I need to regain control of my chaos.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by NewAgeDesire, Feb 16, 2007.

  1. NewAgeDesire

    NewAgeDesire New Member

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    Ok, so this is probably going to be a little lengthy... Sorry, Here's my story.

    Starting at the beginning... I met this girl a few years ago. She's unlike any female I've ever met before. She's extrememly outgoing, passionate, and doesn't censor herself (which can be bruetly honest, but always seems pure of heart). When I met her I was in no possition to be anything more than a flirtatious friend. She was in a relationship and I was far to insecure or strong to stand up to her in a relationship.

    So we've been friends for the past couple years. Since meeting her she's dumped her original boyfriend, been single & done the lesbian thing. She just recently (within the last few months) gotten out of a relationship with her girlfriend. She's had a few flings since then which brings us up to about a week ago for her back story.

    I have been attracted to her from day one and believe her to be absolutely beautiful in most everything she does. That being said, I just recently (within the last couple months) gave up any hope of us being more than friends. Being content with having a life long friend. Things were as good as ever until about a week ago.

    So what happened a week ago? Well we went out to one of my friends houses for a party, got sloshed, she got frisky first... not that I wasn't quick to follow, and we ended up leaving the party do to the lack of privacy. This is the first time we've ever really crossed into that relm.

    Now to the juicey part! I know you've been waiting... So we get back to my place (both much more sober at this point and know there was no drunk driving) and end up spending the next couple hours fucking like animals. She's very assertive in what she want's and not shy at all, which I find amazing. She also was able to handle my size (8x7) suprisingly well, and seems to really get off on the pain/pleasure of it. Actually asking me to "force it in" at one point. In summery the best sex I've ever had.

    Now here's where things get a little tricky. She reveals to me that she hasn't been with a guy in 2 years. This little tid bit is what will haunt me later. Any way we sleep nude and wake up happy in the morning, she has to be at work by noon and debates about calling in to stay. All in all everything ends on a positive up beat note.

    So now that my world has been flipped and the impossible turned out possible. I'm struggling to find my foot hold on sanity. All of these feelings that I've had for the last few years come flooding in all at once and they're driving me out of my mind. I realize that the only person who can answer any of my questions is her, but I can't seem to find a way to not look needy, and ask her. I don't want to make it out to be more than it was, a drunken incounter... but the fact that she could have had a drunken fling with any guy (she could easily do it) but chose me, after two years, is what boggles my mind.

    So now a week later. I've seen her a few times and all seems as it was before, well with her, me I feel like I'm just acting the part and I am beginning to think that she's noticing somethings up. It seems so strange to me to share a secret like this with such a good friend... I know, do to long past discussions, that this isn't unnormal for her. And that she will connect with close friends in this way.

    So now I find my self alone, falling for a friend, that may or may not feel the same way, all over a couple of dominating games of beer pong.

    I don't know if I'm venting or asking for guidence but any feed back would be much apprieciated.

    PS. sorry for any scattered sentences, it's been a challange to put this into words.
     
  2. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    It wont be easy but the best thing you can do is ask her where things are going.

    If you are to shy for that make a situation where you can be either friends or more (ie, dinner, movie etc) and see how she responds
     
  3. NewAgeDesire

    NewAgeDesire New Member

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    So your saying that I should chalk this one up as just a drunken fling and that if it happens again that it might mean something? Unless of course there is drinking again... :rolleyes:
     
  4. Principessa

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    If you neither of you were too drunk to drive; then neither of you were too drunk to use that as an excuse. I know, because I have done the same thing in my not so distant youth. :smile:

    Invite her over to watch High Fidelity and order in Chinese food. That brutal honesty that you admire in her...throw it back in her face and tell her how you really feel. Otherwise the agony will be unbearable, you deserve to know one way or another.

    njqt466




     
  5. OmahaBeef

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    I don't think this is extremely complex:

    My assessment is that she is in some sort of emotional re-bound, or in a phase where NSA relationships seem the most fruitful for her at this point.

    I have no doubt that you like her, and I am sure she likes you at some level, but you gotta put the ball in her court. Send signals...innuendo's that your interested, and let her do with it what she will.

    ...OB
     
  6. NewAgeDesire

    NewAgeDesire New Member

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    Unfortunetily, I don't feel comfortable coming straight out and telling her. Her last two long term relationships (one with a guy and one with a girl) both ended due to their insecurities. She's very social and loves to meet people which can drive a jealous person mad.

    If I ever hope of having a relationship with her I know I can't display those traits. I don't when I'm in a relationship... but when getting into one it's another story. I guess it's two different things but whatever.

    I think I'm going to go with OB and try to show her that I'm interested with out looking for some validation for last weekend. I figure that comes off too needy, besides I talked to her last night and she expressed a few times that she had a good time, so I'll take that as a complement even if it may not be exactly what she was refering too.

