I need to vent!

[polo71]

I have a co-manager that is married and she has cheated on her husband...several times since she came aboard our company. Her husband is a hard working guy and takes care of thier 4 kids. She is constantly flirting with all these customers and at times we will have at least 4-5 guys go up there and she loses concentration on her PRIORITY= her J.O.B.
one of our employees, I will call him Spanky, is very outgoing and handsome.... he has that rugged southern charm. Although I may think to myself, "DAMN he is cute" I know I am his supervisor, as she is too. She has written him a note saying, " I cant talk to you, because you make me horny." She has never told me that she wrote that to him, but he showed me the note. I have waited for her to tell me , but she hasn't.
Today, I go in to get something to eat, and I realize they are busy..... so I step in and help her on her shift. As I am there NEW guys show up and her and another coworker are over their giggling about them, while I am helping get the Restuarant back in line. Spanky, knows she is flirting with him on a daily basis and he has told me he realizes shes playing and that she hasnt gone to far with it. He has told me that he knows shes married and has 4 kids and that he would never let someone like her have his nuts. But when I was helping them today..... he was flirting..... not paying attention to OUR product. I got pissed and said I am going home I just came in to get a couple of things but you all seem to have your minds on FLIRTING and fucking around.....

Am I wrong to get mad? I mean shes going a little beyond of customer service with writing that note...she has never told me she wrote. outside of work she would help the homeless, a stray dog.... but she's making herself look like a whore at work.??

what do you think????????

 

[Gillette]

Not sure what to tell you.

I've always made it pretty clear what I think about fellow employees who don't qualify as workers.

Is she a diligent worker other than these examples or is she routinely useless? You could try talking to her directly, you could make pointed remarks to shame her into working ie. "since you aren't working I presume you are taking your break". Has her supervisor noticed her behavior and/or lack of performance? Or might they be wrapped around her finger?


It's never fun when you have to carry someone elses load.

Hope it works out for you.

 

[ledroit]

But when I was helping them today..... he was flirting..... not paying attention to OUR product.

It sounds like you are conflicted about feeling a little jealous (since you'd like to flirt with Spanky) and uncertain about boundaries.

Good boundaries make for good management. Somebody playing with sex (like your co-manager is) is testing the limits of those boundaries. I work in a very large institution, and we periodically have people who do this, either by dressing in very provocative ways (but pretending they are unaware of the effect they have on others) or by acting in very provocative ways.

It's extremely annoying, and bad for morale. I think you can see the effect this co-manager is having on your own morale. It is basically private behavior that is designed to subvert a group.

I would make a plan for what you are going to do if she quits or is fired. Make sure you are protected. Then confront her, and tell her it is bad for staff morale. You are not going to give her specifics, but you have a responsibility to the place and the business, and the sexual stuff has to stop in the work place. Word gets around. This is not the right signal to send at your place of business.

If you have the ability to fire her, I think you should do so if she does not comply. If not, you may need to go to higher management first, and tell them you have a problem.

 

[MischievousOne]

Seems to me that "Spanky" here is giving you the green light to confront her about this situation by showing you the note. Also, this seems like a pretty clear-cut case of sexual harrassment that should be communicated with your company's HR department. It makes you uncomfortable at work, and probably many others. If nothing else, her actions are a potential liability to the company and need to be addressed accordingly.

Just my thoughts.

 

[Sklar]

If you can't fire her, send a letter to her husband. Let him deal with it.

Don't make her infidelities become a problem for you.

 

[madame_zora]

It's sexual harassment alright. Women are just as guilty as men of misusing their positions like that, it's disgusting.

Now, if Spanky is returning the flirtation, then it is just unseemly, and someone needs to tell her it's gross to do it in public- get a fucking room. Maybe then she'll get the point. If her behavior is making YOU uncomfortable, your rights are being violated. No one has the right to to make issue of their sexuality at work, it's not appropriate workplace behavior.

Men often feel what you feel when deciding whether to confront the bad behavior of a woman. You wonder if you'll seem like a whiner, or unable to handle your own business. Well, you're NOT a whiner, and it's not your job to deal with the lewd behavior of your co-workers. Do what you think is best.

 

[ClaireTalon]

It's sexual harassment alright. Women are just as guilty as men of misusing their positions like that, it's disgusting.

Now, if Spanky is returning the flirtation, then it is just unseemly, and someone needs to tell her it's gross to do it in public- get a fucking room. Maybe then she'll get the point. If her behavior is making YOU uncomfortable, your rights are being violated. No one has the right to to make issue of their sexuality at work, it's not appropriate workplace behavior.

Men often feel what you feel when deciding whether to confront the bad behavior of a woman. You wonder if you'll seem like a whiner, or unable to handle your own business. Well, you're NOT a whiner, and it's not your job to deal with the lewd behavior of your co-workers. Do what you think is best.

I think Madame makes a good point here. As long as the way she handles her love life doesn't severely conflict with her professional life, or damages the company's reputation/business ventures/finance, it all shouldn't matter to you. However, if you feel bad for her husband, which I can understand, I think you should choose the unofficial way to get that message to her. Madame Zora suggested something good, if you ever catch her flirting again, just tell her, "Go and get a motel room for your lunchbreak fuck!", or something like that. And if you can prove that her behavior has negative effects for the company, go to your superior, or address this in a meeting with the other managers.

 

[Rikter8]

I would pull the group together in a meeting and the topic would be sexual harrassment in the workplace, and here are the consequences.

Work is work...not a sexual playground.

Keep it professional, or have sexual harrassment on your work record forever.

 

[DaveyR]

Some varied and good advice in the thread for you.

One thing I personally would like to add. Whatever course of action you decide to take keep detailed notes on everything. Who said what. How you felt about what was said/done. Dates, times, everthing. In cases of enquiry or disciplinary those with detailed facts present a much stronger case.

 

[ClaireTalon]

As a side note to this, I can show understanding for parts of her behavior. I don't want to justify her permanent cheating on her husband, but that aside, I can understand if she does her flirting at work, or at her company. I have recently talked to another woman who had gone into advertising business after her Air Force retirement, and she has told me that she would never have a proper opportunity to go out and flirt with guys if it wasn't for her job. Her week plan is so full that there's practically no room for dates, private dinners with other guys or drinks, so most of the men she dates come from her professional environment. So we need to be a little forbearing with.

Have you taken any action so far, Polo?