And I don't really care.
I say "most likely" because this is a huge thing for me, feeling like I've concluded something about myself. After all, in life we can never have definitive answers.
To start off, let me explain that I am a young man that really dislikes people. I don't mean to offend individuals (but they will be anyway because they're human) but, I just hate people at a deep level. Yes, I'm a misanthrope and cynical but I don't really care about what people think of me as a result.
I have always been a thinker and I analyse everything. Generally, I feel nothing on an emotional scale and my body feels "numb". As strange as it sounds I really feel nothing towards people; this includes love or affection. This often conflicts with my thinking because, why is it that I know that there are people who love me yet am unhappy all the same?
When it comes to love, I've always only cared about relationships and connections. I have never, ever cared about sex. When I see a woman I care about the potential relationship and communication and have never actually thought about the sexual gratification that she may give me. Everyone else I know sees a woman and wants to have sex with her.
Yet I still have sexual desires because I am human. The thing is however, I'm perfectly fine taking care of my own needs. The only time I crave a woman is when I'm in a state of arousal and even then fantasizing about potential situations is boring.
The people around would will definitely disagree because I have spent a great deal of my life mimicking emotions to simulate a false sense that I'm alright. I stare at breasts, and ass because that's something that I should be interested in - and was, I realized, until sometime ago. Now these interests are forced while I think that all this fuss over sex is so mundane. I've even deleted all my pornographic material. So'll I'll most likely keep this to myself or only tell those I can trust.
I am not a virgin though. I had sex 2 years ago for the sake of the experience. Beforehand, I saw no appeal in it and afterwards I left disappointed even though I had such low expectations. The only reason I indulge in sexual activity (namely masturbation) is because of my biology - especially only being 19. My mind ultimately couldn't care less about sex which is something that has been worrying me for years.
So when I heard the term "asexual" today and looked up the meaning, it felt like a huge slap to the face because I could identify so deeply with the orientation and realizing that it's fine to not put sex on a pedestal - to want a romance-only relationship is perfectly alright.
I say "most likely" because this is a huge thing for me, feeling like I've concluded something about myself. After all, in life we can never have definitive answers.
To start off, let me explain that I am a young man that really dislikes people. I don't mean to offend individuals (but they will be anyway because they're human) but, I just hate people at a deep level. Yes, I'm a misanthrope and cynical but I don't really care about what people think of me as a result.
I have always been a thinker and I analyse everything. Generally, I feel nothing on an emotional scale and my body feels "numb". As strange as it sounds I really feel nothing towards people; this includes love or affection. This often conflicts with my thinking because, why is it that I know that there are people who love me yet am unhappy all the same?
When it comes to love, I've always only cared about relationships and connections. I have never, ever cared about sex. When I see a woman I care about the potential relationship and communication and have never actually thought about the sexual gratification that she may give me. Everyone else I know sees a woman and wants to have sex with her.
Yet I still have sexual desires because I am human. The thing is however, I'm perfectly fine taking care of my own needs. The only time I crave a woman is when I'm in a state of arousal and even then fantasizing about potential situations is boring.
The people around would will definitely disagree because I have spent a great deal of my life mimicking emotions to simulate a false sense that I'm alright. I stare at breasts, and ass because that's something that I should be interested in - and was, I realized, until sometime ago. Now these interests are forced while I think that all this fuss over sex is so mundane. I've even deleted all my pornographic material. So'll I'll most likely keep this to myself or only tell those I can trust.
I am not a virgin though. I had sex 2 years ago for the sake of the experience. Beforehand, I saw no appeal in it and afterwards I left disappointed even though I had such low expectations. The only reason I indulge in sexual activity (namely masturbation) is because of my biology - especially only being 19. My mind ultimately couldn't care less about sex which is something that has been worrying me for years.
So when I heard the term "asexual" today and looked up the meaning, it felt like a huge slap to the face because I could identify so deeply with the orientation and realizing that it's fine to not put sex on a pedestal - to want a romance-only relationship is perfectly alright.
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