    And I thought girly girl women were confusing...
     
  7. OmahaBeef

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    Never appear needy under any circumstances. I know that when emotions come into play that can be difficult, but you seem to be dealing with a woman who is a wildflower at this point in her life. Not saying she is out of control at all, simply saying that she seems to be living where ever the breeze of life takes her. I can almost garantee that if you assert your infatuation too soon, that breeze will pick up and she will be gone. I would be willing to bet that you would confess your feelings to her, and in her mind she will hear that record-scrathing sound they use in the movies. Especially if your fling happened very recently.

    Just sit tight and act cool as a cucumber. The time for you to lay it out to her is in the future, but NOT now. I can't give you a timeline, but I would simply just sit on it for now. Women are the gatekeepers of relationships. She will let you know if the doors are opening in one way or the other. If your stone-walled for the next few months, then you can garantee that she saw you as a fling opportunity and that is all.

    Remember bud...we win some and we lose some. Only time will reveal what this is/was all about.

    ...OB
     
  8. SassySpy

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    ya know, I may be WAY out in left field here- but seems to me you really need to do exactly as you titled this thread- and part of that means regaining some sense of SELF. You aren't going to be as nervous, or confused, or insecure- if you believe (and show it!) that you are well worth more than a semi drunken fling, and and she actually wouldn't need to worry about insecurities if you had fewer of them, then would she?
    And believe me I KNOW thats easier said than done- I battle my own similar demons when my emotions are involved. But logically, I know that only when I am secure in myself will I be able to fully make another person's life a bit richer for having me in it.
    I also agree partially with OB, at this point its just not the right time for laying everything out on the table and making either of you uncomfortable in each others presence, which I think it would do.
    But DON'T go do the drinking thing again to get a repeat performance. If you are really as good friends as you believe, then you likely have mutual respect and admiration that will allow you the ability to be genuine with one another, when the time is right.
    Gosh I sure wish you good luck. It sounds like you really care for her, and I think you two could perhaps have something good, but work out your individual issues (both of you!) before you take it any further. :smile:
     
  9. NewAgeDesire

    NewAgeDesire New Member

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    Thanks OB & SassySpy. Both of you have helped a bunch. Mostly I think just finding someone to tell really helped. Being that she is known by everyone I know makes it really hard to find someone to talk to. Isolation with all of these questions & emotions is what was driving me a mad. I've felt much better the last couple days so we'll see where it goes from here. I'll be sure to keep all of you posted.
     
  10. SurferGirlCA

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    I'm glad you're feeling less anxious about it and you've gotten some good advice here.

    You're in that weird place where you wonder if your friendship with this woman is now irrevocably changed and, if so, in what way. The only way to find that out is to try and gauge her point of view, either directly or indirectly. If you want to do it discreetly, you could suggest things like a quiet dinner together or a stay-at-home dvd night and see how she responds.

    If it gets back to the point where you feel like you're losing your mind, you probably should just sit her down and talk about it. For example, "Hey, I had such a great time with you last weekend. I was actually surprised, and thrilled, to learn I was the lucky guy after 2 years for you. You're such a good friend and I really enjoy spending time with you, so I'm wondering how last weekend fits in with that." Of course you can make that your own, but we all waste an incredible amount of time in our lives trying to figure out what is going on in other people's heads so sometimes it's best to just get it out.

    Good luck!

    P.S. Controlled chaos huh? Let me know how that works! :wink:
     
  11. NewAgeDesire

    NewAgeDesire New Member

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    Thanks SurferGirl. That's a much better way to pose the question than how I was coming up with it. If it comes to that I'll keep your words in mind for sure.
     
  12. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    NO... Im saying ask her straight out if it meant aynthing more than a drunken fuck. And if you are worried that might be uncomfortable then provide a senerio when the question will be answered naturally by body language and how affectionate she is towards you

    If your happy to tell her how you fell and would like more than whats the problem?...Thats what you do
     
  13. NewAgeDesire

    NewAgeDesire New Member

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    So after thinking about it some more I decided that asking what she thought wouldn't hurt. The answer was exactly what I knew she'd say. Some thing along the lines of it's a just a good time and that at the moment it felt like the thing to do. And that we are closer friends because of it. Simply that. So basically I've found a fuck buddy (or buddy to fuck) if that doesn't work out she told me to let her know. That is, if it's driving me crazy... which I don't think will be a problem now that I know where she's coming from.

    Ah well, can't say I'm not a little disappointed but life goes on, and at least I know I'll have her friendship.
     
  14. OmahaBeef

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    You played your cards well young man...you didn't score the relationship but you DID score a FWB.

    Good job!

    ...OB
     
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