I screwed up and need advice.

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by enderwiggen88, Feb 1, 2010.

  1. enderwiggen88

    enderwiggen88 Member

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    I don't need any lectures or rants or flames because I'm already beating myself up horrendously. This was quite seriously the lowest moment in my entire life and I am scared.

    I had a random hookup with a guy from out of town. I topped him bareback. It only lasted about 5 minutes (because I realized OH CRAP! What am I doing?!). He was married and had only done this one other time. Aside from that time he swore he was monogamous. No fluids were exchanged and he insisted that he was clean of any and all std's. He seems as wary as I was when we discussed our std status.

    Yes, I know. Don't give me the lectures. It was stupid and cruel. Not only was it my first actual "fuck" (I've received a couple of blow jobs), but I helped a guy cheat. I feel horrible, but that is the price I am paying. I just have a question or two. Please just answer without guilt trips. I'm already nauseated and sick. I can hardly eat.

    1. Assuming he was POZ (even though he insisted he wasn't), what are the chances that I became infected?
    2. How soon can I be tested?
    3. Where can I be tested, and how much will it cost?
    4. What sort of time frame am I looking at for results?
    5. How can I do this anonymously or without insurance and medical companies finding out?
    6. If I get positive results... what then?

    I'm just really scared. It wasn't even that great. I wasn't sure whether I was bi or straight, but I quickly learned that in reality, gay promiscuity just doesn't do it for me. The idea of gay sex turns me on, but in the moment itself... it just wasn't fulfilling.

    Thanks

    P.S. This happened 12 days ago.
     
    #1 enderwiggen88, Feb 1, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2010
  2. Joll

    Gold Member

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    In the UK you can go to a genito-urinary clinic which is free and confidential, and the results take about a week. It's pretty scary but worth it to ease your mind.

    If people test positive I think there's drugs can they give you, which can pretty much safeguard a normal lifespan in a lot of cases.

    Not sure what the procedure is in the US? Sorry for the incomplete answers man, just sounded like you needed some feedback!

    Try to calm yourself down a bit, and stop beating yourself up so much. Everyone makes mistakes, which you just learn from and move on.

    Good luck dude - and stay protected in future. :p
     
  3. MickeyLee

    Gold Member

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    Mr. Novice_btm, one of our friendly neighborhood Moderators, made an excellent post on this very subject... i will go search and post the link.

    brb

    eta: found it.

    here is the direct link to his post.

    is it possible to ask your friend to have an STI/D screening?

    eta 2: Mr. FuzzyKen.. another direct link - here.
     
    #3 MickeyLee, Feb 1, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2010
  4. nudebelgian

    nudebelgian Member

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    Hi,

    So I'll just answer your questions aside from this comment.
    You should not fell horrible for "helping him cheat". That is his probleme, his fault in the first place for looking out for a hook up. Forgive your self, then go on with what you have to do now.

    Until you did have a test, do not have any sexual activity with someone else, to protect the other person in the case you have been infected.

    Now to answer your questions:

    1. Assuming he was POZ (even though he insisted he wasn't), what are the chances that I became infected?

    There are chances you have been infected. The fact that no fluid has been exchanged does not mean the HIV could not have infected you. Mucosa have been in contact, this is enough for infection.

    2. How soon can I be tested?

    You have to wait for at least 6 weeks before the test can be positive in the case you have been infected. A test at 6 weeks might still be negatif even if you have been infected (If it is negatif, it is reassuring only). To be totaly sure you have not been infected, you have to wait 3 months after that "problem"

    3. Where can I be tested, and how much will it cost?

    I don't know where you live, but I would say, talk to your doctor.

    4. What sort of time frame am I looking at for results?

    Results usualy come in pretty quickly, 1 week is a normal time frame (In Belgium, where I live)

    5. How can I do this anonymously or without insurance and medical companies finding out?

    Again, call you doctor, and see what he tells you.

    6. If I get positive results... what then?

    You will get a treatment, you'll have to wear condoms every time you have intercorse and blowjob will be risky too.

    I really hope you have not been contaminated.

    Good luck!
     
  5. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Make an appointment with a physician and ask him all the questions you asked in your original post. There is no need to feel embarrassed or guilty in front of the doctor. He or she is a professional and has heard it all before and his primary purpose is to help YOU.
     
  6. Joll

    Gold Member

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    In the UK, appointments at the Genito-Urinary clinic are confidential - but a record is kept for 7 years, then it is deleted.
     
  7. draw22

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    since im gay i goto a hiv testing site and they test me for other stuff too. so jus google free hiv/std testing...they do anonymous too!
     
