I really hate myself for meeting guys sometimes...(((

Bbucko

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I can not literally feel sick (nauseate) just because of internalized homophobia.

Of course you can: stress has real-life physical effects on your life. My advice is to seek professional advice and help. This issue cannot be resolved on a message board, not even LPSG.
 

B_Hung Jon

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The problem is... that I do not deny the fact that I am attracted to guys...it is ok for me... BUT... I do not understand.. why do I meet them if everything that's happening between me and other guy is so disgusting for me after. and I really regret about it.
I know for sure that I am not 100% gay. I think I would not feel in this way otherwise.

This is just my take on your situation. I think that maybe you don't feel good about the guy you're with because you have no feelings for that person. From reading your posts it sounds as if you'd like to have a more satisfying connection with another person...most especially a woman. If you're getting blow jobs from guys you're not attracted to, that may be the problem to start out with. If you want sex with no strings from other people then at least try to be with people who you are interested in and find sexy, whether girls or guys. I don't think you'd feel so badly after if you fully enjoyed the sexual experience at every level. All the best.
 

Florida Boy

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no never.. but

probably I have something psychological because I have spent a lot of time with girls in my life, who are friends for me only.. and that is why some guys were thinking I am a gay.

Girls/women are often attracted to guys they sense are gay. They often form very close relationships. I think this because, they are not threatened to 'give him some pussy.' With the other guys, they feel they have to be on their guard, for all kinds of social and legal reasons. That is an inbred species thing.
 

closetbi

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Why do you want to be with girls only? Or, how about this...(I know it's a little out there, but bear with me) you've been messing around with guys, so why don't you call yourself "gay" right now. As a "gay" you don't want to get with women. So talk to women from this "gay" standpoint, and they will be far less scary. They can't reject you if you're not proposing anything right? Don't tell them you're gay, just know it. Then, if you really are straight, you're hormones will take over and you'll get it in. Don't beat yourself up for gay interactions. I did that for way too long and nothing makes sense when you do that. I tried to push this kid away so much, but I didn't know why I kept bringing him back around. Finally I was like fuck it, I like this kid. So I started hanging out with him, as friends. Told him I'm straight. And shit, I fucking like him and it's a lot easier NOT lying to myself about it. Whatever, try my plan and see if it works for you.
 

Kimahri

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Self hate is common for guys that are trying to come to terms with their interest in guys. The key is to relax and let things happen. So what if you like getting your cock sucked by a guy? I've seen your pics...if you wanted to get together just to let me suck you, I'd be a happy camper.

Don't worry about labeling yourself. Thats for society and people who have something to prove. Just enjoy yourself. And be careful.
 

Zayne

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I don't know how effective they are, but certain therapies cater to men who are unhappy with their orientation. I mention it because there seem to be men who want a conventional family life, children, white picket-fences, etc. I'm straight but I don't want those things. If you do, then maybe you want to check it out. That said, if shame is your motivation, then your desire itself may not be the problem.
 

earllogjam

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I like that Jenny Holtzer quote which is so appropriate for this...

"Protect me from what I want."

on Flickr - Photo Sharing!


There is no escape from your true carnal desires. You will succumb regardless of what lies you try to tell yourself. Or you will live with a perpetual hole in your life. I've been there.
 

MACattack

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I went through just about the same thing for nine years. I would be drawn to cock, have a sexual interaction and then hate myself afterwards. You're first step should be to stop focusing on everyone else and focus on yourself.

I took time (finally) to have an honest discussion with myself about WHAT I actually was attracted to. You can't think about labels like gay or straight. Just identify what you are attracted to in each sex. BE HONEST with yourself and don't try to convince yourself you are just horny.

Regardless of what some people think you don't have to be all gay or all straight. What do you like about women, what do you like about men?

I understand what you are saying about being in a relationship with a man. I could never go past friendship with a guy. I also am not interested in putting my dick into them in any way, I don't like getting oral and I am NOT interested in giving a man anal sex. I do like giving head and I do like recieving anal sex. There will always be things about sex that you like and that you don't. Try to identify WHY you like what you like and listen to yourself. I used to let guys blow me because I felt it was part of "a lifestyle", there is no such thing. It your lifestyle, surround yourself with people who respect your limits and understand you.

Everyone is right on here too. No one likes a sexual interaction they weren't comfortable with. I felt the worst back in the day when I got with some random guy. Spend some time and understand the personality behind the cock. You don't have to fal in love, but you still should know the guy a little bit. Always have an idea of what you are getting into. I got with guys that were pushy, were completely withdrawn and that seemed like they were just giant balls of lust. Always made me feel horrible. Set criteria: I don't hook up with guys who just write "I want to suck your cock.", I like 7 inches and more, the guy has to sound confident in what he wants.

Part of the bad feeling is probably because you feel like you're whoring yourself to random guys. That's why I felt bad. If you set criteria, you will feel a little better about the situation, you won't have to fight two moral battles at once. Right now you are probably fighting the moral battle of feeling like a cheap sex toy as well as the moral battle of whether or not attraction to men is ok."

Finally, if you want to hook up with a girl, talk to people. Nothing can prepare you better for approaching a girl than just interacting with other people. Say hi and start a conversation with the local bank clerk. When you are waiting in line compliment the person in front of you or asking them about some product they have.

Self improvement takes time and honesty. There is no quick fix. Having sex with a girl is not going to solve all your problems, it may breifly make you feel better but eventually the feelings will return. Rejection is also a part of life, you have to get used to it, it WILL happen. It will hurt, but you have us on here to vent to and hopefully you have some real life friends who can help you too.

Take some time and figure things out, stop looking for a quick fix and get rejected a few times so that when you are accepted you feel a sense of accomplishment!
 

nabludatelj

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Thanks a lot MACattack ...for ur support...))..
I ve got a lot of advices tht I should talk to girls... and I am going to do this.. hopefully I ll succeed .)))

Plus... to be honest.. I enjoy totally nothing during these meetings with guys..
everything what i wanted from them.. it is blowjob... and i dont really like it from them neither.
I definitely dont like kissing them or sucking their cocks...

and im not sure that i can fall in love with a guy, I had such experience, when I liked a lot one guy... was really obsessive with him... but after some time it became just boring for me.
At this moment.. I can say that i m in love with one girl... and I m in love with her for 1.5 year already.. we did kiss few times.. (and I had erection, so I can make conclusion that Im not really gay guy)... but unfortunately i was so stupid one time and rejected to have sex with her.. because was afraid.. (((
 
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