I should I tell him that....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Joseph, May 18, 2009.

  1. Joseph

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    Hello, I made this little (correction: „huge ass”) thread and while writing this, I am pretty sure someone is going to call me an idiot, which I won’t deny, I am an idiot! That’s why I wrote this thread! Please stop this idiot from doing anything stupid! Ok then….

    I’m something between hetero and Bi… I wouldn’t at all mind having sex with a good male friend! Really! Sexually I’m 50/50, but in “the love department” it’s not the same. I really prefer girls!

    In my experience… I had a few girlfriends and there was a LOT of girls where I spend hours wondering „Hmmm MAYBE it could work out between us! Hmmm”. But when it comes to guys… I NEVER felt any real love for a guy and I also never seriously wondered „what if”, no guy made me think that way. I mean sure, I did feel attracted to their bodies occasionally, but it was never the feeling that „I wish I could wake up next to him every morning for the rest of my life”, there never was love.

    But lately things have changed SLIGHTLY…. There’s this friend I knew for quite a while and he’s gay. One night we talked about sex in general and how it’s such a big taboo subject for no good reason and about me not being able to tell in the open that I want to have sex with a guy without being branded as a homosexual… Later he totally agreed with me that if 2 friends just want some sex for fun, they should be able to do so and I went so forward that I said that I would gladly have „some fun” with him when I’d visit him. And surprisingly this shy virgin guy was so happy about this that he, without hesitation cheerfully agreed. And we both know, this isn’t just nothing, this is a big deal…. This is a proof that the bond of friendship between us is very strong! I’m no slut to just tell any guy I’d suck his dick. I would never do it with a stranger! And not just with any friend either, a very good friend only, whom I’d trust a lot! Now I’m sure in the „normal world” I’d be considered a pervert, but I suppose for LPSG’s standards, I’m prude. And that friend of mine is even less open than me, so without a doubt this is a proof that we’re great friends. Not that he’s the only guy I ever offered this, but it’s only a select few…. However from this little group of guys, he’s special…. He’s the first guy where I stopped and thought „Hmmmm MAYBE it could work out with us”

    I mean there were other guys where I thought about it, but it was never serious, it was a quick half minute thought always ending with „nah, we’re just friends”. But this time I was serious about this… a few hours time thinking… He’s a very nice guy, we really had some deep and interesting conversations together. Now if I’m straight, why did I even get such ideas you ask? Because I do get the feeling he might possibly have a crush on me! Perhaps it’s because of the whole „friend sex” thing, but I clearly see how he changed his attitude toward me: he used to act like a polite gentleman often calling me „good sir” (You guessed it! British!), but now he starts to get less formal and calls me things like „deary”… Perhaps it’s just my straight paranoid sense or something, but it got me thinking, if he really had a crush on me….And surprisingly I didn’t throw that thought away so fast!

    So first off the classical „but I prefer women” argument, but this time… either because I feel more confident about my sexuality nowadays or because he’s just different than the other guys I’ve met…. I said to myself „I shouldn’t throw the guy away just because he doesn’t have boobs!”. So I just thought about it… I’m not sure if it’d work out or not… really unsure, but then came the argument that he’s in Britain and I’m not gonna go there… surely not in the next 7 years for more than just vacation (including a VERY friendly visit). And he’s not gonna go where I’ll go. And that would be a very long time spend as a couple „on distance”. And I did that, with my girlfriends, I was willing to go for that with them, but with him… He’s a great guy, but I didn’t feel it was worth it. And if he wasn’t worth that much, I guess it’s just a strong friendship. If he was a cute next door neighbor I’d probably be wondering if we’d get together and be thinking about it. But he’s not, so I clearly see we’re just friends.

    Phew, this is a long thread…. Now people might be asking „So problem solved, just friends, where’s the problem?” The problem is that, I don’t know if I should tell this to him. I know this is stupid… I’m not even 100% sure if he has a crush on me…. And I’m sure if he does, he wouldn’t say it, since he very well knows I prefer women. But I would feel bad if he kept hiding it, he did mention that „he never was so close with a guy before”.

    So I don’t know… if I really notice some „signs” should I talk about it with him? Tell him that he’s a great guy and that I did take it into consideration, but we live too far from another and even if we did not, I’d still have doubts…. But without a doubt he’s the first guy with whom it was imaginable and he should feel real proud, cause he’s awesome and I’m sure he’ll find himself some nice boyfriend eventually.

