has to learn that life is an absolute web of lines of communication & people. Set your sights on one target, then almost everytime you'll be disappointed. I've seen women give off clear signs to guys who have then been immediately blown off when they've approached, resulting in the fellah sulking for the rest of the night.

I'll admit, i've had it easy in the past, with enough women directly approaching me, but I can't have sex with someone who is stupid or immature, no matter how hot they are.

It's far easier to pull if you are genuinely interested (albeit very temporarily:wink:) in someone. Just because you fancy someone doesn't mean that you are even vaguely suited to each other, which is why its important to develop better social skills & learn how to talk to people.

I don't even do chit chat or small talk - it's all a one off stream of conciousness that is unique to whoever I talk to. It is tiring though..

What happens on these internet dates - how do you manage to talk about anything? It all sounds so ... formal:smile: . I don't think my patience would last long enough to even get an online date:biggrin1: - so I hope that it works well for you - but remember, the important thing is to have a good time - never think about the "ultimate goal" until things develop - however quickly that may be.
 

shyyguy123

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I really appreciate all the comments but...

Saying "just be yourself" to someone with social anxiety doesn't help me a whole lot. =[

My mind just straight up goes blank when I'm in uncomfortable social situations. So I essentially have to plan ahead and have things to say before hand when I approach women, thus why I made this thread.
 

AlteredEgo

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I really appreciate all the comments but...

Saying "just be yourself" to someone with social anxiety doesn't help me a whole lot. =[

My mind just straight up goes blank when I'm in uncomfortable social situations. So I essentially have to plan ahead and have things to say before hand when I approach women, thus why I made this thread.
Don't you know who you are? I used to have to practice socializing too, but I practiced being myself, the self I could be when I was alone and no one was looking. If you don't know who that person is, no one can help you.
 

SurferGirlCA

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Ok, I confess I haven't read through all 7 pages of responses so this is just my own perspective on the OP's question. Yes, if I hadn't made any kind of connection with you (something, at least - even exchanging looks and smiles a few times), I would be a little creeped out if you just walked up to me and paid me a compliment and asked if you could buy me a drink some time.

I don't have a problem with a guy approaching me to chat me up, as long as he's respectful about it. If you feel awkward in those situations (and you're not alone, believe me), try and think of something that will be an easier approach for you to take. If it's in a coffee place, ask me if I know if the table next to me is taken or how I like my iPhone, because you're thinking of getting a new phone yourself. If it's at the market, ask my opinion on something you're looking for or if I know a good wine pairing for your dinner. I'm not naive. I'll know there's at least a chance you're trying to spark a conversation and I respect the courage it can take guys to approach women they don't know. I'll chat with pretty much any guy, even if I am not interested in pursuing anything romantic/sexual with him, as long as he's not staring at my chest the whole time or trying to press against me or leering at me in some other wolf-like fashion. You might want to wait to try to work your magic at bars and clubs since a) it's harder to talk over the music/noise and b) alcohol leads to altered states which creates skewed perspectives all 'round.

Finally, what AE posted before me is very insightful. You need to have a sense of who you are and then just try and present that guy in the best light so I am interested in knowing more about you. :smile:
 

B_crackoff

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I really appreciate all the comments but...

Saying "just be yourself" to someone with social anxiety doesn't help me a whole lot. =[

My mind just straight up goes blank when I'm in uncomfortable social situations. So I essentially have to plan ahead and have things to say before hand when I approach women, thus why I made this thread.

Take up a hobby - smoking - lol! Having a smoke gets you out of all kinds of social situations, & believe me when smokers are corralled as they are now, you meet all sorts, & believe it or not, the conversation just flows!:wink:

AE is right. You may also be after girls that you'd be uncomfortable with in any scenario.

You need to build up your confidence - whether that's through hitting the gym, joining volunteer groups, or mixed hobby groups where you have an interest - you will find like minded people, & being around people that you at least share interests with will give you confidence because you can have conversations with them.

The longer you're with them, the more you'll come out of your shell & be more relaxed in other situations.

You also have to accept that rejection is part of life.

You have to be philosophical about this - Why have anxiety about rejection , when you know you will be rejected? It's fear that's all. When the things that you've been worrying about in real life actually occur e.g vis a vis - jobs, relationships, & appearance, they're not as bad as you think.

You find that you can live with them, & you can deal with them. I stopped worrying a long time ago - at least I didn't consume or bother myself with worries - because it is a waste of time, unhealthy & negative.

Join groups that you are interested in. You will find like minded people & have fun, & soon you won't remember what you were worried about. If you don't like a group - join another one.

It really is the best plan for anyone who has anxiety.
 

shyyguy123

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Don't you know who you are? I used to have to practice socializing too, but I practiced being myself, the self I could be when I was alone and no one was looking. If you don't know who that person is, no one can help you.

Eh, I don't really agree with this. I know who I am and it doesn't magically fix my social anxiety. Social anxiety is marked by irrational fears in social situations.

You need to build up your confidence - whether that's through hitting the gym, joining volunteer groups, or mixed hobby groups where you have an interest - you will find like minded people, & being around people that you at least share interests with will give you confidence because you can have conversations with them.

I agree. And I have been working on it the past couple years.

You have to be philosophical about this - Why have anxiety about rejection , when you know you will be rejected? It's fear that's all. When the things that you've been worrying about in real life actually occur e.g vis a vis - jobs, relationships, & appearance, they're not as bad as you think.

It goes back to the irrational aspect of social anxiety. If I could rationalize it I probably wouldn't have any problems.

Confidence is usually built by exposure... and being prepared. Which is exactly why I made this thread. If I at least have some lines prepared to say before hand It will make me more confident. It has nothing to do with wanting to find some magical line that would any women fall for me. I just want to be prepared which will result in more confidence.
 

atlclgurl

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If I at least have some lines prepared to say before hand It will make me more confident.


Are you not listening?

Multiple women have told you, as a general rule, we do NOT like "lines".

Just say "Hi" and then make a comment on something that is relevant to that moment. That's ALL that's needed.

If a woman shuts you down when you are being friendly, not creepy and non-threatening, she's not into you. Move on. Tell yourself that it's her loss and be your nice, friendly, interesting and confident self with the next lucky woman to cross your path.

ps. you gotta believe that you are all those things and she is "lucky" to meet a great guy like you for that last bit to work... good luck! :wink:
 

D_Humper E Bogart

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Oddly enough, I find it very easy to talk to women, considering abou 80% of staff in my company are female!

Approaching strangers with the metaphorical equivalent of "want a fuck" is certainly something else. I'll leave that to the pros methinks, however, it is at least pleasing just to..talk? Complain about the weather, or the news, or if this bar/pub sucks etc...

...then piss off!

Firstly, you ain't going to "win" her, but you actually did something non-pervy and actually communicated and secondly, CONGRATULATIONS you can now talk to strangers comfortably!