  8. onewatcher

    onewatcher Active Member

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    There is a rapid HIV test that can tell you if you have been exposed to the virus. They do a gum swab and in about twenty minutes you will have results. These results only tell you if you have the antibodies that your body makes within a day or so from an exposure. It does not tell you if you have HIV. They do these tests at a lot of gay and lesbian centers and also have mobile units at most Pride events. Please do not beat yourself up over this. We are humans and prone to error. In the very slim chance that you became infected, you will deal with it, as many have before you, and go on to live a full and productive life. HIV is NOT the death sentance it was 20 yrs ago.We learn by our mistakes. One event does not decide if you are straight, gay or bi. Keep and open mind and do not be afraid to act on your feelings....
     
  9. vindicator

    vindicator Member

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    They have kits you can even buy that you can do the test at home. It's just a preliminary test though, but its probably the quietest way to be tested. You probably want to do it more then once a couple months apart.

    The fact that you were topping, didnt ejaculate (and from your pics are circumcised) you are at a lower risk from picking up HIV from him then he would be from getting it from you. Thats not to say that there is no HIV in precum. I wouldnt worry unless you had open sores on your penis.
     
  10. Lambycake

    Lambycake New Member

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    .
     
    #10 Lambycake, Apr 2, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2011
  11. Getting9

    Getting9 New Member

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    There is a test kit available that gives pos/neg result in 60 seconds. It's available in my country at least. You must be tested at least twice-6 weeks apart and it requires one drop of blood. So think postive to get a negative result. When you get a negative result you will think "why all the anguish" before the test. It's easier said than done but I did it twice in 2010. Stay strong.
     
  12. enderwiggen88

    enderwiggen88 Member

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    This was over a year ago. I'm clean. I'm not stressing over it anymore. It wasn't a big deal at all. Tried topping a few more times. Not really into having anal sex with guys. Tried bottoming once. That was fun, but I'm not sure how often I'll do it.
     
  13. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    why dig up a year old thread? find something to do
     
  14. kepiblanc

    kepiblanc New Member

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    I really hope that somebody out there, perhaps in their youth too, reads this thread and then stops all contemplation of being gay and opts to just be straight instead. It's so not even worth the risk.

    I've been straight all my life, sexually promiscuous for years as well, sometimes I did not use protection, and the worst thing that I ever got as a result were crabs and some hurt feelings. That ought to tell you something right there. I am living proof. Straight and proud.
     
  15. D_Audemar_Awfulass

    D_Audemar_Awfulass Account Disabled

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    Actually, the chances are very, very low, even if he was Poz. First because no fluids entered you, and secondly because even if he were Poz, it doesnt automatically translate into ability to infect someone else. Just take it easy. I went thru the same ordeal some 20 years ago at a time when they didnt know much of what was going on, but you will be fine.
     
  16. D_Audemar_Awfulass

    D_Audemar_Awfulass Account Disabled

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    I think you need to inform yourself better about sexual options and why they exist. It is not an option, as much as you didnt decide being straight.

     
  17. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    This is one of the most ignorant posts I've seen in awhile.
    1. One doesn't OPT to be gay. (Did you OPT to be "straight all your life?")
    2. Str8 sex in no way protects you from HIV or STDs
     
  18. arthur

    arthur New Member

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    S-T-U-P-I-D.... Man you got some learning to do about sexuality. There is so much wrong (read ignorant) about your thread I am lost as to where to start.

    Let it be said AGAIN...BEING GAY IS NOT A LIFESTYLE CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!

    You don't 'opt' out of being gay like you opt out of sociology class at high school. Or 'opt' out of decorating the house in pastel colours and use primarys instead.

    Your post is offensive, stupid, vapid, ignorant, ill-informed and imbecilic. Educate yourself then repost. Better yet 'opt' out of being stupid and repost...
     
  19. Countryguy63

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    Uhm, what everyone else has already said, but would like to point out that this "gay" act also resulted in NO STD's. The OP was concerned because it was unprotected sex, NOT because it was with a man. So, there goes your stupid theory.

    btw, the ONLY std that I ever got was 20+ yrs ago, due to unprotected sex with a women (hadn't even considered being with a man yet)

    :lame:
     
  20. somewhatcranky

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    wow.

    i come here for the penises, and stay for the ignorant message board comments.

    You DO know you can transmit STDs through hetero intercourse, right? i mean... saying that being gay causes disease is disinformation, 1950s style, man.

    i understand saying that you're straight and proud, i'm queer and proud. nothing wrong with that. and i don't have a disease of any type. not even athlete's foot. in fact, i've never even had crabs, but i have had hurt feelings...

    seriously, lose the "better than you" attitude about being straight. and put a condom on, i don't want you breeding somehow.:biggrin1:
     
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