I need tips on approaching women

Pendlum

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Honestly I'm pretty shy and I suck at flirting and meeting women and all that jazz, but my best 'successes' if you want to call them that (sans the women taking initiative) have always been like, just normal conversations. To be fair my success rate as it were is abysmal from my perspective, but I never feel bad when I just try to be me. I do feel you though, because it's even still very difficult for me to have normal conversations with women I am attracted to. It's like my brain is in a traffic jam or something. Actually it's less about attraction itself and more about the pressure of how will this relationship develop, and how far it can develop. Because I can be myself all day when it comes to my friend's frankly amazing girlfriend. He is my friend, and she is my friend, so there is never any pressure about what may happen. I have found a way to keep this mindset with me, but I think it may be the key, for me at least. *shrug*

Blah.
 

VernalTiger

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Keep initial interactions brief. I'll go out with a friend for a drink and a catch-up, and there will always be some drunk guy who approaches our table and ignores our repeated statements of "we're enjoying our conversation and want to finish it in private, so please go away". There's nothing wrong with approaching women, but keep it light and friendly, and make it clear that you're not going to loiter past your welcome - unless, of course, you get along well.
 

db93

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i always miss the signs that people give me whether male or female :/ but i always just chat to people like normal and seem to get a response even though i miss all signs given to me so i guess just chatting to people is a good way to make an impression :)
 

dolfette

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my advice on what i like? it's pretty easy really.
...i'm assuming you want to get to know 'nice' women and not create bedpost notch conquests.
you make eye contact. if there's good eye contact and a bit of a smile then you can think about talking to her. if you talk to her, talk to her like she's a person. be open and friendly, don't play lame angles.
if she likes what she sees then take it from there.
 

Catharsis

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my advice on what i like? it's pretty easy really.
...i'm assuming you want to get to know 'nice' women and not create bedpost notch conquests.
you make eye contact. if there's good eye contact and a bit of a smile then you can think about talking to her. if you talk to her, talk to her like she's a person. be open and friendly, don't play lame angles.
if she likes what she sees then take it from there.
Are there any indications that she'll like what she sees? Or is it just that she'll stick around and talk instead of finding an excuse to leave?
 

dolfette

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Are there any indications that she'll like what she sees? Or is it just that she'll stick around and talk instead of finding an excuse to leave?
looking around the room usually means looking for escape. leaning back, turning away, etc. if a woman looks uncomfortable than PLEASE just say it was nice to meet her, smile and walk away. staying past the point of being welcome is just cringeworthy. if you act like a gent then there might be a 'next time' when you bump into each other, hello again, and she knows she can talk to you without you being pushy.

eye contact, smiling, laughing, etc are good. if she fancies you she might subconsciously touch her hair, neck, face...places she likes being touched when being intimate. or twiddle with her glass.
 

D_GlennFeckless

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^^^^ right on the money.

Sincerity, friendliness, even a bit of awkwardness is OK. Just say "Hi" and heed Dolfette's cues. Whatever you do, don't fawn over someone you just met, act desperate or take rejection personally. Expecting 100% acceptance, or even 50%, is setting yourself up for disappointment. Have fun with it and once in a while something will click.
 

B_crackoff

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" I think someone spiked my drink with Rohypnol. Do you want to try it for me?"

" Hello, I've had a lot to drink, & you're starting to look pretty good right now."

"Wow, you've got Great style, a great body & great legs - i've got great taste & a great big cock - we could be the perfect match" (loads of variations)

Unfortunately, you won't be relaxed enough to deliver any of those lines in a workable way - because it's all in the delivery. You can even inveigle yourself with girls, & use the lines as examples of failed chat up lines in a self deprecatory way - but still confident. Women can smell desperation a mile off, & going up to them with them thinking you're gonna come on to them is going to end in failure, unless you know how to turn those things around by surprising them.

The trick is really not to care if you're successful or not, because you really shouldn't care, & you shouldn't care about rejection either. It's no different to talking to anyone of any age. You should cultivate some form of charisma that suits where you are right now.

Conversations with women should never begin with the motive of asking them for their phone number, not at beginner level. Just have a conversation. If you're thinking about how to slip the question in, it's not a normal experience, & will be awkward. If it comes up naturally, it will come up.

Have a conversation, & see how it goes. In a non sexual way, try charming middle aged & up women first, especially those that work in shops.

You'll still be talking to women, & practice makes perfect - you'll find what works & what doesn't.

Even more importantly, you've got to be able to relate to men well too. The more confident you are in the company of men that you are, the more confidence that you'll have in dealing with women.

Find something that you like to do, & excel at it - all this helps too. You're shy because of a lack of confidence - do things that bolster your self esteem - meet new people, make new friends etc.
 

shyyguy123

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I would not compliment women on their physical looks or use cheesy pick up lines. But I would like to be as blunt as possible in certain situations, and I'm just curious how blunt one can be without coming off as creepy or pushy.

Are you only wanting to approach women you find physically attractive. Do you not get attracted by personality?

Of course personality matters but if you're walking around a department store or a grocery store and see someone you want to approach it's usually not because of their personality.

if you act like a gent then there might be a 'next time' when you bump into each other, hello again, and she knows she can talk to you without you being pushy.

I don't like the "next time" approach. You honestly don't know if you're ever going to see that person again so I'd rather not leave it to chance. I've got a lot of regrets in life due to not taking chances. I'd rather try to get a number than pray that I might see her again.


For the women in this thread, what would you think if a cute guy (let's give him the benefit of the doubt) were to come up to you and say this:

"Hey you caught my eye and I'd like to take you out for a drink sometime."

