I REALLY need some advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by warmhorizon, May 27, 2006.

  1. warmhorizon

    warmhorizon Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    134
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Surrey, UK
    Ok, I hope this is the right thread because it comes under relationships and work and therein lies the problem.

    One of my newest friends is DAMN fine, has loads in common with me and I really enjoy being around him and just chilling. He's already told me that he finds me attractive and we just hung around until like 3am yesterday talking about sexual history and ourselves and all that bollocks which got us both pretty excited.

    My problem is this: I just got hired as his boss! :eek:

    ...

    So what the shag should I do?! One the one hand the company is pretty mellow so they probably wouldn't mind and I haven't gotten any in about a year so I am having to fight myself from just jumping on him and ripping his clothes off. On the OTHER hand I'm his boss so conflict of interest which seems unfair on the other guy there and also he's bi which I kinda have an issue with.

    Now I'm not sure if I genuinely fancy him or if I'm just flattered that someone fancies me because that never happens! Ever! I'm not cute or anything so this could be my last chance! Or should I hold out for someone less I-work-with-y?

    Help! :frown1:
     
  2. Wrat

    Wrat New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2006
    Messages:
    806
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    As mentioned above, in the middle, between the eas
    You really don't need advice. You know exactly what to do.

    DON'T fuck him.

    Unless, of course, there are some new rules about professional conduct at work that I don't know about. In that case, Swing away.
     
  3. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2005
    Messages:
    8,602
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Germany
    Sex provides short-term gratification, whereas a new job is presumably something you want to last rather longer. Go with the long term priority. And, tbh, you could find plenty of other sexual outlets, as you really are hot. Focus on the new job and finding someone else to bang bodies with... that should more than occupy your time. :wink:
     
  4. warmhorizon

    warmhorizon Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    134
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Surrey, UK
    Yeah that's why I hadn't done anything, my ethics are very strong.
    Pfft! Stupid ethics! :mad:

    In any case he's a massive laugh and at least I FINALLY have a friend who understands bummering. If I can't find a gay friend than a bi one will do! :tongue:
     
  5. warmhorizon

    warmhorizon Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    134
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Surrey, UK
    And as always Alex you know just the right thing to say. :smile:
    Ahh, that I lived in Germany! Then again the commute to work would be a total bitch. :wink:
    And it's not so easy for me to meet guys because I'm ridiculously shy outside of work.
     
  6. Gillette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,309
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Nova Scotia
    Don't shit where you eat.

    This only looks like a good idea on TV.
     
  7. caineit

    caineit New Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2006
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    agree with previous posters mate - keep away from the sex!

    pity - but longer term job will provide more satisfaction anyway ...

    cheers
    craig
     
  8. warmhorizon

    warmhorizon Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    134
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Surrey, UK
    Thanks guys, I knew this was the right course of action, but it's really hard. Pun not intended. And you're all right of course, I know workplace relations never work out anyway, I mean what if we start dating and break up, it would be way too awkward!
    I just need to find some courage to put myself out there. :tongue:

    Thanks all! :smile:
     
  9. Dr Rock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    3,696
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    wtf, you're weird

    let's see ... work, or get laid. work, or get laid. hmmm ... i don't see a dilemma there :rolleyes:
     
  10. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2005
    Messages:
    8,602
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Germany
    Exchange the word 'satisfaction' for 'money' and it almost works. :rolleyes:
     
  11. warmhorizon

    warmhorizon Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    134
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Surrey, UK
    Money for sex? Nah, that's SO last year! :wink:
     
  12. HotBulge

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2005
    Messages:
    1,180
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    216
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Lowells talk to Cabots, Cabots talk to God
    <b>Agreed !</b> A conflict of interest is just a base of concerns. That's the external motivation for not having a relationship with someone who reports to you.

    Think about it on a more personal level: Let's say that the two of you really like each other. Will you start giving him better assignnments or overlooking certain shortfalls? Will he take advantage of your position?

    Then, what would happen if the two of you fell out of favor. The two of you would be in direct contact anyway, and your interactions would be awkward at best/painful at the worst.

    Take it easy at first. If your friend does more clearly announce his attraction towards you, please mutually acknowledge those feelings. Invite him to solve the problem as well, what healthy boundaries to establish. It's OK to be friends - why not get to know someone with whom you share a common interest. If you are in a supervisory position, though, you may want to occasionally invite other co-workers to activities that youd decide to pursue outside of work. Friendships (and some non-conflict-of-interest relationships) are tolerated at the work place, but you dont' want anyone in the workplace to perceive imbalance and exclusion.

    I was in the same position with you with a colleague at my former work place. We worked together for 6 years: I didn't even like him at first, but we became so close and had so much in common that our friendship grew deeper. Three years later, we were going out to dinner once a week - like a weekly date. In all of that time, however, we never kissed and never had sex despite some close calls. It was difficult yet healthy.
     
  13. warmhorizon

    warmhorizon Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    134
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Surrey, UK
    EXACTLY HotBulge! That's what it's like for me, we hang out and play computer games with a group of my friends about once a week and usually he hangs out later than everyone else and we just chat because I feel rude talking about Gay-stuff with my straight friends but we've never done anything about it.
    I guess I was just looking for an excuse to do stuff with him, but that's just my lust talking so I just have to keep it in check. Thanks. :smile:
     
  14. ChuckRich

    ChuckRich New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2006
    Messages:
    330
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    SC, USA
    How much of his boss are you? What I mean is. You can be above someone but still not actually have the power to single handedly decide their professional fate. In that case there really isn't a conflict of interest because you couldn't treat him differently without the consent of the rest of the heirarchy. OR if you are his boss completely and fully maybe you have the power to put him under the supervision of someone else? That would eliminate the ethical dilemma too.
     
  15. warmhorizon

    warmhorizon Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    134
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Surrey, UK
    Assistant manager, I basically rule him and another guy. I work with the store manager, but I get to allocate workloads anf things and bollock them where needed, but I don't have to power to redistribute him to another location.
    Also that would be rude.
    No, it's like everyone has agreed, I just have to get over my little crush for the sake of my, and his, career.
     
  16. Dr Rock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    3,696
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    who lives in the east &#039;neath the willow tree? Sex
    not really, given that "satisfaction" and "money" are pretty much polar opposites
     
  17. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2005
    Messages:
    8,602
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Germany
    You have my word (which is "aardvark") that I was speaking purely on the basis of word-replacement in a specific sentence rather than on behalf of international capitalism. :rolleyes:
     
  18. yhtang

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Messages:
    1,565
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    170
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    South East Asia
    Do you like this guy or do you lust after him?

    Ignoring ethics etc., the worst case scenario is that both of you get dismissed. He may need the job much more than you do - and should that be the case, his financial loss would be on your conscience.

    From afar, all would sound sage advice. I would not like to be in your position though. D*mn these head or heart decisions.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted