I read the obituary today

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Drifterwood, Nov 4, 2010.

  1. Drifterwood

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    of a man who mentally and physically abused me as a kid.

    Oh what a great guy he was, what a benefit to society. :rolleyes:

    I met him a few years ago and the terror of my childhood was a puny little old man. I just shook my head and ignored him, though he was clearly on edge about my presence. There are others, younger, and one I may just take issue with, not for me, but for all the others.

    Forward.
     
    #1 Drifterwood, Nov 4, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2010
  2. g_whiz

    g_whiz New Member

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    I'm really sorry about the awfulness this man put you through. It never ceases to amaze me how adult human beings can often be more emotionally and psychologically infantile than children in the world around them. thank you for sharing this, and I'm going to go on a limb and say you're a thousand times the stronger person than he.
     
  3. LaFemme

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    Those men (or women) who hurt children should tremble in our presence. They are always smaller when we grow up - and people like you or I are survivors. They should be afraid of us, because we have voices and we have power because we survived and didn't let them define us.

    As you say.... forward.
     
  4. Empathizer

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    Very happy for you :biggrin:

    As a fellow survivor, I have to say, I'm kinda jealous (jk. I am but this is your parade!)
     
  5. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    Wickedness is its own punishment, and guilt no matter how well buried is torture. Death is too good for people who do terrible things. They should live and suffer instead.
     
  6. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    Drifterwood, I know what you're talking about, 'cause I remember vividly the day my abuser died. Died a long, painful death from bone cancer, which totally made it even sweeter.

    What pissed me off was that, while it was a relief to know that this person couldn't fog up a mirror anymore, I realized I still had to do the work to free myself from the bitter anger and hatred I felt. Turned out that she burned through my life when I was a little kid, but the smoke damage was mine to clean up.
     
  7. Empathizer

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    I hope you're right, Hilly.

    I hope she feels the pangs of Hell with every step, like the Little Mermaids she teaches.
     
  8. nudeyorker

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    My mother said something remarkable to me when I was a child... "Don't ever lower yourself to their level but rather wish that every act kindness they have given will come back to them." As simplistic as this sounds it usually happens for some reason or another. Sort of translates to karma is a bitch!
     
  9. Drifterwood

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    I agree Nudie. I have tried to live my own life like this.
     
  10. hsarge

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    I think of any afterlife as sufferingl the pain you have given or enjoying the kindness / pleasure you have provided.
     
  11. nudeyorker

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    OK then... I'm not mad at you anymore!
     
  12. Empathizer

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    I wish that were so.

    It's happened to me four times, protracted times, in my life, and the three when I was a kid, the people empowered to do something told me to suck it up, or that I must have misunderstood what happened. They are all smiling, successful people, two of the ones in the group of them in 7th grade are prominent sports reporters at a big-three network affiliate in their state. They still cruise for vulnerable chicks even though they're married with daughters of their own.

    They also still have people covering up for them. Back then, it was the guidance counselor telling me boys will be boys and we can't tell their mothers it will break their hearts.

    Now it's oily lawyers and sacks of money.

    The teacher is a proud teacher of Presbyterian Sunday School now, and heads the Covered Dish Dinner Committee.
     
  13. DiscoBoy

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    I'm sorry you had to experience that.
     
  14. noirman

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    You're a bigger (and better) man than he, Drifterwood, and his death is really of little consequence other than to serve as a marker of the disappearance of predatory slime.
     
  15. Joll

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    Sounds awful Drifter. :/

    You seem like the (much) stronger person.
     
  16. petite

    petite New Member

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    It was such a relief to one of my friends when her abuser died. About six months after she told me that she felt like a huge burden had been lifted from her. Even though she's a grown woman my age and it had happened so long ago, she still felt safer in the world just knowing that he was dead.

    It's horrible that he haunted her for so long that only his death could truly make her feel safe again.

    I hope that you have found peace now that he no longer walks the earth.
     
  17. Drifterwood

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    Thanks for the kind thoughts.

    I honestly don't think that what was clearly a very unpleasant experience affected me too much. What upset me about the obituary was the glowing terms in which this man was depicted personally and professionally.

    I was lucky enough to be able to move on, and I never looked back until quite recently, probably because I met him again. What I have found shocking is the malevolence that this man had, and how easy it was for him to manipulate eleven year old kids. I had no idea what was really going on at that time, it is your normality and you have no hope in the face of the machinations of a determined and obviously experienced abuser in a position of almost total power.

    But as I said, it upset me to see him being lauded. That does not seem just.
     
  18. helgaleena

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    The public school system of Britain and the Catholic school systems everywhere are notorious for harboring types who abuse their authority over the young. I hate what they have done to people I love and have loved, and feel very lucky that I did not grow up in their care.

    Even in public schools I attended there were bad apples on staff and I did my best to avoid the subjects they taught, which doubtless shaped my future nonetheless, even if at some remove.

    It heartens me to come across the revelations of LPSG members who are finding closures like this later in life. I recommend the blog here of comically, who eventually became a counselor after a successful law career in order to help others.

    Drifter, I am glad to be among your friends here.
     
  19. Bbucko

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    Though she never physically abused me (I was 21 when she met and married my father), my dad's second wife was a thorn in my side from the moment they met until the last day that bitter, angry old bitch was finally consumed by cancer at the age of 96.

    Though the details are beyond the purview of this thread, I will say that she never missed a chance to make my sisters and me feel like lumps of shit, nor did she make any effort on our behalf except to further estrange us from our father.

    The simplest and easiest acts of transient kindness, empathy or humanity could have saved us from near-oblivion and near-homelessness. As dysfunctional as my nuclear family always was (and continues to be), her presence made it all worse exponentially. Her real evil wasn't in her apathy: rather it was the sheer glee she found in our sordid little miseries and her role in watching them be prolonged and worsened.

    When news finally came (through a third-party source) that she'd died, I reacted with a mixture of stoic reticence, relief and the distinct feeling that I was suppressing something urgent but unnamed. That night, my roommate and I went out for what should have been a coupla cocktails and I ended up unaccountably (based on very mild consumption) absolutely smashed, screaming and sobbing on the stairs.

    In the end, it took almost a month before I felt even half-way normal again.
     
  20. Empathizer

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    What is it with teachers and eleven-year-olds?

    Mine said she was comforting me about not fitting in and having academic problems and blah, blah, hiss, hiss, rattle, strike.

    "Comforting" stroking does not involve the inner thigh and upwards.

    Nor do most sixth-grade teachers sit students in their laps quite that way.

    The horrible part is that the statute of limitations has run out, so I can't say her name to warn other girls' parents, or I may be prosecuted, because she's never going to be convicted, so she's technically never committed the crime.
     
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