I smeared myself!

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by B_capslock, Jul 3, 2008.

  1. B_capslock

    B_capslock New Member

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    Its terrible!! I was rushing to the bathroom... after a binge of eating cheese with wine and crackers, I felt this pressure built up that could not be relieved with farting alone. And man, those farts wee these burning sulfur bombs.. thick, turdsy farts.

    SO I rush in and bnd to sit down on the bowl. that action must have squeezed an already impatient turd out of my ass, because I ended up sitting down on the bowl with half a shit sticking out of my ass. The poor thing ends up being decapitated by the edge of the bowl, with its "head" becoming smeared up my crack unbeknown to me. I proceed to defecate an ensemble cast of turds. It was this thick pasty stuff...rally rank. The stuff was so thick that even farts had trouble sneaking out.

    I start to wipe my ass and I feel through the toilet paper my fingers sinking into this warm goo. I get up to find the back of the bowl seat painted with shit like a skitso kid's fingerpainting. I mean, who really needs to finish a problematic shit with a mess like this?:confused:
     
  2. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    TMI. keep this too yourself.
     
  3. ManlyBanisters

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    Myeh... shit happens.
     
  4. dong20

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    :Flush: ... So you're no longer full of crap, having divested yourself of it here, lovely. Perhaps you should change your name to crapslock?
     
  5. cockoloco

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    ewwwwwwwwww, but the best part nonetheless.....:tongue:
     
  6. Ed69

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    My question is,why did the boy feel the need to share this?:censored:
     
  7. killerb

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    :yuck:
     
  8. D_Tintagel_Demondong

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    The toilet paper breaks now and then. No wonder fecal matter covers everything from doorknobs to Big Macs.
     
  9. B_Lightkeeper

    B_Lightkeeper New Member

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    I'm sorry I read this topic (I was about to eat breakfast.)

    BUT since I did, maybe you need to take a few packs of handi-wipes around in your pocket.
     
  10. visualalert

    visualalert New Member

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  11. Fed Agent

    Fed Agent New Member

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    Probably the only piece of ASS the poor sick bastard ever gets!! ROTFLOL
     
  12. SotonDaddy

    SotonDaddy New Member

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    And we need to know this, why??? :shocked: I'm sure there are plenty of scat websites out there for you to share your experiences...
     
  13. reecho

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    There's only so much horror I can take.

    ...but hey, Flash Ultimate Spray works miracles. After cleaning the bog, you may need to dose your ass with it as well ;)
     
  14. B_capslock

    B_capslock New Member

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    Let me tell you something: I'm the victim here.. innocently taking a post-cheese-eating shit, not expecting to be painting the bowl seat with a decapitated turd.
     
  15. D_Tintagel_Demondong

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    Ugh. Enough with the overzealous bowel movement.

    ~Makes note: never use capslock's keyboard~

    Happy place Happy place Happy place
     
    #15 D_Tintagel_Demondong, Jul 3, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2008
  16. B_theOtherJJ

    B_theOtherJJ New Member

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    And why is this noteworthy or worth discussion and OUR time????

    Its just alot of shit.....:mad:
     
  17. Freddie53

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    Is this a pun! LOL:tongue:


    At the present time the ToS does not cover shitting on yourself and giving a detailed report to the members. Perhaps the moderators should review this.:eek::biggrin1:

    Members don't be concerned, if you accidentally shit yourself we won't ban you. However, if you tell us about it.....:censored:

    I nominate this thread as the bull shit thread of the day. LOL.:eek::biggrin1:
    :bsflag:
     
  18. 220483

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    scatological humour.. NOT my piece of poop..! :p
     
  19. hockeyguy741

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    that's the funnyest thing I've read on here...but then I'm a sick bastard with a warped sense of humour :rolleyes:
     
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