I need to grow a pair......

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by treeoflife, May 28, 2010.

  1. treeoflife

    treeoflife New Member

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    So I do not know what the hell is going on with me the last few years..

    Let me explain, back when I was a teenager from 12 till about 19/20 i used to have no problem talking to girls or people in general. I would be able to initiate conversation with anyone and keep that conversation going.. Also with girls I would be ok at pulling them, I wouldn't say I was Casanova or anything but I could hook up now and again if I wanted to.

    However for some reason something has changed and for the life of me I do not know what!! Now to initiate and keep a conversation going is severe effort for me at times especially if it is outside of my friends, I sometimes think I just could not be bothered making conversation, and as for pulling women well that is none existent really... Take tonight for instant, I was in a bar and this girl I knew from where I worked (but never talked to only smiled at, but i think she is hot) was there and she came over to me and started talking to me etc.. asking why haven't I been in work the last few weeks (I am a contractor so I only work in a place for a few weeks at a time) I explained the story to her. So then she asked me to go to the casino with her as she is on her own, I couldn't go due to stuff happening tomorrow, she then said we could meet tomorrow evening, which we are doing but it is me her sister, her friend and my friend meeting. She gave me her number by the way.

    Now I know I could and should have gone with her to the casino tonight cause I could tell that she liked me (so did my mates) but I chickened out due to my "shyness". When she left the bar all I could think was why the f*** didn't I go to the casino with her. I'm not after just sex but I would like to be with her.

    Can anyone give me advice on what to do for tomorrow night, apart from getting drunk before I go to meet her because I don't really want to do that. Also tips on conversation topics would help cause all we really talked about was work and not much else for 1hour.
     
  2. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    I let one of my other personalities handle women.
     
  3. lopo2000

    Gold Member

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    Generally, people's personalities (as in your case, shyness) are only later discovered or changed, or developed, as you have been constantly experiencing things in life. Shyness is not a bad thing though, it actually could control you from impulsive behaviors, which can be a problem to others.

    Shyness can be an advantage to a certain extent, provided that you don't keep feeding your shyness. Shyness at a good level can show your humility, which can be attractive. Work on it and you can balance between the need to be shy and the need to speak up.
     
  4. thetramp

    Verified Gold Member

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    Its tough to give you an advise that helps right away.
    Generally it is not uncommon to undergo such a transition, as you grow up, start working move out etc. etc. you have to redefine your identity, because many things that have been substantial for your identity in your teens just are no more of significance in your life.
    These changes can cause insecurity and shyness.
    IT sounds to me that could be the case for you, maybe you should think a little about who you are and who you you want to be. A little more consciousness and comfort regarding your self should go a long way to help you.

    But for the night all i can say, relax. She obviously likes you, she came over and initiated a conversation, she asked you to come along yesterday and she asked you to get together today. Even tho i like girls to be initiative once in a while i know it sometimes can be intimidating, i once was all set to go over to a beautiful girl and start a conversation, already thought about a few things to say, already had some eye contact and a smile, and then she came right at me and started to talk and she just caught me cold i was so puzzled i couldn't say much of any sense at all.

    Anyway, just relax, use the group dynamics to get comfortable, stay calm you don't have to push for anything because she has already shown that she will go for what she wants. So all you got to do is let her know that you are interested. Some eye contact a smile, a nice word here and there, thats enough in this case. And if she doesn't do it, tell her later that you had fun and would like to see her again, i am quite certain she will be ok with that.
    You are in the fortunate situation that in this case half the work is done already and she is not shy to carry a share, so a good case for you to make a small step forward, and that will asure you and give you a sense of achievement, and that always helps to do the next step.
     
  5. SpeedoMike

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    it sounds like a cop out answer, but this can be one of the effects of depression. you can find a list of factors on the net which are indicators of depression. take a look at the list.

    and yes, we do undergo changes at all stages of life but probably it happens most in your age range.
     
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