I so just mind fucked myself o_!

Sly Adey

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transformer_99 said:
Years ago, there was a fad called slam dancing, it's where you get drunk and dance around the dance floor bumping into each other randomly and violently. When the rock and roll crowd does it, it really turns into a free for all, people break bones, knocking each other down, sometimes even get into fights. It gets to a point where it looks like a hockey game and the participants body check each other.

Thanks for that. So a mosh pit is probably somewhere where you go to slam dance right?
 

dreamer20

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Sly Adey said:
Thanks for that. So a mosh pit is probably somewhere where you go to slam dance right?
And you don't have to get drunk either, just dance. What a boring teetotaller I was.
 

B_dxjnorto

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Nor hurt anyone. I haven't been a mosher, but from an observer's point of view it is about letting off energy in wild spastic bursts, but not about bloodying noses. (Not that this doesn't happen.)

Back to the thread. I've worked with a couple of very overweight people. It wasn't that I didn't like them or was unfriendly to them, quite the opposite. But I didn't hang out with them very much because I knew that they couldn't do a lot of things that I like to do.

Even a lot of thin people are flabby and not interested in physical forms of recreation, but I'll go to dinner or a movie with anyone.
 

dannymawg

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Mosh pit overview [I :heart: Slayer]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3ElsF1APUs

Mosh pit with nice suburban boys who wouldn't think of hurting each other: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngfhMe5buJc

Larger mosh pits usually have a more circular rhythm goin... somebody must have been hurt in this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOAnyTZBykE

I always saw moshing as a bastardization by metal kids of skanking, as the movement of moshing involves flailing limbs... metal kids just added all the aggro pushing/shoving shit. Slamming was of a similar ilk, with punks taking pogoing over the top with the collision/pain factor.

Skanking overview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLPvbvnwETc

Not really hardcore skankin, but this looked like a good time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdJAqEqeaeQ

fortiesfun said:
Learning to trust people is going to take a long time, most especially learning to trust yourself. You should know, however, that even being able to acknowledge your feelings, and being able to bring them to this board with the courage you have shown, is a sign that you are ready to move ahead.
Word. When I stumbled on this board a few weeks ago, I had been yet again procrastinating on my emotional checks due to other personal business. I came to realize that my mental and sexual health are just as important, and this board comes with the extra added bonus of having the "support" be for real, as evidenced in so many threads by so many salient members. Cheers!

PW, I denied myself the luxury of accepting myself for so long that my own mindfuck has crippled me. I thought that I was unattractive, balding too early, not sexually experienced enough, etc., that I associated all come ons as being some sort of insult. Fortiesfun has nailed it - just be more open. And less judgemental, above all else, of yourself and what you perceive others think of you. I'm trying it myself here and I feel better already.
 

Scorpiorising

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I've never been overweight, but was considered a severe loser from grammar school all the way through high school. My self esteem was extremely low until I got a grip on what I wanted out of life and who I wanted to be. Coming out of low self esteem is not an easy task, one experiences a need to trust people though they find it difficult to let go of their habitual reactions ('he's nice to me because he wants to trick me';'he's nice to me because he believes I am somebody other than I am and I will never be able to live up to his illusion'). One also experiences difficulty becoming comfortable in a new confident skin, sometimes we start to feel so good about our accomplishments that we overcompensate our past lack of self esteem with overconfidence (egotism). Sometimes people never lose the distrust; sometimes they get stuck in the egotism. But, if this process of finally being comfortable in your skin is continued, there is finally a person who is not only confident, but also compassionate and full of depth because they understand what it means to have been hurt. By all means, this is not something that occurs overnight. I am now 36 and it took me until I was 30 to finally feel TRUELY confident about me after all that practice. It's about becoming a whole person inside and realizing that the outer is merely a reflection of the inner on the somewhat distorted mirror of reality.

A lot of chances have to be taken to break out of low self esteem. Sometimes you have to risk having your ego hurt by accepting an invitation with someone who NEVER would have noticed you before. It's funny, because I think we all end up with ideas about what certain people are like. So and so is popular at the gym and never noticed my skinny ass until I became buff-and now he wants to be my friend. So, you think he's shallow. Maybe, he is. But, then you do go out with him, and you find that somewhere inside he's a little low in confidence and actually has a little more depth than you would have thought. Heck, so and so turned out to be a good person regardless of his being shallow before. I guess what I'm saying is that it's hard to judge a person just because they never noticed us before, or because they are shallow on one end. We all have our shallow moments. We all have our deep moments. We all feel a little down on ourselves or even overlyegotistical at times. Confidence is about acceptance of your lack of confidence, weaknesses and strengths, and past mistakes and successes, and acceptance of other people just as they are.

I hope you did go moshing, regardless of the mind fuck. It's good to go out and experience life. It's good to take a risk. It's the only way to learn who you want as friends and who you don't want so close to you (remember, friendship is always your choice).

