I secretly avoid you because you remind me of how much a failure I am.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by earllogjam, Dec 20, 2008.

  1. earllogjam

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    What do you do when your once best friend says this to you?
     
  2. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Tell them its a coincidence because you secretly avoid them because they remind what an ass they are
     
  3. vince

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    Ask him what other people, things or truths he is avoiding in his life. The reasons for his lack of success may be found in the answer.
     
  4. B_ClydeS

    B_ClydeS New Member

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    First, leave the friendship behind. The person is no longer your best friend --- for whatever reason. Sad, but true. Yes, it does hurt ... a lot. The issue is with the other person and nothing you can do about that, unfortunately.

    Second, if you don't consider yourself a failure, ignore the comment. If you agree with this person, well then ... do something to improve yourself. It's much easier than most people believe --- and almost infinitely more easily done than to change someone else (less headaches and heartaches, too).

    However, I hope you're just able to ignore the comment and move on. I think we've all been here before, and it's never an enviable place.

    Good luck.
     
  5. B_ClydeS

    B_ClydeS New Member

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    Nah ... don't give the other person the time of day. It's over. Maintain dignity and pride --- don't ask to be needed by anyone who cannot appreciate you for yourself.

    Just my opinion as an oldster.
     
  6. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Is that how you read it? I guess it is a bit ambiguous because I read it to mean that the best friend feels like a failure in comparison to the OP.
     
  7. crescendo69

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    Same here, though I did have to think it out like a logic puzzle. Perhaps your friend is seeking support in a roundabout way. It is difficult for some people to ask for help, especially if they feel inadequate.
     
  8. B_ClydeS

    B_ClydeS New Member

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    Now that I re-read it, I see what you mean. I'm still not sure there's much I'd change in my own thinking if I were the person involved because it's a situation which is of the other person's making, and, as such, near impossible for someone else ... anyone else ... to change.

    I'm going to be interested in following this thread to see what others think.

    Thanks for pointing out this other way of reading the OP.
     
  9. Principessa

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    Wow, that's never happend to me and I doubt seriously it ever will. I think I would say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." In my mind I would probably be thinking, "Sayanora." Seriously, this person sounds like they would suck the life out of you if you let them.


    Not funny, and not appreciated. :irked:
     
  10. tripod

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    Your friend suffers from depression and low self esteem. This is a cry for help and they are reaching out to you to let you know that they are sick. :confused:

    What would I do with a sick friend? I would try and get him or her back on their feet and healthy again... it all just depends on how much you care about them and how much of a bond you have. :rolleyes:

    just try not to stalk and dismember him because he is depressed. lol!! :smile:

    But like NJ said, if you can't really do anything for him or her, then you might as well just write them off until they get better on their own. If you can be of service, then by all means do it.
     
  11. Not_Punny

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    My ex-best friends are all too religious to say such a thing to me. :wink:
     
  12. ZOS23xy

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    I think I would be stunned, and then try to answer him/her on the basis of what I know about them.
     
  13. Vestigial

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    After trying to decipher that statement, that is the side I initially took too. Though you may understand it better with the tone (and perhaps context) it was voiced in.

    I guess I would either be stunned and/or question further (If your once best friend was in the mood for talking).
     
  14. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    I agree with Tripod the most of all the posters so far. What the OP's friend said speaks volumes about themselves and nothing about the OP. In other words, it's a sign of the friend's problem, and it's not up to the OP to do anything about it.

    IMO, sometimes just clearing the air helps. Or, the OP might need to just throw it back at the friend for him/her to solve it for him/herself, although one could do that more empathetically than perhaps I stated it ...
     
  15. Mem

    Mem
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    When I first read this I thought for a second that it was an insult to you. Instead they are putting themselves down.

    Tell the person that you value their friendship and that they are not a failure.
     
  16. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    My personal feelings would be, "It's really hard to believe we're best friends if you subscribe to that now." That or ask if he really believes that.

    Don't take rejection well, do you??

    Dig it- not only that, it doesn't sound sane either.:mad:
     
  17. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    I told him that I loved him anyway, and that his friendship was one of the most precious gifts I'd ever received. Then I told him to go about his business and that if it included me I'd be pleased and honored.

    He died last Monday, and I miss him.
     
  18. dong20

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    Armchair psychologists convention (Jason was the only one who appear to actually read what the OP wrote) ... he may have been right or wrong, but it's impossible to deduce either way from the opening post.
     
  19. No_Strings

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    I wouldn't befriend somebody who is likely to say that.
    Would somebody say that to me, they're not really my friend, nor would I maintain a relationship with them.
     
  20. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    How could you tell they were going to say it? Can you read someone's mind when you meet them?
    I don't believe you read the OP.
     
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