This is a weird one. I’m gay and a year ago a friend’s son came up on Tinder who I’d met once or twice (he’s 28). Which led me to assume he was gay. Anyway I’ve since gotten to know him fairly well and hang out a lot because of a mutual hobby, and found myself really falling for him. Me and some friends sensed that he liked me too, so… without mentioning the Tinder thing, I took a chance and asked him out! His response was that, although flattered, he’s straight. And I was absolutely floored by this news. I’m not into pining over straight guys, so I’ll let it go, but… I mean, the Tinder thing makes me suss. I don’t see any other straight guys showing up on there. We’ve hung out since and he’s totally fine, in fact he acts EXACTLY the same way, which is awfully confusing. I’m so perplexed and would never dare bring it up with him as that would be disrespectful to his privacy, but I’d love some insight to what on earth this could all mean. I have some ideas already, but it’s haunting my thoughts (against better judgement). As is my understanding, truly 100% straight guys don’t turn up on gay tinder, right?
I saw a straight guy I know on gay Tinder… Thoughts?
- Thread starter Murdoch1912
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Is it possible somebody is using his pics from straight tinder to try and attract gay guys? You have incomplete information.
then he isnt so straight then is he--i have done same thing on tinder and grindr--but i didnt reveal who i was but told them how i knew them so i kept them wondering until we met--few times it didnt go well--others went pretty good sexually and just sitting around talking about things went on years ago
I think you should you tell him you saw him on Tinder, but do it in a completely confidential and non-judgmental way. Tell him you won't tell anyone but just let him know you know. I'd assume he's closeted and straight-identified but also curious. If you want to get in his pants, that's the way to go, as long as you do it as gently as possible.
as i said we sat around and talked to each other for a while before we decided to do anything
I don't think there's any problem with bringing up you saw him on Tinder and that is why you dared to ask him out, he'll either laugh it off, or establish someone was catfishing his pix, or whatever. Its not invading his privacy if he put pix on there that you saw as they were public pictures.
however, if he's said thanks but no, you do need to respect that and just enjoy his friendship? He seems completely happy being your mate from what you say and completely accepts you for who you are with no judgment. at the end of the day finding really good mates with whom you share a connection is hard and when you do then you should treasure that. A one off shag really wouldn't compensate for a potentially lost good friendship?
however, if he's said thanks but no, you do need to respect that and just enjoy his friendship? He seems completely happy being your mate from what you say and completely accepts you for who you are with no judgment. at the end of the day finding really good mates with whom you share a connection is hard and when you do then you should treasure that. A one off shag really wouldn't compensate for a potentially lost good friendship?
I totally agree with NicNic: How do you know someone didn't steal his pics from that site or another? If he says he's not into guys, accept it. Also accept that he may also not be into you, whatever you may believe. Sorry for the tough love, but don't get hurt.
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Why on earth should he do such a thing. It's rude and intrusive. The man identifies as straight and people should respect that.
I think the question I'd ask is if you are friends with his dad...are you the same age group as his dad, or you just know his dad through work or something and you are closer to the son's age...or somewhere in between? Unfortunately, I'm envisioning you being at least 50 if the son is 28 by the set up.
If you're in the dad's age group, I wouldn't confuse the way he acts with fact he probably knows you know his dad and thinks it's cool you share the mutual hobby. I'd leave it at that.
I know there are plenty of older guys that meet a guy in that age group for dating/hookup, but I find that late 20s/early 30s to be the period guys like to date their own age and seem to be creeped out by older guys hitting on them, especially if they are still coming to terms with their sexuality. I'd also say and not really with much /s that I find the current generation in their 20s infinitely confusing as today's straight hipster seems a lot like a bi/gay hipster 30 years ago...most guys, even my straight friends, notice/talk about this.
Finally, I certainly wouldn't say anything about the app. Leave it at a crush and who knows if he is curious and can reconcile that, maybe he'll ask you out later...but don't get obsessed about it.
If you're in the dad's age group, I wouldn't confuse the way he acts with fact he probably knows you know his dad and thinks it's cool you share the mutual hobby. I'd leave it at that.
I know there are plenty of older guys that meet a guy in that age group for dating/hookup, but I find that late 20s/early 30s to be the period guys like to date their own age and seem to be creeped out by older guys hitting on them, especially if they are still coming to terms with their sexuality. I'd also say and not really with much /s that I find the current generation in their 20s infinitely confusing as today's straight hipster seems a lot like a bi/gay hipster 30 years ago...most guys, even my straight friends, notice/talk about this.
Finally, I certainly wouldn't say anything about the app. Leave it at a crush and who knows if he is curious and can reconcile that, maybe he'll ask you out later...but don't get obsessed about it.
