I realized today that I'm most likely asexual

40InchBooty

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And I don't really care.

I say "most likely" because this is a huge thing for me, feeling like I've concluded something about myself. After all, in life we can never have definitive answers.

To start off, let me explain that I am a young man that really dislikes people. I don't mean to offend individuals (but they will be anyway because they're human) but, I just hate people at a deep level. Yes, I'm a misanthrope and cynical but I don't really care about what people think of me as a result.

I have always been a thinker and I analyse everything. Generally, I feel nothing on an emotional scale and my body feels "numb". As strange as it sounds I really feel nothing towards people; this includes love or affection. This often conflicts with my thinking because, why is it that I know that there are people who love me yet am unhappy all the same?

When it comes to love, I've always only cared about relationships and connections. I have never, ever cared about sex. When I see a woman I care about the potential relationship and communication and have never actually thought about the sexual gratification that she may give me. Everyone else I know sees a woman and wants to have sex with her.

Yet I still have sexual desires because I am human. The thing is however, I'm perfectly fine taking care of my own needs. The only time I crave a woman is when I'm in a state of arousal and even then fantasizing about potential situations is boring.

The people around would will definitely disagree because I have spent a great deal of my life mimicking emotions to simulate a false sense that I'm alright. I stare at breasts, and ass because that's something that I should be interested in - and was, I realized, until sometime ago. Now these interests are forced while I think that all this fuss over sex is so mundane. I've even deleted all my pornographic material. So'll I'll most likely keep this to myself or only tell those I can trust.

I am not a virgin though. I had sex 2 years ago for the sake of the experience. Beforehand, I saw no appeal in it and afterwards I left disappointed even though I had such low expectations. The only reason I indulge in sexual activity (namely masturbation) is because of my biology - especially only being 19. My mind ultimately couldn't care less about sex which is something that has been worrying me for years.

So when I heard the term "asexual" today and looked up the meaning, it felt like a huge slap to the face because I could identify so deeply with the orientation and realizing that it's fine to not put sex on a pedestal - to want a romance-only relationship is perfectly alright.
 
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likespineapple

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When I see a woman I care about the potential relationship and communication and have never actually thought about the sexual gratification that she may give me. Everyone else I know sees a woman and wants to have sex with her.

Yet I still have sexual desires because I am human. The thing is however, I'm perfectly fine taking care of my own needs. The only time I crave a woman is when I'm in a state of arousal and even then fantasizing about potential situations is boring.
I rarely look at a woman (in everyday situations) and think about sex. Nor do I look at a woman and think about the potential relationship I could have with her. I don't tend to fantasize about potential situations either..

I don't think I'm asexual though. I don't know...
 
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Reddhott

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This sounds more like aromantic and not asexual, but what do I know.

Sounds to me more like somewhere on the Asberger scale. But I'm not a doctor, I don't play one on TV and I did not stay at a Holiday Inn last night. So my opinion is probably worth every penny the OP paid for it.
 

bigred0818

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I got to say, bud, I can relate to you in many aspects of what you say. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone, least to yourself. Everyone is different and forcing yourself to mimic social norms will just be tiresome and detrimental. My advice is to live your life the way you feel most happiest, and let go of all of that societal pressure.

I would also try to steer away from the extreme definitions that you are giving yourself. Try to stay fluid and don't categorise yourself at all. That way, if things change as you get older (as they did for me), you don't need to re-evaluate anything.

Good luck.
 

bigbull29

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Doing what others do will only make you unhappier. Being your true self is what you must stay faithful to.

You see casual sex as meaningless, robotic and monotonous. And by being celibate, you're freeing yourself from the crushing chains of sexual slavery. Why be a slave to anything (food, materialism, sex, etc.)?

You should only ever consider sex if you fall in love.

Some people chose celibacy as a permanent life choice as they see sex as meaningless outside of a loving monogamous relationship. Makes perfect sense to me.

The world laughs at the wise and laughs with the fools - don't forget. The sages throughout history have all taught us that.

Not wanting sex is not usually a sign of anything abnormal; in fact, it can be a sign of eternal wisdom. Wanting casual sex all the time is a sign of something most abnormal: emptiness, loneliness, objectification, etc.

It takes a brave person to stand alone and be himself. I commend you for challenging societal norms at your tender age and being faithful to yourself.

Take care
 
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Exbiker

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Our societies have over- dramatised many things. Including sex.

It's not of overriding importance, but it can be pleasant enough for a couple of hours or so.

But at the end of the day, there is nature, science, art, commerce, industry, religion, politics and so on. You can only spend a certain slice of your time on sex / sexual thoughts.

I'm nearly 50 and still quite interested in sex, so maybe I am not the right person to discuss it with. But we are free beings. Some aspects of society, and people's behaviour, commercialisation of sex etc does take some of the shine off it ...
 

40InchBooty

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I've been diagnosed as clinically depressed for a while now actually. My depression is mostly formed because my views on myself and society which sounds odd. I am not aromantic however because, I really would like a relationship and have been searching for years but as I always believed, I really want a relationship for the comfort and company as well as the mental validation of myself-worth.
 

puckman4

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40inch don't be fooled by society or the internet there are more women looking for the same thing you are than there are looking for casual sex
 

Astro

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I think Reddhott had a hole in one in post #4. It sounds to me like mild autism or Aspergers. All your life you've been unable to relate to close relationships or what is expected or how you conduct them. Unfortunately my own father was so inclined and I had long close familiarity with it even though he never had any idea- he knew something was wrong but had no idea what. When he eventually discussed with me why people treated him like they did, I actually laughed and said 'you have no idea?' and changed the subject. Therapy may help slightly, but you are as you are and there will be no change. Embrace it and learn to live with yourself happily.
 

bigmatt1983

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I only relationships for self-validation rather than company.

as in relationships where youve felt needed? because ive been through several of those in the last few years leaving me feeling used after each one which lately has left me feeling similar to the way youve described your self, ive just calked how i feel now to being burned out by those relation ships and not wanting to actually get close to anyone than actually being asexual or aromantic