I never cum! I really need help!

JudasSa

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I'm sexualy active for 7 years now, and I have a really big problem with cumming. I had sex with both men and women, also top and bottom, 3 ways, and had lots of sexual partners, but i never cum, niether by fucking, being fucked, by blowjob or a hand job! I stay hard for a long time, even a few hours. Now I have a guy that i fuck, and he is really hot and really dick craving bottom, and we fuck in average 1,5 hour, and still nothing.

Depending on my mood and how much i'm horny when i masturbate i can cum in few minutes, I say 10 minutes in average. And I can do it up to 10 times a day.

And cumming while fucking is not the only problem. Usually when I'm with a guy/girl I need minimum 20 minutes to cum even when I masturbate by myself, after fucking.

I feel really bad and embarrassed for not cumming, for my whole life while fucking or being fucked.

I'm I the only one with this problem? Any suggestions?
 

Alonso

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Yep, for me usually it can take forever to cum. I think I inadvertently made it worse because my tendency when I jerk off is to stroke for a long while until I'm almost there, then stop for a moment and then get going again, to prolong the sensation. Finally pulling the trigger when I'm with somebody seems to take a lot of effort, no matter how turned on I am or hot he is. If it's going to be a quick session, I'll explain to the guy that sometimes it takes a while for me and for him to go ahead and get off. Otherwise, some guys are cool and are willing to wait/help me along, but I don't blame them if not. Had a guy who liked to take loads on his face, and I felt self-conscious just stroking forever waiting to give it to him, but he didn't seem to mind, and I'm glad I really paid off with a huge load for him in the end. The best are tops who refuse to get off until you do - some of my best orgasms have come that way because I know he really wants it too, and clamping down on him while's he's still inside feels really sexy.

Sometimes I do get surprised and suddenly feel like I'm close to coming off much earlier than usual, usually if the guy is spending a lot of time giving me attention, with his hands and mouth, all over the place, or if he's as into making out as I am. Those times are hot.
 
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D_Summer_Zieve

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Alonso makes some really good points above. I had this "problem" for years - no problem masturbating to ejaculation and like you could do this multiple times a day - the issue always arose with other guys and I felt there was such huge pressure to come that I think it used to put me off. I think a part of me was angry with them for putting me under pressure and therefore I wasn't going to give them the pleasure of seeing me get off - who knows. Anyway... once I was with some guys who were genuinely interested in my pleasure I found it easier and easier to cum - but ultimately it came down to relaxing, trust and pleasure. The most important thing to note is you're able to cum by yourself so your equipment is working properly. Focus on pleasure not orgasm and you should be right. Good luck!
 

erratic

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Sean and Alonso provide great advice.

Sounds like your equipment is working fine, so that says to me the issue is mental. I also take a long time most of the time, but I've learned that things go a lot better and a lot faster if I focus on feeling pleasure, like Sean suggests above, and don't worry about whether/when I'll come or not. I've come to peace with the fact that I may not always orgasm during sex, and since I accepted that idea I've orgasmed almost 100% of the time, not to mention better and sooner.

You may also want to actually ease down on the throttle and the pressure/friction you or your partner is going for. I find that I get closer to orgasm more quickly if I'm teased along for a half hour or so rather than going from zero to jackhammer right away.
 

AtomicMouse1950

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I think you need to jerk-off, less. Don't even think about cumming when you are with someone. Enjoy the intimacy of the sexual act. Concentrate on the feelings you are experiencing. Enjoy being naked and close to someone. Don't put the thought of cumming into your head. Don't say to yourself that at some point you are supposed to cum now. Just enjoy the sensations.
 

zolan63

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I never cum the first time I am with someone and I know it just that I am up tight. It take me seeing someone about three times before it happens if it happens. I just tell them up front I most like will not cum, but I will stay hard and the more I know you the more likely it will happen. I know it because I am a nervous up tight person and once I relax it will happen.
 
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878863

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Delayed ejaculation can be really frustrating. Some of the research says that the real culprit is an idiosyncratic masturbatory method that is impossible to replicate from thrusting, oral, etc. Masturbating 10 times a day is not helping you. You've neurologically programmed your body to orgasm in only one way. This is compounded if you masturbate mostly to porn. Since you have the same trouble ejaculating while masturbating in front of a partner, it's almost certainly anxiety. Do you feel like a spectator during your sexual encounters; self-observing to any degree?

This is unlikely to resolve itself if you're only have sex with random strangers and hookups (but carry on, by all means!) It'll be easier to tackle when you have a regular partner/boyfriend and you can increase the intimacy of your sex. You need someone who's willing to have the patience for you to experiment.
 

D_jjz04aga

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Excellent response. I'd just like to add, there is no correct way to come. If you need a helping hand, you do, it's not abnormal. Be proud of your staying power. Also, try not masturbating and see if it makes coming during sex easier.