    I surely wouldn’t tell him that it if I was unsure if he really is attracted…. I don’t know, I Am I just being paranoid? And if he feels attracted, should I just let him hide it? Or should I make him spill the beans and tell him that he shouldn’t be ashamed of that cause I felt the same thing for a while too, but it just wouldn’t work out. Telling him that he’s a wonderful guy who’s gonna find a boyfriend eventually for sure….

    Or ehhh could that ruin our great friendship? And I should just keep my mouth shut, since I know he knows we&#8217;re just friends? I feel real stupid even thinking of saying that, but something keeps telling me &#8230; he should know that he&#8217;s the first guy &#8222;I seriously took into consideration&#8221; <sarcasm> sounds charming, doesn&#8217;t it? </sarcasm>

    So fellow LPSG members, do advice me please and don&#8217;t let me do anything stupid!
     
  2. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    This sounds to me like something you both want to explore with each other. The distance between you may prevent you from forming a permanent one-on-one relationship right now but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad idea to expand the boundaries of your friendship. As long as you are open and honest and kind to one another it should work out fine.
     
  3. Joseph

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    Thanks...... I mean sure... I'm not saying it'd go to a love relationship, but it would be nice if it was more than just friendship. I really like the guy, and I think it's a bit of a pity him sitting there in Britain alone.... lately that I showed him my sexual side he's so impressed how I'm so much more open and willing to "explore my sexuality" than he is.

    This really was a huge compliment for me... I mean.... Me? Courageous? Mighty? Hehe :biggrin1:

    I sorta feel as if it was my duty to reach out my hand to this friend of mine and explore it together with him!
     
  4. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    But you are being courageous. Honesty is courageous. Being willing to explore yourself and express yourself and to be open and vulnerable with others is courageous.

    This is not about duty. This is about growth within and without.
     
  5. justmeincal

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    Joseph, I find this very touching. I hope the two of you work it out. Best of luck.
     
  6. Joseph

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    Heh thanks, a lot of people mention I'm brave, but I don't feel like I am.

    There's a few guys with whom I'd have sex like this.... and 2 of them are very special to me (one of them being the guy I mentioned in this thread)... and currently they are virgins just like me. With the first guy it was a simple "Hey pal... it's no secret, we're both sorta bi and virgins and we'd like some sex... we're friends... so would you like to do it with me?".

    But with this one is slightly different as I know for sure, I won't be a virgin at all when I'll see him, I'm gonna already have done ALL the stuff with the first guy... hey I'll most likely even have sex with a girl by then... so it's not like much new can await me.... Yet I want to go for this as he is my friend and I want to experience this with him, and I very well know he wants it too. He's there, alone as a virgin, like I am now... I know it can be a bit of a pain sometimes, but I do know how much joy and light it can bring to one, to know that somewhere out there, there's a friend and he's willing to share his body with you.

    So even if it'll take a couple of years... we shall meet. And I shall be the one to take his virginity and show him the land of pleasures...



    But I'm still a bit confused....should I tell him that he's the first guy that came close to awakening love in my heart? It feels odd to me since it's not love anyway in the end and it could make him feel odd knowing this..... or could it be a compliment for a guy to hear "If I was a bit gay-er, you'd be my boyfriend"..... I don't know, it feels strange to me.
     
  7. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    You won't be labeled anything. In actuality, you acknowledge that you are in the "bi" area and you are curious. Having sex with a guy to do some exploring is acceptable.
     
  8. ssa5522

    ssa5522 New Member

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    Hey joseph, well first of, I want to apologize beforehand because I always say what I think and go straight to comments that some people find harsh. It is not my intention to offend you in anyway. Anyways, what I and only IIIII see here is that you're the one who really has developed a kind of crush for him. Although you have to be sure, I mean, of course there's physical attraction that is obvious, so sex could always be a posibility. AND you think you might "love" him, well I think that's just for you to decide, we can't tell you if you love him, that's inside you. What I feel is that you're afraid of telling him the truth and be rejected by him. I mean, he's gay right? So I don't think he'll think it weird if you say "oh I have feelings for you"... the one I think is kind of uncomfortable of hearing you say that is YOURSELF, so that's why I tell you, be clear on your feelings first and THEN if you like him go ahead. I know it is difficult, I still don't "like" the fact that I'm attracted to guys although lately I've come to accept it. Good luck to you, and never pass an oportunity on love. If he DOES reject you, well then, it will hurt for some time but you'll get through it.
     
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