Take care.
 

PowayWolfman

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Lordpendragon said:
It shouldn't be a surprise that people who hang out at gyms value the body beautiful - if you value other things more yourself, then change the environment where you meet new people.

Enjoy yourself :smile:

thanks.. but the only three places i really go is WORK, SCHOOL, GYM.. to exspensive to go out anywere in San Diego XD
 

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I will just echo a couple of points that have been made.

1. Looks count. Never doubt it.
2. Confidence is sexy.

Now, let me elaborate somewhat.

You said that you were overweight. Okay. But when you yourself were overweight were you attracted to the overweight young women.

Or where you attracted to the height/weight proportionate young woman who dressed stylishly, combed her hair stylishly, wore makeup, and put on perfume.

Or where you equally attracted to the overweight young woman who dressed stylishly, combed her hair stylishly, wore makeup, and put on perfume.

Now all of that is based on looks. And I'm not talking morbidly obese. The women are equal in looks except for the weight issue.

Believe me, there is a reason that people work and/or diet. It's not easy to do all the work it takes to be the most fabulous you that you can be.

There is a reason why men and women admire a person who maintains their body. Looks do count. We all know it.

I find, in general, that women are LOT more forgiving of a man's looks than a man is forgiving of a woman's look. I think it's all about being an "arm charm" for a man. I think that's based on getting a high five from your "friends". I think it's based on being able to say to oneself and to everyone in general, "look who I attracted".

I have a male relative that is probably going to be about 5'8" if he even gets to that height. He a teenager currently. I've told him many, many, times and in many, many ways over the years that confidence IS sexy. Period. End of story.

Now we all know that there is a difference between cocky and confident but, most of the time, he seems to naturally tread that fine line and is a confident teen whom I am sure will grow into a confident young man.

He actually has the opposite problem. He is trying not to be the short, skinny, shy kid. He lift weights, plays football, runs track and plays on the basketball team AND is a B+ student. I believe all of that helps with his confidence level.

I'm happy for him. He is definately having a better time in Jr. High than I did. LOL. My Jr. High School and High School years were a living hell.

Just remember, you've put in the work now it's time to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Hugs and Kisses,

Karmen
 

PowayWolfman

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karmen said:
I will just echo a couple of points that have been made.

1. Looks count. Never doubt it.
2. Confidence is sexy.

Now, let me elaborate somewhat.

You said that you were overweight. Okay. But when you yourself were overweight were you attracted to the overweight young women.

Or where you attracted to the height/weight proportionate young woman who dressed stylishly, combed her hair stylishly, wore makeup, and put on perfume.

Or where you equally attracted to the overweight young woman who dressed stylishly, combed her hair stylishly, wore makeup, and put on perfume.

Now all of that is based on looks. And I'm not talking morbidly obese. The women are equal in looks except for the weight issue.

Believe me, there is a reason that people work and/or diet. It's not easy to do all the work it takes to be the most fabulous you that you can be.

There is a reason why men and women admire a person who maintains their body. Looks do count. We all know it.

I find, in general, that women are LOT more forgiving of a man's looks than a man is forgiving of a woman's look. I think it's all about being an "arm charm" for a man. I think that's based on getting a high five from your "friends". I think it's based on being able to say to oneself and to everyone in general, "look who I attracted".

I have a male relative that is probably going to be about 5'8" if he even gets to that height. He a teenager currently. I've told him many, many, times and in many, many ways over the years that confidence IS sexy. Period. End of story.

Now we all know that there is a difference between cocky and confident but, most of the time, he seems to naturally tread that fine line and is a confident teen whom I am sure will grow into a confident young man.

He actually has the opposite problem. He is trying not to be the short, skinny, shy kid. He lift weights, plays football, runs track and plays on the basketball team AND is a B+ student. I believe all of that helps with his confidence level.

I'm happy for him. He is definately having a better time in Jr. High than I did. LOL. My Jr. High School and High School years were a living hell.

Just remember, you've put in the work now it's time to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Hugs and Kisses,

Karmen

You brought up a lot of good points... Personally, i dont really care what a person looks like. my biggest concern this that He/She (Im bisexual) is a good person. I think thats what gets me so bad. I really dont care HOW the person looks, just as long as they are good people.. ya know?

and i hope all works out for you male relitive.. :)
 

Irish

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There are so many things we could argue about weight back and forth and never get anywhere that it's almost pointless to express an opinion on it, but my two cents...

People who are overweight don't respect themselves.

I [initially] don't respect people who don't respect themselves.

There are always things people can do to gain my respect and what not, but overweight people just don't give me much of a good first impression and I wouldn't bother talking to them unless they did something that drew my attention. I don't consider overweight people attractive either, so I wouldn't start randomly flirting with one.