I'm very curious as to how many women would find this too blunt and off-putting.
 

dolfette

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I don't like the "next time" approach. You honestly don't know if you're ever going to see that person again so I'd rather not leave it to chance. I've got a lot of regrets in life due to not taking chances. I'd rather try to get a number than pray that I might see her again.
it's not an approach. it's being polite to a person who obviously isn't interested. pushing for her number is a jerky thing to do. sure there's slim chance of meeting her again, but if you do then she'll at least remember you as a gent.

also, and a big also at that, the other women in the room might be watching. will they see you as a pushy perv? or as a sweet gent who took rejection with grace and might like it if she flirts with you instead?

seriously, if a woman looks like she absolutely doesn't want to know then persisting is really unpleasant. it makes us hate you.
 

shyyguy123

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Well if they're clearly uncomfortable then obviously you don't push things. But thinking in terms of "next time" is never a good approach with women IMO. If she's uncomfortable then I'd forget about her, not hope for a next time.
 

dolfette

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Well if they're clearly uncomfortable then obviously you don't push things. But thinking in terms of "next time" is never a good approach with women IMO. If she's uncomfortable then I'd forget about her, not hope for a next time.
that bit was in the paragraph outlining how to tell if she wanted to get away. duh!

i didn't say hope for a next time. i said that you should be civil, and you never know if there might be a next time.
 

D_Jerk_Douglas

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smart women are turned off by guys who try to play cereal box psychology tricks.


Cute. However what I said is very true, complimenting people right when you meet them unless they do it also usually makes them uncomfortable. And that wasn't off a cereal box, look at how many guys in here thought telling her incredibly good looking she is was a good idea.
 

dolfette

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Cute. However what I said is very true, complimenting people right when you meet them unless they do it also usually makes them uncomfortable. And that wasn't off a cereal box, look at how many guys in here thought telling her incredibly good looking she is was a good idea.
that much is true. your attitude to assuming and utilising approval seeking is unhealthy though... unless your ideal type is needy, insecure women.
 

Gecko4lif

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Tactics are so beneath me.

When I walk up to a woman only 1 of 2 things is going to happen. 1 we are going to fuck. 2 we arent

If you approach enough women eventually both will come to pass.

Everything in between is just you conveying you arent going to kill/rape/maim/Disese/or otherwise stalk her
 

helgaleena

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tip 1.............wait until it fairly dark and sneak up on her from behind?
That'll get you arrested right quick.

"You've caught my eye" is kind of a strange thing to say IMO. As if I were studded with fishing lures. Try the line without that beginning. "I'd like to take you out for a drink sometime" would be 'safer' if it was coffee. But either way, if you say it, I would respond with, "Why?"

Just looks is not what I would want to hear. My looks are not the greatest part of me. How about, "There's something about you," and then tailor the remark to suit the person?

It would be far easier to start a friendly chatting about the vegetables you are both shopping for or books you are browsing or whatever.
 

B_Bjen2848

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just keep the conversation light and entertaining, have good hygiene, let her do all the talking because women love few things more than hearing themselves speak, mean what you say, say what you mean, don't be timid, lose all beta traits, nobody wants to fuck the beta guy, when you first meet a woman keep the convo to no more than 10 minutes, get her phone number and get the fuck out, go to the gym and get in shape and start feeling better about yourself

at the end of the day you need to just go outside and meet people and eventually game will come naturally to you

being scared will get you nowhere fast, there is really nothing to be afraid of, the worst that can happen is she will say "no" which means you just keep it moving to the next girl .. and dont get attached and hung up on the first girl that shows you attention, get variety and try to have a rotation for you to choose from, this will automatically make you not needy because nothing will dry a vagina up than a girl knowing the guy she is talking to "needs" her and will always be there for her no matter what
 

KTF40

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Doesn't seem that easy to me. I mean I make eye contact with people that I'm not attracted to. Seems to be a part of daily life:

ex: I walk by some woman in a store and make brief eye contact with her, that doesn't automatically mean I'm interested.

In a lot of cases I can't seem to tell a difference. Even if she makes eye contact and smiles, some people do that because they're being friendly. I've done that before too.

It's just as difficult trying to think of what to say to break the ice. When I get nervous my mind tends to go blank.

LOL dude you sound exactly like me hahaha. The whole eye contact thing is something I will never understand.

Here is my advice, and I don't mean to sound negative or anything, but just stick to online dating. One woman explained to me that approaching women isn't for everyone and you know what, as much as it sucks I think she is right. Some people are good at it, some people are bad it. Practice helps, but it only goes so far. I fall into the category of people who are bad it and I've accepted that and am ok with it. Cause like you, I've had success online. When it comes to meeting and sealing the deal with online girls, I'm batting a thousand and haven't missed yet. But when it comes to meeting people in the "real world", I just can't do it. I had success once, but that's only cause I was drunk out of my mind. It's too much pressure, too much thinking involved, and too much trying to be someone I'm not when it comes to real life encounters, and frankly I'm too socially inept for that.

^^ smart women are insulted by these obvious tactics.

In all seriousness, why would someone be insulted by that? A guy gets the courage to come over and give a girl a compliment with the threat of rejection hanging over his head and instead of the girl showing an ounce of appreciation, they are insulted? I'd never use a line like that, but still, it's like exhibit A in why I don't approach women. Not only do you have to worry about being rejected, you have to worry about offending them when giving them a compliment while asking them out.
 

Gecko4lif

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In all seriousness, why would someone be insulted by that? A guy gets the courage to come over and give a girl a compliment with the threat of rejection hanging over his head and instead of the girl showing an ounce of appreciation, they are insulted? I'd never use a line like that, but still, it's like exhibit A in why I don't approach women. Not only do you have to worry about being rejected, you have to worry about offending them when giving them a compliment while asking them out.
She means smart bitches. The smart nice ones see through all your ploys but humor you anyway.