I need your help or advice with my sexual desire towards my straight best friend

[jimmy0h]

I find this fascinating… There was a guy who wanted to be your friend and you “actively refused a friendship”, because you were attracted to him and you were worried you would catch feelings if you became friends? Yet he kept on pushing and you DID in the end become friends?

I’m curious now - did he know you were gay/attracted to him and that was the reason you were hesitant to become friendly with him? Did you communicate that with him clearly, or..?

And is he/was he aware that exactly what you were dreading happened? Do you still hang out?

I never said he knew and kept pushing a friendship. He also didn’t know I was hesitant. It was something I expressed to another trusted friend and my therapist.

Circumstances led to his hanging out more, mainly pandemic related. some that he was going through a painful divorce and really had no one. We had one major thing in common, and that really started our friendship. He would later know I was attracted to him, but that that attraction (other than a thinking he’s physically attractive) passed, which is true. And yes, we are still best friends to this day. We don’t get to hang out as much as he is married and has a 5 month old now, of which I am “uncle” to.

Any attraction, beyond seeing him and sometimes thinking “wow, he’s still hot” is gone. I get to enjoy the friendship for what it is. There were painful moments I tried to avoid, but in the end I am glad what happened, happened.

 

[3ofH8]

I never said he knew and kept pushing a friendship. He also didn’t know I was hesitant. It was something I expressed to another trusted friend and my therapist.

Circumstances led to his hanging out more, mainly pandemic related. some that he was going through a painful divorce and really had no one. We had one major thing in common, and that really started our friendship. He would later know I was attracted to him, but that that attraction (other than a thinking he’s physically attractive) passed, which is true. And yes, we are still best friends to this day. We don’t get to hang out as much as he is married and has a 5 month old now, of which I am “uncle” to.

Any attraction, beyond seeing him and sometimes thinking “wow, he’s still hot” is gone. I get to enjoy the friendship for what it is. There were painful moments I tried to avoid, but in the end I am glad what happened, happened.

Well, this sounds like in the end everything sorted itself out nicely, but I can imagine it must have been hard. I’ve been in similar situations (having a crush on a straight friend) , and I admire you for the self-awareness and self-reflection… I don’t think I’ve ever been this “honest” with myself

 

[techpump]

I realize you regret what you did & hope you were not offended by my advice. Stop trying to sort him out. Step aside and tell him to consult a professional psychologist instead.

I absolutely regret it, thinking back, it was stupid. Our relationship started with him asking me advice on literally everything under the sun related to sex. Advice on sex toys, prostate toys, penis pumps, libido/semen/erection supplements, you name it he's asked me about it. I give him all the advice I can, I try to be friendly and nice like I am to all my friends. Then he told me he had an injury on his dick from pumping, couldn't really explain or describe it, and I said hey man if its no big deal and if you care that much send me a pic of this injury; I explained I have lots of pics on lpsg I see dick pics on this site all the time, there's porn, we see penises they are out there, and as a friend who's concerned, maybe you either need a doctor or what the hell did you do to yourself can I see? He instantly wanted to Kik with me. I instantly thought "that's way too personal, too much, for just even a close up of his penis for injury viewing reasons" and I wondered if he was gay for me. That was like 7 years ago!! He's given me play-by-play accounts of how he roams the gym hunting for men with the fantasy he will get fucked by them in the showers. He has sent me lots of gay porn asking if I think its hot, or wouldn't I just love to get pounded by X guy or me do it to some other guy. He sends me videos of transwomen in gangbangs and describes being the camera guy who then gets lucky to be with all of them. I have told him so many times dude, I don't watch gay porn, at all not even for a minute, and I don't really watch trans porn either, I have a little in the past and he's shared his love for it with me, but I don't look at porn anymore its been 2 years now, he still sends it.

I told him straight up he needs to talk with a sex therapist or a therapist in general. He really needs some professional counseling. I can't help him; I can't fuck him; I can't give him advice he'll follow because he tries what I tell him and says it doesn't work. He has really relied on me as an ear and I spend lots of time trying to help him understand what people are saying and doing with and to him. Maybe the most confused person I have ever known. Sometimes I wonder if he's totally catfishing and just making everything of his life up with the hopes one day I'll just go gay for him. He's even fantasized being in the room when my wife and I are intimate. Kind of crosses the line with that one!!! Yah, writing about this here, it just seems really off to me now I gotta figure out a way to get him to lay off me!!

 

[jimmy0h]

Well, this sounds like in the end everything sorted itself out nicely, but I can imagine it must have been hard. I’ve been in similar situations (having a crush on a straight friend) , and I admire you for the self-awareness and self-reflection… I don’t think I’ve ever been this “honest” with myself

Well, it sorted out exactly how it should have. Which is the fact that we are still friends. There was pain on my end, for sure. And he didn’t intentionally cause it. But when I stopped fighting the friendship, I ended up with a really beautiful one overall. I’ll take the bits of hurt I went through knowing the outcome. And I am for sure not blameless. I am sure I hurt him over the years as well.
It was really tough to be honest with myself. Lol when I meet new guys and strike up a friendship, I half want to tell them “Look, I’ll probably fall in love with you, but I’ll get over it and we’ll have a great friendship in the end” the first time we hang out. Lol I’m looking at you, Isaac. Another one I’ve been leery to open up to.

 

[Hotboy118]

If it makes you feel any better, a lot of us gay guys have been in your shoes. Unfortunately there‘s not much you can do about it. If he’s not interested in guys, there’s nothing you can say or do to change that (in the same way that there’s nothing anyone can say or do to get you interested in girls.)

I agree the real question is how to cope. If he’s moving away April 15, that might be your best answer right there. If you can still be friends long-distance, then you may be able to stay in touch; but if not, you may need to say goodbye. Either way, it’ll be sad to see him go, but‘s for the best, because you need to move on.

I hope that helps. If you want to chat one-on-one, my DMs are open.

Well said sir

 

[Stephenmass]

Keep in your head it has nothing to do with you. Or him for that matter. You are at least bi or gay, he is straight. Respect his space or you will surely lose what seems like a good friendship. I'm not saying that to be evil, but if you enjoy his company and have a few laughs here and there and enjoy his fully clothed company you either accept that as it is and when he leaves you may lose him as a friend forever. He's already made it clear and still is friends with you. That's all he wants. He's straight dude, respect his space.

I screwed up what I meant to really say. You, long story short, may have a forever friend as long as you respect his space. Hope you are keeping in touch somehow with him.

 

[NVespertine]

Does your friend have an Onlyfans?

 

[Merophe]

Does your friend have an Onlyfans?

no, and I don't think he would do it lol

 

[Merophe]

updated, so he's now back to the states, and everything has been settling down now for us
It seems like we have some distance between us (not just on the physical aspect lol), but that's alright.

Every weekend I just stay home and have nothing to do, try to go out but feel so lonely
Been trying to make new friends but it's not the same as having the one you can share everything with
Many of them flaked on me when I asked to hang out, and if we did, it would end up a misery situation cuz most of them will be on the phone all the time

I got time to reflect and come to the conclusion that i have to accept the faith that i'll have no one
and I'm actually kinda numbed by my emotions since I took antidepressant pills for a long time.
I stopped taking it for almost a year, and now only myself barely living a life try not to be sad or miserable.