Sorry if I sound shallow here, I'm just being blunt and don't care to sugar coat anything at the moment. I still have a handful of friends who are overweight - like I said, anyone can still gain my respect.
 

davidjh7

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You are certainly entitled to your preferences, and to your priorities in a friend. What you say about self respect, a sub or superset of self esteem, is often true. Food is as big of an addiction or a crutch as anything else, like drugs, or booze, or whatever. I have to say you are making a pretty sweeping generalization which may be preventing you from interacting with some otherwise increadible people who can enrich your life, but immediately categorizing a person solely by appearance, but that is your choice. You don't owe anybody your friendship, nor you theirs. Respect should be earned, certainly, but respect has to be given a reasonable chance to be earned as well. Just my two bits.
 

Irish

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davidjh7 said:
You are certainly entitled to your preferences, and to your priorities in a friend. What you say about self respect, a sub or superset of self esteem, is often true. Food is as big of an addiction or a crutch as anything else, like drugs, or booze, or whatever. I have to say you are making a pretty sweeping generalization which may be preventing you from interacting with some otherwise increadible people who can enrich your life, but immediately categorizing a person solely by appearance, but that is your choice. You don't owe anybody your friendship, nor you theirs. Respect should be earned, certainly, but respect has to be given a reasonable chance to be earned as well. Just my two bits.
AMAZINGLY LONG POST AHEAD THAT REALLY ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT

Like I said, I really didn't feel like sugar-coating it or getting into too many details of my personal life or anything, but I have a little more time now.

Some of my best friends are definitely larger people. A friend I hold as close as my brother was at one point upwards of 300 lbs. and just under 6' tall. I have another good friend that stands about 6'2" and was nearly 600 lbs. at one point. My step-brother (who was a good friend before our parents married) was at one point ~260 lbs. and a little less than 6' tall. My lady that babysat me while I was growing up was definitely large (no idea how much she weighed, though) and I always thought she was one of the nicest, most amazing people in my life.

I don't think fat people are bad people, and I don't write off any possibility of friendship with someone because of their weight. It takes a little time (or something noteworthy) for anyone to gain my respect. Massively overweight people just start at a bit of a disadvantage for me because I'm so far at the other end of the spectrum. I'm about 40 lbs. underweight, and most of my family is incredibly skinny. I don't have to engage in any type of regular physical activity to stay exceptionally underweight and I eat more than almost anyone I know. I know I have an amazing metabolism and I know that my "set point" is very low, but because I don't have to do any work, eat a lot, and am underweight, it's hard for me to get my head around how people get to be incredibly overweight without extreme gluttony.

I'm a smart guy, I know that there are a myriad of factors that contribute to a person's weight, but on the surface of my thoughts it's hard to comprehend how someone could be 100 lbs. overweight or more when I can do nothing but eat for weeks on end and still be startlingly skinny.

Aside from all that, the "communities" that I'm a part of just happen to have very low numbers of overweight people (with a few exceptions).

I play ultimate frisbee. There are a handful of bigger folk that play, but mostly everyone is built like a soccer player or a track star. Skinny guys with muscular legs and shoulders/arms/chest built up from throwing discs for years on end.

I do a lot of climbing. Climbers are primarily skinny, but very cut. Well defined, lean muscles on their arms and legs. Flat stomachs.

I play Dance Dance Revolution/Pump it Up/In the Groove at a very high (and competitive) level. Dance game players might start overweight, but eventually they lose it. I didn't realize how incredibly muscular dance game players' legs were until I started talking to football players about how much they could leg press and realized most skinny looking DDR players could out leg press them without breaking a sweat.

I'm an Eagle Scout. People who do a lot of hiking generally take extra care to make sure there's as little weight in their pack as possible. Extra weight on the belly doesn't help here.

I'm a Computer Science major and I play a lot of video games. HUGE variety here. Some people are skinnier than me, some people are three times my size and squishy, some people are twice my size and in the Army/Marines/Air Force (and are decidedly not squishy).

I won't hate on someone for being a little chunky or having a bit of a gut, but people that have 100 lbs. of unneeded them on themselves don't come across as someone that's dedicated to much of anything I'm interested in other than eating. Maybe they share some geeky interests with me, maybe they're really funny, maybe they're the most reliable person in the world looking for a friend and just wants to help everyone they possibly can, but they don't immediately strike me as someone I'd have much interest in talking to.

Then again, to be perfectly honest, most people I see - even amazingly attractive or fit people - don't seem like people I'd have much interest in talking to unless I think they might fall into one of the aforementioned groups of people for whatever reason.

I'm all for expanding my horizons and opening up to people, but your body and your mind are the two important things any person has. If you can't take care of either of them, I'm going to take issue.

Hope my diatribe wasn't too long-winded.
 

davidjh7

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Sounds completely reasonable, and I wasn't judging you, as I hope came across. And you clarified your position more. I was just commenting on people limiting their opportuities to interact with good people, because they self limit based on what's on the outside. You and I both know how shallow most people cane be .:)