Hey guys, thanks for the comments, very helpful! Haha I’m in my mid-thirties so only a little older than him. I know this is LPSG but I don’t actually just want a quick fuck, I actually am crazy about him. Things seem to have changed in the past few weeks for the positive, but whoever said that thing about ruining a friendship is right. I’d rather have him as a friend than fuck it up because he’s awesome. I also will definitely not bring the Tinder thing up because if he is in the closet (which is most likely) then that would be a nightmare situation for him. From experience in my closeted days, I couldn’t think of anything worse to do!
If you do decide to tell him, you should be 100% honest with him, as in that you wouldn't have asked him out IF you hadn't seen the profile, and that you don't want to lose the friendship over that. Cause, he other is in the closet, for which you can keep his secret until he's ready to come out on his terms, or there's a catfish out there using his pics to lure other men, which it may seem as harmless fun, but we don't know what that catfish is ready to do to said men if they decide to show up, and it's not really your friend who shows up.
You really need to try and be gentle IF you do ask him, but don't ask him directly, try doing it gradually, like ask him once every few days different things, like has he done something with some one when young, or has he fantasized sometimes about doing things with a guy, or has he used dating sites etc etc. Either way, he needs to know, cause this either him, or a dangerous person abusing his personal images and data and he can report said person.
Or don't tell him, it's your choice either way
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Yeah, assuming he is legit bi/gay I'd say he may be paranoid about opening up to you since you're buddies with his dad.
I know the scenario is hot but I'd leave it alone unless he makes a move.
I know the scenario is hot but I'd leave it alone unless he makes a move.
He seems really keen to hang out, and given he’s a super closed off person I think that’s a positive sign. I just don’t think a straight guy would be so open with hanging out with a gay guy who has expressed romantic interest in him. We’ll see how it goes.
As for the catfishing thing… we live in a rural area so I’m 100% certain nobody has taken him photo, and used his name. That’s just… can’t explain it, not here. It was definitely him.
From experience, if someone seems gay because of a few things, it’s most likely the case.
As for the catfishing thing… we live in a rural area so I’m 100% certain nobody has taken him photo, and used his name. That’s just… can’t explain it, not here. It was definitely him.
From experience, if someone seems gay because of a few things, it’s most likely the case.
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I agree with the 2nd part here. it's more likely that he's not interested in you romantically, and he's also probably mostly in the closet.
He could also just be on the gayside of tinder because he's getting more attention there. A decent looking guy will get compliments all the time over in the gay side, straight side it's rougher (supposedly).
You should mention about the tinder situation, so that you could form a conclusion to your queries about his sexuality, maybe what you saw was a poser or just a tinder glitch. Forming emotional attachment, expectations and attraction to someone without any confirmation on his side is emotionally draining, time consuming and stressful you know.
If he's not comfortable enough with you to tell you more than he's already said, let it go. He's either not into guys or not into you.
Also, just for the record some men are interested in trans women but consider themselves straight because they're not into cis men. Showing up on the same sex side of tinder doesn't necessarily mean as much as you think it does.
Focus on being a good friend and maybe in time you'll get more clarity.
Also, just for the record some men are interested in trans women but consider themselves straight because they're not into cis men. Showing up on the same sex side of tinder doesn't necessarily mean as much as you think it does.
Focus on being a good friend and maybe in time you'll get more clarity.
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As someone who’s openly bi with his wife, but in the closet with everyone else, I totally get his response. I would have turned you down because of our social proximity. People are awful at keeping secrets.
We’ve actually started hanging out multiple times a week and texting nearly every day, which is a far cry from how it was even a few weeks ago. He’s a super SUPER private guy. But this week he invited me over to his apartment for the first time, and surprised me with a Christmas gift of a giant, expensive bottle of my favourite alcohol. Honestly I’m still in disbelief as it was incredibly generous and out of character for him. He also wants to hang out again for three or four hours tomorrow since we have different plans for New Years… It’s a very confusing time for me right now haha but I’m honestly living for it.
Okay, this looks good for you and your friendship, but by the looks of it, he might be open for more I think. Why I'm saying that? Well, you say he's very private, and wants to spend more time with you, privately, and gifted you expensive bottle of alcohol.
You should go along with it and see where it leads you, just wait for him to make the first move, if he makes one. Cause you have nothing to lose by spending time with him, and much to gain.
Great development over the last few weeks! Fingers crossed, buddy!
Just one idea about the Tinder situation - I haven’t used the app in what feels like forever, but wasn’t there a choice of which profiles you would like to see when creating the account?
I’m thinking it might have been a missclick - he could have confirmed that he wants to see profiles of both men and women while creating the account - a simple mistake.
Anyways, the friendship sounds like it’s blossoming into something really nice. Keep us posted!
Just one idea about the Tinder situation - I haven’t used the app in what feels like forever, but wasn’t there a choice of which profiles you would like to see when creating the account?
I’m thinking it might have been a missclick - he could have confirmed that he wants to see profiles of both men and women while creating the account - a simple mistake.
Anyways, the friendship sounds like it’s blossoming into something really nice. Keep us posted!
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